Adjusted Reality

We went on our normal family vacation and had a really nice time. The end.

Just kidding, you know I can’t resist using my words. But because this is a vacation that I’ve taken many many many times with the fam, I’ll just hit the highlight reel and bloopers. The first immediate “whomp-whomp” moment was when we hit the Buc-ee’s for a gas and potty stop and I reached for my purse to exchange my sunglasses for my glasses… and no purse. I left it on the floor when I set it down for a last pee right before we left.

Thankfully the only important thing in there was my glasses, but I’m 100% blind without vision correction (anything more than 4 inches from my face is a blur) so I spent the entire embarkation process being too cool for everyone with my shades. I was extremely lucky to have a ton of extra contacts still packed from our EU trip (where I used exactly none of them), so I was set. It was just a bit strange as I wear my glasses about 99% of the time these days, I ended up taking a bunch of selfies just because I looked different, and it felt worthy of posterity.

We hit the gym every day we weren’t diving. Sunday (embarkation day) we found JUST enough time between unpacking and dinner to run a 5k on the treadmill. Monday, I ran again (woo speedwork!) and did a chest and shoulders workout. Tuesday, the boat was rockier, so we did legs and the elliptical. Saturday, we lifted back and biceps, and spent more time on the elliptical. I stretched and rolled as much as I could, at least a few times. It’s been a long time since I’ve been away from my massage boots for a week, and I missed them terribly, but I survived.

We were talked into a spa package and didn’t regret it. We used the thermal suite daily, with two different wet and one dry sauna, and a really nice rainfall shower. We had a one-hour soak in a private therapeutic bubble bath hot tub, and we did a couples’ mud and scrub treatment. That was fun – the salt scrub was nice and exfoliating and then we covered each other in this menthol mud which was OMG SO COLD and then sat in these weird sauna thrones with waterspouts. The spa was a nice quiet place in a very loud and crowded ship; we enjoyed our little Zen haven. My skin has never felt so dang soft, it was nice to be fancy.

The Allure of the Seas is one of the bigger ships out there. At 6k passengers and 2k crew, it’s just a lot of humanity in a lot of spaces. We watched an ice show – which was really great! – but we skipped a lot of the shows this time because it was just so… people-y. When we’re not eating food or being sporty, typically we’re playing cards anyway, so we spent a lot of the vacation in the card room or the back of the buffet. Not bragging or anything, but I did happen to win more games than the rest of the fam.

Cruises are definitely about food! They revamped the menu this year, and I thoroughly enjoyed the dining room dinners. There was an Indian dish available every night, and while I didn’t choose it every night, I would have been happy if that was the only option. There some really interesting new appetizers like a really great crab cake, poblano chorizo soup, a Mediterranean mezze plate. Most days it was REALLY tough to choose just one entre and I enjoyed everything I had – from beef tenderloin to shrimp to lasagna. The endings were just as sweet – I had two of the best brownies of my life, really excellent tiramisu, and these white chocolate macadamia nut cookies were all around the ship and I had to exercise extreme restraint to only consume two!

Buffet fare was pretty decent as well. I am typically not a fan of breakfast food, so I was very excited to find a brunch buffet that had salads, mac and cheese, and hamburgers alongside the normal eggs and bacon. For lunch, there was a daily selection of crusty bread and deli meats, cheeses, and sandwich toppings. I could have eaten this daily as well. They had a great salad bar, more Indian food, and lots of other yummy stuff to sample. It was nice to enjoy three big meals a day after dieting for the previous three months. I didn’t worry about the calories content what I was eating, but I endeavored to not eat to the point of feeling gross. It worked most of the time. 🙂

Rounding out the account of the gluttonous things we shoved in our cakeholes, we tried the taco bar out of morbid curiosity and, surprise, it was actually GREAT! We skipped the hot dog bar and the donut shop this time, and we gave the deli a go for lunch one day. The sandwiches there weren’t anything to write home about but their salads were awesome! In a strange turn of events, we were actually reasonable adults and only consumed a few bottles of wine the entire trip, spending a little bit of time in the wine bar when it was quiet but mostly consuming them on our balcony.

Our three ports of call this vacation were Roatan, Costa Maya, and Cozumel.

On Roatan, we took the normal bus ride to go diving with the ship. We had a very large group, which portended a subpar dive day. Then we ended up on a boat with a large newbie group that had their own separate dive instructor, and just 6 of us who were veterans with 100+ dives. I still somehow got kicked in the face a lot, but we had an excellent spotter in our divemaster who found TWO(!!!!) seahorses. He won the day.

I’ve never done a diving trip at Costa Maya before. All the snorkel trips we’ve been on have been mehhh (though after we went in the water by ourselves after one of them, I had a much better time). I wanted to give the depths a go. Unfortunately, the night previous, I almost ripped my toenail clean off by accidentally kicking a poorly placed dive bag in the room. I was very nervous that dipping that toe into saltwater would be a painful endeavor, but when we waded into the water and up onto a teeny boat it didn’t bug me. Whew! Not like I wasn’t going anyway, and I’m no stranger to diving through pain, but it’s always nicer when things DON’T hurt, yeah?

