Adjusted Reality

Let me first of all shout from the mountain tops that I am not a role model.  I never started this blog to be, I will not hide my flaws, and although I honestly hesitated posting this, I want to be honest about the fact that I’m freaking human. My go-to, healthy, fill-me-up snack is processed turkey pepperoni, beef jerky, or salted pistachios.  Some gals indulge and have “a glass or two of wine a week”, I indulge and have a glass or two of whiskey a week.  By glass I mean one the size of a bottle.  Split into servings through an evening (damn my Rusky heritage and alcohol tolerance!).  I curse in front of my parents (usually after they curse in front of me, so there!).  There are some days I eat way too much and I unabashedly do not feel remorse.  I swig mouthwash out of the bottle.  Some days, I don’t shower if I don’t feel stinky (though always a shower if I worked out before I attend work again).

These are things that I can easily put under the umbrella of “little indulgences that make life worth living” if not just little quirks about me.  Sure a night of drinking whiskey isn’t directly going to help me to my goals – but knowing that I still CAN makes me be happy with being healthy most of the time.  I can still look snazzy and love myself even if some days my hair is standing on end, and I am a little hippified.

The one thing that it gets harder and harder to justify – smoking.

Yes, that right.  To any new readers, let me come out and say that even though I run half marathons and am hell bent on going for a marathon next year, I am social smoker, and really have no plans to quit.  I picked up smoking way too many years ago to admit to, and at my height of smoking, I’d have a smoke (or two depending on traffic) on the way to work, I’d have two at break, two or three at lunch, two at another break, one or two on the way home, one after dinner, and then at least one an hour until I went to sleep.  If I was drinking, lost in deep working thought at my home office, or doing a bit of both at the same time, that was probably a few an hour.

Now, many days out of the week, I don’t smoke at all.   No desire.  Occasionally, after a nice lunch with friends or Zliten, we’ll continue the conversation outside with a smoke.  Very, very occasionally, I’ll feel that crazy itch that first feels like “feed me more” and then I realize is “smoke me” after dinner.  I no longer bring cigarettes to work or carry them in my purse.  I don’t smoke AT ALL when I’m ill.  The rub is that when the whiskey comes out, so do the smokes.  And the more of one I have, the more of the other I have.

” But you run!”  People say to me all the time.  “You’re like, crazy health girl!” they say.  “How have you not quit smoking yet?”

Easy.  I’ve taken this task on as I’ve taken every other task on.  I didn’t start running with the idea that I was going to do a marathon.  I just wanted to make it around the track 4 times without walking (or dying), and then added quarters and halfs of miles as I felt strong enough to grow out my comfort zone.  I didn’t go from cheeseburgers to organic broccoli, I cut down my portions and made it easy on myself by eating mostly packaged foods. Then I added more veggies.  Then I started trying to cut down on the unhealthy stuff and add healthy stuff in it’s place.  If I would have started on the dietary regiment I am CURRENTLY on that is most days super natural (not supernatural, although that would be cool) and feels good – I would have THROWN STUFF ON THE GROUND.  Go on, click it.  We have been throwing stuff on the ground at work all this week.

I wanted to cut down smoking, so I first eliminated those morning cigs – I didn’t care for them much anyway.  I realized that two smokes at a break was overkill, it was just to fill time, so I cut down to one.  We stopped smoking inside when we moved so there went the mindless computer smoking.  When I got a new car, it was a non-smoking car.  I stopped smoking altogether on work breaks.  I just found places where I was just smoking because everyone else was, or where I really didn’t want one, and eliminated it.  However, it’s just not something I’m mentally ready to let go of yet completely.  Last spring, I tested whether a half marathoner could still socially smoke.  And I was fine.  Next year, I’m going to probably test the same thing with a marathon.  I’m pretty sure I’ll finish as well.

Now how do you go about being a moron like me?

-Quit smoking 3 days before a long race (at least a day before a short race).  Any more, you run the risk of too much phlegm.  Ya know, your lungs actually fully healing.  Any less, you can feel it in your lungs when you dig way, way deep at the end to sprint to the finish.

-Do not smoke the day before a long run.  Do not smoke after dark (or not at all) the day before a hard training run (tempo/sprints/etc).

-The best way to (miserably) force an easy pace?  Party the night before.  That always quells my desire to go fast.  Not recommended.

-Make sure to plan any weeknight drinky fests the day before cross training.  Or more accurately, plan cross training on the days after drinkyfests.

-If you mess up, go do your planned workout anyway.  Slog through it.  Feel the misery.  That right there is total motivation NOT to do it again.

-The one time this sucks is when at the end of half training (when it’s pretty much impossible to do the long runs Friday mornings before work) and cool fun party things happen Friday night and I have a long run planned Saturday, I just have to be an adult and stay home.  I haven’t done a 12 mile run hungover with American Spirits breath and I don’t plan to.

Why this is on my brain?  Well, I don’t smoke while sick.  So I haven’t since Sunday.  Then it got COLD, so I’ve been boycotting cigs until it’s been warmer.  I’m on day 6, and in reality, that’s almost 1 whole week.  It would be smart of me to not smoke anymore – right?  Well – I don’t wanna.  I’ve met some of the coolest people, had some of the most awesome conversations over smokes, and in San Diego, I might never have actually seen the sun if I wasn’t required to leave the building to imbibe nicotine.  I enjoy it with a drink like someone might enjoy cognac and a cigar, except a lot more low brow.  Most of my good friends also either smoke socially or all the time, so I’m not alone, outside, huddled sucking down a cig.  That would definitely make it easier.

What I am going to do is make a concerted effort to take things down another notch.  I’m figuring out what that is right now.  It might be allot myself a certain amount per week (say, 1/2 pack) and when they’re gone, they’re gone (aka, calorie counting). Or, ban them at any time when I do not have an alcoholic beverage in my hand.  Before that made me drink more (I love loopholes), but now with my training and calorie counting, I think it might work.  Or maybe I should really bite the bullet and just suffer through the next few weeks.  But I really don’t wanna.  Throw it on the ground indeed.

If nothing else, let me put this out there.  You do not have to quit smoking to lose weight/get fit/start being healthier.  Work on cutting down, sure.  You might take longer to make fitness gains.  But I know that one thing that kept me from really trying this whole healthy living thing was the fact that I thought I’d have to give up drinking, smoking, eating fried cheese – anything “fun”.  And sure, it’s better for you if you do.  But you can start without giving up ANYTHING completely, and see where it takes you.

So let’s make this a “Fess Up Friday”.  What’s your healthy living kryptonite?  What do you KNOW you should give up, no questions about it, but are just not ready to let go of yet?

p.s.  This is the one and only post you may go to the comments and tell me to quit.  My mom has been nagging me for years, and I’ll tell you right now, it doesn’t do any good.  I do things in my own time.  Just how I am.

Random nonsensical pictures from fukung.  Because I love me some fukung.  Potentially not safe for work, the fukung is.  Also potentially not safe for eyes.  But still, <3