Without Really Noticing…

I’ll go into it more Monday, but this week sorta fell apart on me.  However, it’s Friday, I’m feeling good, I’m totally psyched to hit the gym for a super killer treadmill workout tonight, and most importantly, I’m feeling totally uninjured, rested, and healthy.

It just hit me yesterday thinking about how I’ve changed over this whole getting healthy thing in general by reflecting on the week.   Even in the last year.  When I get frustrated that I haven’t lost much weight, I have to remember that I been maintaining a huge loss.  I have a completely different headspace than I used to.  Here are things I did without really noticing…

Some examples:

Peanut Butter Pie in the breakroom yesterday.

4 years ago: “Pie, fuck yeah!  Can I have 2?”  Then later, scolding myself for being so weak.

2 years ago: “No thanks.”  Then being freaking obsessed over peanut butter pie for the next week.

this week: “Oh yum!”  Taking a slice, eating about half, and throwing the rest of it away because it was just too much for me.

Mindlessly pigging out on what’s in the house because my tummy is ravenous.

4 years ago: frozen pizza, chips and dip, cookies, ice cream (yes, all in ONE night).  Feel depressed and crappy physically and mentally after the sugar and fat buzz wears off.

2 years ago: 100 calorie packs, sugar free pudding, low fat cheese and reduced fat crackers (though certainly not all at once!).  Feel still slightly unsatisfied, but mentally I convince myself I have had enough and need to stop to stay in my calorie range.

this week: raw veggies, turkey pepperoni, jerky, veggie pasta salad, fruit, pistachios, small amounts of full fat cheese (over the course of a few days).  Feel satiated, feel a little guilty, then think about what I actually ate, and laugh.

Not working out for a week due to injury/exhaustion/other crap:

4 years ago: “Duh, I don’t have time with work.”

2 years ago: “OMG OMG I’m going to get fat again this is horrible my life is ruined.”

this week: “Eh, that’s the way it goes.  So looking forward to hitting the ‘mill tonight now that I feel good!”

Seeing a ridiculously unflattering picture of myself:

4 years ago: “Damnit, why am I so fat…”  No way is anyone seeing this.

2 years ago: “Ugh, and THIS is why I am so not done losing weight.”  No way is anyone seeing this.

This week: *laughter* “Man, this is SO not going up as my facebook profile pic.”  Eh, why not, you can laugh with me.  Still not going up on facebook though.  Seriously, who squished my face like that and how am I not falling over from my massive chest?

I am certainly not perfect and I still have my freakout moments and make stupid decisions, but I am taking today to appreciate the strides I have made.  It may take me 50 bazillion more years to take off this last 20 lbs, but at least it’s not gaining.  I may not be completely vain-happy here, but I am certainly happy with my health and what my body can do, and how I feel more like I’m running on energizer batteries instead of just the crappy generic store brand that’s half dead.

Now, the ultimate question: since I’ve missed an entire week of running, I have my pick of workouts.  Long and slow, tempo run, or sprints?  The treadmill is my oyster!  What awesome have you done this week without really paying attention?  Happy weekend all!