It was… okay. I chased down a turtle and we saw lobsters and crab and lots of shy eels, but I wouldn’t call it a “must dive” in the future. I might consider skipping it for nachos and beer on the beach (which we did after).

We returned to Dive Paradise/Hotel Cozumel at our last stop, said hello to our favorite dive operator Angel (in 2018, who offered us a guest room if we wanted to stay longer), and went on our safety-stop-depth dives from the shore. Conditions were gnarly above water – there was a foot of seaweed floating on the tide pool where we entered for the dive. I looked like a sea monster when I emerged from the water. Other guests that were at the bar took pictures of my ridiculousness. It took forever to get it all untangled from my hair.

However, below water we found many wonders, most memorably what we called the Eel Garden. It was so grey and rainy out, the eels thought it was dusk and they were out playing. I’ve never seen so many active eel buddies during the morning, it was super cool. Because the rain had progressed towards a torrential downpour by noon, we decided to stick with two dives and not push our luck with the third. Normally we end Cozumel’s dive trip with a margarita at Senor Frog’s, but the weather drove us back to the ship quickly and we celebrated at the wine bar instead.

Disembarkation and travel home was pleasantly without note. I certainly didn’t appreciate our welcome back weather, and two days later losing power for a week, but it was a nice time on a big floating city in the Carribean with the fam.

It’s been a wild month. Let’s catch up, shall we?

After I checked in here, I had two weeks of work that escalated a bit, though I successfully kept up with all my goals.

Then, we cruised with the family the last week of January. ‘Twas really nice to see the ocean, and fishies, and spend time with the ‘rents. I intend to write a vacation post, but this is not that missive.

The day we disembarked, the weather quickly cooled from the 70s to the 30s overnight, and a day after that, the ice storm hit.

We lost power for 7 days and 7 hours. This sounds much worse than it was, as I continued to explain to kind people offering assistance or accommodations throughout that week. Our gas fireplace kept us warm. Our gas water heater kept us in warm showers and our pipes stayed unfrozen. Our gas stove let us cook non-perishables. We had a propane generator to charge our devices for a few hours a day and keep the chest freezer cold enough for the food not to spoil. Except the first day when the roads were too icy, we were able to work from the office, which kept power and internet like a champ!

For a while, pioneer life was kind of novel. The first day, we took a (very cold, made me feel aliiiiiiiive) walkabout. We stopped at a bar to eat junk food and took some artsy fartsy pictures and watched trees laid heavy by a coat of ice bend and occasionally crack and break before our very eyes. Once the weather warmed back up, we spent most of the weekend days outside playing bikes and stomping around the neighborhood. Evenings were spent in the quiet dark, reading. It felt not unlike camping. I didn’t hate it, really, I didn’t.

On Day 7, I woke up over it though. It was a long time to be without power unintentionally, without a clear sense of when we’d get it back, and my attitude kinda broke a little. Luckily, that’s the day we got it back. We are incredibly lucky to have survived Arbor-geddon 2023 with just a small dent in the pool after a quarter of a giant tree crashed into it repeatedly and no other property damage, so I will cease any complaints here and now.

What this meant was a longer break to routine than expected, long enough to really untrain some habits. So, we all know what that means, right? It’s time to adjust the goals, reset, and continue on.

Goal #1 – Be 183.5 at the end of January.

This didn’t happen, but I knew it was a long shot with vacation. What actually took place?

I still lost weight, but only 0.7 lbs (187.4 -> 186.7).

So far in February, I’m at 186.2, so 0.5 lbs additional weight has transported to the ether, though I have been measuring sporadically. I have 16 days until the end of the month, so I’m going to reset this to a more realistic 2 lb loss instead of trying to make up for borrowed time, so here we go:

Goal #1, revised – Be 184.2 by the end of February. This feels achievable if I get back to my habits, like, today. So, I shall resume the counting of calories, weighing of my meatbag, getting all the normal foods back in the house (mostly there!), eating at a deficit (1500 calories avg or less) and STAHHHHPING with all the snacks. Like, yesterday, actually.

Goal #2 – Strength over stamina

While I’m not losing a ton of weight, my clothes are definitely fitting better, I’m winking at myself in the mirror instead of sighing, and I can tell my body composition is changing for the better. In spite of all the crazy disruptions, I have completed three weights sessions (legs/core, back/bicep, chest/shoulders) over all other priorities. I’ve been consistent about this for the last four months and I’m reaping the benefits. I keep picking up 25-35 lb weights expecting them to be heavy and they’re not really anymore. It’s very cool.

