adjustedreality.com

Today is a good day.  It’s Zliten’s first day at his new job, things around the office are pretty optimistic for a Monday, the weather is supposed to be under 100 all this week (and it looks like I can try running outside in the mornings again!!!), and I weigh 157.4 lbs.

Taking my cookies? Nooooo....

What?  Yeah, you read that right.  2.4 lbs over the “oh shit” weight again.  It was the best of weekends, it was the worst of weekends.  I didn’t do too bad calorie-wise overall, but I did put down over 50 of the swimmy suckers at Red Lobster’s all you can eat shrimp fest thing.  Mostly grilled, and I balanced it with a salad and steamed broccoli as my side (and only had ONE biscuit), and balanced it out with a super healthy and light dinner, but still.  1300+ calories in one meal is not good for anyone.  Then, I went to go see the movie District 9.  Anyone that’s seen it will realize how awesome that is - and I had no idea - those just ended up being my plans for the day knowing very little about the movie.

However, I’ll turn this into an opportunity to conquer mental madness about the scale.  I got back on the thing every morning last week.  Much better than gingerly putting one toe on twice a week, worrying about how it affects my mood.  This, in and of itself, is a big victory, my friends.  I haven’t been afraid of my skinny jeans either, and honestly, 5 lbs of fluctuation isn’t really making or breaking how hott I feel unless I let the mental shit get to me.

Another victory - after eating that big ass meal, I spent about an hour on the couch letting it settle.  After that, I started getting antsy, almost like I had a bunch of caffeine.  I just had to get my hiney up and do a nice long workout.  Not because I felt guilty, not because it was a scheduled day to do such a thing, but because I was full of ENERGY.  One super positive thing about going through half marathon training is that my body no longer shuts down after a huge meal.  It goes “WHEEEE, now we have a ton of fuel, let’s go let’s go, let’s gogogogogogo!”  I definitely wasn’t up for a 12 mile run or anything, but a super hard DDR 20 song course and a nice long strength set fit the bill.

So after much ado - here are the numbers.

Calories in: 1868 (1768 + 100 for “inflation”) per day.

Calories out: 483 per day.

Total deficit: 639 per day or 4473 this week.

Weight: 153.8 low weight (Wednesday), 157.4 high weight (Sunday).

So honestly - my body is just rebelling right now because it’s the end of my TOM and I typically gain weight over the course of those 5-ish days anyway, and I had a bunch of crappy food this weekend.  I should normalize pretty quickly this week.  I’d love to see a weight by the end of the week in the 152’s but I won’t hold my breath.  Unless somehow holding my breath will help me lose weight… then I’m game.

So the plan for this week?  I think I might just give the 4 workout week a try again.  Since I did weights yesterday, I can’t go back to my original plan, but here is what I’m gonna try:

Sesame Street is apparently getting edgier these days...

Today: 6 mile treadmill, yoga

Tuesday: all out 5k in the morning, 15 mins arc trainer and weights at gym after work

Thursday: 15 mins cybil and weights before work, 5k with timed mile in the middle (7:30 mile, perhaps?) after work

Saturday: 60 mins DDR, yoga, home weights (yeah, this is a little ridiculous but…)

Depending on my time and the temperature, the Tu/Th workouts might rearrange but it will all get in there…

The funny thing is that when I started these in December ‘08, I remember looking at the sheer amount of workout each day and freaking out.  Now, I’m looking at the sheer amount of days off and freaking out.  Three whole days off?  What on earth to do with them?  Can I resist the urge to squeeze in workouts on my days off?  What if I decide to go on a bike adventure or dancing or roller skating?  Is that ok?  Before, I pretty much worked out and planted my ass on the couch with exhaustion the rest of the time.  Now I’ve gotten used to the 6-7 day a week plan of moving a little/lot each day.  I really like it.  I think this is going to DEFINITELY be part of my regular maintenance plan once I’m done losing during my racing off season time.  However, my body seemed to previously respond better weight loss-wise to big long marathon sessions, so I’m to give it another try this week.

The other thing that makes me curious is I was eating a LOT less back then.  About 1500 average instead of my 1700+ average now.  I wonder if I should cut my calories a little.  I do also run and lift a bit harder now (+ calorie burn), but I’m also thinner (-calorie burn).  DO WANT a pocket trainer/nutritionist that will work for hugs and tell me what to do, plz.  Since I don’t have that, all I can do is give it a try and see what it does to my appetite.  It looks like it will be about the same calorie burn I’m doing now.  I think I’ll monitor how much EXTRA activity I’m getting outside of these 4 days as well as my appetite and let that be my guide.

Can’t think of much else to yak about, so I think I’ll just get down to it.  My goal is to be a very, very good girl until Saturday night, as that is my bachelorette party and I have a feeling that (rightfully so) caution will be thrown to the wind and partying my face off.  I’ve just been told a time and a place to be, and requested that we do some dancing.  Other than that, it’s all a surprise!  Scary fun.  Bachelorette party stories?  Wanna comment on my workout plan?  I love me some comments!

August 15, 2008, I put up a “Hello World” post.  A week later, when I was done fiddling with things, I put up my first real post.  Ever since, I’ve been yacking away at the internet multiple times a week.  The actual anniversary date slipped by me, but I love anniversaries of sorts, as it gives me time to do a little year in review and think about what I’ve accomplished in a year.

What this blog was supposed to be:

I had originally decided I was going to try to dedicate time to each of my varied interests - gaming, health, cooking, fashion, deep thought, etc.  However, it’s pretty clear which one of those took my focus this year.  Between being painfully close-but-so-far away from the end of project: deporkify, and training for multiple races and other efforts, this definitely became a health-centric blog.  I talk about (sometimes single mindedly) what is on my mind.  I find it hard to write passionate posts about things I’m just not as interested in right now.  All the posts were supposed to be well thought out, full of links and facts, and researched.  I was trying for 4 posts per week.  I also didn’t figure that anyone besides maybe Zliten would read it.

What this blog is:

Moody.  Goes through stages.  Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s seething with frustration, and sometimes it’s vacant when I get too busy to update.  Very much has “shiny syndrome” just like it’s owner does.  I’d say overall it’s about 70% health/fitness, 10% cooking, 5% fashion, 5% games industry, 5% posts about fun times and 5% other.  If I was less lazy about tags, I’d have a better idea.  Lately it feels like my little whiny/ranty place, which I hope to change soon as stress subsides and life becomes a little more simple.  Apparently it gets over 100 hits a day, which is just amazing to me.  Who are you mystery readers?  Why do you not leave comments?  I like comments.  The email that pings me saying I have a new comment?  Makes my day.  You want to make me happy, right?

