Adjusted Reality

Ack, how has this week gone by already?  I mean, I’m grateful for the weekend and all but day-um.  It’s like I blacked out and woke up and it’s Friday.  Oh well.   Get ready for a cavalcade of random here.

Sunset Du-Loop Wrap Up:

So I didn’t have the pictures until yesterday, or I would have posted sooner – but hey, better late than never.

In the morning, we gathered our things and headed out to the Middle-O-Nowhere Texas.  We marveled at the wildflowers and the cows (hey there, barbeque!!!) and all the not-city stuffs and finally arrived at what is to be described as a RLP (ranch-like-property).  A small house, a guest house, an outdoor shower, a hot tub, a fire pit, a shed, a pond, two porta potties, and then a whole lotta land.  It was awesome!

We set up our tents and blew up the double thick air mattress (what, me, sleep on the ground… sorry, you must have me mixed up with someone else…) and set up camp.  I made us turkey sandwiches which were quickly nommed, and then we alternated sitting around enjoying the lovely day and walking around.  I usually try to sit on my ass as much as possible before race day.  So not the case this time.  Between packing the day before and setting things up and walking around to tour the property – I’m pretty sure I put 3+ miles on my tootsies within 24 hours of the start line without even getting in a workout.

As the day went on it got…hot.  It was definitely over 80 as we changed and got our electronics in order and stretched.  I put on another coat of sunscreen (thank goodness, as I did NOT get a sunburn all day thxuverymuch), and headed out to the start line.  Someone sang the national anthem, and the 20 or so of us got to the road and they said GO, and we were off and running.

Now, there are some things to consider here.  The race was on paved country roads in the middle of nowhere.  No mile markers, just 1.5 miles out and back.  Not much shade.  Only one fluid stop at the 1.5 miles and it was just warmish gatorade.  Water back at the bike exchange but it was also warmish.  No water offered on the bike part.  And keep in mind it was over 80 and HUMID.  My decision not to bring my camelback – maybe not so smart.

Thing two – I consider myself a pretty fit person.  Middle of the pack racer who is improving all the time.  I believe that me, Zliten, and our neighbor’s friend Angel who was doing the race too were the three youngest folks there.  So, I got this.  I can totally beat these geezers, right (and please, I mean geezers in the most affectionate way)?  Nope – they are all part of some super elite running club.  That 60 year old?  Yeah, he’s running Boston next weekend.  That lady in her mid-50s?  She’s talking to me later about her experience running 50 mile ultras.  I beat: Angel, Zliten, and the three people that didn’t finish.  That was incredibly humbling and awesome.  More humbling, but still.  It gave me hope that my best distance running years are way ahead of me if I want them to be.

Anyhoo, getting ahead of myself.  So I take off with Zliten and go about a quarter of a mile and see him immediately behind me still.  I turned around and told him how fast I was running (9:15-30 pace at that time) and suggested if he wanted to finish he might back off, which he did.  I kinda felt bad for doing it, but his goal was to finish.  And he hadn’t run more than 1 mile in quite a while, so I was just looking out for him.  I paced the rest of the back of the packers and ended up running just under 9 minute miles on average, which I’ll call a win.  I didn’t want to go all out as it was hot and I knew I still had another bike and run to go.  I definitely struggled a little on mile 3 because it was mostly uphill – but I reminded myself I’d get a “bike break” so I kept plugging away.

I finished around 27 minutes and hopped on my bike and was off.  I took the first .5 mile easy just to get adjusted and then I pumped it out as much as I could.  I was on average about 12 mph.   Not great, but I’m just not that experienced biking.  I don’t feel comfortable going fast downhill and I’m not super strong uphill.  Anyhoo…the loop was 1.25 miles up and back, then 2.5 miles up and back the other way.  So every downhill was accompanied by the knowledge that we WOULD be going up it on the way back.  The coast down right before the second turn around was not as sweet as it should have been – because I knew I had to slog my ass back up it.  I knew I would pass Zliten on the bike and I decided the best thing I could say to him in the 5 seconds I had – “Save your energy for the hills on the way back.  Love you.”

I was pretty wiped after those hills but finished strong and set out on run #2 – this time it was through uneven muddy trails so I took it slower.  Slightly over 10 minutes for the mile.  My legs were toast and I didn’t want to hurt myself by falling.  When I got back to even ground I sprinted it into the finish and my garmin said 1:18:45.  Totally happy with that, my goal was under 1:20.