Running has sort of stalled out, but it also hasn’t, and I know that makes absolutely no sense, so let me try to explain. I have settled in at somewhere in the 10-minute miles for a happy-feeling 5k, and that’s what I’ve been running three times a week, with few exceptions. I have run 15 times since January 1st. Exactly two of 5k these runs have been speedwork, and twice I ran a fast-ish mile off the bike (9:41 and 9:12g – we’re working on it). The numbers aren’t showing much improvement yet, but the feeling when I run is night and day. Three months ago, I hobbled through my first mile since the race. Two months ago, I was back up at the 5k distance and it felt long, difficult, and I wasn’t sure how I’d run this distance capably instead of it being the top of my fitness. Now I look forward to these days – runs feel enjoyable, and my body feels strong, capable, and solid during them. I am now holding myself back from eeking out more miles on the days I would have time to do so. This inspires confidence that there’s untapped potential when I really start to train.

Right now, I’m aiming for 5 cardio sessions per week. Besides my three runs, cycling and the elliptical round out the schedule, once per week each. Notably absent is swimming, but it’s always difficult to motivate myself in the winter to go freeze in the pool and I’ll get there eventually. Since I’m aiming at all short course races this year, I’m less worried about that sport – it’s just a few minutes of the race total, and any deficit, I can easily make up in transition or with better bike/run fitness.

Here’s next week’s (this should be doable, I’ve accounted for my work schedule and the weather)

Monday: 8am elliptical/weights (office day)
Tuesday: AM run (warmup .5 miles, .25 miles fast, .25 miles recovery), lunch bike (home)
Wednesday: lunch weights (home)
Thursday: off (fulllll office day)
Friday: AM run/weights (office day + offsite)
Saturday: 1h bike, 1 mile fast
Sunday: off

For the rest of the month, I will:

• Plan my workouts and follow a schedule (5xweek cardio, 3xweek weights)
  • Start including weekly bricks in the plan
  • One run per week is speedwork, which will be planned vs “uhhh, I’ll randomly run faster for a bit”
• Complete an FTP test by the end of the month
• Resume aiming for 100% recovery completion each day (stretch, roll, boots, ice)

Goal #3 Stop Ignoring My Surroundings

This fell off after we got back to work. It’s okay though, I’m very pleased to have all our rooms reasonably organized and usable. My current annoyance is with the bedroom which is the most cluttered and least zen place in the house (and, surprise, it’s the next big thing on the list!). Since this month has been pretty traumatic already, I’m softballing this one:

February house goals:

• Rid the office of the boxes that are accumulating again (most go to work!)
• Store the rest of the music accoutrements still sitting in the corner of the room
• Actually take the stuff in the cars to Goodwill

Next month, we’ll start tackling the work we need to do to clean out the master suite (so we can get someone in to do the dang bathroom someday). This is not a February thing though.

Goal #4 – Relaxing Hobbies

I’m going to give myself a pass on much of this because of the 2.5 weeks of disruption and there’s no need to stress about relaxing hobbies, seems counterproductive, no?

I’m getting back to things though now that we’re through vacation and Arbor-geddon. I’m editing photos, and if there’s a goal here, finish the PREVIOUS cruise this month. I composed and played a song for our D&D campaign and I now have an acoustic at work to tinker with for breaks/annoy the office with. I haven’t painted much on canvas, but I have helped with minis and have two more to finish. The one place I will hold myself accountable is meditation. I have been inconsistent with it since I went on vacation, and I really do wake up a much better human after 10 minutes of cycling my breath. This will resume daily.

Goal #5 – Write Something (and not just here)

Ah, the optimistic goal setting I did as someone who had copious amounts of free time to write without the perspective of how challenging it is to make time for it during busy weeks. I have not completely ignored my novel. However, I didn’t make nearly the progress I expected.

In January I:

• Read a book on beginnings, middles, and endings (a great read which made me completely rewrite my beginning!)
• Read a book on dialogue (which will be useful during future editing passes)
• Quick first pass edit on about 4 chapters
• Read my draft on the kindle on vacation (and shared with Joel)
• Got through most of the first session of video to take notes on the campaign for the next section

I forgot how much video I’ll need to sift through – it’s hundreds of hours total. I don’t want to completely disconnect from the thing I’m writing just to watch videos, so I’ll split my time.

February writing goals:

• Take notes on at least the next 10 hours (3-4) more sessions
• Continue to edit what’s there, aiming for 4 more chapters

Long term things I probably need to do are main character profiles, some sort of thought towards whether the promise I make at the beginning pays off in the end, and some other serious writer things, but I’m having fun right now just winging it and really feel like the story will come together organically. Let’s see how much I regret this in retrospect.

So, in summary, by the end of the month I will:

• Resume my to daily to do list (meditate, train, track food, ice, roll, boots, stretch, hobby time daily, writing time weekly)
• Make a training schedule each weekend for the next week to include 1x week bricks and speedwork
• Complete an FTP test
• Donate the stuff to Goodwill
• Spend about 1h in the office making the boxes go away
• Watch and take notes on footage for my book

It’s a shame this is a little daunting right now, but I have a feeling it will back to habit by the time I check in here next. 🙂

…and a little more action?

