Adjusted Reality

“Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.” – Mark Twain

Month: May 2009 Page 2 of 3

Half Marathon Training, Between Week 7 and 8

If you’ve been following me here this shouldn’t be any surprise, but for the rest of you and for my posterity, here is how last week went.  It was a super short week due to the Vegasing.

Wednesday: 50 mins DDR and yoga

Check and check.  Man, this was even rough.  I think standing and walking is more tiring than running.  Or it could be the partying until sunrise.  No, can’t be that.  Must be the standing and walking

Thursday: 4.5  mile run and weights at the gym

Check and check.  Was a nice outside run in the morning though I DID NOT WANT to get up AT ALL EVER after being on vacation but I did it and I didn’t die.  I think the gym is getting busier because it seems harder to get on the weight machines I want, even on a Thursday.

Friday: 9 mile run

Almost check.  I mapped out my run AFTER and found out it was only 8.75.  Oops.  Close enough, right?  I tried the sport beans this time and they were my absolute favorite.  I also strapped on my camelback and after tying down the front, it was fairly non-annoying.  And it was totally worth it – I drank the whole thing on the run.  I also felt, though I was indeed tired, after about mile 7 I could have just kept plodding along for a few more (but probably would have just wanted to go die instead of going to work), so this bodes well for actually reaching the distance.

Vacation: Bike adventure or other activity

Total uncheck.  Friday’s run and subsequent partying until dawn (Again? Why?  What am I thinking?) wiiiiiped me out.  Saturday we sat around all day and then had evening plans, and Sunday we had errands and chores and had to fit in Star Trek somewhere, and then it was dark.  It’s probably for the best I didn’t push myself (I was also feeling almost like I was coming down with something Sunday – feel better today though), but it makes me all the more motivated to have a bike adventure this coming weekend.

Total week 6 mileage (running):  13.25 (plus a ton of walking)

I’d be disappointed with that, but I did it in 2 days.  That’s pretty bad ass, no?

Week 8 – back to normal.

Monday: Weights at home, 4.5 mile run

Tuesday: 40 min tempo run (5 mins jog, 30 mins tempo (try to beat my 8:20, 5 mins jog), yoga

Wednesday: yoga and 50 mins of DDR

Thursday: 4.5 mile run and weights at the gym

Friday: 10 mile run (holy crap – double digit run!)

Weekend: Rest and planning on a bike trail ride on Sunday.  Zliten is going to scope it out this week.  If it’s way too epic, maybe just another ride somewhere out there for lunch.

Things I learned last week:

1.  I think as long as I make it to mile 8 in the half without pushing too hard, I think I’ll be fine.  At 9 miles I felt like I could keep going.  I felt like I would be pretty wasted afterwards (not like I wasn’t, but I was able to function and attend a full day of work without a rest).  I think I’m going to run this 10, and if I can do it, actually put down the money and book the hotel and really do this puppy.  No, I haven’t done it yet.  Yes, that makes me a wuss or something.

2.  I’m going to try to keep up the strength training at it’s current level this week.  I am definitely not getting stronger (weight training-wise), and I want to stave off getting weaker.  I’m just not sure next week when short runs are 5 miles that I’ll be able to keep up with 2 full body sessions a week.  I’ve also considered shortening one short run.  Any advice?  Would you cut down to the equivalent of 1 – 1.5 full body sessions per week of weights in favor of running or keep the sessions and run a little less one day?  I think the smart thing would probably be cut the weights a bit since I’m training for running, but…I dunno.  I have a week to decide anyway.

3.  I think part of the success on the long run last week was the camelback.   Seriously – water anytime you want without carrying a bottle?  Awesome!  I think that the sport beans worked well with it – munch a bean, sip some water, munch a bean, sip some water.  I think for racing, since I won’t have the camelback, I might stick to the moons because they were easier to get down fast right before a water stop.   The gel kinda upset my stomach (I think it was just so much sugar ALLATONCE) so I think I’m going to stay away from it.  For those of you out there who have run the distance, how many munchies did you bring?  I’m considering bringing 2 (one at 45 mins, one at 1:30) but is that excessive?

4.  I also tried listening to podcasts instead of music and strangely enough it was good to lose myself in the babble.  I’m surprised I didn’t miss the beat of the music at all.  Fast runs, I don’t think it would work.  Long/mellow runs?  Super.