After getting some cold water, I filled up my bottle and waited for Zliten.  Everyone asked if he was ok, and I said yep – he’s just slower than all you rockstars, and then we saw him coming in.  They offered to let him just skip the last 1 mile and he was like – “hell naw” and I walked it with him just short of the finish line.  I don’t have a time for him, but he finished!  I’m damn proud of him!

After that, we relaxed and ate (way too much) and drank and mingled and then camped out after looking at the stars and eating smores and enjoying the great feeling you can only get by overexerting yourself in the sun.  And yes, I forgot my swimsuit so I got in the hot tub with my sports bra and running capris, heh.  All in all, it was a kick ass experience, and I cannot wait to do it again next year.  Maybe move up to 4th to last… baby steps…

Iguana Donna:

The poor ‘guana… she looks so adorably pitiful.  So last week at the vet for a checkup, she had started to be increasingly grumpy and hard to control – and she was struggling at the vet, and sliced her OWN paw open.  It was really gross, you could see the muscle and everything.  She had to have stitches (yay, more money!) and we took care of it the best we could, but her nesting box (the place we provided her to lay her eggs) is full of dirt, and she wasn’t gentle on it, so it got infected.  They are treating it as an open wound now, with a bigger, more substantial bandage.

Also, last week, we made the decision to get her spayed.  Her egg laying process was NOT going well and we just wanted to not have to deal with it again (we never plan on breeding her, no thank you!), so we scheduled an appointment (which was yesterday).  When they went in to do the surgery, they found that her ova-duct had ruptured and her insides were full of yolk.  So it was a GREAT thing that we had made the decision to spay her when we did, or it could have been bad news.  Eggs below, and see the hand size for reference.  That is a LOT OF EGGS!

The poor iguana looks like she was in a really bad fight or something – her “cast” on her paw, the 20 staples up her belly from her insides being yoinked out…and she is SUPER skinny now.  We now have to give her pain meds for the next 5 days, calcium orally, food orally (though she IS eating naturally, just not quite enough), nu skin on her wound every day, and continue the antibiotic injections for the next month.  For the love of a lizard.  Srsly.  High maintenance pet.  Expensive pet.  But a very sweet ‘guana.

Yesterday, she was just pouting in the corner resting her head on her bandaged leg and sleeping…it was pitiful but just made me wanna say “D’awwww…” every time I saw her.  I hope she isn’t in too much pain today, she looked ok when I left this morning but I bet she is VERY ready for her meds by the time we are home.

Dieting:

Just a few words because this is a monster post already – this week has been eye opening at how differently I had been eating from my calorie restriction days.  This is a good thing in 2 ways – first of all, there was a REASON I was not losing weight.  It’s not just this mystery.  Second, I adapted from loss to maintenance without barely noticing.  Naturally.  That is good.  However – it’s definitely weird knowing I have planned out my calories on some of the lower days to the T and cannot have another snack.  I have been able to shut off the “I deserve” switch and stick to the plan, which is also good.  Journalling the food I ate and how I felt around the time I ate has been enlightening as well.  Thinking before shoving things down my cakehole?  It’s been a while…

The real test will be this weekend.  Can I keep it in check without my rigid weekday schedule?  I’ll let you know Monday.  Anyone trying to be angelic this week?  How ya doin’?  Any crazy athletic feats lately?  D’awww-worthy pet stories?  Hit me up.

So I’m sure you’ve seen this new double down sandwich.  If you’ve been under a rock, it is two fried (or grilled) chicken breasts as the “bun”, with bacon, cheese, and some colonel’s sauce (how delightfully ambiguous!) inside.  Gluttons are praising it as the next coming of indulgence, health food bloggers are calling it an abomination of all things good and holy.  What’s my stance on it?

I’m ok with it’s existence.  I think the double down is just fine.

What, you say?  How can you, as a sane person who tries to do the right thing, who cares about your health and weight, who endeavours to prime your body for athletic pursuits… how can you not condemn this devil food?  Quite a few reasons actually.

You know it’s a splurge.  No human being can approach this foodstuff and at least not have an inkling that it’s not in their best interest to consume this.  However, as human beings, we sometimes are motivated by pleasure (and perhaps adventurous natures) and put things in our bodies that aren’t the greatest for us.

Perhaps though, I decide that I’m going to pass by that double down and eat something healthier.  I’m out on the road and gonna hit up something to go.  Oooh, maybe I’ll hit up a sandwich shop.  Get me a tuna sandwich on wheat.   Fish is good for me, right?  And wheat bread is healthier than white.