Oh, gosh, you know me, if there is one thing I’m not, it’s SUCCINCT. Perhaps we can just have both? Let’s give it a try and talk about all the JANUARY GOAL ACTION WOOWOO!!!

January Goal #1 – Be 183.5 lbs by the end of the month

Besides a little blip up in the radar early last week (I think I probably ate/drank about double what I burned on NYE/NYD and maybe once again last Friday), things are trending the right direction. Also, I’m doing a mini-dry January thing (my last booze was Jan 6th, my next one will be when vacation starts on Jan 20th), so I expect some nice benefits from the lack of whiskey, unless I sub in junk food for a splurge. The goal is to nahhhht do that. So, cheers. Or anti-cheers. Whatever you feel is appropriate this month.

As a reminder, the plan is:

• ~1500 cal/day or less on average, track food every day
• Cardio with intensity 4-5x week for at least 30 mins (swim, bike, run, elliptical)
• Weights 3x week
• 10k steps as often as possible

First week in January was 1578 calories/day. While as you can see, I’m still losing weight, it’s just not as quickly as I wanted. Hoping to take it down, take it down now since we are no longer indulging in some “it’s still the holidays sorta” vacation treats.

January Goal #2 – Strength Over Stamina

Being super consistent with my weight training has actually been producing some noteworthy results these days. It may sound weird, but my body feels different, my legs especially. It’s difficult to describe but the places where there used to be wobbles now have indentations? It’s been so long. I don’t remember what this is. Anyhoo, it’s fun using the chunky weights like the 32.5 lb-ers for sumo squats and the 25s for bench instead of the barbie weights and feeling sturdy AF. I kinda feel like a brick… house!

My run has quickly progressed from 11:30 mins/mile being the top of my capacity when I started running 5ks a month ago to easy 10:30s without me really trying. I’m just running what feels good each day, and I keep getting better. I know there’s a point in which that loosey goosey training plan will have diminishing returns, but for now I’m enjoying it. I return to cycling this week (with the same plan, whatever pace feels good), and swimming will happen when it happens (maybe this month, maybe not).

I did start to slack juuuuuust a little at the end of last week on recovery (on stretching and rolling) so I’m trying to make my recovery habits a perfect streak until I go on vacation (and then stretch and roll still every day I can).

I’m going to keep it simple this month and take baby steps forward. Nothing changes except once per week, at one sport, I’m going to do something that is NOT just whatever pace feels fun. Maybe I’ll do some quarter mile repeats in my 5k. Maybe I’ll do some 1 min on/2 mins off efforts on the bike. Maybe I’ll do some 100s in the pool… hahah… ok, that was a good joke. Either way, I will push myself at least once a week.

Because I was a weirdo and scheduled a vacation at the end of the month (who does that just after Xmas break?), I’m giving myself the week of Jan 29th to do an FTP test on the bike. But I willll do it (scout’s honor) and report the results and proudly claim my pathetic watts/kg as a starting point upon which to improve every month this year.

January Goal #3 – Stop Ignoring My Surroundings

Ok, mad awesome progress here!

The workout room is pretty gosh darn done. Sure, there’s a bit more bike stuff that we could pare down and organize, but it’s cleaned out and fully functional. Sometime in the future we might take another pass, but for now, it’s lovely.

The game room/Joel’s office/dining room is very much in progress. It’s been repainted, the shelves have been assembled and arranged, and now we just need to organize what’s in some of the drawers and hang the art back up.

We did enough organization in the guest room to fit all the luggage/random stuff that was chillin’ around the room in the closet. The closet could absolutely use some more love, but everything fits in it (even with a little room to spare). It’s also now on the “we’ll get back to it after other parts of the house have had a pass” list.

Super happy with the progress. Just a bit more in the game room this week and I’m calling January donezo!

January Goal #4 – Relaxing Hobbies

• Mediation – check! 5-6 days a week, it really helps me get up on the right side of the bed each morning.
• Guitar – I have decided to end my workdays at home with 3 guitar songs (either before or after dinner). While that’s only 3 days/week, I’m hoping it’s enough to jumpstart the habit again. This is the dumbest habit to get out of – it’s something I can do in 3-4 minute chunks.
• Painting – I have sucked at this so far this month (haven’t touched a brush), but I’ll give myself a pass since I’ve been in writing land. I just updated my daily To Dos and added “Paint one thing”, so I’m going to try for some level of consistency there (really, just go paint one thing with Joel when he’s painting since he does it most days as well)
• Photo editing – yep! Almost through my fall foliage, about to start back on ocean sunsets, then go back to Brussels and Paris next month. 🙂
• Work/life balance is great so far… on my first day back. Check up on me in February, haha.

January Goal #5 – Write (and not just here)

The muse who just up and left in 2020 came back on the scene with a vengeance. From December 26th on, I’ve been writing most days and I knocked out a first draft level first half of the book I wanted to write back in 2019/2020. It has made me so incredibly happy to dive back into the world of my silly little bard and expand the minimal backstory I wrote years ago to something I anticipate will be a 2+ hour read right now.

