Adjusted Reality

“Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.” – Mark Twain

Month: February 2010 Page 3 of 4

The Hungries

I’ve always thought this little guy was kinda cute:

For those of you who haven’t seen this adorably annoying little guy before, he’s the latest weight watchers (anti?) mascot.  This is the little guy that follows you around, terrorizing you at every corner.  Apparently, WW is supposed to help you avoid the hungries, which I cannot attest to, as I never have followed the plan, but maybe I should start.

Holy fuck, I am a human garbage disposal lately.  The first month of half marathon training, I didn’t notice much of a difference.  It’s not like I was training all that much harder than normal.  Two short fast runs, and the difference was one longer run – but really?  No biggie.  The second month, I was a little hungrier, but mostly I just craved PROTEIN.  In my belly. Now now now.  I would actually snub my nose at carbs for more protein and fats.  This is NOT NORMAL for me – I like my meat as a condiment.  I was starting my day with a 30g protein bar, having a sandwich with 1/4 lb of meat on it, a handful of pistachios for a snack, and then having at least another 1/4 to 1/2 lb of meat with dinner.  I also developed the habit of sitting at my desk and mowing down veggies with reckless abandon.

This last month it has been out of control.  I am easily outeating Zliten most meals lately and getting to rival our friend P.  The one who we use his name as a verb meaning to assault the refrigerator.  I have to be extremely careful to keep myself on almost exclusively healthy food.  Month two, it was what I was craving.  It was the holidays so I had some, sure, but I wasn’t standing in front of the fridge shoveling shit into my mouth.  Now, if you put something in front of my face, chances are I will a) be hungry and b) eat it.  This has been dangerous – as we have houseguests/temp roomates who don’t cook quite as healthy as I do (which is fine, as 99.9% of the world doesn’t either) and have danger danger foods around like cupcakes and cinnamon toast crunch and potato chips.

That being said, I haven’t been under my “oh shit” weight of 155 for at least 2 months.  I’m closer to 156-158.  Or maybe worse.  I’m actually a little afraid to get on the scale this week.  I have lumps and bumps in places I probably shouldn’t.  But you know what?  I’m feeling strong when I run.  I don’t need to inhale sugar twice during a 12 mile run to make it.  I recover a lot quicker after longer, faster mileage.  My body doesn’t feel like it’s falling apart this week like I did last time – I feel strong.  I’m sure I can attribute some of this to the different training, but I am pretty sure it’s also the way I’ve been eating.  I kinda don’t want to get on the scale right now not just because I want to be in denial (ok, maybe just a little), but because I don’t want to be compelled to restrict calories.

For example – today’s eats.

Breakfast – 270 calorie protein bar

Lunch – 1.5 cups of leftover homemade chili, a gigantic salad with full fat jalapeno ranch dressing

Snacks – handful of pistachios, about 2 cups of raw veggies, a peach

Workout

More snacks – pretzels, melba toast and spreadable cheese, more veggies, rice cake (go to cupboard, shove food in face)

Dinner – 1/3 lb of pork roast, 1.5 cup of cauli-taters (half cauliflower, half mashed potatoes), 2 cups of asparagus, and 1 cup of broccoli

Dessert – 3 hershey kisses

It’s kind of disgusting.  I’m actually trying to be good or I’d continue to eat because I am not very full.  But I know I have a nice big amount of food for tomorrow at work (protien bar, greek yogurt, blackberries, a plum, a gigantic turkey sandwich on sprouted grain bread, more veggies, and a backup soup in case I chew through all that and want more).  I’m sure my boss who I share my office with thinks I am a) a rabbit b) a piggie c) slightly insane, but whatevs.

So, for now, I’ll continue to consume 2 lb bags of baby carrots at my desk in 3 servings, outeating all the boys, and running strong.  I’ll give myself this week, and next week for recovery.  Then, it’s on like donkey kong to try to get down to my maintenance weight.  But no hurry, I have the rest of my life, right?

Second Half Marathon Training: Week 12

Well, this is it.  My race is in less than a week.  I’ve made it through all those crucial runs – the 5 – 1 mile sprints, the 8 mile tempo, the 12 mile long run, and everything in between.  I just have a few easy runs left and then it’s go time.  I am staring down that 2 hour half marathon and sizing it up.  It looks like a fierce competitor, but I also have all these things I’ve learned in the last three months.