Oh.  844 calories – 33% more.  Slightly less saturated fat, but what’s 8.5 in comparison to 10?  Also, 1800+ sodium, pushing 80% of what you should have in a day.

Sorry Jimmy John’s.  I’m going to go to that Quiznos down the street.  And I think I’m going to switch it up and get a salad.  Let’s try a honey mustard chicken salad.  That sounds tasty!  Grilled chicken is good for me, greens and veggies are great, and mustard is pretty low cal, right?

Oops.  920 calories, over 40% more.  DOUBLE the saturated fat (yeah, 20 grams).  Slightly less sodum at 1700 but sheesh.  FOR A SALAD.

All this calorie counting is making my head spin.  I need to sit down.  At a restaurant.  Ah, look, Ruby Tuesdays!  I am going to order me an avocado turkey burger.  That sounds incredibly healthy.  Avacodo is good healthy fat, and turkey is very lean.  No fries, I know those are bad for me, just the burger.

1234 calories, holy crap!!!  I could eat 2 double downs and have some calories to spare.  With that – 81 grams of fat?  How do you make TURKEY into something with 81 grams of fat?  And to add insult to injury, it’s got almost 3000 grams of sodium (130% of your daily value).

Now, in comparison here’s the double down:

Calories: 590
Calories from fat: 280
Total fat: 31g
Saturated fat: 10g
Trans fat: 0g
Cholesterol: 190mg

Honestly?  If this is your thing, you can work it into an otherwise healthy day every now and again and come out the other side unscathed.  And the biggie for me?  It’s not presented as a health food in any way or a “seemingly healthy” or “normal” food.  It’s like deep fried oreos or cotton candy or the worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle – they have their place (as very very very occasional indulgences), and should be respected as such.  You know what you’re getting into here.

Not so much when you sit down to that salad.

So, if we really want to get past shock journalism and really actually do something about our obesity problem?  Leave the double down alone and go after all the assholes out there with a 1000+ calorie SALAD on their menu.

Will I eat it?  Nah.  KFC (along with most chain fast food) has been off my CAN EAT list for about 4.5 years now – it does nasty things to my tummy – but it doesn’t mean I’m not intrigued.  And might recreate this at home.  That is, if I can get someone to tell me what colonel sauce is…

Alright, the time to hesitate is through.    Come on baby, light my fire (the one under my ass).  Starting today, it’s all about operation: get back to maintenance weight.  For the last… since I can remember, it’s been about 90% awesome healthy food during the week, and then it all goes to crap over the weekend.  Which… honestly?  Is fine and keeps me at a steady weight.  Could it be better?  Sure.  But as long as it keeps me both sane and able to maintain my weight, I’m ok with it.

However, I need to run a tight ship to actually take off the weight.  It’s not fun.  I definitely don’t miss that period of my life where I spent 2 years constantly in loss mode, but I kinda miss that feeling being normal.  Because it’s a lot easier to coast with inertia then start something anew.  I am totally and completely rusty at losing weight.  But hey, I did it once, I can do it again.  And the time is now.

Week #1 workouts:

Monday: 30 mins arc trainer and weights after work (80 mins)

Tuesday: 30 mins DDR in the morning

Wednesday: 5k run in the morning

Thursday: 30 mins resistance band workout in the morning

Friday: run/weight intervals at the gym after work (80 mins)

Saturday:  30 mins DDR OR equivalent outside happy fun cardio

Sunday: rest

Lotsa days, but super relaxed (minus today/Fri).  The goal is to get back into morning workouts, but the tradeoff is they can be short… I don’t need to do epic workouts every day if I do them more consistently.  Also, 3 days of weights.  I might not keep that up every week, but I’d like to start squeezing it in when I can.  (Charlotte – I’m meaning to look into core performance but I’ve had very little internet time – I might try to work it in too!)  I’m also working long days Wed – Fri, and have events both on Wed AND Fri nights (as well as Tues lunch for work, and I’m *sure* something will come up on Sat).  So the plan?  Cardio calorie burning those days so I can have a few extra consumables, but manageable enough I can still not have to get up too early to do ’em.  Yeah, it’s a hell of a week to start, but y’know?  If I can get through this week I can get through them all.

Week #1 consumables:

Monday: 1200 + 600 workout = 1800

Tuesday: 1200 + 300 workout = 1500

Wednesday: 1200 + 400 workout = 1600

Thursday: 1200 + 150 workout = 1350

Friday: 1200 + 600 workout = 1800

Saturday:  1200 + 300 workout = 1500

Sunday: 1200

So, I’ll leave Saturday up in the air for a bit, as I’m not sure of our plans for the day.  I still plan on working on keeping myself under control no matter what, but it might be nice to burn 600 calories that day and have 1800 to work with instead.