Also, it evolved from requiring each post to be very well thought out/researched/etc to sometimes including brain dumps.  It’s just me.  If I was trying to be a pro-writer here, I’d refrain, but some of my favorite blogs simply talk about their day or the cool new recipe they tried or where they went for dinner, or what they wore.  I try to weed out the super non-productive stuff, but sometimes it is mentally where I’m at, so I feel it would be less-than-honest to go off the radar until I’m able to write contructively again.

The Health/Fitness Blogger Community:

Is awesome.  After I started realizing that my main focus was going to be health and fitness stuff, I started finding other blogs to see what they were up to.  Over the year, I’ve come to love The Great Fitness Experiment, MizFit, FeedMeI’mCranky, Pasta Queen, Prior Fat Girl, and many many more.  At first I was very timid with the commenting (I was never really the one to speak up in class voluntarily), but I kinda learned that - hey, I really love when people read and comment on my blog and when they do, I go check out their sites and sometimes if I likey enough, it gets a place on my yahoo reader.  Fancy that, if I go be active and comment on other people’s sites, they might check mine out.  I certainly am not a very popular blog, but that’s ok.   I don’t try very hard.  I haven’t made the jump to pimping my posts on facebook and twitter.  I’m not sure I want to because I feel like I might have to censor myself more.  I should get over that.  But - first and foremost it’s my soapbox to shout up and my creative outlet, so getting that out of it is the most important thing to me.

Me, A Year Ago:

Me, about a year ago.

The vital stats - I was weighing in around 170 (so about 15 lbs heavier than I am now).  I was running 4 miles max, in about 50 minutes.  I had just stepped up my workouts to crazy-town and was about to go through one of the most hellacious months ever with my parents shacking up with us for a few weeks, a huge gaming conference in town, 3 birthday celebrations, and much much more.  Fancy that, I was also simultaniously about to start to experience the post-100 lb loss beating of my head upon the wall which would continue on and off for the next year.   The only months I saw significant loss were December, January, and February.  Funny that, those were also the months I was doing 4 workout weeks.  Maybe there IS something there… hmmmm…

I was just ending a long and stressful phase of work and shipping a game, which entailed a lot of crunch food and overtime and weekends at work and squeezing in workouts when I could.  I was also less than enamored with my job at the time, and still not quite sure what to do with this new found athlete-y-ness I had uncovered in myself.

Where I would like to be in a year:

Blogwise - I have no idea.  I’m pretty happy that I’ve found this community of people who are just as crazy as I am (coming from me, it’s a compliment).  I’m still on the edges, peeking in, but enjoying

Me now. I'd like to be this + more awesome in a year...

myself.  I’d like to go back a little more to Subject posts (about one particular thing) instead of the randomness and “this is how my day went” or “I’m having this problem” or whatever, but we shall see.  Sometimes, you just have to write what you know.

Health/Fitness-wise - I have ideas.  Please, dear fluffy lord, let me be at a weight which I can both live healthfully at and accept myself maintaining for the rest of my life?  Whether it ends up being the 155 I am now or I get my arse in gear and down to 135 or whatever it ends up being where I go - “Ok, this is where we build the house.”  I want to have done another half marathon and be in training (or planning training) for a full marathon.  Failing that, a triathalon.  I want to look in the mirror and see all the hard work I’m putting in for all that it is.  I also want to finally be able to do *one damn pullup*.

Person-wise - I’m also not sure.  I need to do some deep soul searching.  I’ll be 31.  I’ll have 30-35 good years left job-wise.  For the last two years, I have been simply coasting.  I need to think about what my next move is.  Do I want to climb the ladder I’m on, or do I want to jump over to another one?  What do I want to dedicate my free time to doing?  From the post above, it sounds like a very training-filled year, but are there any creative and personal goals I want to accomplish?  Is it time to start the novel?  Is it time to quit my job, sell our house, and go live on a hippie commune?  I have no idea.  Right now, beyond athletic pursuits, I am just coasting and enjoying myself.  And that’s ok, but not ok forever.

Deep thoughts for a Friday I know.  Now, I want to know about you.  Where were you a year ago?  What’s changed?  What do you want to accomplish in the next year?  Do you enjoy reflecting on anniversaries or rather not think about it?

Just wanted to give a quick update, as now that I’ve spewed the vile stuff out, I feel purged of it.  I’ve been in a much better mood today.  It might also be that I’m finally wearing the skinny jeans that haven’t fit since vacation and the scale put my back into the 153’s, but whatevs.  I’ll take it any way I can get it.

4-day work (out) weeks.  I had much success doing them.  Those 4 days were hell on wheels and I spent literally 2 hours from changing into and out of my gym clothes, but I did see some decent progress.  Zliten was kind enough to remind me of that.  While I am enjoying the 30 mins here, 20 mins there I’ve been doing (and it certainly added up to just as much if not more than I was doing in my 4 day plan), maybe my body likes the marathon sessions and more rest days.   Something to ponder if I’m still not seeing results, though that goes out the window as soon as half training starts.

Stress.  I like to discount it, because while I love plans and schedules and lists, I also am usually pretty low on the stress-0-meter.  Whatever happens at work, usually stays at work.  My home life is awesome sauce.  But since the three pronged attack on my psyche came into focus, dust has been kicked up around here and I guess I am feeling a little more tense than normal.  I find occasionally I can’t go back to sleep and sit up thinking about shit.  Which is very, very not normal for me, especially since I started running.  Running = sleep like a baby all night.  So once Zliten is back to work and the wedding is done, things will calm down to about normal and I can relax.

Stability.  I was an idiot and starved my way through my half training, at least I think.   Zliten thinks I am also eating now more than I did then (except a heavy meal once or twice a week before long runs) and I am running 6 miles a week to my 25 then.  My body is probably trying to figure out what the heck is going on and is just getting readjusted to having enough food.

I am going to take my skinny jeans wearing, mood-swinging, stressball ass to the bridal shop for my dress fitting now.  Ciao, bellas.  More later.

