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Things are a lot different now than they were back then, in a lot of ways I couldn’t have even imagined.\u00a0 I never thought I’d be an exercise nut, but I’ve been working out regularly for over a year now and get angry when someone tries to muss with my exercise time.\u00a0 Them’s fightin’ words, pardner.\u00a0 I never thought I’d prefer veggies to french fries or fruit to chocolate some days (key word – some days).\u00a0 Actually, I never thought I’d make it this far.\u00a0 Historically, I would lose some weight (20-30 lbs), feel great, go back to the way I was (no exercise, too much food) and gain it back and more.\u00a0 I ALMOST did that, except something in me kicked in<\/a> once we moved to Austin, and I realized it was time to do this fo reals, yo.<\/p>\nThere are also things that didn’t happen.\u00a0 I didn’t become this super confident, super powerful dominating woman ready to throw open closed office doors, and use a machete to cut through red tape<\/a>.\u00a0 I was actually probably more empowered to do that before even if I was out of breath after walking down the hall to that office.\u00a0 I didn’t become truly happy and all is not right with the world.\u00a0 Yes, my reflection brings me joy.\u00a0 But it doesn’t make me complete and whole as a person, it’s just one less thing on my “how the hell am I ever going to get around to doing this” list.\u00a0 I’m also in the best shape I’ve been in my adult life, but I still have the batwings under my arms, and the potbelly I don’t remember having even 10-20 lbs heavier when I was younger.<\/p>\n Though I could be happy here, I’ve decided to press on.\u00a0 Even a month and a half of plateau didn’t stop me from trying and now that I’m going again, I’ll press on.\u00a0 Here are twenty of the reasons why, in numerical list form, in no particular order of importance.<\/p>\n 1.\u00a0 Running will be so much easier the lower my weight goes (in a healthy range, of course).\u00a0 I’m pretty sure if I had less to lug around, I could smash my 7:50 time with ease.<\/p>\n 2.\u00a0 I’d like to put together an outfit without worrying about if my belly fat is hanging out.<\/p>\n 3.\u00a0 I’d like to be able to wear every last thing in my closet, or have given it away because it’s too big.<\/p>\n 4.\u00a0 I’d like to know what walking into the room and being the h-a-w-t est girl felt like, because I’ve always felt completely inferior to at least *someone* in my social circle.\u00a0 I don’t know how to explain this one in a way that makes me sound less vain or petty – I’d just like to be at the point where I’m so comfortable with myself, I don’t wish I looked like *insert person here*.<\/p>\n 5.\u00a0 I want to wear a bikini of some sort without feeling self conscious.<\/p>\n 6.\u00a0 I’d like to have a normal BMI.\u00a0 Not because I feel I am overweight now being just 15 lbs over the recommended range (I’m pretty sure I carry a LOT more muscle than the average gal), but I might as well give myself the best chance to live long and healthy I can.\u00a0 Maybe it will counteract some of the drinking and smoking :).<\/p>\n 7.\u00a0 Zliten and I want to take a dance class and hopefully someday get good at partner dancing.\u00a0 It would be super cool if I was light enough for him to pick up and do some fancy moves.<\/p>\n 8.\u00a0 I still have great boobs even at 125 when the fat goes away elsewhere.\u00a0 I resented them during gymnastics, but I could really rock them now.<\/p>\n 9.\u00a0 It would be fun to do some of those simple gymnastic moves again.\u00a0 Like, I dunno, bust out a handstand piroutte<\/a> or aerial<\/a> at parties to freak people out.<\/p>\n 10.\u00a0 If (and that’s a big if) I do have kids someday, I refuse to be the chunky, matronly mom in the mom pants<\/a> and mom haircut driving the minivan.\u00a0 If I had a daughter, I’d want her to want to raid my closet when she got older, and not just on ironic theme day at school.\u00a0 Also, in non-selfish-land, I’d want to motivate them to be active and balance gaming time with sports and crap and see eating healthy as a good thing and cookies as a food you don’t eat everyday.<\/p>\n 11.\u00a0 If Dana Torres<\/a> and Oksana Chusovitina<\/a> can keep themselves going as ancients in sports where their teammates are half their age – it’s not too late for me to get in the shape of my life and go out for something.\u00a0 Whether it’s running, dancing, whatever – nothing keeps me going like the promise of competing at it.<\/p>\n 12. I really want to amaze people at my wedding next year, a lot of whom haven’t seen me since my heaviest.