My goal with all this as well is to make it as non-impactful as possible on Zliten and my friends.  I need practice being masochistic with my food intake in social situations again.  I’ve gotten really, really bad about saying no to myself and said no to other people instead.  I’m going to put myself in said situations, make the good choices, and keep the grumbling internal as much as I can.  Why, yes, I am truly happy with this grilled chicken while y’all eat hamburgers and fries in front of me *teeth grit*.  Sure, let’s go out this weekday evening, even though it means I have to get up at 7am to get my full workout in *zzzz*.

Hopefully it won’t be *THIS* bad.  I mean, I’m not going to accept *every* invite, but I’ve been getting razzed a bit about being so antisocial.  It’s been for various reasons, but one probably has been avoiding social situations where it is not a proper day to drink/eat restaurant food (I mean, seriously people, I have to plan for this shit) and we get invited out – so I’d rather just not deal with it.  I know the nice and noble thing to do is to go out, order a glass of wine and sip it slowly, and find the ONE thing on the menu I can eat without going into calorie overdrive, but really?   Rather enjoy my own cooking and my couch.  But – since it’s go time, why not throw one more thing into April’s experiment, right?  Because sadly, it’s not working.  I’m gaining weight, and not getting to be social.  So it’s like a lose/lose situation (minus saving the money, so I guess it’s lose/lose/win, which still isn’t very good).   So, I’ll practice grinning and bearing it for a while and maybe I’ll start to enjoy it again.  I was getting good at operating on about 1000 calories if it was a drinking night…  Fake it ’til you make it, right?

I just have to remember, like half training, it’s just something I’m doing.  I’ve set May 1 as the last day of this for a reason – a) I have the warrior dash that next day and damned if I’m not going to celebrate with my big ol’ turkey leg and brew, wearing my finisher’s horns and b) It’s a finish line.  I can re-evaluate progress and effort on May 3rd and see if I’m in for another month of it or it’s just NOT WORTH IT or NOT WORKING.  I think my biggest fear is putting myself through hell for no progress – but I can give it a good college try for a month.  This is just as important and just as noble as training for a race.  It’s just a different measure of success.

As for my starting weight – let’s not talk about that until Wednesday, my normal weigh in day.  The scale and I had some disagreement this morning and I need a few days to cool down.  I think it was calling me fat, but I can’t be sure… anyhoo… in summary…

-Reduced calories, 1200 + whatever I burn per day

-Fully tracking every bite at www.dailyburn.com

-Keeping a log of my feelings/motivations each time I eat (more on this after I’m a few days in)

-Putting exercise for athletic gain on the back burner, back to exercise for the purpose of weight loss.

…bleh.  I know.  I hate saying it too.  But it’s temporary.  I can live with this.  What’s your April plan look like?  Am I crazy?  Think I can do it?  Hit me up below.

**Note – this is NOT an April Fool’s post**

Ignorance is bliss.  I’ve been a little too blissful lately.

I also feel like a hypocrite.  Here I am, with a mainly-healthy-living focused blog, dispensing advice like one of those little number stands at the butcher counter.  However, I keep forgetting to call my OWN number.  I have been giving out solid advice like:

-If you are feeling guilt or unhappiness about something in your life, either make it a priority, or let it go.  It’s not worth stressing about something you are not mentally ready to tackle.

-Get in touch with your emotions.  Figure out WHY you are continuing bad habits that you are trying to break.  What’s in your head when you reach for that trigger food?  THAT is what needs resolution.  The problem, not just the symptoms.

-The scale can be a great measuring tool if it is a) considered with respect – no excuses, it’s not lying to you even if it says something you don’t like and b) used as a measurement, not a mood-altering device.  Also, definitely keep an eye on your favorite pair of jeans – if they start fitting differently, then something is definitely up.

-Take little steps while you feel yourself starting to slip, rather than waiting for the ceiling to crash down on you and have to make a major head shift.

So, am I following this?  Not at all.  The scale is reliably in the low 160s this week (after 2 weeks of completely sidestepping it because I did not want to deal with it).  My favorite jeans are tight.  I’m finding I’m going for the looser shirts.  I’m putting things off until “Monday” or “next week”.  I’ve been getting regularly grumpier with the scale and my situation yet I continue to overeat some days, eat junk, and not go back to what was working before – moderate exercise, tracking all my food, reduced calories, not so much protein, etc etc.