I feel like this is a good halfway point for Book 1, and now I change gears for a bit. I plan to spend January:

1. Taking a VERY quick editing pass over the whole thing in the next two weeks.
2. Watching the recordings of our sessions to help plan what goes in the next bits (where I have very few notes).
3. Send my draft to my kindle to read over vacation to see how it “feels” when read like any other book I read.

I expect the next quarter of the book to be the most difficult to write, so I expect February will have a continuation of the second point and maybe starting on drafting actual words from notes. We shall see!

While January has kind of been easy mode in some regards (a week off work, plenty of time to do stuff!) and more difficult in others (a week off work, let’s eat the entire fridge!), I’m very happy the momentum is continuing nicely.

2023, hallo there. Nice to meet you. I’m ready to kick your ass, but in a good way, I promise.

However, with all the planning I’ve been doing to greet you, it feels like we’re already good friends. So, let’s get down to it and start goal setting already.

#1 – Take 2 – Weigh 165 lbs by December 2023.

I sound like a friggin’ broken record, but it bears repeating for me, because this is NOT EASY. I’m going to do this by continuing to do the things I’m doing now.

• Eat 1500 calories or less per day, and I’ll know I’m doing this by consistently tracking my food each day.
• Build muscle by continuing to work with a trainer and strength train 3x week.
• Cardio more days than not, working towards some more intensity.
• 10k steps on average.

In terms of progress, I would like to calibrate my plan for about 1 lb/week. Right now I’m at 187.5 lbs. That means at the end of January, I should be at 183.5. At the end of Feburary, that means 179.5 (happy birthday to meeee). At the end of March, 175.5. And so on. I’ll reset this each month so I have a short-term but achievable goal for which to aim.

I’ve been hesitant to use specific goals because weight loss seemed so unpredictable. However, I think if I’m truly honest with myself – it’s pretty easy to predict. When I do all of the above, I lose weight. When I skip workouts, graze on snacks and forget to track them, or sit on my ass all day and not take walks, I don’. It feels frustrating because I’m getting some of it right, and that *should* be enough, but history and metrics proves I need to get ALL of it right to keep momentum going.

On a day-to-day micro level, occasionally my goals are not going to matter more than whiskey or chips or chocolate cake. That’s okay. However, to make progress, it needs to matter more often than it has in the past (at least pre-November). This takes consistent tracking even on days that suck.

When the going gets tough, I need to remember my WHYs:

• I want to continue to run pain free and eventually run faster and further. Going from a 12 minute 1-mile run to a 10:30/mile 5k run has been so amazing. I want more.
• I want to be able to choose from my whole closet, not just the same 10 things I wear all the time because they’re on the larger side.
• I want to have better energy. My energy levels are SO improved from 3 months ago, but I know I’m still a slug compared to 3 years ago.
• I want to feel the most confident version of myself, which is when I look good and feel good. My logic brain knows no one really can much tell if I weigh 180-something or 160-something but the part of the brain that makes the confident words with the people when I’m not feeling it does. So, it matters.

#2 Strength Over Stamina

Every year I say I want to get stronger and faster at the short distances. Also, every year I plan myself a long-distance race or three. While there is nothing wrong with long distance volume, in fact, when I come off a successful endurance build where I don’t wear myself out, I find speed. That’s not been case the last few where I’ve limped to the finish line and then died for months.

Yeah, I proved I can still complete a 70.3 (2021) and 50-mile triathlon (2022), so I’m done proving anything this year with stupid triathlete stunts. Doing that shit makes it tough to get stronger and faster at the short distances. So, I’m planning a FULL YEAR of strength over stamina. No races beyond a sprint, no exceptions. My goal is to be back to full short course form by the end of this year. What does that mean specifically by December 2023?

• Swimming ~1:45/100m for 1000m distance, ~1:30ish/100m sprints
• ~190W FTP test on the bike
• Running ~9 min/mile 5ks off the bike

I would certainly be open to improvements beyond that, of course, but this gets me in the ballpark of 2018-2019. I will do this by continuing some habits:

• Aggressively recover. Stretch, roll, ice, and use the massage boots daily
• Strength train 3x week as I have been, continuing to increase weights/reps to build muscle
• 10k steps/day, as often as possible
• Consistent cardio with some intensity most days per week
• Lose weight, because free speed! 🙂

And, starting to do a few more:

• One FTP test per month (let’s say the last week of the month). I can’t move towards what I can’t track. And just because I’m scared of how far I’ve fallen doesn’t give me a pass. The only way to track progress is to quantify.
• Get back to speedwork. Garmin is begging me to do it, so I know it’s time. Once a week, I’m going to start throwing some anaerobic stuff into my runs to start with, and I’ll incorporate the other two sports once I’m really back to them.
• Drills and sprints in the pool. I’m keeping swimming rather minimal to focus on running and lifting right now, but that should mean I maximize my time in the pool rather than wasting it.