I’m feeling a bit adrift this week.  The rants in my head aren’t going away so I’m gonna go ahead and post some negativity.  If you’ve noticed it’s been “posting lite” around here lately it’s a combination of the new job having a lot more to do, wedding stuff taking over after work life, and the fact that I’ll write something, get frustrated, label it as bullshit, and then not post.  I’ve rarely ever done that in the past year.  Usually if something comes out of my fingers it gets slapped up here.  Lately, I’ve just been a bit more self-censoring for some reason.

Weekly Recap:

So yet again, I’m posting increased calorie counts, but this week I’m also posting decreased activity.  Without further ado, here we go:

Calories in = 1921 (adjusted to 2021 with my +100 per day for my nibbling habit)

Calories out = 458 (average of what spark says I burned and what the other website says I burned)

Total calorie average per day = 1563

Average deficit per day = 461, or 3227 total.

This should translate to about a pound loss on the scale.  So why am I frightened to get on it?  Today I got on and it said 154.0, which is a marked improvement, but I really had to force myself to not just skip it again.

Scale Woes:

The scale has become a big issue for me lately.  I know daily (or at least multiple times a week) weighing is the key to keeping my weight under control.  However, right now I just *cannot* detach the emotions from the number I see there, and I see the danger in that.  If I don’t get on the scale because I’m afraid of a gain and that it will cause my mood to be foul again like it was a lot of last week, I’m prone to let my weight go without checks for longer, and that will lead to gains that will be harder to lose…

Yeah, I know it sounds crazy and neurotic, but case in point: I gained 5 lbs practically overnight the first week of this month.  I’m barely holding onto my “oh shit” weight even now after losing 3 (and after 3 weeks).  I have been eating and working out (beyond the 3-4 days I really let go on vacation) at a rate that I should be losing 1-2 lbs per week.  Math-wise, I should be well on my way to the 140’s.  But that 150 barrier is holding strong.  I didn’t see one weight under 155 last week.  The two times I was able to bring myself to get on the scale last week, I was 155.6 and 155.2.  I guess that’s consistent and all, but still not good.  And I can tell it’s not just scale weight.  Pants are fitting differently and I definitely have more of a pooch than I did before and I think my jawline/muscles look less defined.  No one else might be able to notice, but I CAN TELL AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS.

Mental Madness:

I’m finding it hard to care, but not in a good way.  I feel very teen antisocial behavior-like.  “Well, if I can kill myself for six months and not lose weight but I let go for 3 days and gain, why should I care?”  And the worst part - “If I can’t get myself to lose weight maybe I just don’t deserve to lose anymore.”  That’s the one that bothers me the most.  Of course I deserve to look as good as I want to.  I exercise like crazy.  I may not be a saintly eater all the time, but I’m definitely on the 80/20 plan.  I should look like the lifestyle I lead, but I don’t.   I think that’s what frustrates me.  I’ve become this awesome athlete person, but I just look like some random person off the street who needs to lose 20 lbs.  Of course the ability is more important to me, but the outside - that would really, really be nice too.

The good thing is that it hasn’t affected my workouts.  I really know that it’s a part of my life that even though the scale hasn’t moved much in 6 months, I’m still up and at em at least 5 times a week doing something.  And I have no desire to stop.  It’s just the eating part.  And most people say that’s where the majority of the weight loss is done.

It’s just killing me that what worked for so long just… isn’t anymore.  I lost over 100 lbs with a very careful attention to portion size/calorie count, getting my veggies/fruits, and making sure I stuck to a regimented workout program to burn the right amount of calories each week to offset what I ate.  It was something I could incorporate with my life long term.  Then it just stopped working.  The last 15 lbs has been a struggle and the last 5 has felt like banging my head against a brick wall repeatedly - not productive for me OR the wall.

I just can’t really get anyone IRL to support me on this, even though by doctor scales I’m still overweight for my height and 20 more lbs is a perfectly reasonable and sane weight for me.  Everyone thinks I’m an idiot and ridiculous for wanting to lose more weight.  I should just be happy to not be fat anymore, right?  Well, it’s not good enough.  I’m NOT happy at this weight.  I don’t look in the mirror thinking that if I saw this for the rest of my life it would just be peachy.  I’m ok being here temporarily, it’s not that I think I look like the thing with 3 chins again, but the point of project: deporkify was to finally lose all the weight I wanted and be somewhere I’d be happy for the rest of my life.  And I’m not there yet.

The Plan:

This is the problem.  I can wrap my head around “ok, I’m eating too much, need to eat less and move more”.  I can even accept if it was that I’m lacking in motivation and perhaps it’s something I shelve and pick up later.  The problem is I just need some direction because what worked before isn’t.  And eat more and move less just seems like craziness.  I feel like I’m flailing around trying to grab at something, anything that might work and then when it doesn’t right away I freak out and try something else.  Maybe the answer is to go back to 20×3 times a week light cardio and 15×3 times a week weights and 1200-1500 calories a day.  That, frankly, scares me more than any cabbage soup diet.  And maybe that fact should scare me too.  The point is-

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND IT’S REALLY MAKING ME WANT TO SCREAM.  ARGHHHH!

I think a sane plan is to cut out all this madness until after the wedding and reset upon my return.  However, I am (not-so) secretly TERRIFIED of the next month and then not fitting in my wedding dress.   I need to at least keep TRYING even if it means that I just maintain and/or lose the accumulated half/vacation 4 lbs.

So the plan going forward even if I don’t really know if it will do a goddamn thing-

1.  Get on the scale every day.  Ditch the google home page tracker that yells at me for fluctuations, as I DO NOT NEED THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW.  Realize that fluctuations aren’t the end of the world.  Practice seperating a number from an emotion again.

2.  Keep trying for 1700 cal/average per day, and as close to 1700 each day as I can.  Keep the workouts to about 400 cal/day avg.  Mathmatically, this should work, as it’s about a 700 calorie deficit per day (so a little less than 1.5 lbs per week).  Vacation probably just screwed things up and I need to give it more time.  Bleh.

3.  Lower my (unreasonable) expectations.  If I can lose 1 lb per week going forward, I can be in the 140s for my wedding.  I think that is a reasonable goal and something I can really be happy about.

