After leaving 41-Daphne and considering your options, you head to Mars. You finally remember the old adage, “men are from Mars, women are from Venus”, and you figure you have a 50/50 shot.
As you land, you see how true and literal this adage is – as far as the eye can see, you see sports stadiums, strip clubs, beer can castles, hamburger joints all boasting the heart-attack-on-a-plate burger, and mani-pedi salons. The last one catches you by surprise, but hey, both sexes can certainly appreciate a fresh French manicure, right?
You step into the first hamburger joint and see Frank chowing down on a 2lb bacon cheeseburger. It’s piled high with onion rings, a fried egg, and more mayonnaise glooping down onto his fingers than Aunt Hilda used to put in her “healthy” broccoli cauliflower (bacon cheese mayo) casserole. You guess that stereotypes exist for a reason.
“Jinkies, Frank! It’s, like, good to see ya buddy!” Scraggy sits down at his table and pinches a fry from his plate. “Jeez, I’m starving, I haven’t eaten in a space minute!”
The dog also sits down and scarfs up half the burger, probably saving Frank from a coronary incident waiting to happen. Vlema gives the plate some side-eye, but sits down in the last available chair, leaving you standing in the corner. You don’t mind a bit.
Frank hangs his head and then speaks quietly. “Delphne was being such a space bitch, so I figured I’d come here, and do man things. At first it was fun, but you can only get so many mani-pedis and see perfectly groomed lawns for so long before it gets boring. I want to come back and solve mysteries with the gang!”
You clear your throat and speak for the first time. “So, where is Delphe?”
Frank looks up at you and says, “Hold the phone! Who is this?”
“Hey, man, we hired this ship to, like, come look for you. Scooly and I, like, can’t fly on an empty stomach.” Scraggy says this with fries protruding from his teeth.
Frank looks sullen. “Gosh, I miss her. She’s so beautiful. I’m sure she went somewhere beautiful.”
Somewhere beautiful. So specific. It’s a wonder these people have solved anything, ever. Maybe Delphne is the brains of the group…