I don’t want to push it too far too fast, but I’m ready to START doing some of these things badly instead of waiting for some magical time when I’m in shape enough to do these things well. Because how I start being good at these things is first sucking at them.

It would be super cool if this could all translate to some good performance/placement in sprint triathlons or other shorter races, but I’ll just be super happy to feel like I can actually race again.

#3 Stop Ignoring my Surroundings

Two people. A four-bedroom house. We should not have issues with not enough storage space or be wishing for a fifth or sixth bedroom. Also, there are cracks in the shower, the floor, the patio, and many other things that need attention. I’ve spent a long time just shutting all the things that need to be done out, and lived in my bubble, where I can make them disappear. No more. This is a priority next year.

• Spend a few hours per month cleaning out/organizing rooms that aren’t really usable right now. Order: dining room/office/gameroom, workout room, master bath/vanity, bedroom, and then guest room.
• Redo the master bath. It’s falling apart. This has to be the next thing we do.
• Consider hiring someone to help us organize our spaces if we feel too overwhelmed to do it ourselves

I mean, there’s more to do but that would be an excellent start in 2023.

#4 Prioritize Relaxation/Hobbies That Relax Me

I’m digging the chill I’m feeling right now (well, chill for the Type A Flower Sniffing Champion, that is), and want to keep that going.

This means:

• Keep meditating more mornings than not (I’m about 5-7 days per week right now, I want to keep to it)
• Work playing guitar back into my life more days than not. I need to establish a workday routine (either playing at lunch or ending work with it).
• Continue painting. It’s relaxing. When I’m feeling intimidated by my current projects go help Joel paint NPC minis or terrain to do something lower stress.
• Find the zen activity that shuts off my brain and sends me into relax mode.
• Photo editing, which means finding pretty places to go and take footage. Aw, shucks. 🙂
• Continue to prioritize work life balance under normal circumstances. Yeah, I’m sure there will still be crazy weeks here and there, but they can’t all be crazy weeks.

#5 Write (And Not Just Here)

In 2018 and 2019, I spent a ton of time using my words with meaning and feeling, both in narrating my life and in writing some fiction. The muse was my BFF. I was, to quote Hamilton, writing like I was running out of time.

Funny, in hindsight, I kind of was.

2020 was the year where everything crashed and burned. I wasn’t motivated to write here because WTF can you write about when you’re incredibly lost, unmotivated, and have no plans or direction. I wasn’t motivated to write fiction because, I dunno. The muse just left me. That’s an excuse but it’s the one I’m going with.

I returned to writing here in 2021, which was great. But if you look at my posts from before the pandemic and after, you’ll notice a significant difference in quality. Before, I chose my words carefully, thoughtfully, and I wrote with a voice. I definitely lost that voice over 2020, when all communication pretty much was in type, I got used to vomiting words on a screen as quickly as possible, with little care for structure and nuance, and the bad habit just stuck.

I saw an executive coach back in November to try it out, and when she heard I wrote, but hadn’t much lately, she encouraged me to pick it back up. My job is creative, but I rarely CREATE anymore, if y’know what I mean, and it looks as if it will continue to trend that way. So, having an outlet like this is helpful. I can definitely see it. I’m feeling energized and refreshed after restarting on the Fork Files, it’s like I’ve collected another one of those pieces of me I lost during the pandemic.

I’m chuffed that I’m about 16k words (25% of a novel-ish?) into the rewrite of my silly genderfluid bard’s journey. It has momentum, I have motivation, and the muse, she is BACK, baby! I will forgive her returning after years at 2am on Boxing Day, I’m simply glad she’s made her return. However, I’m still working on finding my voice again. I’m pleased enough to be putting words to (virtual) paper, at times, even ones that make me laugh and feel things at times, but I was finding some STYLE when I focused on it before and I’m not quite there yet.

However, I know the style will come. It will come with flexing the muscles regularly, it will flex with focus (not trying to put together words while the TV is on or whilst multitasking, shutting myself in my office for some duration to really monofocus), and it will flex with editing.

For right now, I’m jazzed to be putting together dialogue like:

“Yeah, that’s Taylor Alacritous… oh… yeah, I remember now.  The one that broke baby Morgan’s heart at the first concert.”

Morgan huffed.  “Taylor made promises that weren’t kept.  I have no tolerance for flighty vows of the heart.”

Donnchad scoffed.  “You mean, like the ones you make to your groupies nightly?”

“That’s different.  I make guarantees of a good evening but nothing more.  Taylor started talking about a blank space for us and then I found out Taylor was Jessie’s.”

“I bet you wish you could find someone like that.”

Morgan looked down.  “I felt so dirty later when I heard them start talking cute.  I’d get revenge, but the point is probably moot.”

Is it going to last through the rewrite stage? Maybe, probably not. Is it making me giggle and feel sneakily clever right now? Absolutely. And I’m going to continue to have fun with it for now. I could put some big goals like before about publishing it this year, but instead, like the triathlon goal, I just want to feel like a writer again and produce work that makes me happy. And this, this will be enough.