I’ve learned that I can push through a lot of discomfort – usually what stops me is the voice in my head, not necessarily my physical capacity.  But I’ve run into both.  And I’ve learned the difference.

I’ve learned I can hold the pace I need to do it for 8 miles.  What’s another 5, right?

I’ve learned about how fast I can start out and not want to die at the end.  Running a couple good, speedy miles at the beginning actually boosts my confidence and helps me not feel behind.

I’ve learned that I run faster in the cold even though I hate getting out there.  Which is a good thing – since I’ll be running at 7am, it’s certainly not going to be very warm.

I’ve learned that I don’t have to sacrifice speed for distance, as long as I train smart.  Distance speedwork is AWESOME.

I’ve learned that not running two days in a row means much better quality runs and way less burnout.  I cannot foresee running more than 3 days a week ever again.  I guess technically I will this week but it barely counts.

I’ve learned that not worrying about a few extra pounds close to race day actually makes me a better runner.

I’ve learned that feeling like a human garbage disposal about a month out will happen every long distance race, and I just need to make sure to feed my body mostly good stuff.  And sugar is not the enemy, but it needs to be moderated.

I’ve learned that training my head is as important as training my body.

I’ve learned a lot.  And now it’s time to put it to the test.  So I am going to go for it at the race, and take all these things I’ve learned and bust ass.  Under 2 hours, here I come.  More importantly, cute little running skirt, here I come!  (priorities, right?)

Last week by the numbers:

Monday – 4×800 @ 4:02 per sprint, 400m recovery in between, 1 mile warmup and cooldown – done.  Easy peasy.

Tuesday – ditched serious business cross training to go to Adult Skate Night for an hour.  Totally decent workout.

Wednesday – 3 mile tempo @ 8:55 – done.  Also did abs and some legs after since 26 minutes doesn’t feel like enough punishment at the gym at all.  Woke up the next morning at 6:45 am because my abs hurt.  Must get back into lifting and pressing heavy things.

Thursday – 30 mins on the arc trainer, arms, and other leg muscles.

Friday – off

Saturday – 8 mile long run @ 9:40 pace (kinda demolished that at 9:27 pace).

Sunday – off

This week coming up it’s all about:

-No smokes or drinks until after the race.  I am in goody two shoes mode.

-Lotsa yoga to stay limber.  Every day if I can.

-No weights this week.

-Hydration and good nutrition, and no restriction on calories.  If I’m hungry, I must eat.

Training:

Monday: 4×400 sprints @ 1:58 per 400, 400 rest in between, 1 mile warm up and cool down

Tuesday: 30 mins cross training

Wednesday: 2 mile tempo @ 8:55 per mile.

Thursday: rest

Friday: 2.5 mile easy run in the neighborhood.  At 7am.  No matter the weather or temp.  I have never run this early before and I don’t want the first time to be on race day.

Saturday: rest

Sunday: 13.1!  Race day, BABY!

Last time I was really freaked out about the taper, but my legs felt SO FRESH and SO GOOD out there on Saturday’s run, that only putting in a few short miles this week seems like the right thing to do.  So good thing that’s the plan!

So, anyone out there with some karma to spare, send good running vibes my way., please!  Any last minute tips from you veteran runners out there?  Anyone want to lend me their morning-person-ness for a day so I can be bright eyed and bushy tailed for the race (seriously, 7am = the middle of the night for me)?  Anyone running this race here in Austin this weekend?

Opportunity Is Knocking…

So I started this blog about a year and a half ago (no I’m not mentioning this because I’m celebrating some sort of weird 1.5 blogoversary).  It was not really borne out of a place of love, but a place of frustration and desperation.  I felt so creatively stifled and so…small, I needed a soapbox to stand upon and shout to the world.  I felt like I needed somewhere to feel important.  I also needed to figure out just what the heck I was going to do with myself when I was done with project: deporkify.

Things have changed a lot in the last 1.5 years – I’ve moved from weight loss into maintenance mode (at least for 2010).  I’ve gone from exercise to fuel weight loss to exercise as training for upcoming races and sporting events.  I’ve gone from food being measured purely by calories to being more importantly being measured by nutrients and satiety because I have an appetite like a monster now.   I’ve also went from feeling like I was standing atop a mountain alone shouting at the internet to having a pretty awesome conversation with some new friends, which is much nicer.

