{"id":8798,"date":"2019-02-07T12:05:33","date_gmt":"2019-02-07T18:05:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/?p=8798"},"modified":"2019-02-07T12:05:33","modified_gmt":"2019-02-07T18:05:33","slug":"swords-shame-monsters-and-too-many-analogies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/2019\/02\/07\/swords-shame-monsters-and-too-many-analogies\/","title":{"rendered":"Swords, Shame Monsters, and Too Many Analogies"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Guys.&nbsp; Guys&#8230; GUYS!&nbsp; Holy crap it&#8217;s been busy over here.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone  wp-image-8801\" src=\"http:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-2.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"451\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-2.jpg 597w, https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-2-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-2-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-2-88x88.jpg 88w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 451px) 100vw, 451px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><em>And all I am is a girl, standing in front of a bicycle, wanting to go playyyyy&#8230;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>However, I like to make time to do at least a quick weekly check in, and I don&#8217;t want to break that habit, so here&#8217;s some stream of consciousness fun-and-games for posterity about January and what&#8217;s next.<\/p>\n<p>Athleting:<\/p>\n<p>While I had almost no leadup to my <a href=\"http:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/2019\/01\/25\/3m-half-marathon-when-the-stars-align\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">two races<\/a> in <a href=\"http:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/2019\/01\/30\/indoor-tri-fasterasamaster\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">two weeks<\/a>, pushing that hard mentally seven days apart took a bit of a toll on my motivation for training after.&nbsp; My brain needed and felt like it deserved a tiny little &#8220;offseason&#8221;, so I&#8217;ve taken the last two weeks fairly light.&nbsp; Last week, all I did was ride my bike three times at no pace which could be considered fast.&nbsp; Fast forward to today, Thursday, and I&#8217;ve swam ONCE on Monday and I&#8217;ve had my running stuff laid out since then, ready to go, and no dice.&nbsp; Hoping to break that streak today, but the struggle has been real, y&#8217;all.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m not stressing about it, though.&nbsp; My first triathlon this year is May 5th, and I actually plan to mostly soldier through the full season this year without much of a mid-season break.&nbsp; I will still obviously periodize my training with shifting focus as the months go on, and schedule in recovery weeks, but I don&#8217;t plan on any extended month long breaks like I&#8217;ve planned in the past.&nbsp; This means I&#8217;m not in a huge hurry to pursue peak form in March or anything, so this lazing around in early February is just fine.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Next week this changes.&nbsp; While I&#8217;m not ready to sharpen the sword just yet, it&#8217;s now time to mold the clay (how many different analogies can I use today? let&#8217;s find out!).&nbsp; Two three-week periods of lifting heavy (hypertrophy) and then heavier (maximum strength) with a week rest in between did me was so beneficial last year I plan to repeat it.&nbsp; My main focus in February and March will be lifting 3xweek, and swim\/bike\/run (1-2 short sessions of each per week) will supplement this, rather than the opposite the rest of the year.<\/p>\n<p>Of course when the weather is amazing I&#8217;ll duck out for a smile paced ride with my camera, but not at the expense of picking up and putting down heavy things.<\/p>\n<p>The Scale:<\/p>\n<p>January was a rough start to the year, I did *okay* the first two weeks, and then racing always throws a wrench in the diet, and then a camping weekend&#8230; let&#8217;s just say I have made no progress.&nbsp; I think I&#8217;ve done well enough that I&#8217;m not backsliding further, but I&#8217;m not quite back to that consistently under 170 where I was in early December.&nbsp; I have yet to transfer everything to trendweight (busy and also, if it doesn&#8217;t change maybe my weight doesn&#8217;t change? is that how it works?) but it really helped me last year so I really need to do that.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-large wp-image-8800\" src=\"http:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-1-1024x266.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"629\" height=\"163\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-1-1024x266.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-1-300x78.jpg 300w, https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-1-768x200.jpg 768w, https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-1-900x234.jpg 900w, https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-1.jpg 1224w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 629px) 100vw, 629px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><em>Definitely haven&#8217;t gained everything back I lost, but it needs to trend down now, kthx&#8230;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>But, I&#8217;m back, baby.&nbsp; Since Monday, I&#8217;ve had a really good streak with my eating habits, and I&#8217;ve declared February a month of no deserts.&nbsp; Everyone and their mother (and literally my mother as well) is trying to eff this up for me, but I will just take their offerings, put them in my freezer, and break them out when I&#8217;m at a higher training volume.