5.  I’m not quite sure what was with the grumps/introspection/etc last week but I think I’m out of it.  I had a bit more rest this weekend than I would have liked (I really wanted to bike/skate/walk/something), but I think it paid off because I feel rested, confident, and ready to tackle this week instead of fearful of the sheer amount of activity I was going to ask my body to do.  I was afraid this was going to be like the pushup challenge – I was so excited about it but then I hit week 6 and I could only do 45 – so I stopped doing it because it was taking up a lot of my workout time.  I can still do about 40, but I really wanted to say I could do 100 pushups.  At least this time, I’m about 3/4 there already with a month left to go and can actually visualize myself completing this.

I hope these aren’t getting tedious.  I just want to have a record of this to look back on!  Later this week, I’ll have more varied fare, I promise!

Hawt or Nawt? Superficial Rambles Ahead…

So when I started this journey at 265 lbs I really doubted I would get very far, but damned if I wasn’t gonna try.  I had, basically, a few levels of “final goals”.  The first was under 200, because I hadn’t been there since college.  The second was 170, which was around what I weighed when Zliten and I started dating, and I felt like a supah fly honey.  150 was the weight where the scale said “hey, you’re normal”, though I’m pretty sure if I got the body fat test, I’d have been normal for a while.  125 was gymnast weight, and as low as I said I’d possibly want to go.

I passed 200 around my 29th birthday (March 2008), I passed 170 around August 2008, and now, I’m hanging out here around 150…and have been for a few months.  I set another arbitrary goal of 135 for myself – not quite gymnast weight, somewhere in the middle of normal BMI-land, and a perfectly reasonable thing to weight for a 5’5″ gal of the muscular persuasion.

However, it’s occured to me that maybe I’m done.  What’s the difference in weighing 150 and 135?  A pants size?  Is it going to magically flatten my belly?  Is it worth the hassle?  The guilt in the back of my head saying, “I know you’re eating to sustain yourself with all this training, but this would be the PERFECT time to just cut calories and lose lose lose super quick.  You can deal with the exhaustion and grumpies!   It’s temporary!   Just do it!”?  What is losing another 10/15/25 lbs going to do for me?  Am I going to only be able to run the distance I want if I shed more weight?  Otherwise, what does it matter besides the image in the mirror?

I’m still deciding, I haven’t completely abandoned the idea of trying to lose 15 more lbs once this half is over, but I’m considering it.  It’s still a very healthy weight for me, and in theory would take about a 3 month commitment to do.  However, I spent a lot of time looking around me at other people on vacation and realized how really not bad I am in the grand scheme of fitness.  It took being in a different setting and not seeing the same people in the same town.  I’ve just come back home with this confidence and good feeling about the way I look.  Physical fitness will be something I work to improve for the rest of my life, but there needed to be a point where I looked in the mirror most days and thought – “hawt”.  I might possibly just be there.

Now “hawt” does not equal perfect.  I can only rock a bikini top and swimsuit skirt bottom on the skinniest of days.  I still have this protrusion of flesh that sticks out above my belly button, and a pooch beneath it.  I can pick out my flaws, just like everyone can.  I’m sure even the size 00s complain about the lack of symnetry in their emaciated ribs or something.

“Hawt” does equal self confidence.  Maybe it’s just me being a superficial and horrible person, though I doubt it, but when I walk into a room, I want the consensus to be – “hawt”.  Now, being engaged to be married, I do not want to leverage that power in any real and physical way.  I simply want someone that first meets me to have a favorable opinion of my appearance.  Actually, I don’t even really care if they really do or not – I just need the confidence to THINK they do.  I’m starting to believe I’m there.

I guess the kicker is that when I had a great physique, I was too young and ackward to even consider that maybe someone thought I was attractive.  Also, I’m sure the coke bottle glasses and braces for a while didn’t help.  In my life, I have been lauded for my talents in many areas, my athleticism, my smarts, my career-saviness, my work ethic, my drive, and many other things.  I’m not just a bimbo looking for attention.  I have other things going for me besides a pretty face, a skinny waist, and some healthy knockers.  It just feels like full confidence in my physical appearance I’ve never had is the final piece of the puzzle on the way to world domination, ya know.

I’m not sure if this makes any sense to anyone but me, but I had to ramble.  The only thing I’m sure of is once I say I’m DONE – I’m actually done.  I really want to clear my head of the idea of losing weight.  I don’t want to say that I’m happy at 150 and then really secretly hope that the scale keeps going down.  They say an all or nothing attitude is bad, and I try to stay away from it in most areas, but this is one thing I cannot bend on.

How is your self-image today?  Do you remember a time (or are living it) where you walked in a room and felt powerful simply because of your physical attributes?  Is this a horrible thing to want?