I do believe that’s it. Sure, I want to travel, and I will (two-ish weeks out from seeing fishies again, def some race trips, maybe some subset of CA, Seattle, Germany/EU for work, and I really really want to do a dive vacation). I’m sure I’ll stumble on other goals throughout the year. But I’m really excited to be heading into this year with MOMENTUM in many things that are very important to me. I’m always hopeful on January 4th, but this time that optimism comes with confidence, and that, I believe, will make all the difference this year.

As I’m finally settling down from all the holiday celebrations for a long winter’s nap, it’s time to reflect on 2022.

While I’m lamenting being boring this fall and not going anywhere exotic, it’s simply to counteract the excitement of the previous months. See below.

• To kick off 2022, we took an 8-day cruise
• We camped in March, April, July, and September
• We went on two back-to-back cruises in May with the family
• We raced Texasman X-50 in May, Pflugerville Sprint in June, and Kerrville Sprint in September
• And we took a 24-day trip to Europe* in August and September

*Geez, I’m behind writing about that trip. I’ll catch up… someday.

After all that, I really needed to spend Thanksgiving week and also need to spend this seventeen-day holiday vacation right where I am now – home. I know it’s the right decision when the last two weeks of Facebook memories from 2019 spun me a magical tale of a two-week diving trip in Bonaire, and I’m not sad. I want to go to there to do that, and planning on it in 2023, but there’s shit to do here first.

But, I digress. Let’s take a trip in the way back machine to January 2022 and see what progress I’ve made since then on my goals and intentions.

#1 – Establishing work/life boundaries.

Huge, and successful check. Much of this has come in the last few months and is a result of a long road of hiring and/or training and empowering the right people, but some has also come from letting go a bit. The end result is that I’m able to prioritize other things besides work in my day and not feel utterly behind or guilty about letting someone down or something slide. I’ve got support! Feels good man!

Do I still wake up and look at our daily summary first thing in the morning and check Teams? Often yes. But then I put it down and do 10 minutes of meditation and often follow that up with a workout before I just roll right out of bed and start working. The concept of finishing my day at the end of core hours was laughable this time last year. Now often I can put work away at the end of the normal workday, eat dinner, and do non-work things instead of heading back for my previously regular evening focus session.

I’m incredibly proud and have become protective of this progress. I’m unafraid of hard work, and I certainly expect there to be ebbs and flows, but I shouldn’t consistently have the plate like the one I create at the Jason’s Deli salad bar. Because when the extra broccoli comes around – that plate can’t bear another piece. My current plate can take on some extra broccoli. And I love me some broccoli!

This has done wonders for my attitude and positivity. I’m genuinely happy to get up and do the things I get to do most mornings and I complain about fewer things these days.

#2 Be 165 lbs by December 31st 2022

Well, unless I chop off part of an arm, I think I’m going to have to consider this one a miss. However, I’m trending in the right direction, finally. I make progress when I can establish and stick to a routine. Some curve balls are okay once I’m on the right path (hallo Christmas parties!), but there’s a limit to what I can bear before my habits go ‘a whirling off into the ether. Looking back in 2022, I made the best progress in February, June, November, and December. Shocker – those were the months that I wasn’t travelling and could focus on habit, routine, and doin’ the right things.

I will cite some successes here:

• I have successfully made regular strength training with a trainer a thing this year. The high-180s weight I’m at right now is a vastly different high-180s that I was in summer 2021. My clothes fit better, and I feel sturdier. I definitely feel much less injured. This is a better timeline.
• I know what is needed to make progress. It takes tracking my food daily, weighing daily, staying at ~1500 calories or under per day, weight training, getting as many steps as I can each day, and doing cardio with some level of intensity more days of the week than not. This is the tried-and-true recipe. It is science, not art. Now I need to continue the practice until I can again run 8-minute miles and smash faces on the bike and don all the clothes I miss wearing and feel good in my own skin. But I remember HOW, which is half the battle.
• This is the lightest I’ve been all year. There were a few points where I got close but then I let life get in the way, and I’d reverse all my progress and more. Now, I’m three months into consistently good habits, and progress is happening. My current trendweight is 187.7. My average weight the first week I started weighing at the end of October was 192.9. 5 down lbs in 2 months? I’ll happily continue that slow and steady trend.

#3 Toe the line of an Ironman Do some races

I gave up on the Ironman very quickly once I realized it wasn’t my passion this year. And I still have no regrets. However, once that big scary goal went away, it highly deprioritized triathlon for me. I still hung on early in the year to limp through the X-50 (1 mile swim, 40-mile bike, and 9-mile run), but I had to keep pushing through injury/imbalance to do it and I came in DFL. And, as they say, DFL is better than DNF, which I also did this year – at Kerrville sprint triathlon due to the same stupid injury that wouldn’t go away. My only other race was Pflugerville, which was just one day after the exercise embargo was lifted after Covid recovery – and I’d honestly say this one went the best since I performed as expected. This was not a banner year for sport, in fact, it’s probably one of the worst in memory.