<\/p>\n<p>So, the plan and the goal is the same as it ever was.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>1500 calories per day, slightly less on days I can get away with it, to account for 1-2 days closer to 2000.<\/li>\n<li>Mostly snap kitchen meals, supplemented with perfect fit meals since they are a little different\/cheaper, with a small amount of bath cooking when I&#8217;m motivated to do so.<\/li>\n<li>Salads for my mid-afternoon snack so I get in ALL THE VEGGIES (since the prepared meals are small portions, they&#8217;re not very veggie heavy).<\/li>\n<li>Watch the booze calorie creep &#8211; but this is the year I&#8217;ve accepted that if I am to only allow myself one splurge overall, it&#8217;s probably going to be whiskey.&nbsp; I just need to make sure it fits in my plan 1-2 times a week.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I know that my weight is collectively what I have done in the last month, and I haven&#8217;t been kind to myself.&nbsp; I&#8217;ve been eating things I shouldn&#8217;t (and slacking on eating the things I should like those mid-afternoon salads), and probably more importantly, I haven&#8217;t been a good sleeper.&nbsp; I *think* life is starting to calm down a little bit, and I&#8217;m hoping that my idiot nights of laying awake thinking about (mostly good exciting but still) stuff will be fewer and further between.<\/p>\n<p>Between lifting and REALLY BUCKLING DOWN FOR REALS in February, I think the scale and I might start being BFFs again.<\/p>\n<p>Life\/Deep Thoughts:<\/p>\n<p>Over the last few months, work has provided me a great growth opportunity (sadly without the title, YET, but let&#8217;s focus on the good parts).&nbsp; Essentially, this is the thing I&#8217;ve wanted to do since I started here almost twelve years ago, and have gotten to do in smaller quantities as I&#8217;ve scratched and fought for it, but finally it&#8217;s all happening.&nbsp; Sort of.&nbsp; However, I really have to fight for this one since I have to forge my own path here and it takes ALL THE CONFIDENCE AND COURAGE I have built up thus far.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-large wp-image-8802\" src=\"http:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-3-1024x679.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"629\" height=\"417\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-3-1024x679.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-3-300x199.jpg 300w, https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-3-768x510.jpg 768w, https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-3-900x597.jpg 900w, https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Feb7-3.jpg 1159w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 629px) 100vw, 629px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><em>At a crossroads.&nbsp; Literally.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>The self-study I&#8217;ve done and have continued to do in the background on these ideals has helped me immensely with this.&nbsp; I feel like I&#8217;m walking a tightrope with no net, one hundred feet above a pit full of hungry sharks, but instead of terrifying it&#8217;s exhilarating and exciting and I love the way it makes my emotions swirl, but I also recognize that it is indeed DANGEROUS and RISKY.&nbsp; This time last year I might have shied away from this, but I spent the 2018 seeking out the dark places, and believing in myself enough to take what I wanted with the tip of my sword.&nbsp; It&#8217;s a different me situation right now, and I&#8217;m quite good with dangerous.&nbsp; It&#8217;s miles above boring.<\/p>\n<p>I have about 2031537 essays I want to write about Brene Brown&#8217;s Daring Greatly and I&#8217;m 25% through the book.&nbsp; I knew this would be a game changer, but I didn&#8217;t realize to what degree.&nbsp; It&#8217;s definitely contributing to my sleepless nights but in a way that&#8217;s starting to connect and codify a lot of disparate thought fragments, so it&#8217;s worth it.&nbsp; It&#8217;s made me feel a lot less weird about some of the things I&#8217;ve been cranking on in the old noggin&#8217; lately.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I will never think about vulnerability and shame the same way.&nbsp; Her writing shows me the reasons why I have turned away from putting my full heart and soul into racing in the past.&nbsp; It makes sense why I can say &#8220;I want to be a published author&#8221; and fully believe it, while simultaneously spending almost a year ignoring the draft I&#8217;ve written and spinning up other projects instead.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m terrified of being vulnerable.&nbsp; I&#8217;m not a weak person, and I believe in myself, but for things I really care about, I tend to keep them close to my vest.&nbsp; My writing is good if no one else can read it and cut me to pieces with criticism.&nbsp; My singing voice is great if no one else can hear it.&nbsp; I explored that feeling a lot <a href=\"http:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/2018\/11\/13\/i-need-to-learn-how-to-fail\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">HERE<\/a> before I actually knew what it was.&nbsp; As I wrote the words it sounded super stupid, but now I know that&#8217;s the shame monster coming out to attack.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-8803\" src=\"http:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Jan7-4.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"439\" height=\"590\" srcset=\"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Jan7-4.jpg 439w, https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Jan7-4-223x300.jpg 223w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 439px) 100vw, 439px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><em>The shame monster says &#8220;who are you to dress like this&#8221;, and I give it this look.