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Plus, I could stop looking at race pictures and sob uncontrollably<\/span> smack the race photographer for being at that angle<\/span> smack myself for wearing those hideously photogenic but awesomely comfortable shorts<\/span> be unhappy with them…<\/p>\n I’m not sure why 175 is so different than 150, but it really has been the tipping point.\u00a0 In the 6 months I’ve stabilized here, I’ve been less inclined to go shopping, dress cute, and want to be photographed (except on race day, and only in flattering poses).\u00a0 I’m sure I’ve even gotten to the point where people are talking behind my back.\u00a0 Not that I care (really, if I still liked what I saw in the mirror, I could give a flying leap about what anyone thought), but I think I’ve finally crept up to “she looks bigger than she used to” status.\u00a0 The convo would probably go, “Geez, Quix has put on some weight in the last 2 years.” “Yeah, and she’s always running and racing and doing shit, I wonder how that happened.”<\/p>\n You and be both, people.\u00a0 I’m making endurance sports look really bad…<\/p>\n There are a few things I won’t do.<\/p>\n I can’t home cook every meal.\u00a0 Working more than 40 hours a week (sometimes WAY more and unpredictable hours) and training like I do means that sometimes I’m going to need a packaged meal or takeout.\u00a0 It’s just not feasable on days when I leave at 7 am and get home 12 hours or more later to spend an hour or more cooking food.\u00a0 What I have done is identified places (like Elevation Burger, Jason’s Deli, and Chipotle) and brands (like Amy’s and Applegate Farms) I can trust to give me fairly decent options in terms of good quality convenience foods that aren’t full of crap.\u00a0 You might be able to argue that it takes 15 minutes to throw together food, but sometimes when you have an hour of downtime a day or less, that 15 mins of couch crashing is GOLD.\u00a0 I’ve been very honest about where my food comes from with my nutritionist and she thinks I’ve been doing a good job.<\/p>\n I will not give up alcohol.\u00a0 I have given up sugary drinks and mixers, as well as beer for the most part, but you can take my vodka and La Croix or wine away from my cold dead hands.\u00a0\u00a0 Drinking an obnoxious amount on a Saturday night is not what makes me fat.\u00a0 It’s also been a constant through the last 4 years.\u00a0 Also, now it has pretty much 100% coincided with long run or bike or brick day, where I’m burning over 1k calories if not upwards of 2+, so it’s not as if I’m not earning them.\u00a0 My nutritionist has asked me to whittle this down a little, but is down with the boozin’.<\/p>\n I will not give up a little sweet indulgence here and there.\u00a0 Nor has my nutritionist asked me to.\u00a0 I oscilate between a bite or two of something every other day and abstaining but having a full serving about once a week.\u00a0 This week will probably be a little more than normal due to holiday feasting but sweets are not really my downfall.<\/p>\n I have pretty much given up grains.\u00a0 I feel good where I’m at.\u00a0 If I have too much at once I feel bloated.\u00a0 I can still have something wheaty right after a long run and feel great, but that’s about the only time it doesn’t feel like a brick in my tummy to have more than a serving of grain at one time.<\/p>\n So here, I have to take a little aside from my normally positive self and whine and rant.<\/p>\n It’s not fair that I eat as clean and healthy as I do and I’m still 175 lbs.<\/p>\n It’s not fair that I train as hard as I do and I’m still 175 lbs.<\/p>\n It’s not fair that a friend who I inspired to run jumped on a treadmill and is, within a few months, doing under 20 minute 5ks at 3% incline, and I can barely break 27 minutes right now.<\/p>\n It’s not fair that no matter how much I eat like an athlete, or train like an athlete, or think like an athlete, I can’t manage to look anything like an athlete.<\/p>\n It’s not fair that by getting better at swimming and stronger arms, I make my top heavy self noticeably top heavier which makes me less happy with my physical appearance in light of vanity\/clothing fitting\/etc (approaching Eastern European Swim Team status).\u00a0 See?\u00a0 Look at all that shoulder!<\/p>\n It’s not fair that I can’t seem to lose this weight, and it’s both cathartic and frustrating at the same time that throwing money at a nutritionist didn’t work.\u00a0 I have spent years doing the research and was disappointed in myself that I couldn’t figure it out.\u00a0 It’s taken a trained professional 6 months with 0 scale progress now too.\u00a0 At the very least I don’t feel dumb.<\/p>\n It’s not fair that there is nothing easy left to try.\u00a0 I don’t consume caffeine.\u00a0 I don’t consume sugary drinks.\u00a0 I rarely eat foods that are nutritionally void and if I do it’s occasionally, in small quantities.\u00a0 I don’t emotionally eat.\u00a0 I eat generally lean meats, healthy fats, rabbit food, whole grains at meals.\u00a0 I snack on fruits, veggies, hummus, jerky, organic cheese, and nuts.\u00a0 I drink enough water.\u00a0 I train a lot.\u00a0 I take rest days.\u00a0 I listen to my body and know (usually) when to push myself on through and when to bag my workout.\u00a0 I am happy, albeit a little stressed lately with work, but enjoy my life.\u00a0 I sleep 8 hours on average per night.<\/p>\n The only theories I have left are:<\/p>\n -Something is wrong with my body that’s not diet or exercise related.\u00a0 I ran the gamut of tests in August though with even a full, extended thyroid panel and everything came back fine, so I doubt it.<\/p>\n -It really is portions.\u00a0 I’ve done *better* lately with measuring and spot checking, but I haven’t whipped out the measuring cups and spoons at each meal.<\/p>\n -Zliten is pushing for overtraining, but I would say 4 sessions of 30-60 minutes per day and 1 long run per week is not any more than I was doing during tri season.\u00a0 Running for 3+ hours is pretty intense, but I seem to be handling it.\u00a0 And this is not a new problem.\u00a0 It’s not as if I was losing weight during off season last year…<\/p>\n Other than that, I just don’t know.<\/p>\n I am thankful to be able to do what I do now, and look how I look now, let’s just make sure that’s stated right here.\u00a0 Five years ago, just fitting into a size that didn’t start with 20-something or walking up a flight of stairs without being winded was but a dream to me.\u00a0 Now I’m bitching about being less than half that clothing size, and about only being able to run twice as fast as my max speed used to be on a treadmill.\u00a0 Feels petty.<\/p>\n However, I’ve put in the 5 years of work.\u00a0 For example, 5 years ago me would have been giddy with joy with my salary.\u00a0 However, present me is just satisfied with it because it’s what I deserve for the job I do and the experience I have.\u00a0 Just like my weight.\u00a0 I feel like it’s time for the dividends of my hard work to fall into my lap, kthx.<\/p>\n Life just doesn’t work out that way.\u00a0 It usually takes just a little longer than you expect or think is reasonable to get what you want.\u00a0 And it’s just not fair.\u00a0 Doesn’t mean you get to give up though…<\/p>\n \/rant off<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/media.fukung.net\/images\/7860\/tiger_and_pigs_04-thumb.jpg\")
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