I hit rock bottom mentally after DNF’ing Kerrville at the end of September. I’m super glad I did though. It made me really realize the bullshit I’ve been perpetuating for the last few years (“hey, I signed up for this race and then effed off and didn’t prepare for it”; also “hey I have this injury, I think I’m just going to ignore rehab and just hope it goes away”) need to staaaaaaahp. I can’t expect my body to output stardust and miracles when I have been feeding it garbage and nonsense.

So instead, I stopped being a super self-sabotaging idiot for the most part and started doing the right things again even though I didn’t feel like I deserved them (crappy thinking but the truth) and guess who’s got two thumbs and running pain-free 5ks again? Oh yeah, that’s me.

What else was on my 2022 goals list?

General Stuff:

• Not being afraid to fail in public – I think I’m pretty good at this these days. 🙂 I’m wearing my “Shhh, I’m overthinking” socks right now and they feel like they’re from another era of my life. I’ve realized that I am doing the best I can and that everyone that stood where I stand now was making stuff up as they went along sometimes.
• Pavlovian relaxation response – I am still looking for the thing that automatically signals “let’s chill the eff out”. I am also looking to make guitar a habit again. Maybe I will work these two goals together to end of the workday with a few songs.
• Travel plans – yep! Went all the places. Carribean cruise twice, Berlin, Hamburg, Koln, Brussels, Paris, and camping in San Antonio, Denton, Krause Springs, and Kerrville. Probably could have swung a diving trip, and/or a bit more camping this fall, but it was a conscious choice.

Hobby List:

• Three new guitar songs – nope. I learned one (Pearl Jam, Black) and part of another (California Dreamin’) but since I’ve been playing less often, I’ve just been playing the songs I know.
• Painting more – yep! I put some more finished pieces on the wall this year, I painted some minis, and I am working on a project livening up a very-thoughtful-but-definitely-not-my-style gift. I have new paints and canvases and always would love to do more but I’m not going to specifically goal-set with this hobby and instead enjoy picking up a brush when the muse finds me.
• Fiction writing – this was a big nope until four days ago. Then I got inspired in the middle of the night with how I’d re-arrange and begin the Fork Files and got started the next morning and I’ve been writing for a few hours every day since. I’m about… 10% through a true first draft of what I’d like to make into the first book. Yet more momentum I didn’t expect even a week ago!
• Photo gallery – also nope. Maybe over break as well but also maybe not. Heh.

It’s been a middling year in terms of hobby goals, but I also decided that I needed to take the pressure off ACHIEVING things in my spare time with work being as it was. I spent a lot of time editing photos and reading books and I have picked up a few games that aren’t Bloodbowl lately. Leisure has been relaxing and pleasurable, and I don’t regret it at all. I have NOT done the thing I hate and spent an inordinate amount of time doom scrolling social media, so I’ll call it an overall win.

Adulting list:

• Doctor for checkups – yep! And then I ended up having some minor surgery after which I feel a little bit better in a way I didn’t realize I felt worse before.
• Investment property – nope. We’re still debating strategy and saving money for it.
• Fixing the living room floor – also nope. It’s not getting worse, so it’s just going on the future “fix the house” list.

While this isn’t a great showing here, I also did some things NOT on the list. We cleaned out the office and the front guest room and have more projects to do over break. I’m okay with this progress and it has some momentum behind it for next year.

And I generally end the year with three words. I don’t have clear winners this time, but I’ll give it a try.

Potential – this is both positive and negative. I see amazing things afoot, but that also means they have not yet been achieved. There are many examples in work, triathlon, health, and life where I’m excited about where I could be going, but not where I am right now. However, there is PROMISE if I stay focused.

Promise – even though I didn’t really complete a lot of my goals, I nailed the most important one (work/life balance). This shows promise that with proper focus, I can make progress on anything else on my list in the future as I have time and space to do so. Many things in my life feel promising right now. Maybe it’s the eternal optimist in me, but I’m feeling very encouraged about my trajectory. That’s a great way to end a year!

Priorities – I am in a situation right now with work and life where I have about 300% of the things I want to do in 100% of the time. This last week of “hobbymas” has been excellent – and has shown me that even without work in the mix, I would more than fill my days with activities I enjoy and not be bored. I’m training a handful of hours a week and I could definitely do more (and would need to, should I want to undertake longer races again). At work, I could dive deeper into a lot of things and cause more problems (in a good way) to solve, and I could easily be back at that 150-200% I was at this time last year. Instead, I’ve done my best to use all the time I have in my day as wisely as possible to have the best mix of work, activity, hobbies, and relaxation.

While each year it takes a few thousand words to get here, I now can sum up my year thusly – I may have taken longer than I’d like to get where I am now, but I like where that is, and like where it promises to go next. That means I’m doing something right.