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<\/p>\nSo, I wrote this whole weekly wrap up thing and I just nuked it because if it bores ME, then I can’t imagine anyone else would be interested.<\/p>\n
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So, instead, a double rainbow. #whatdoesitmean<\/em><\/p>\n I think I’d rather talk about how I’m getting nervous for the race coming up.\u00a0 With 3.5 weeks left to go, the calendar is at that uncomfortable spot where I’m fatigued from training, but it’s starting to close enough to get real.\u00a0 How is it less than a month away?\u00a0 How the heck am I ever going to feel rested again?\u00a0 Can we get this over with so I can go back to base training for a little while?\u00a0 Can I have a few more weeks to work on my cycling and running speed?\u00a0 When am I going to get excited for this thing instead of nervous and just kind of tired of it?\u00a0 Argh.<\/p>\n I’ve been thinking about how I will thrive there and races when I’ve felt the most successful.\u00a0 I cave under TOO much pressure.\u00a0 When I place a huge importance on a time goal, and the day pees in my sandbox, sometime I just say “fuck it” instead of just rolling with the punches and still getting close.\u00a0 If I don’t put ENOUGH pressure on myself, when things get hard and it stops being fun, I’ll let off the steam instead of digging in because… whatever.\u00a0 It’s just another race.\u00a0 It’s that special combination of realistic and achievable but also challenging goals (and, ya know, meeting them) and magical unicorn pixie dust that really makes me zing on race day!<\/p>\n Looking over my past races, I’ve had days that I felt meh, even ANGRY about that ended up with some of my best age group placement or times.\u00a0 But they’re not the ones I remember as my best races as of late.\u00a0 Kerrville 2014 – I missed my overall time goal by 2 minutes but I stayed strong through the whole thing and didn’t give up and felt joy a lot of the time.\u00a0 The Woodlands where I ran every step of the marathon, even if it wasn’t my fastest race.\u00a0 Some of the shorter races where I found the edge and stayed there and held it together chanting three words over and over.<\/p>\n X-wing and Death Star are ready.\u00a0 Am I?\u00a0 Errr… I’ll get back to you on that one.<\/em><\/p>\n The half ironman usually goes like this for me… I generally have a good swim, a good to great bike (unless I crash), and then sputter and die on the run, except for that once where I didn’t completely (2014).\u00a0 Here’s where I’m at right now:<\/p>\n Scared of failing, scared of succeeding.\u00a0 This is my damn head right now.<\/p>\n It’s been an interesting training cycle.\u00a0 Because I haven’t done the same thing over and over, I haven’t seen the same metered weekly progress.\u00a0 It’s fits and spurts.\u00a0 It’s a little more mystical than doing the same long ride every two weeks on the same bike and watching the pace improve.\u00a0 Some rides are at 13 mph.\u00a0 Some rides are at 15 mph.\u00a0 Some are at 18 mph.\u00a0 Sometimes the 15 mph rides are WAYYYY harder\u00a0 than then 18 mph ones.\u00a0 Some days I run 12 minute miles, some days I run 9 minute miles.\u00a0 I don’t exactly know what to expect will come out on race day and that’s… both scary and exciting!<\/p>\n Some days it’s all smiles.\u00a0 Some days it’s mental gymnastics to take every next step.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I feel like training has been more flexible this time around, which has been great.\u00a0 I am *just* now this week feeling the crush of fatigue and responsibility, like it’s stopped being so fun anymore.\u00a0 Looking back, I maintained a training load of between 8-11 hours the last two months solid and this week won’t be any different unless a leg falls off somewhere between now and Saturday afternoon.\u00a0 That feeling of it being a little much is fine.\u00a0 It’s time to taper.\u00a0 Just one more long workout and we’re there.<\/p>\n Does this mean I’ve pushed a week too long?\u00a0 We’ll find out.\u00a0 I’m embracing the fluidity – besides the two key workouts – a 14 mile long run (done – every soggy, sore, and mentally tough step), and a long brick this weekend, the rest of it is optional.\u00a0 I bailed on a ride already this week in favor of rest (I read and slept for TWELVE HOURS) and split a run to make sure I wasn’t tearing myself up the day after (felt great and did all the miles, probably thanks to the above).\u00a0 At this point, I’m nearing the end of training actually building endurance, and anything that doesn’t keep the legs fresh and\/or doesn’t build my confidence for race day goes in the trash.<\/p>\n As for the fuel, a few weeks ago, I gave up on maintaining a deficit and giving in to eating my appetite.\u00a0 Oddly enough, the weight loss I saw stop has slowly started crawling again (I think I’ve lost 1 lb on average over 2-3 weeks).\u00a0 This is still that weird “wow, I look so bloated I don’t look cute in clothes but I still weigh less” loss that you get when you’re deep in season, but (healthy) loss is loss is loss.\u00a0 I figured I was done for on the scale when I stopped really caring about the deficit, but the body sometimes knows better than some equation, I suppose.<\/p>\n Hello, lover.\u00a0 This ramen (Spicy Miso Pork, from Jinya) is one of my current food crushes.\u00a0 And it lives around the corner from work…<\/em><\/p>\n I’m One of those things I need to remember – it will not always be this way.\u00a0 It’s hard to keep sight of that once you’re so deep in the extremes.\u00a0 When you’re injured, it’s hard to envision a time when all the parts will work again.\u00a0 When you’re dieting in offseason, it’s hard to remember that someday it will be required eating to shove 3-4k calories in your face in a day.\u00a0 When you start your training program, it boggles the mind to think that you’ll be racing for 6+ hours, when an hour run seems exhausting (but you’re excited to get there).<\/p>\n Then two months pass and the pendulum swings the other way.\u00a0 When you’re riding for multiple hours the umpteenth weekend in a row, you can’t remember a time when 45 minutes on the bike was enough, thank you very much.\u00a0 When you’re deep in fatigue from training, you think you’ll never be rested or sleep enough again (but you know you will if you’re not an idiot).\u00a0 When you’re racing, you will not be in pain forever.\u00a0 The finish line has beer and chips and medals and most importantly, sitting.\u00a0 Get to the beer and chips and sitting and how about a smile in the meantime that you’re able to be out here doing this crazy shit today, huh?<\/p>\n![\"oct6-2\"](\"http:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Oct6-2.jpg\")
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<\/p>\nreally really<\/del> (ok, fine) sort of trying to continue to track, simply because I think this would be great data for the push to IM.\u00a0 It’s just… not my world right now to be all judgey about it so it’s hard to remember.\u00a0 If I’m hungry, I’m going to eat a thing, no matter what Sparkpeople says.\u00a0 I know 1200 calories per day is too cold.\u00a0 2700 calories per day is too hot (at least at half ironman training levels, ~10 hours per week).\u00a0 Still working on finding the porridge that’s JUST RIGHT.<\/p>\n