\u00a0 Not that they wouldn’t be shocked now, but it would be fun to see the reactions if I showed up in better shape than they’ve seen me since I was a kid.<\/p>\n 13.\u00a0 Along with that, I want to look back at wedding photos and not think “damn, I look fat there”.\u00a0 I refused to be a fat bride or I’d be Mrs. Zliten McGnome by now.\u00a0 I mean, if I’m going to pay for professional photos and for something I’m going to want to keep forever, I don’t want any negative thoughts connected with them.<\/p>\n 14.\u00a0 I’m just not done losing yet.\u00a0 I like the thrill and the drama of stepping on the scale, hopeful it says something lower than it did yesterday.\u00a0 It causes me great agony sometimes, but also great joy.\u00a0 I need to definitely start measuring and\/or calculating body fat % so I have something to play with to when I do decide I am ready to maintain.<\/p>\n 15.\u00a0 I would like to feel justified in splurging on some items of clothing (a really nice jacket, a pair of jeans that fits me incredibly well, etc) and not feel like it might be a waste because it will only fit me until I really get in the shape I want to be for the rest of my life.<\/p>\n 16.\u00a0 I love how I get more and more energy and feel more and more like I can do *anything*.\u00a0 I can only imagine that gets better as you get slimmer (to a point, of course).<\/p>\n 17.\u00a0 Never having to lie on drivers licenses or other forms you have to fill out that include your weight, and never having to hear a doctor tell me I should lose weight when I get off the scale.<\/p>\n 18.\u00a0 Being able to walk to my bedroom, and look at pictures on the wall in hallway, and not think “geez, I looked so good then, I wish I looked that good now”.<\/p>\n 19.\u00a0 Frankly, for the first time in my adult and teenage life, I’d like to be at a point where I don’t get up in the morning and wish I weighed less.\u00a0 I fully believe I’ll be on a quest to improve my fitness and tone muscles and get stronger and better the rest of my life (or I hope), but it would be nice to not have to think about losing weight.<\/p>\n 20.\u00a0 Because it is my own body, and I have the goddamn right to mold it into the healthy, strong, powerful, and super capable form it deserves to be in.\u00a0 It’s been good to me even when I haven’t been so good to it, so I want to treat it well for sticking with me, and lightening it’s load in a healthy way to a healthy point can’t be a bad way to start.<\/p>\n All I know is I’m going to keep trying, and I hope I have the wisdom and common sense to stop at the right number, whatever that might be and whenever it happens.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/images.icanhascheezburger.com\/completestore\/2008\/5\/20\/dietdiaryday128557404077488636.jpg\")
When I started this endeavour, I had 170 lbs in mind as the holy grail, because that’s what I weighed when I was 20, had just become newly single after 3 years of crazy, and felt sexy, confident, and attractive.\u00a0 Well, I’m there now, and remembering the summer between my junior and senior year of high school when I was probably about a buck fifty, give or take, and felt uber confident about my body and still have some kick ass clothing from my days working at Hot Topic<\/a> (it was a great high school job, and I remember when we were the 13th out of 20 some stores that existed)\u00a0 I wouldn’t mind breaking out (namely this gorgeous sundress, but there are a few other things).\u00a0 Then again, there was also my gymnastics period where I probably ranged from 115-125 where I was a muscular goddess.\u00a0 I definitely didn’t feel like the picture of beauty or confidence then (since I was a good head taller and probably 20-40 lbs heavier than my teammates) unless I was out on the floor or on a stage, but day-um I had some muscles.\u00a0 Note to self, must scan some pictures from those days from the photo-shoebox of doom.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com\/2008\/05\/funny-pictures-lion-talks-diet.jpg\")
A lot of these things are vanity related.\u00a0 I was a little disappointed with myself until I realized – hey, I’ve done the “lose weight for my health” portion already.\u00a0 I am a fairly healthy weight, in better shape than a lot of people, and generally comfortable in my skin.\u00a0 This is totally and completely vanity weight.\u00a0 If I wasn’t such an overachiever at everything, I could probably be reasonably happy here.\u00a0 But why not give it a good ol’ try to see if I like me skinnier?\u00a0 History shows that gaining weight isn’t very hard for me, so if I look too gaunt at 125, I can glance at a cupcake or two and presto!\u00a0 Job done.<\/p>\n