The one thing that hadn’t really changed was work – I was doing the same level and same type of work, and I had been for a while.  I have about a 2- year span where I am good with taking on and improving one skillset, and then I get bored.  What’s next – that’s what I always say.  I had some cool opportunities to work with actors and video game voice over stuff (hey, I’m even in there myself), but there was also a lot of crap, frustration, and really bad juju in there too.

However, that is beginning to evolve as well.  The unnamed thing I was working on for the last 4 months has now been submitted for approval – all I can do is wait.  When the press release goes out, you better believe I’ll be letting you know.  Now, I move on to bigger and better things.  Essentially, I am in sort of a trial period right now, but as long as I don’t go and be a moron, I’m finally looking at movin’ on up.  And unlike at other times in the last 1.5 years when I’ve hemmed and hawed about it, I WANT THIS.

Why the long diatribe about change?  Well, something’s gotta give.  I’m going to be busy unlike before.  I’m not going to have as much free time, and while I love this blog, I just don’t foresee being able to continue to do unqiue and well thought out 1000-2000 word posts 5 times a week (which is absolutely what I’m doing right now, mmmmhmmm) and keep up on everyone else’s blogs. Yesterday, I just didn’t have a moment all day to put e-pen to e-paper and say a damn thing, and I’m carving out a few minutes to ramble here while I really should do something else.  And this probably won’t be the last time.

But I’m not disappearing.  So here’s what to most likely expect going forward:

-I’ll always do my Week In Review type posts Monday.  These are valuable for me, even if they might be kinda boring to y’all.  Sorry.

-I’m going to try to continue to do at least 2 topical, well thought out posts per week.

-One day per week, I’m going to do a Back to Reality post which is a favorite from my archives.  I’ve been at this for a while, and have a lot of newer folks reading.  I’d love to think that every one of you have read me from August 2008, but I know I haven’t done that.  Except I HAVE read every single post on The Great Fitness Experiment and recommend you do as well.  Riveting! 🙂

-The last day?  Well, I’d like to make it audience participation day.  Have a question you’d like me to give my unfair and biased opinion on?  Put it in the comments here(or every Friday) and I will totally answer it.  If no one wants to play along – I’ll ask YOU questions.  If I’m just not into either, it will be a 5 random things day.

This, as always, is subject to change at ANY time.  At my whim.  Because this is MY soapbox to use and abuse, y’know?

So, I guess my question of the day is – what would you like to see more of here?  More running talk?  More dietary stuff?  Peeks into the game industry?  Crazy rants?  Does it bother you that I often use random pictures for no reason but that they are hilarious?  Also, have a specific question for me?  Ask anything.  Stupid questions will likely get stupid answers, but hey – I like being stupid sometimes.  Have a great weekend, internets!

Losing Weight Will Not Make Your Life Perfect

I’ve been holding onto this post for quite a while.  First of all, read this.  Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

Jack Sh*t’s post here was great in it’s own right, but his one sentence stuck with me-

“Dropping the weight won’t necessarily make your life picture-perfect, but I’m willing to wager you a Ben Franklin that it’ll make your life better.”

This is very true on the surface.  I mean, I don’t have to wonder if the seat belt will fit riding in someone’s car or on a plane.  I don’t have to do the space check in booths to make sure I’ll fit.  Walking around is not painful (ok, sometimes RIGHT after really long or hard runs but that’s different).  I can do the walk and talk  hallway conversation thing at work and not get winded.  These are things that I sort of take for granted and used to be valid concerns of mine.  Like not having a face full of dirt for this guy.

However, losing weight will not make your life perfect.  Far from it.  I should have learned this the first time I placed all my anticipation eggs in one proverbial outcome basket, but it’s taken me many times to learn my lesson.

I’m sure I’ve been doing it all my life – but the first one I can really remember really well is beginning my relationship with Zliten.  I’ll save you the details (aka – I mean I’m saving HIM the airing of all our personal things), but this is how it happens… I figure out something I WANT.  Not just eh, I’d like to have this but WANT.  With ALL CAPS.  72pt font in blinking letters (and yes, I’ll spare you that too).  And when it occurred to me that he was the object of my want, the poor boy didn’t have a chance.   It’s that kind of patient, driven, focused WANT that even if it takes years and exploring the situation from a thousand angles and slow progress, I’m ok.  I’m not sure whether it was fate or the process of attrition that landed us together, but it certainly worked out well.

