How the Clothes Make the Woman

Saturday I headed out with my maid of honor and one of my bridesmaids to go to David’s Bridal.  Considering I have about 3 months left, I should probably get on that whole “getting a dress” thing.  I never thought I would be much of a white wedding dress person, but figured I might as try SOMETHING on, and if not, they had some really gorgeous looking bridesmaid dresses that came in every color under the sun.

We got there and looked around gawking for a bit since they had apparently forgotten our reservation to have someone help us (though that’s probably the only negative thing we experienced), but then she directed us to the right rack to look at and told me to pick at least 3 (I ended up with 5) to try on.  Apparently wedding dresses are 2 sizes bigger, so I was looking in 12s, and the shoulders necessitated 14s in some cases.  Glad I lost the hangup with what size things are – that could have really been a bummer to me back in the day.  As long as I’m not venturing into plus sizes, everything is sunny with puffy clouds for me.

First, you have to put on what they CALL a bra, but it’s really more of a bustier – I badly want one now to wear every day all the time, because my stomach has never looked so smooth – I <3 anything that flattens out my jiggly bits on my tummy.  Then, you have to put on the petticoat, which continues the smoothing to about the knees, and then is a bunch of foofy meshy underskirt that makes everything at the bottom poof out all nicely.  Then, you get yer dress on top of all that, get it zipped/tied/whatever, and finally, you emerge and stand on a pedastal with a bunch of mirrors so you can see every angle.

I’m not going to lie.  Every one of the dresses I tried on made me feel like a freaking princess.  Sure, one showed too much sideboob and the strapless one made me feel a little ackward, but at no time did I feel like “ugh, this dress makes me look horrible, I can’t rock the white/ivory/cream”.  It surprised me a lot.  Sure, shedding a bunch of weight helped, but I still thought I’d get up there and look like a silly marshmallow.  I also was totally against a veil, but once I put one on it was like I took another step into magical fairy land.  I couldn’t stop the shit eating grin.  Maybe this white wedding business isn’t just for the birds.  Maybe, just maybe, this will be the one time in my life I rock something white and frilly and feel like a pretty pretty princess doing it.

I guess it goes back to my childhood.  I loved playing dress up to elicit a response.  I’d put on the loudest clothes I had and give my parents a rock concert/gymnastic show.  I’d throw a refrigerator box on my head, cut out eyeholes, and rollerskate around my neighborhood and pretend I was a robot.  Halloween was always a favorite holiday.  I loved show costumes for dance or ice skating.  There were different leotards for different moods in gymnastics.  I would switch between hippie, goth, rocker, or whatever my mood was that day during high school (and the 40% discount working at Hot Topic made it all possible).  I’d don the vinyl pants when I was feeling particularly saucy.  I sort of lost the urge when I got heavy and got into my “elasticy-skirt and t-shirt/tank top” uniform mode, but different skirts were definitely reserved for different moods even if they were very similar.

Now, the “getting costumed” for the day urge is definitely back.  I mean, most days it is simply a pair of pants and a shirt, but then there is pairing it with the right sweater/jacket, what shoes to wear, what jewelry to wear, and how to do the ‘do.  The random number generator has thrown a kink in the “mood wear”, but it’s also forced me to be creative or to get rid of things I don’t particularly like anymore.  I’m about halfway through, and though I’ve been in a very black and red rut the last week, I definitely am excited to see what shirts I keep passing over that might be new favorites if I think about how to wear them in a different way.

Then, there’s the going out – it’s fun to have another side of the closet reserved for special occasions again.  I used to joke that people knew I was dressed up by the fact that I was wearing earrings in all 3 of my holes in each ear and eye makeup.  But that’s actually pretty much the truth.  I didn’t have a set of going out clothes anymore because – well, what I wore daily sufficed, and I didn’t go out all that much.  Now, we are not the socialites of the century, but I can usually find an occasion at least once a month to put on something special that’s a little too short/tight/saucy to wear to work and get all gussied up.  And I’m remembering that I really enjoy it.

I’m sure it’s a mental thing, like when I put on my running skirt I feel faster, but I fully agree with the school of thought out there that your costume sets the mood.  I know if I don’t feel like leaving the house but have plans, once I put on something fabulous, I’m usually ready to go.  Conversely, if I leave the house in something I”m uncomfortable in or don’t like how it looks, I don’t usually have a great day.  Any day I wear this shirt, it’s a fucked up day.  If I wear anything with my 5 inch silver platform shoes, I feel like I’m on anyone’s level.

So coming back to the dresses – even though I didn’t see myself in a foofy white dress, maybe it’s not that far of a stretch.  Maybe, just maybe, I can allow myself to be that pretty pretty princess for a day.   Maybe it’s not any normal version of me, not the fierce girl sporting workout clothes, or the girl that normally shows up to work in slightly bohemian/funny t-shirts and a coordinating hoodie because it’s about -12 degrees with the AC on in my office, or the usually overdressed one in something short and/or revealing and black/plaid/sparkly/bright to go out on the town.  Maybe I can add this one to my costume closet and rock it.