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Fear of shame dictates how I hold back sometimes.&nbsp; If I share that I&#8217;m really going for it during a race, and then I blow up or just mentally fizzle out miles from the finish, what will people think of me?&nbsp; &#8220;Oh, there she goes, talking big about her racing and then just failing again and again, yawn.&#8221;&nbsp; If I share the deeper, more vulnerable thoughts I have on social media, what if it gets no attention?&nbsp; Even worse, what if someone posts a haterade comment?&nbsp; What if people wordlessly think I&#8217;m weird and unlovable?<\/p>\n<p>The crazy thing is that I LOVE other people&#8217;s deep thoughts and long, personal posts conveying who they really are.&nbsp; I value people that share themselves more freely.&nbsp; However, as it is with most everyone, vulnerability is AWESOME in others and TERRIBLE in ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>So, I&#8217;m working on being the courage and confidence I see and want to see in other people.&nbsp; It&#8217;s heavy work, but each time I push myself further into the danger zone which is vulnerability, it feels REFRESHING and REAL and EXCITING and I think I&#8217;m even ready to combat my first haters if they show up outside of my own head. Maybe. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n<p>In the wake of all of that noise, I ignored most of the way-too-large to do list I wanted to do in <a href=\"http:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/2019\/01\/08\/january-goals-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">January<\/a>.&nbsp; I needed much more downtime than I expected, and it&#8217;s okay.&nbsp; The organizational projects will be there when I&#8217;m motivated to do so.&nbsp; At some point, my book will come back into focus, when I&#8217;ve done the sidework I need to do to be ready for it.&nbsp; I&#8217;m thoroughly enjoying tooling around with some different writing styles and it&#8217;s all towards the good and betterment of my command of the written word.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I think my February focus will be to take the stress off myself here.&nbsp; I would really, really, really like to complete one small organizational project, it will make me feel like a better human.&nbsp; However, I&#8217;m going to leave my hobbies up to my own whims.&nbsp; If little writing projects and reading and photography take up most of my time, that&#8217;s totally fine with me.&nbsp; I need a lack of clutter in the To Do List and some freedom to focus on whatever it is that brings me down the unclear and unpredictable path I need to walk right now.<\/p>\n<div data-counters='1' data-style='square' data-size='regular' data-url='https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/2019\/02\/07\/swords-shame-monsters-and-too-many-analogies\/' data-title='Swords, Shame Monsters, and Too Many Analogies' class='linksalpha_container linksalpha_app_3'><a href='\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/share?network='facebook' class='linksalpha_icon_facebook'><\/a><a href='\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/share?network='twitter' class='linksalpha_icon_twitter'><\/a><a href='\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/share?network='googleplus' class='linksalpha_icon_googleplus'><\/a><a href='\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/share?network='mail' class='linksalpha_icon_mail'><\/a><\/div><div data-position='' data-url='https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/2019\/02\/07\/swords-shame-monsters-and-too-many-analogies\/' data-title='Swords, Shame Monsters, and Too Many Analogies' class='linksalpha_container linksalpha_app_7'><a href='\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/share?network='facebook' class='linksalpha_icon_facebook'><\/a><a href='\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/share?network='twitter' class='linksalpha_icon_twitter'><\/a><a href='\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/share?network='googleplus' class='linksalpha_icon_googleplus'><\/a><a href='\/\/www.linksalpha.com\/share?network='mail' class='linksalpha_icon_mail'><\/a><\/div><div class=\"fcbkbttn_buttons_block\" id=\"fcbkbttn_left\"><div class=\"fcbkbttn_like \"><fb:like href=\"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/2019\/02\/07\/swords-shame-monsters-and-too-many-analogies\/\" action=\"like\" colorscheme=\"light\" layout=\"standard\" show-faces='false' width=\"225px\" size=\"small\"><\/fb:like><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Guys.&nbsp; Guys&#8230; GUYS!&nbsp; Holy crap it&#8217;s been busy over here. And all I am is a girl, standing in front of a bicycle, wanting to go playyyyy&#8230; However, I like to make time to do at least a quick weekly check in, and I don&#8217;t want to break that habit, so here&#8217;s some stream of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[80,86,20,79,81,29,94,89,28],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paUhDu-2hU","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8798"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8798"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8798\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8806,"href":"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8798\/revisions\/8806"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8798"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8798"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adjustedreality.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8798"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}