This is a stellar example of outcome one in these situations  – I get what I want.  The other option, which is not as awesome, is I get burnt out, bored, or distracted by another shiny.  Like when I decided that my mission in life was to get an expansion pack for the little-game-that-could I was working on.  I tried everything from working 100 hour weeks to threatening to camp out in the parking lot until they greenlit it to coming up with very creative and resource-lite plans… but unfortunately, it simply ended with failure, and I closed the door, took my ball (if by ball you mean the scraps that were left of my sanity), and went home.

I’ve since made peace that it was not my failure.  I’ve gone over the years many many times in my mind.  I gave 110% and they gave -20%, and that’s the only way the math didn’t add up.  I don’t fault the company, as it was their decision to make.  I definitely don’t fault the process as it was a great experience.  But it took me a while to be able to detach myself from it enough to see that, and not “just one example in Quix’s history of pursuits that didn’t quite make it”.  And then, the drinking heavily commences.  Awww, pumpkin, you need to know when to say when.

Then, my attention turned to my mid-section.  By the time I had one foot out the door, I had made up my mind that THIS was what was going to bring me happiness.  I was sick of people appreciating me for my creativity, my work ethic, and my brain – I wanted them to appreciate me for my body.  Not in the sexual way, of course, (besides Zliten) but just that horrible, stereotypical difference in between the way someone acts when some schlub enters the room, and an attractive, slim person walks in the room.

I was convinced that losing weight would give me that confidence to walk in and dominate a room.  That it would give me the ability to continue to soar up through the corporate ladder.  I would be able to walk into the boardroom, stand up, talk, be heard, and do it while wearing a fucking hot looking skirt suit, pointy heels, my nerd glasses on and my hair pulled high back into a tight bun with bright red lipstick.  No one would dispute me!  Everyone would bow before my hotness and confidence and I would RULE THE WORLD.

Yeah, honestly, I had visions of that.  Fast forward 3 years, and I have the hot little number pictured – I’ve actually worn it to work just randomly and had many compliments.  The thing that I’ve learned is getting the ONE THING you most want is simply not enough to make your life WONDERFUL FOREVER.  The way to establish confidence is to practice at it.  Going from fluffy to fit can honestly work against you.  Yeah, up here boys, those aren’t my eyes.  No, I’m not the cute little woman you think I am.  And so help me dear and fluffy lord, if you ask me to get you coffee, I will stick that heel so far up your…

Ok, getting carried away here.  But the moral of this story is… getting what you want is great.  My life would be very different without either Zliten or getting the job opportunities I did, and certainly if I was still carrying around another person on my frame.  Each decision, each fork in the road, each desire you fulfill or don’t fulfill absolutely makes a difference in what’s in store for you.  But each one of them is not the end all be all to reach happiness.  Your happiness is the accumulation of all these points (with the most recent ones weighted more heavily) applied to some sort of personal perception/mood/attitude filter.  I bet there is a way to apply a formula and calculate that.  That would be awesome.  And I am a nerd.

That being said – any ONE thing is probably not going to give you everlasting happiness.  When ALL I WANTED was a work promotion, and then I got it, I was amazingly happy for a while, then it settled to quality of life being better, but I was USED TO IT.  And then I wanted MORE.  I certainly remember being happy about no longer being a peon at work, and that’s great, but I’m not ecstatic about it because it is reality for me.  I was enthused about losing the weight while I was doing it, but now, I am THANKFUL I’m no longer 265 lbs, but I’m not overjoyed on a daily basis because – well, it’s life.  I can no longer really feel what it felt like to be so heavy as I can no longer really feel how it felt to feel so powerless at work.  At least I never knew how running from the police pantsless feels.  That I remember, at least.

I do believe I’m a *little* less “wide-eyed-innocent” for wear , but to know me on a typical day is to know someone who laughs at herself when she is a grump and dances and makes funny faces at people on a regular basis and typically a happy person.  I’ve alluded to some cool stuff going on at work, and even though it’s about time #10 that someone’s said something to this effect in my career, I have not lost the optimistic view.  I just add cautious to it.  And I realize that attaining it – just like getting to my original goal weight – will not make me happy and fulfilled forever.

