Rainy Days and Mondays

This weekend was disappointing in the fact that it was BEAUTIFUL all week, got cold and rainy Saturday, got cold and supahwindy Sunday, and is now back to gorgeous again.  Just in time for overtime again!  Wheeee!

Workouts:

Workouts went as planned last week, minus skipping the 5k Saturday morning.  It was rainy (like heavy pouring rain) and thunderstormy.  The race people said they were still holding it, but we decided that we didn’t want to get sick/injured and figured – next month.

At first I was holding out, trying not to be a wuss and so was Zliten, but when I realized there is no way I’m getting a PR on a mud run, and he thought about adding a twisted ankle to his huge arm bruise (which I didn’t cause, thxuverymuch) and his rib being out of place – we decided against it.

I’m taking it easy on running right now.  My body has spoken and is now shouting very loudly.  My appetite has NOT gone down at all (please see food stuff below).  My heels are hurty.  I just feel tired.  I’ve just gotta accept that right now, 3-4 months is about the limit for me and I need to rotate to easier workouts for a while to stay healthy.  I’m going to lower the requirement down to 2 runs a week, and no less than a 5k – so at minimum 6 miles a week.  I hope to get out and do more.  But honestly?  I need a rest.  Long epic walks.  DDR.  Bike rides.  Gym cross training.  Lotsa weights/resistance band/strength stuff.

As much as I wanted to try and keep a base, I definitely proved I can ramp up quickly without too much discomfort.  Maybe in a few weeks I’ll revisit the idea of going longer than a 10k, or if the right opportunity provides itself and I feel rested/ready – but for now… short and fast.  What?  I can’t do short and slow….

Food Stuffs:

I started tracking last week and was doing good.  Minus the daily piece of cake (?), I sailed through most weekdays without an issue calorie-wise, coming in at about 1400 per day.  The problem?  The weekend.  Friday, I ate dinner at 6pm, then went out and drank.  Pretty much like a little fishie. I woke up STARVING.

Then, I was just HUNGRY all weekend.  I tried to make decent choices but it was about 50%.  Saturday, I got no mayo on my sammich, and threw away some of the bread, and didn’t eat ALL of the fries, but as you can see, it wasn’t super healthy.  Then I snacked all day (on cuties and sesame chips and cheese) at my parents’ house.  Then birthday dinner #29456 was filet and grilled shrimp and veggies and salad with lowfat ranch.  But there was also bread.  And onion straws.  And key lime pie.  And then LATER there was even more snacking.  Same type of thing Sunday.  My appetite is just NOT NORMAL right now.  I’m not necessarily uber craving the bad stuff, and the “cake everyday” thing should subside now that birthday celebrations are officially over, but just the sheer quantity is disturbing.

And I have no excuse!  I burned like 2500 calories last week, max.  I ran 6 miles.  The only thing I can think is that I’ve added a few miles a week walking around the office.  Literally.  I’m not kidding.  Herding cats is walky work.  However, I sure don’t think I’m doing ANYTHING compared to the 30+ mile weeks and my trap just wants more shoved down it.  Carrots or carrot cake, sprouted grain bread or jelly donuts – it’s all the same.  All that matters is the ease of ability to shove.  So the good news is I’ve been eating a lot of healthy food.  The bad news – I’ve been eating A LOT.

Mental State/General Life:

It’s definitely interesting, this life.  Just a little over a month ago I was putting all my training to the test slogging through a sick 13.1 miles.  I had no idea what was in store for me in the next month.  Things I have learned and experienced since then:

-I only have a finite amount of “give-a-shit”.  I can cultivate more with work, and I can slack and have less, but there is a tangible amount of effort I can put into things, be it physical, mental, emotional, and willpower-y.  Right now, work has definitely borrowed from other aspects of my life.  As frustrating as it was to shift FROM that 3 years ago, I got used to it, and now it’s just as weird and awkward to shift that direction again.  This could (and probably will) be a whole other post.

-I was freaked out about being able to ever run a half marathon again – because when I took the break it felt so unnatural to run more than a 10k.  What if I just can’t do it anymore?  What if that was a fluke?  What if I’m not meant to run long distances even though it was was rewarding?  I had/am having the same moments with work.  I’m doing what I had done before at my previous job (except on a much higher profile/larger scale).  The funny thing about both – if you did something well once, chances are you’ll be able to do it again as long as you train properly and give yourself the necessary time to adjust.

-I can get all upset at myself for not making much progress on my resolutions yet this year.  I haven’t seen under 155.  I didn’t hit my half marathon goal pace and I’m curtailing my running for a bit.  I’m not reading, I’m not writing.  I haven’t done any of the one liners except whittling down my smoking (once a week, always with alcohol, thxuverymuch).  However, that nebulous “figure out WTF to do with my job” resolution?  On like donkey kong.  So 1 out of 5 aint bad I guess.

-I’m feeling that ennui about the whole MUST!LOSE!WEIGHT! thing right now.  I just don’t have the oomph to give more than 50%.  Mostly, because I feel like I do enough with the regular, vigorous exercise and eating healthier than most humans most of the time.  And if it’s not working, then FUCK IT, something is broken and I just don’t have the mindshare to fix it right now.  Inherently, this is ok.  I’m a healthy weight and in good shape.  However, I can’t let it go too long.  It’s been a long standing question in my mind that just never gets answered.  What is ok?  When can I call it, and say that I eat healthy enough HERE, and there is no need to worry as long as I stick to this standard?  Argh…

Anyhoo, that’s my braindump for the week.  I think I’d like to expand on some of this but it’s already running long and I’ve got a million and two things to attend to.  FYI, I seem to be good about visiting bloggy folk that twitter.  I miss all your blogs.  If you are on twitter, pleeeeaaassse look me up (I’m quixotique) or comment and I’ll find ya.  I haven’t been able to get to my rss reader in weeks. 🙁

I miss you all.

I’m going to try and get my head unfogged and figure out how to eek out a little more mental focus on a few more things without going bat shit crazy and rocking back and forth.

I’ll see you then!