4.  Realize that it is MY responsibility to eat healthily, not anyone else’s.  I’ve made baby steps here lately after a big lapse of judgement lately.   I need to remembered that no one really cares what I order, just that I freak out when people suggest places where it’s either tricky to get a healthy meal or too tempting to get something else.  I know that when it’s time to maintain, I can go back to an occasional indulgence and I know the meaning of occasional and am VERY comfortable eating that way, but for now, ordering the grilled shrimp instead of the fried is just fine.  Fried shrimp will still exist later.

5.  Try not to let any of this affect my mood.  I’ve been a little touchy lately (Zliten might call that the understatement of the year).  I know it’s counter productive because it all feeds itself into a vicious cycle.  I’ve done pretty well at kicking the habit of eating because I’m upset or wanting to console myself, but the temptation is still there sometimes.  I recognize that a workout is a WONDERFUL cure for a bad mood, but doesn’t mean that I don’t entertain thoughts of skipping it to go sulk on the couch when I’m having a bad day.  My life is awesome overall, need to stop sweating the petty shit.

Hopefully I can come up with something a little less whiny to post upon later this week, but considering this was the THIRD post I wrote in the last week in this vein, it was time to post.  Any advice, or words of encouragement, or commiseration, or even “suck it up, buttercup” comments are welcomed.  icanhascheezburger images today for a good mixture of grumpy and cute.

I am about this happy today!

I wrote up a big long post yesterday pissing and moaning, and I decided to self censor and change my headspace.  So that’s why posting has been light this week (besides being the busiest week ever).  Instead, I’m going to talk about how awesome the last 24 hours has been.

Awesome Weights Workout!

So I just didn’t feel like doing weights last night.  At all.  When I feel like that I usually just bring out my ball and my weights and do some random strength while watching TV/in between cooking dinner/etc, and usually get a full weight workout.  I decided to make it a “theme” night and do every exercise on the ball somehow.  I highly recommend it!  I got a great and different workout by doing silly things like lying abductors and scissor leg lifts on the ball and flinging my legs over my head almost to an assisted scorpion pose to work my back.  It amused Zliten and me and it was over before I knew it.

Awesome Frozy Yogurt!

I pinched dietgirl’s amazing frozen yogurt recipe and tweaked it by somewhere between doubling/tripling the recipe.  I used 0% greek yogurt, frozen tropical fruit, two tbsp powdered sugar, and 1 tbsp honey.  It was both desert and breakfast today.  I’d be disappointed in myself, but it’s totally (almost) healthy.  I’m pretty sure the fruit at the bottom stuff of my normal greek yogurt is just about on par with a little sugar and honey, and the rest of it is just stuff I’d normally eat for breakfast.  Considering trying the next batch with splenda and going to splurge on Fage or Oikos instead of Greek Gods because it has way less protein.

Awesome Run!

So I was still miffed about my close encounter with my best mile time ever, and even though it was technically my easy run day, I decided to give it another go.  I ran the first mile at 5.5 (about 11 min/mile).  I started the second mile at 7.5 instead of 7.0 and worked my way up 0.1 every fifteenth of a mile and it actually worked well until the end where I just went balls out the last 0.2 anyway.  I finished with a time of 7:35!  Best mile time ever!  Wahooo!  I wasn’t even completely spent and I ran my cooldown mile around 10 min/mile.

By the way - my second best time was in junior high school, I think I was about 13.  I ran only one mile, at 7:50, and was between puking and passing out at the end of it.  Next stop - under 7 minutes.  I know I can do it.  I’m not sure if I’m going to be running a 10 min/mile after it, but I think it’s possible.

Awesome in General!

I’m going to ignore that the scale said 155.2 this morning and that’s my low weight for the week so far.  I’m going to ignore that our wedding is 40 some days away and there is still so much to do.  I’m going to enjoy my happy day and the wonderful feeling of stress not bothering me one bit, thank you very much.

Rock on with your Fridays, and have a wonderful weekend.  What do you have to feel awesome about today?  I wanna hear about all the awesome!

Things are still about 85% cuh-ray-zee at work but wanted to check in and make sure y’all knew I wasn’t going off the grid here.  Hopefully I can resume a semi-normal posting schedule soon but hey, what IS a normal posting schedule up in here?  I was aiming for at least M/W/F.  Oh well.  I am here now, and should probably stop wasting precious words blathering about posting in my post.  Oooh, recursive.

Anyhoo, a recap of last week, and what’s shaking in Quix-life this week.

Last Week Wrap Up:

Hey there, dinner course, you look delicious. Hey, those are half taters and caliuflower, don't judge (too much).

Last week, I ate an average of 1825 calories tracked per day.  I’m going to go ahead and tack on an extra 100 per day with the nibble of this, sip of that habit I have and say 1925.   This was not on accident.  Iput things in my mouth such as an 800 calorie sandwich, 3 servings of potato/corn chips in ONE DAY (and with dip), a sugary alcoholic beverage or 2, and a 3 course filet and crab meal dripping with butter.  So much for after-vacation repentantance, huh?

However, I increased my activity.  Instead of my 417 per day I aimed to burn, I was all the way up at 742.  I did 6 full workout days with at least 30 mins moderate/intense cardio on 5 of them.  I did 3 full weights sessions.  It was a good workout week.

1925 - 742 = 1183 calories.  Oops.  Considering I should be ingesting just over 2000 calories to sit on my butt all day, that might be a little too much of a deficit.  1000 calories is the absolute line, but 800 calories per day is pretty close.  Before I added up the numbers, I was thinking “geez, why did I eat so much, I had a horrible week, I should have busted my butt in the gym more…etc”.  It’s becoming apparent that I must have mistreated my body during half training if I feel like I’m eating too much NOW when I’m training way less.  Next time I will track food but it will probably be a matter of making myself eat more healthy food than I feel like I should.

This week the goal is a little LESS food and a little LESS workouts.  I’d like to bring the ratio to 750 or less also (that is, in theory, 1.5 lbs lost in a week).

The zone ratio this week - epic fail.  Closest I got was 27/26/47 and the weirest ones were 6/19/63 or 12/50/38.  I don’t think it’s in the cards anytime soon for me to eat 40/30/30 effortlessly, but it’s not a horrible idea to work towards it, the way I naturally eat is very carb heavy because I love my fruits and veggies and starches and think meat should be used in between bread/tortillas/etc or on top of salads, stir fries, curries, etc.  I love beef jerky and turkey pepperoni as snacks, and it feels rather sinful to mow down almonds and pistachios, but I find that while I’m satisfied, I’m not satiated and want something carby with it as well.  It’s all about finding a balance.