Half Marathon Training, Between Week 6 and 7

If you’ve been following me here this shouldn’t be any surprise, but for the rest of you and for my posterity, here is how last week went.  Since this is all P4DoV (pre-4 days of Vegas), I’m just going to list most of the workouts as complete, I don’t *really* remember what I was thinking and feeling last Monday.

Monday: 4 mile run and weights at the gym

Check and check.

Tuesday: 40 minute tempo run and yoga

Check and check.  Though I fail miserably at running true tempos (all one pace), I did push myself pretty hard and clocked the tempo part around a 8:20 pace.  I do remember not being into this run AT ALL until about 10 mins before cooldown though.  Bad, bad.

Wednesday: DDR and yoga

Check and check.

Thursday: 4 mile run and weights at home

Half check and check.  My body just needed sleep that morning so I slept instead of running (hence the “I slept in and blah blah” post last week).  Then, I was going to make it up as a really really long warmup before my weights session, but I felt the tired coming on around the end of mile 2 and just stopped there.  I didn’t want to really kill myself within about 14 hours of the long run.

Friday: 8 mile run

Check.  I was actually about 3 mins late to work.  Oops.  Must get up earlier.  Oddly enough – about mile 4 to 7 was totally rough, but I started getting my second wind around 7.  I’m hoping this bodes well for the next one.

Vacation: No running, lots of walking/swimming

Check.  Walked at least 10 miles total, swam for about an hour, didn’t even bring the running shoes.  I did enough activity that I still feel pretty sore though (however if I had to choose between standing for an hour and running for an hour – standing would make me more sore)!

Total week 6 mileage (running):  18.5 (plus a ton of walking)

Week 7 – not a normal week, but a week it is.

Wednesday: yoga and 50 mins of DDR

Thursday: 4.5 mile run and weights at the gym

Friday: 9 mile run

Weekend: Rest and bike riding somewhere.  Not going to try to make up all the missed training, but want to do *something*

Things I learned last week:

1.  Vacations are never restful.  On the mind, usually, yes.  On the body – never.  I don’t think I’ve ever come back from a vacation raring to go the next day.  I don’t know why I thought this would be different, but I was hoping.  I already knocked off one run I was going to do this weekend, and considering how I feel right now and how HARD it was for me to get outta bed this morning, I’m hoping I can make it through the 3 days I have planned.

If I had my perfect world, I would NOT have scheduled a vacation in the 3 months while trying to train for a half.  I need to get my head back into what I’m doing, and ignore the fact that I work out way more than normal people and that I shouldn’t feel entitled to slack because of it.  I also have to remember that I *eat* more than a regular human female of my size who doesn’t train like I do, so if I lower the activity, I need to start watching myself instead of devouring 2 bowls of soup and a whole chicken and a half worth of breasts at the dinner show.

2.  8 miles is much different than 7, but I got through it.  Hopefully, 9 miles will be just about like 8.  If it’s much more difficult, I’m going to have a hard time upping my mileage like this every week.  Until I have another longer-than-7 mile run under my belt, I can’t be sure if I just had a crappy run last week or pushing myself this far this fast is too much for me.

3.  Just so everything in here isn’t all about me being tired and having rough runs – I’m starting to have a feeling that 150 lbs might be my happy weight for a while.   Planning on posting more about that later though.

4.  Once I’m done with this, I really need to work on tempo runs.  Maybe start the week running the distance slow enough that I am FOR SURE going to be able to keep one pace and then keep upping it until it’s a challenge, but do-able.  Running one pace and slow just BORES me though, especially on a treaddy.  However, it seems like an important skill to have for a runner.  Maybe?

5.  Anyone start feeling intimidated by the sheer number of time you have to put in to log the miles you need to run/increase in the last half of training the first time you did a half or a marathon?  I’m just looking at the training schedule coming up and when I don’t see any days under 4.5 miles (and then none under 5 miles in 2 weeks)…oy.  I’m thinking next week is when I’m going to have to make some modifications.  First thing to go is one strength session a week – I’ll split a full body workout into 2 half body workouts so it goes from 45-60 minutes to 20-30 mins.  Then, I’ll start counting any bike riding I do on the weekends against my Wednesday cross training day.  Yoga will be non-negotiable.

A little gloomy?  Mebbe.  I’m sure it will pass by the time I get a run or 2 under my belt this week.  What’s going on out there in internet land?  Any sunshine for me?

If I Was A Twitter Whore

If you haven’t seen this, go watch (SFW).

