![\"Sept10-2\"](\"http:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/Sept10-2.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nAll stress is stress and there’s too much of it.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n This year has been exceptionally stressful for various reasons.\u00a0 It is the first year of my promotion to Senior Producer over multiple products, so a little is to be expected, but this is ridiculous.\u00a0 The beginning of the year primed the pump.\u00a0 August stepped it up into overdrive, and the cherry on top was our big November release.<\/p>\n I have history of losing my shit this time of year – hell, two years ago I punched a wall 2 weeks before Thanksgiving. I didn’t quite do that (maybe I should have? it was incredibly cathartic…), but I have been seeing the big blinking signs like getting really jumpy and snappy and making mountains out of molehills, even besides my lack of enthusiasm with… life.<\/p>\n I found a way to keep up with what I felt like the minimum training was to succeed in my races, but even with that, my overall stress load was too much and maybe I should have gambled by staying under my blankie more often.<\/p>\n My mind is unquiet too often lately.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Over the last few months, I’ve found I’m increasingly unable to leave my work in my office, or concentrate on other things that are bothering me only when I can actually do something about them which is kind of a big rule of mine.\u00a0 I’m more often mulling problems over on runs, while sitting and watching TV, late at night, etc, and finding my blood pressure raise over it.<\/p>\n Over the years, I’ve built up good habits to put that stress in a box and leave it where it should stay and they have been unraveling over the course of this year.\u00a0 Frankly, upon the first day back from Florida, I was sitting at home on a day off work and my husband just MENTIONED a random work comment and I freaked out and stewed about it for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON.\u00a0 This is not the person I want to be and if I’m bouncing off the ceiling for nothing, it’s sure hard to keep my head about me when things get hard.<\/p>\n I’m not excited about races or training right now.<\/em><\/p>\n Space Coast was the culmination of a lot of BS, but weeks before that I would literally have to drag myself out the door almost every run.\u00a0 I just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep.\u00a0 Once I got out it was usually ok, sometimes even great, but you shouldn’t go through that absence of motivation for weeks – especially when it doesn’t rebound on race week.<\/p>\n Over the last week off, I’ve read some really inspiring race reports, which have ignited the tiniest little spark in my belly.\u00a0 It will come back.\u00a0 In fact, just a few minutes ago, I looked at a triathlon picture and thought “I kinda can’t wait to do that again”.\u00a0 But, to go full force into training right now would probably just snuff it right back out, so I’m being careful with my fragile self.<\/p>\n This new fueling plan isn’t working.<\/em><\/p>\n I gave it 4 months.\u00a0 Operation: carb and calorie overload may have fueled training well, but was it that much better than last year?\u00a0 I don’t think so.\u00a0 This extra weight is definitely making me feel awful and neurotic and I’m back to offhand comments about looking like a cow and feeling a sense of dread instead of excitement when it’s time to play dress up.<\/p>\n I was willing to handle it in exchange for some awesome PRs but obviously that isn’t happening.\u00a0 Maybe that’s because of my mental state, but I’m thinking that the extra 10-15 lbs aren’t helping either.\u00a0 So, it’s time to try something else.<\/p>\n I’m relying on crutches to escape.<\/em><\/p>\n Let’s not spin this twisted – I think that a few glasses of bourbon or a few pints of beer is a proper way to celebrate every once in a while.\u00a0 Whether that is the finish line of a race, a gathering of friends, or sometimes, just celebrating the end of a rather cantankerous day.<\/p>\n However, I’m finding that, intermingled with all the things in my life right now, it’s less of the “hey, let’s get a drink and celebrate”, and more “ughhhh what a day, I need a drink”.\u00a0 And I’m finding that I’d rather have another than go to sleep sometimes because who wants to deal with tomorrow sooner when you’re stressed?<\/p>\n Theses are all happy times spending time with my husband or friends or out… talking, plotting, scheming, laughing over silly you tube videos, or whatnot, so I’m not spending time being all depressed and crying over my beers or anything.\u00a0 But, there’s no denying that I’m escaping something.\u00a0 Not to mention the extra calories, lack of rest = less recovery, and all the other practical reasons why an increase in alcohol consumption might not be a great idea during season.<\/p>\n I’m a little bored.<\/em><\/p>\n It’s definitely not that I’m not busy or have a lot going on.\u00a0 I just find that I end up wasting my precious free time doing stuff like dorking on the internet, drinking beer, or just watching netflix after netflix because I’m too mentally and\/or physically out of it to do something more interesting.<\/p>\n I’ve also ducked social interaction or been really reluctant to drag myself out because small talk, or work talk, sounds PAINFUL to me in my crispy crunchy state.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n So, what’s the plan?<\/p>\n #1 – Take the time off I need to mentally recover from the year and set myself up to really relax. I’m going to burn a few extra PTO days and give myself a full 20 days off at Christmas – starting December 15 at 5pm, through January 4th.\u00a0 I was going to go back for 2 days in the middle of it since the office is slow to save some time off, but right now, what I need is solid time away.<\/p>\n I have a LOT to do to feel like I’m in good shape to leave things for the year, but I’ve been making good progress.\u00a0 I have been really on top of my to do list, I’ve kept focused, not fucked around on the internet too much, etc.\u00a0 My goal is to have nothing to fret over during this awesome long break.<\/p>\n #2 – Wait to start training again until the itch hits me.<\/em><\/p>\n I want to remember what it feels like to be *this* about all this stuff.\u00a0 Physically, I’m fine, my legs feel awesome.\u00a0 Mentally, I need some time.\u00a0 I need to be patient with myself so I don’t jeopardize having a great winter season.\u00a0 My endurance is in a good place to succeed – even if I do JACK and SHIT for two weeks or even a little more, and then start slow from there.<\/p>\n Right now at ~10 days out, I feel halfway there.\u00a0 I am cranky from the lack of endorphins (I’m a joy to be around at work, let me tell you), but looking at my bike shoes, run shoes, or thinking about jumping into the cold pool or training plans still gives me a bit of the heebie jeebies.\u00a0 Not yet.\u00a0 Soon.<\/p>\n I need to run again when I feel the itch and start with as little mileage and structure as I need.\u00a0 I need to give myself space to bail on runs and swim, bike, walk, do yoga, or just do nothing if I need to to get back to the place where I love sports again.\u00a0 However long that takes.<\/p>\n #3 – Eat better.\u00a0 More plants.\u00a0 Less refined grains.\u00a0 Count calories again.<\/em><\/p>\n I think if the last 4 months of fueling taught me anything, it’s that carbs (even refined carbs) definitely have their place in my diet.\u00a0 Pasta or a sandwich is not a failure of epic proportions to be guarded against at all costs.<\/p>\n However, I also really miss the amount of fruit and veggies I used to eat.\u00a0 To hit the calorie and carb targets without completely ODing on fiber I had to eat less of them.\u00a0 That just never felt right and I’m going to stop worrying about that.\u00a0 I’m going to keep the stuff that feels good and ditch what felt wrong.<\/p>\n This month, I’m tracking again and I’ll eat 1500 calories per day + activity.\u00a0 In general.\u00a0 I’m going to go back at times to a lower grain type existence but not put any hard and fast rules in place.\u00a0 That means mixing my potatoes with cauliflower again, switching flour for corn tortillas, mixing my pasta with veggies, and all those other tricks I had before to eat nutritionally sound meals without feeling completely deprived.<\/p>\n I’m sure it will take a few weeks to get it on straight, and I mean, who does this during the HOLIDAYS, right?\u00a0 So, there will be some treats and exceptions to the rule.\u00a0 But, I think establishing the habits is the main focus this month.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n
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