Last week’s high weight was 157.6 and last week’s lowest weight was 154.6.  I’m going to start tracking both.

Non-Obsessive Fitness Related Stuff:

As for the other stuff in this here post, things have mostly resolved themselves.  Zliten got his offer letter today and starts on August 31st.  The salary, though not the ridiculous money he was making before, is better than expected so that’s a bonus!  It is a relief and came just in time.  It will suck a bit to have to wait about 1 month to get a second income coming in so the savings will take a small hit, but considering it’s temporary - I can’t complain.  And we can finally work to replensh it after that!

The work stuff - while there are still fires burning, things are settling down well.  Coming in at this stage of a project is actually nice because I’m more involved and can contribute to the direction, instead of just feeling like a secratary while the big boys get to play.  It’s nice.  It’s - as always- a work in progress I’ll have to keep vigilant about, but I think this is going to be a good learning experience here for me instead of a disaster, which my initial reaction was last week.

What Now?

This week, she is a busy one.  I’m plowing through insane amounts of documents at work (trying to archive 3 years worth of stuff).  I posted my second best mile time EVAR today at 8 minutes flat.  I could have done it in less time (I wasn’t completely wasted after), but I miscalculated (I start slower at the beginning and then work up - so while I should have started around 8:15ish I started at 8:30 pace).  Next time!   Today we are going out after work for the August Yelp Elite party (organic BBQ and organic Vodka and live music?  Yes plz!) and going to pop the champagne and celebrate Zliten’s jobiness.

Then - it’s all wedding all the time.  47 days until it.  Yikes!  We are working on registry stuff at Penney’s,

These shoes are the trifecta of awesome, just cross your fingers they work with the dress...

Target, and Amazon.  You’d be surprised how hard it is to do this - I decide, “Ok, I want some luggage.”  Then it takes me an hour to pick out the one piece I want and read reviews and such.  Zliten during this time has added 40 things.  So it’s been a long, slow process.

Sunday, I was fortunate enough to find shoes.  They were cute, comfortable, and on sale.  Now, I’m crossing my fingers that they match the dress and we’re solid.  I also grabbed some silk flowers from the craft store and am trying to wrap my head around how I want them in my hair.  I’m hoping to make them myself because they are so freaking expensive online.  Clip+silk flower != 50 bucks in my world.  I have a bracelet, I need a necklace and earrings, spanx, and am looking for a tropical-ish brooch possibly to go on the front of the dress.  I think I’ve nixed the veil idea although I wouldn’t mind something similar/in place of it.  Maybe a colored, super short veil?  Maybe I go with a flower crown and do ribbons?  Lots to think about, but it’s getting put together.  Next month we start talking with the site and getting all that dealt with - though they assured us they do tropical themed weddings all the time so it wouldn’t be a problem.  Hope that’s as easy breezy as they say it will be.

Beyond that, I’m just going to try to get through the week alive and enjoy the ride.  I miss your blogs, and hope to catch up on them soon.  Any wedding tips?  Doing something cool this week?

Earlier in the week, it totally would have been on notice...

Since I’ve gotten back, it’s been an emotional and mental rollercoaster over here.  The three pronged attack on my psyche has been:

A)  A MAJOR shakeup at work.  It started Tuesday morning and didn’t involve me, but happened all around me.  I have gone from pleased to pissed to disappointed to feeling lost to feeling like a part of the team and back again.  As the dust settles, I think things are going to work out alright.  I just really need to stay on top of myself and not retreat when I feel like I’m being ignored or I’m not needed.  I have been given permission to butt in on anything I need to, and once you give me permission - hoo boy, you better hope you meant it.

B) Going, as of Monday, to a truly one income household that doesn’t take enough in to pay the bills.  As of the time of penning this, Zliten is currently camping his email box waiting to hear back about a promising interview.  This is making life very tense this week.  Essentially, if this falls through, it’s take-whatever-he-can-get mode which is not optimal in any way.  It’s a really sad sign of the market when someone that has 4+ years in their position and 8 years in the game industry that has shipped more titles than everyone in his last interview COMBINED is a year unemployed and on pins and needles for a contract job paying probably about half what his last position paid.

C) The ridiculous reason - those 5 lbs.  I know I deserved it because of the way I ate through NOLA with reckless abandon, but it still weighed heavily on my mood.  I wrote up a ton of crazy emo thoughts and decided NOT to post them here.  I’m glad I didn’t because while it was not ultimately unproductive to think and go through the emotions (it rarely is), it’s not something I needed help with or to share.  It might help that I’m down 2 lbs today from my 157.6!!! but it’s also just accepting my fate.  I am NOT going to give into the temptation to do 2 hours of intense cardio per day and eat like a bird.  I am going to go back to my normal workout schedule and my normal intake of healthy foods.  It might take 2 weeks to get back to where I was instead of a few days like normal, but it’s probably better for me.

So, instead of the whining I was going to do, I am going to post the lessons I’ve learned this week:

-Even if it feels self-indulgent, speak up and state my opinion, intentions, and desires.  I am a big champion of communication flow, but I was waiting for members of my team to read my mind instead of speaking up about what was grinding my gears.

-Not everyone is looking for a way to screw me over, so I shouldn’t be paranoid, but sometimes it does happen, so I should stay aware.  I am this strange combination of naive and distrusting, and it does me a disservice sometimes.

-Be confident.  No real qualifier here.  I have this real bad tendency to retreat into my comfort zone when things get rough and no one is pushing me (very much unlike my workouts), I need to say screw it and go storm castles when I need to.

-Save when you can, even if it seems silly.  We would be in a world of hurt right now without a savings account.  Always save some for a rainy day, and just hope you don’t need it.

-The grass is always greener.  Right when Zliten got laid off, I was extremely a little jealous.  I was badly burnt out and thought I needed some extended time off.  After a year, I am, even on stressful days, reasonably glad to be employed rather than sitting at home.

-Go crazy on vacations, but not so crazy.  Going out of town does not empower you to eat fried foods at every meal and not gain weight (and not even scale related, I felt like CRAP this week, my body is working out all the ick).  Moderately crazy is better.