It got me thinking – I try to keep my status updates on facebook and twitter to a reasonable amount because, well, I don’t want to seem narcissistic and I really don’t think people care that I just took a crap or that I went to the kitchen and grabbed a plum to munch on.  However, I thought it would be a fun experiment to see what I’d write if I did.  Since I’m not going to subject my facebook or twitter friends to this, and I figure if you’re reading this, you’re more interested in my witty banter than the average bear, so it’s your own fault!


is up too early.  Who gets up before 7:50 besides farmers?  (Yeah, I know but I can still bitch about it.) Argh. (7:50)

is dressed, geared up, mapping out her run route, and eating her pre-running otter pop. (8:00)

is finally out the door!  8 miles, ho! (8:15)

is back and soaked through and through with sweat.  That was rough!  How am I going to do 9 next week?  Felt good though. (9:40)

is dashing out the door, only a few minutes late.  Sans lipstick though, which will throw off my day. (9:53)

got to work a few minutes late, caught up on emails, got coffee and water.  Even threw in a little caf in my decaf to stave off an energy crash. (10:15)

is now mowing down a fiber one bar catching up on the internets while waiting for stuff to be done so she can get to work! (10:45)

now feels about 3 lbs lighter.  Don’t think about this one too hard.  Had to hand a lady back a button under the stall divider that fell off. (11:15)

is eating a plum and about to go harass the Soundland office and see how progress is progressing. (11:30)

is back.  Stuff for me to work on ready after lunch, audition still on at 2pm and now have a phone recording session at 2:30. (11:45)

is sooooo ready for pho!  And I even had it on Wednesday for dinner, but not at the usual spot! (noon)

is off to get some PHOOOOO!  I so love pho-ridays! (12:15)

is back from lunch.  I always feel so bad running my space heater in the office when it’s 90+ degrees outside, but it’s like a meat locker in here. (1:45)

is off to do an audition – that is, receive an audition, not give one.  Much nicer evaluating than being evaluated! (2:00)

is back.  Dude was pretty good!  I really liked his take on one of our characters.  It’s cool when actors are the ones with the good ideas. (2:20)

wonders if the male brain is just not wired to be good at packing… (2:40)

has just had her recording session cancelled (boo).  Bladder empty, water full, think imma head out for a smoke and then hunker down. (2:50)

is back.  I am so happy that running and smoking still just a little is not causing problems.  I would be so freaking grumpy… (3:10)

just found out that it was touch and go on the 4 day weekend (not mine since I’m out of town, but for everyone else) but stuff was deemed too minor to mess with.  Yay! (3:20)

is now in hunker-down, headphones on, implementer monkey mode.  The world needs to be ignored for a while! (3:30)

just had a thought.  If I could give one piece of advice to a young me or someone similar, it would be to take whatever they’re passionate about and pursue it.  Wholly.  Completely.  In a life consuming way.  Before they are too attached to standards of living and salaries and money.  Don’t wait.  Longer than a twitter I know.  Back to work. (3:45)

is not being ignored well today.  *Hides better* (4:00)

just realized after an hour or so of work that she was working out of the wrong branch of code.  Thx u awesome programmers for 1.  not yelling at me and 2. fixing it for me. (4:30)

is now alone in the office (my producer officemate just left).  I miss coming in and leaving early, but I also love running in the mornings. (4:45)

is done being a monkey!  Now, to Soundland to chat, get statuses of peopleses, and clear my head. (5:45)

is back.  Now, to listen to some offsite auditions and then duck out a lil earlyish. (6:15)

can take no more of this.  Shutting down shop and heading out to target to for trip shopping rq and then home to finish packing. (6:35)

is at Target, and has a shopping problem.  I go in for a few things and try on the whole store. (7:00)

doesn’t have as much of a problem as I thought.  Clothes-wise, came out with a pair of shorts (on list), red hoodie (not on list but 8 bucks), two pairs of sunglasses (one on list) and lipstick (on list). (7:30)

got everyone’s opinion and is keeping pair one of the sunglasses.  Brown, with studs on the side.  I will probably return the other black pair.  Maybe.  Ok, possibly I still have problems. (7:45)

is playing pool at the neighbors!  Won my first two games. (8:30)

has had a bit to drink, and lost game 3.  Yay for pizza!  I would feel guilty eating two slices of thin crust pepperoni and a meat lovers, but it’s less than what I burned today on the run and I haven’t eaten much (10:00)

…and, since I’m lazy, that concludes my day.  Up for the rest of the night is more hangin’ out, playing pool, cocktails (weak, since I am getting up tomorrow to run, yoga, and then finish packing and get thee to the airport on time), and sleeeeep.  In retrospect, it’s probably best that I have a twitter filter, and only tweet the notable and interesting stuff.  This is Quix, signing off, until next Wednesday.  Vegas, baby.  Yeaaaaaaah.