It hit me today that I’ve developed some nasty habits and deviated from what was reliably helping me lose weight.  I’ve got this sense of entitlement that since I’ve been through it for the last 3 years, since I’m an ATHLETE now, since I’m SO MUCH SMARTER and so superior, I don’t need these playthings anymore.  I deserve to be able to take off these 5 (now closer to 10) to be comfortably in my maintenance range without too much discomfort and stress.  I took my licks, I did my time in the trenches, I am smarter than needing silly things like calorie trackers and I have transcended beyond the scale mattering.

But it does matter.  Not in that “I need it to be a specific unrealistic number” way, but in the way that a year ago it was about 10 lbs less.  And although I was going through a lot of mental issues about being stalled and it not being the 135 or whatever my goal was back then, I was pretty fit and happy there.  I never thought 10 lbs would matter so much until I regained them.  It sucks to look at things and think – hmmm, that looked so much better last summer.

Not to say that I can’t make my excuses.  Last year, I got married.  That’s worth at LEAST 5 lbs of stress gain, right?  I ran two half marathons and really found that distance running is a HORRIBLE way to lose weight.  It’s a GREAT way to gain weight though…  The 10 lbs has actually IMPROVED my performance, but I think what it is – I was eating WAY too little before to be training as hard as I was.  Eating enough goes a long way to knocking out PRs.

The problem is – I see this continuing.  The weight is not falling off.  The scale is continuing to inch up every few weeks.  If I don’t take some time and tackle it now, I’ll be worrying about losing 25 lbs and NOTHING will fit.  I’m not doing any distance races in the next few months.  I’m scared to think what will happen if I start training again at 160 without losing anything – I’ll get to the starting line of the next race pushing 170…

So in being honest with myself, I am putting forth this plan.

-Spend the rest of this week eating as healthfully as possible while finishing some last minute training and completing a duathalon, camping, and easter dinner with the folks.

-Starting April 5th, I will be tracking my calories with Daily Burn.  I’m giving this a try as I like how it adds your workout calories burnt to each day’s consumption.  I am going to try to eat at the bottom of the range it gives me on workout days (which will mean increasing my intake most days) and the top of the range on non-workout days.

-I’m also going to change up the days I workout.  This is going to invoke some pain but I want to give it a try.  I generally eat more on a Saturday, so it is going to become a gym day instead of a rest day.  If I go to Sunday brunch and eat 1000 calories?  Guess what I’ll be doing later that day?  Plans to go out for drinks on a weekday?  Guess who will be dragging her ass out of bed super early for a run?  Worst case scenario and I make an unplanned oops at night before bed?  I make it right within 24 hours.  Being diligent about tracking my calories should help – if I’m actually faced with the number and going beyond it, I’ll usually choose to wait it out instead of stuffing my face.

-Write every bite.  EVERY BITE.  I usually add +100 calories per day for itty snacks, but this month, everything that goes in my mouth is getting tracked.  Also – write how I FELT each time I ate to see if there are patterns or things I can discover.  Maybe if I find I’m having a snack every day at 3 because I’m bored or figure out what I’m feeling when I get home from work and need to attack the kitchen, I can resolve the issue in a way that makes more sense.

-Back off on the gung ho exercising a bit.  As much as I’m terrified to lose this great running base I’ve built, something has to give.  I know I can get it back.  If I ran 14 miles once I can do it again.  I’m still considering the numbers, but I’d like to limit myself to 2 super butt kicking workout days, 2 moderate days w/strength training, and one fun type day (bike riding/walk/rock climbing/skating/etc).  The 2 super intense days might even be too much.  Again, still working on the logistics.  I just need to realize that I cannot out-exercise my eating habits, and not even try.

-Give myself this month to NOT be stronger and better and superior.  To realize that I have mental shit still to get through.  To realize that ANYONE can backslide.  It can happen to you (me, the royal you, anyone).

-Realize that I’m going to be hungry at times.  Realize that I’m going to have to sometimes not eat things I want.  Realize that it’s not forever.  Realize that I am going to reevaluate at the end of the month to see if it’s worth it.

So, starting next week, get ready for your regularly scheduled weight loss news and woes, before the channel was pre-empted by silly things like races and other nonsense. 🙂  Of course, after I post about the race!  Has anyone done a duathalon before?  Starting anew for April and want to share your plan?