-The actual losing weight thing that is the root of the problem?  Still figuring it out.  It is going to be a fucking long hard road to get from 150-something to 1-2/3/4-something that makes me content.  I am going to get pissed and frustrated and lost and confused and want to cry about it but you know what?  That is what it is.  I am allowed to be upset and grumpy about things sometimes.  I do not have to accept it.  I can be dissatisfied with myself without losing my self worth.  I have to remember that last part though.  I may not be happy I gained weight, but I don’t lose the ability to call myself a fit and healthy person simply because the scale climbed over 155.

That is all, campers.  Have a lovely weekend and I’ll see you bright and shiny Monday with more words about another topic.  Funny how that works.  What did you learn this week?  Any tough times you want to vent about?  Come lay down on the couch and I’ll get out the notepad…

Here’s the continuation of my vacation stories!

Friday, later:

Oh, jester bar and your many, magical potions...

I had spent the last week reading up on things to do, places to go, places to avoid, what to eat and drink, etc. and I had made a list.   Hand grenades are pretty much something that one must have at least once.  The bar that sells them brings them in pre-mixed and they are a secret recipe.  If any other bars are caught selling something called a hand grenade, they get in trouble (plus whoever reports it gets a 250 dollar bounty).  I’m usually skeptical of fruity strong drinks but this one packed a g’ddam punch.  One drink and I went from sober to a bit tipsy - which with my Russian tolerance just doesn’t happen.  There was a dude playing guitar and singing, and he was really quite good!

Next, we made our way to the carousel bar in Hotel Montelione - which was pretty disorienting in a sweet way.  You sit at the bar and it rotates around slowly.  It took us about a revolution and a half to finish our 8 dollar vodka and cranberry drinks.  That drink price was disconcerting in a not-so-sweet way, so we moved on, after I got my fill of the snack mix they had out.  That was sweet and not disorienting!

Hurricane the size of my HEAD!

On the list after that was the jester bar, as Zliten had declared that we get our touristy, fruity drinks out of our system in one night.  The jester bar was the next stop to get our namesake jester drink (Zliten is pretty much obsessed with jesters so it was a natural thing).  We met a bartender dude there that had been up 30 hours straight and also was a sidekick owner.  We talked phones a bunch while we drank our drinks.  They were pretty much full of kiwi strawberry, love, and rocket fuel.  After a bunch of brain freeze and the sun going down, we headed out.

Next was Pat O’Brien’s where the original hurricane drink, uh, originated.  This drink was so the size of my head, even more than the drink was on the cruise.  Somehow, this was the most serious drink of the night even though the others definitely contained a ridiculous amount of jet fuel.  This place was super cool because there were fountains on FIRE!  Also adding to the supercoolness was the hundreds of individuals dressed in red lingerie who were in town for a running/drinking event of some sort.  I am totally going to have to look that up.  Apparently the “race” (though they said they hated calling it that) had a beer stop every mile and they had 6 hours to hit up as many of them as they could or something.  Sounds like a recipe for dehydration - but too fun.

Recursive Mirror is Recursive...

Next, Zliten decided on another hand grenade.  If I would have had a little sense in me I might have protested.  But I didn’t.  Went back to the Tropical Isle and the same dude was singing and guitaring with a keyboardist this time.  They were even better!  We snagged two more seats at the bar and found a recursive mirror!  It was quite a trip indeed.

After that one, I wasn’t doing so well.  I needed food (note that it was encroaching upon midnight and I had only eaten a late lunch).  We ended up hitting a Krystal because I was getting desperate (which is fast food… note that I have not eaten a fast food meal in about 3 years).  While Zliten was standing in line I started feeling really rough and started towards the bathroom to pray to the porcelian god, and three sorrority sisters cut in front of me and ran in.  I then decided it was time to go back to the hotel RIGHT THEN.  I power walked back and made it to the room and removed the offending elements from my

Evil, evil little man-drink...

body.  Food then came.  I enjoyed the hell out of it, full fat mayonaise, nasty fast food beef-like burger, and greasy salty frozen-from a package fries and all.

I was done.  I sat on the bed for quite a while.  Zliten decided he was going back out and I decided that even though I was done drinking, I was on vacation and I was going to hang out.   So I rose from the dead and we got him another jester (in a souvenier jester glass this time) and then some  blue death drink which ended HIS night.  Sleep was imminent.

Saturday:

Zliten, waiting for the trolley that never came...

We slept in pretty late.  Combined with about 8 hours sleep in the last 2 days and the curious events of the night before, it was about 10:30 before I got out of bed and close to 11:30 before I got Zliten up.  We decided it was the day to hit Emeril’s restaurant for lunch.  We walked the 3 miles down there, and enjoyed seeing a different part of the city we hadn’t yet traversed.  And… we got there and it was closed on the weekends until dinner.  Boo!  We were pretty hungry (and both were craving something including freaking VEGETABLES) and had wanted to hit the casino, so the buffet it was.

Pretty much the OPPOSITE of our plans for lunch - instead of gourmet, we were all about the big troughs.  It did give us a chance to eat the biggest salad ever and then sample some regional fare (though I’m sure it was crappy regional faire, I got to taste jambalya and seafood gumbo).  We ended up gambling for a while after - up, down, up, down…though we were only playing penny slots, so it was like wooo! up 3 dollars, noooo down 4 dollars.  Just fun to play.  I think we spent 10 bucks to be amused for 2 hours.  Then, it was back to the hotel.  I think it was to change shoes, but really… just to visit the comfy bed and tv for a bit.

One thing on my list was riding the trolley around to see the sights.  Being that it was nearing late afternoon on our last

Me, waiting for Godot. Or the trolley. Both had the same outcome.

day, we decided it was time.  On the way back to the hotel from lunch, it had passed by us.  No one on it, no one waiting.  Now, it was totally packed on the street waiting and after about 20 mins we gave up on it.  I wasn’t sure we would make it on the trolley the first time, and I didn’t want to spend our last day of vacation waiting in line.  So instead, we hoofed it.