So those of you just starting out – please don’t let it bring you down.  I am constantly reminded on a daily basis how lucky I am to have lost an entire person.  I wake up in the morning *fairly* easily around 8:30, feeling rested and well.  I no longer need caffeine or excessive amounts of sugar to get through my day.  I come into work ready to rock.  Running around the office all day is no issue, I’m not worse for wear at the end of a workday.  Working out is just a part of life.  Most days, I snub my nose and think – “junk food” at things I would previously have considered healthy.  It comes pretty natural to maintain my weight and be a fit and active person, something I *never* thought would happen 3 years ago.

It just has not been the ONE magical thing that made my life complete.  That, dear internets, is MONEY.  Lots of it.  Everything will be PERFECT when I no longer have to worry about money.  My life will rock!

…told ya, I never learn.

Living in a material world…

This week is shaping up to be just about as nutzo as last week.  So in place of a coherent post, here is a random mismash of stuff and things.  I know, just what you wanted – a Quix-brain-splosion, right?

-Note to self – a protein bar and a mug of veggie soup during half training time when my body is basically a hot furnace for calories is NO BUENO.  I got dizzy and my boss got to witness me having to close my eyes for a bit while we were mapping out the next milestone.  I ate some ‘stachios, then some pb, strawberries, and honey on bread, and I feel WAY better.  Still a little shaky, as vision crap messes with my head, but I think I can make it through sprints.  I mean, it’s only 5 miles, right?

-I keep thinking about what’s next training-wise.  I want to go back to lifting heavy things, but I’m sorta lost about what to try.  I’m kinda sick of picking up my little 7lb ers, I wanna go back to doing shoulder presses with the 25 lb ers or finally braving the standing squat machines at the gym.  Maybe finally mastering a pullup unassisted.  Jillian and my DDR circuits are great for days I just need something without leaving the house, but I tire of it.  I’m figuring T-13 days to race is NOT the time to make changes besides backing off, but I am ready.

I’m already really really looking forward to some really long slow runs.  I felt like I could go forever when I did my casual 9 miler @ 10:40 min/mi.  I want to try to maintain my length and plan 2 weeks from the half to go out and try 14 miles slow as I need to.  And then 15.  Walk some of it if needed, just do the distance.  Give myself plenty of time to rest in between.  I want to run different areas of town and not worry about what stopping for stoplights is doing to my pace. I can’t think of a better way to enjoy the impending beautiful weather than a nice, easy multi-hour jaunt around town.  Besides maybe drinks on the patio after.  Hey, work hard, play hard, right?

I also think I can shatter a 7 minute mile and my 26:31 5k records.  I know I have a sub-25 in me, especially with what I’ve learned to endure on tempo runs.  I want to keep up with speed work – but maybe instead of 2 per week, once every 2 weeks do a really hard ass lady-ball busting sprint or tempo workout.

I also am looking forward to some spring outdoor fun without worrying about being sore for a training run, or getting cardio on the right day.  Rock climbing again!  Ice skating!  Roller skating!  Bike adventures!  Dancing!  While we’re a little too broke to do a month of dance right now, we had a BLAST out dancing Saturday and I just wish it wasn’t on 12 mile-sore-legs, I wouldn’t have left the dance floor all night.  I’m thinking I can probably fit all this in somehow.

-I want this badly (either this one or the purple one being given away here on Tricia’s blog).  I would love to win it, but I’m making myself a deal if I don’t.  If I *do* actually finish my half marathon under 2 hours – this is my reward.  I will buy it no guilt for spending 60 bucks on an article of clothing.  Otherwise – maybe for my marathon?

Is it sad that now I’ve gone from “eh, I might make it in 2 hours and some change” to “damn, I am going to fly through that race and get that skirt!”  I suppose we are living in a material world and I am a material girl *ah ah ah*.

-Good things are afoot at work.  I wish I could say more.  This is reinforcing my decision that I am in an industry I love and this is the job I’m meant to stick with.  I mean, there is still a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to spill before I really get what I really, really want, but I’m cautiously optimistic.  I’ll drink the koolaid for a while and see what happens.

…and the rest of the folks in my house now are playing LOL captions on facebook and I think I will join them.  So now I ask of you, dear interwebs – what’s the best thing that’s happened to you today?  What would be your race reward for beating your pie in the sky goal?

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