What are you up to this weekend?  Anything legendary?  Wanna convince me to tweet more (yeah, right).

I Slept In Today and I’m NOT Apologizing For It…

Unlike this guy,  this week I just haven’t been into it.  It, meaning everything besides already being on vacation, relaxing, or just basically doing whatever the hell I want, whenever I want.  Considering I’m on week 6 of half marathon training, have a full week of work to do, and other obligations to attend to at home, it just hasn’t worked out.

Usually, my runs energize me.  I feel GREAT after working out.  I feel EMPOWERED after a great weights session.  If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be so into it, I’m not a masochist.  This week – not so much.  It’s been a chore to drag my ass out of bed in the morning (even more so than normal) and it’s taken a lot longer to feel good during a workout.  I didn’t feel like I could give it my all until TWENTY minutes into my tempo run.  My cross training day yesterday came just in time, I don’t think I could have physically run without risking injuring myself, I was so tired and sore.  Then, when my alarm went off this morning, I groaned, got out of bed, and felt so thoroughly NOT pleased with the idea of going running that I just climed back under the covers and snoozed.

I keep thinking I should feel bad, but I don’t.  I used to feel horrible when I’d skip a workout.  I’d think, “If I skip this workout, then I’ll think it’s ok to skip more workouts and all of a sudden I’ll stop working out completely and I’ll immediately be 265 lbs again and miserable!”  Sounds crazy, but somehow in my head, missing one workout was going to cause the great Quix fat-ocolypse or something.  Now, I’ve got 21 months of regular workouts under my belt.  Exercise is now part of my life.  I cannot imagine a week without it unless I was on my deathbed.   I don’t even dream about being lazy like I used to when I was just over the workouts and had the mentality that I just wanted to hurry up and be skinny already.  Now I realize to be a healthy, strong athlete, I have to be both consistent with my workouts on a grand scale, and listen to my body day to day for the minutae.

Now, I realize that one missed workout because my body genuinely needed the rest is not a catastrophy.  I do have a twinge of guilt when I miss a workout in lieu of something like happy hour or whatnot, but that’s different.  I guess the secret is distinguishing the “don’t wannas” from “exercise today would be really and truly damaging for me”.  And I’m afraid the only insight I have on this is that you get to know yourself after doing something regularly for a long time.  I know when I start feeling like I do this week, I need to take care to listen to myself, or I could get hurt.  I have a pre-planned exercise rest via Vegas vacation from Saturday – Tuesday (though I am bringing some workout clothes just in case, because running on the strip might be a fun experience) otherwise I might have knocked off a few workouts on the schedule and given myself a long weekend to rest anyway.  We will see how I feel when I get back.  I bet after 4 days I’ll be ready to get back into it.

Now, I do love pushing myself.  If I didn’t workout every time I just didn’t necessarily feel like bothering to do it, I’d probably skip about 1-2 sessions a week.  For me, the hardest part is getting changed and the first 5 minutes.  I will workout through a hangover, because I know what caused the crappy feeling and it usually makes me feel better by the end of it, or at least not any worse.  I’ll do moderate exercise through a mild cold on the same vein – I know it’s not going to hurt me, and it’s probably going to make me feel better.  When I start feeling unusually “not into it” and sore, I’ve learned that pushing through THAT is what gets me injured.  Some tough weeks I’ll feel like it the last day and do my norm anyway, but only because I know I have and I’m done.  Getting the feeling when I still have a 4 mile run, a weights session, an 8 mile run, and yoga – now that’s a sign.

And…I’m also not apologizing because I bet I make up what I missed.  I’m already feeling better having slept a bunch (over 9 hours) and rested this morning.  I’ve got my gym bag with me to do weights tonight – and I have visions of hopping on the treaddy first and seeing where it takes me.  I might not do the full 4 miles I was supposed to this morning, but I can see a quick 2 mile jaunt or something.  I also have scheduled Saturday as an offday, but have the morning before the airport so I might do a quick run then.  I just have to make sure I’m rested enough for my 8 miler tomorrow morning (ner-vous! this is by far the longest run!).

Internets, how do you cope with finding the balance between “don’t wanna” and “gonna get injured”?  What level of discomfort or disinterest makes you skip a workout?  Will you ignore the running shoes if you just don’t feel like it, or are you lifting weights until your arms fall off?

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