We decided to head back down to the water and see if we could find somewhere to eat overlooking the river.  We happened into a mall and walked through soaking up the AC.  This thing was a freaking half a mile long.  At the end, we found a place called the History of Food and Drink Museum.  We were intrigued, it was only 5 bucks, so that’s how we spent our early evening.  It was really cool to see the history of the regional food (like po boys, red beans and rice, crawfish, etc), and though we rushed through the bar exhibit, it was neat to see the first bar bottles of booze, stuff on prohibition (they showed a book with the title “Four Swallows”, and it had 4 test tube size shots inside) and some of the historic bars around the area, one of which was at the hotel where we were staying.  We resolved to have at least ONE drink there that night.

After they shooed us out because they were closing, we were ready to eat

I give this museum 2 thumbs up!

inanimate objects, so we headed to a place we saw just outside the mall called the Crazy Lobster.  It was on the water, had some fun live music playing, and sounded yummy.  I know not what possessed me, but this was the place I got the crazy meal I talked about during the intro, sharing an appetizer of fried pickles (seriously, try this once in your life… it sounds gross but it’s AWESOME),  and an entree of a crab cake po boy (which was HUGE, I could only eat half the sandwich, I ate the crab cake out of the other half and left the bread) and cajun fries (which I didn’t finish but could have finished a lot LESS).  Our stomachs settled as we walked back and we hit the pool one more time, marvelling at the pretty lights and wishing we could take it home with us.

Then we got all swankified and headed down to the hotel bar.  Unfortunately, it was WAY too crowded, so we walked up and down looking for some of the dive bars on my list.  They were all either crowded or further than we wanted to go.  The

At the Alibi.

last one we hit, called the Alibi, was perfect.  Not too crowded, really close to the hotel, cheap drinks, and Mad TV playing!  We hung out there for a while and talked to some of the red lingerie-clad runners, one who said he had been up and drinking since yesterday afternoon.  He was looking pretty ragged.

After a bit, we headed back to the hotel, and success!  We got seats.  The rest of the night was summed up with my facebook status update from my phone:

Went back to the hotel bar and got a sauzerac which was <3 and is now enjoying the dive bar across the street. Do not want to go home tomorrow. Considering draining my savings taking up residence in the roosevelt hotel and drinking in nola. Will surely reconsider tomorrow.

So yeah.  Also, there were cheese fries.  We got to bed somewhere around 2-3ish and planned to be up bright and shiny to leave at 9am.

Sunday:

We bolted out of bed just after 10am.  Oops.  One more shower in the awesome bathroom, packed up our stuff, and

Just before the horizontal rain...

waved bye bye to the pretty pretty room.  We checked out, got the car from valet, and then went in search of a gas station.  Half of them were still closed.  Just outside the French Quarter, things looked way different.  Buildings collapsing, windows boarded up… very sad.  We drove back through all the cool bridges and shared a turkey sandwich for lunch got stuck in a very SCARY rainstorm.  Seriously, it was almost horizontal rain and we could barely see the car in front of us.  I was so very happy I wasn’t driving.

After getting back under sunny skies, we decided to take a different route home and skipped Houston in favor of a more direct route through little towns and smaller roads.  We had a BBQ pit stop for dinner and saw it fit to have more turkey.  Was delicious!  Had to convince Zliten to stop instead of driving straight through, but it was for the good of everyone involved as we were getting cranky.

We got through months of podcasts on the way there and back.  Zliten drove the whole time so I let him pick what he wanted to listen to.  The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful (we attempted to stop at the Blue Bell factory about an

Hey there, bbq (to be)...

hour outside town and it was sadly closed), except we ran out of gas RIGHT as we were pulling into the gas station 7 miles from home.  Yay for hybrids, as all it did was go into straight electric mode.  If you’re curious, we made it there and (essentially) back on a 10 gallon tank of gas each way, and it was about 525 miles.  Do I love my Prius?  Yes I do!

We got home, hugged the couch, watched a movie, and then hit the bed.  Great vacation,  would definitely do it again.  I’d probably consider flying instead of driving and maybe giving myself one more day either ON vacation or after I got home.

Damage done: gained about 5 lbs (as of this morning).  I’m going to guess about 1.5 is actual calorie overage, and the rest is bloat due to weird eating.  I got all huffy about it today but I will give myself another week before I panic.  Miles walked - 15 (Zliten kept track).  Different bars hit - 12.  Number of different fried food items I ate - 12.  Number of awesome vacations had: 1.

Ever notice how your head just changes on vacation?  At home, I have sense.  I know that I need my veggies and fried food is like a once a week thing max and exercise happens when it should and a little whiskey or a little wine is also a once-ish a week thing and certainly not to be mixed in big fruity cocktails.  Once I leave town, my head changes.  All of a sudden it’s ok that my dinner consisted of fried pickles, cajun fries, and a crab cake po boy one night.  Maybe that daquiri or 4 in the big souvenier cups isn’t absolutely unthinkable.  It’s that sort of fuzzy logic that makes me glad I usually take short vacations and that my instinct is to IMMEDIATELY snap back to my healthy lifestyle as soon as I’m home.

So, yeah.  WARNING!  FOOD PORN AND TALES OF IRRESPONSIBLE DRUNKEN DEBAUCHERY TO FOLLOW!

Did I lose anyone?  Yeap, didn’t think so.

Day 1: Thursday

The plan was to head out at 5am.  The alarm went off at 4:30 to which we both groaned and flopped back over (I couldn’t fall asleep until after midnight and Zliten was even later, even though we both really tried to tire ourselves out that day).  Finally we got up around 5:10 and headed out around 6 am.  20 minutes out of town, we realized we forgot to leave the door in such a way that our lizard feeder-person could get in the door so we headed back.  Finally, about 2 hours late, we were back on the road.  That’s about par for the course for us.

We first drove to Houston and hit some post-rush hour traffic.  It wasn’t *too* bad, but I’m happy we avoided it on the way back.  Oddly enough, Zliten elected to drive the whole way.  I guess he just really likes driving my car or hates when I drive.  One of the two.  We had a Jason’s Deli stop for some healthy lunch (as we figured it was the last healthy food we’d get).  Once we got to Louisianna things got super green (poor Texas and our exceptional drought) and there were lots of little casinos and adult shops.  Coming from TX to LA was just about like  leaving California and going to Nevada.  Any of you in games, my first instinct on that sentance was to say “zoning” into Nevada.  Oh yeah - and just about every restaurant claimed to be the “original” cajun restaurant.  Perplexing!

We drove over a bunch of bridges that seemed to go on forever.  Hey, if anyone was wondering, Louisianna is pretty wet!  Who knew?  Then, we finally got into town and found our Hotel.  The city seemed sort of familiar in a way (and I’ve never been there) like some of the little parts of San Francisco.  I had been warned by a lot of people that it was a dirty place and that things might be all shut down still being rebuilt from Katrina - at least in the super touristy areas, not so.  But venturing outside of the French Quarter or casino/warehouse district - it was kinda rough looking.  Only half the shops were open and there were a lot of buildings literally falling over.  But, upon the advice of one of our first bartnders, we stayed in the touristy areas lest we’d expect to be mugged.

The hotel.  Oh the hotel.  I’m not entirely sure I ever want to book a room this nice again, as sometimes it was hard to leave it.  The bed was probably more pillowtoppy and cushy than ours at home.  We had a super hi-def flat screen tv and even a bathroom TV and phone.  The shower had 4 nozzles that sprayed different ways.  There were super cushy robes available for use.  The decor was awesome.  Oh, and somehow we even got to stay on the top floor with an AMAZING view.

But leave it we did.  We headed to a place called Bourbon Rocks, which incidentally had a CRAPPY bourbon selection, but also had a fun band playing.  We hung out there for a while and watched a group of people from St. Louis get super drunk on 2 for 1 beers.  After soaking in a little sun, music, and booze, we were in need of food.  However, we decided to head down to see the river.  Literally saw the river, said hi, took a picture, and then headed back.  We hit up another little corner bar and got more drinks, spicy fried cheese sticks, and found some slot machines.  I didn’t have much luck on this trip, but Zliten kept turning a dollar into a few and once paid for dinner with it.  Nice place, great happy hour, but there was much more to see/eat/drink, so we moved on.

Next, we walked down a street that apparently was the art gallery street, and we mosied in and out oohing and aahing.  We inquired in one of the galleries about the price of something and the dude spent the next HOUR trying to sell us something and wouldn’t let us leave.  Apparently they didn’t know they were not exactly speaking with people with extra money, but it was kinda fun to try to be coerced.  Also, we definitely got a nice sobering break from the bars.  After finally getting out  of there, we made it to the R bar, which our good friend’s brother was bartending.  Things got a little hazy there, but Zliten annoyed the DJ and we were well taken care of, and invited back for a 6pm shrimp boil (which we sadly did NOT make it to).

We walked back to the hotel from the farfarfar side of the French Quarter, and stopped at the little divey bar across the street from the hotel.  The bartender there was pretty kick ass and the cocktails were strong and stylishly poured.  I devoured a shrimp po boy (fried shrimp on french bread with lettuce, tomato, and mayo) and some fries.  They were totally diet fries.  We did a Jaegermeister shot with the bartneder and that pretty much ended the night out - we were done (stick a fork in us).

Day 2 : Friday

Somehow, after all that silliness, I was up and out of bed at around 9:30 am (I think we called it a night around - 4? 5? ).  I do believe it was the sheer amount of caffeine I had the night before.  We got up and hiked down to Cafe Beignet and I got the reasonable, healthy breakfast of a large coffee with half and half, an order of beignets (fried donuts with powdered sugar), and a muffaletta (ham, salami, and cheese sandwich with olive spread).  We enjoyed the morning reading the paper and enjoying the not-100-degrees NOLA weather outside.

Then, it was totally pool time.  We swam for about an hour, which felt like 10 minutes.  The pool was a perfect warm-but-not-bathwater temp, and was even somehow cushy on  all the sides and the bottom.  So considerate of them!  The hot tub was out of order and the pool bar never seemed to be open, but the hotel WAS in the middle of a remodel and we couldn’t complain.  The outdoor pool area was on the 4th floor, and had an awesome view of the buildings around there.  There was a church with gorgeous stained glass windows and we could see where somethingawful.com was hosted (because they were reporting live from there during Katrina).  It was fun playing peek-a-boo with all the people looking out from their rooms.  I still had some super twitchy energy to burn after that so we headed to the gym.  Super fuzzy picture, but notice each cardio machine has it’s own tv (with cable)?  Um, swanky…

After the gym, we got dressed and headed out for a late lunch/early dinner.  We walked down bourbon street again and found a nice little homey restaurant that was reasonably priced and looked like it used to be an old house inside.  Zliten had the BEST red beans and rice there, and I noshed on a delicious stuffed crab claw and some heavenly mac and cheese.   Totally healthy, I know.

Then…we decided it was time for a hand grenade.  I think I’ll end it here for now.  Tune in next time for part 2!  If you just want to check out the pictures, you can do so here!

This week is a short week for me, as we decided a while ago that a mini-vacation was needed.  We were going to wait until we heard about Zliten’s employment prospects, but a rumor of a vacation black out period at work made me decide to just go sooner than later.  We had considered cruises, mexico, and other destinations, as well as just staying in town at a nice hotel or even just at home.  We compromised and decided to hit New Orleans.  It’s an 8 hour drive, it’s somewhere we’ve always wanted to check out, and we got a KILLER deal on a fancy hotel (warning - the site has sound).  Apparently we heard from a native it is probably one of the nicest there, period.

It has been brought to my attention again that I am just so NOT spontaneous.  We spent three days of comparing reviews and pro- and con- weighing before we booked the damn hotel.  I have begun to make a list of restaurants and bars we need to hit and what has specials and when.  I want to try a shrimp po boy, a muffaletta, a hand grenade, an original hurricane, eat at Emeril’s restaurant, beignets, and more.  Mostly, Zliten and I just want to have a nice, relaxing vacation where it’s just us, and we have a few days just to lounge by the pool, explore a new town, party it up a bit, and don’t have anyone we have to meet or anything we have to do at any time.  If we decide to go out at 2am and sleep until 5pm, we can do it.

My vacation strategy is: eat small and often.  If I want to try something, get the smallest size they have and/or split it.  I can always pop in somewhere if I get hungry later and try something else that’s on the list.  I plan to bring my workout/running gear because the hotel has a killer looking gym but also am ok with life if all the exercise is swimming and walking.  I know that I’ll be back to it Monday as normal no matter what!

Now… to get through the last few hours of work today, get one more run in (did you see all that fried goodness and sugary drinks?  I must pro-actively repent, tee hee), get packed, and get my ass up for a 5am departure!  Have a great weekend, and I’ll see you crazy cats on Monday!