Adjusted Reality

It’s about that time of year to celebrate an anniversary of sorts.  No, not the one where I got married.  Not the one where I moved to Austin.  Not the one where I got promoted, started my job, my birthday, the day we bought our house, or anything like that.  This post is definitely inspired by Tricia, who reminded me with her awesome post on a similar subject.

Four years ago, I decided, “Fuck it, it’s on.”  This is the girl who said that.

This was taken December 30th, 2006.  About a week previous, I had decided, after having to face facts and purchase a pair of size 24 jeans.  And they were tight.  I can fit comfortably in one leg now of them now (they were one pair of “fat pants” I kept).  Yeah, I don’t recognize her anymore either.  I feel like I barely talk about my sordid stay-puffed marshmallow past, but it’s honestly because even though I spent the greater part of a decade obese and working my way up to the accolade of morbid obesity, I have been blessed/cursed with the brain of a goldfish.  I barely remember what it feels like to be that girl anymore.

I didn’t get here overnight.  It took a lot of years to go from being breathless walking across the parking lot to knocking out a 10 mile run before getting on with my regular day.  Come reminisce with me (or at gawk at my ridiculous pictures!)…

2007:

Well, let’s back up.  December 2006, I saw the movie Click.  It’s a pretty stupid movie to be the catalyst for a four year epic life changing endeavor, but that’s how the story goes.  I was in the middle of another typical 60-100 hour week doing my evening work from home section of my workday, and had took a “break” around midnight to watch a movie and go from tipsy to drunk.  After the movie, we got to thinking and talking.  I spent a lot of my life wishing for a remote control to fast forward to the good parts.  I worked so hard that I’m lucky I had a significant other in the industry doing much the same thing or I would have been very lonely.  I rarely went out, rarely spoke with anyone outside of work except on smoke breaks, and the way I judged a successful weekend was not having to leave the house.  This was not who I used to be, or who I wanted to be.  Things were never going to be perfect.  If I’d been put into the perfect situation I would have somehow found something wrong with it.

So I made new years resolutions to a) go to a 40 hour work week unless there were extenuating circumstances and b) finally do something with my health.  I had been a gymnast/diver/dancer/athlete.  I was an embarrassment to myself.  I knew what to do.  I had no excuse.  Yeah I TRIED to say that it was hard being surrounded by a workplace that wedged a potluck party in between donut fridays and crunch pizza dinners.  I said that it was impossible being in the video game industry and lose weight.  Well, I was going to do the impossible.

I spent the first few months counting calories and eating mostly cans of soup or microwave meals.  I found some success and went from 265 to about 240 pretty quick.  Then, we made the big decision to move away from San Diego.  Job hunting.  City hunting.  Getting ready to move.  We reverted quickly to, not quite our old habits, but pretty close.  We cut down the drinking, and ate a little less grotesque, but I stopped losing weight for a few months.   Once we settled in Austin, life changed.  A lot.  We had friends.  We were constantly going out, being social, doing stuff.  It was, frankly, tiring as hell.  I loved it, but I really felt spent all the time.  Even 25 lbs down, it was EXHAUSTING.

Around that time also, I got sick.  My first week of work, I could barely hold down Gatorade.  I lost about 10 lbs in that week.  Of course, I gained some back, but I got to thinking… I enjoyed being smaller.  240 wasn’t good enough.  I wanted to really make a go of it.  I found sparkpeople.com and decided to give the healthy, non-stomach bug induced way a try.  I figured I had nothing to lose, so I gave it a month.  I did exactly what they told me to – which was 1200-1550 calories a day, 20 mins cardio per x 3 days a week, and 15 mins strength training x 3 days a week.  I remember thinking “geez, that’s a lot of exercise, how am I going to stick with it?” I laugh now, but I really and truly did think that.

Stick with it I did though – and I lost 9 lbs that first month.  I was hooked.  I found a way to balance being social and keeping my calories in check (sometimes 1o00 calories of food and 500 calories of alcohol, but that was the sacrifices I made), and steadily lost 1-2 lbs per week for the rest of the year.  I bumped up my exercise first to 30 x 3, and then to 40-45 x 3… then 4 during the holidays since I was terrified of gaining.  Instead, I lost over 10 lbs between Thanksgiving and New Years.

2008:

I had lost about 55 lbs that first year, but I still had a lot more to go.  I just kept on with my inertia, doing the same thing, and kept getting more months under my belt.  In 2007, I proved I could spend a month moving, losing gym access, and survive through the holidays and still lose weight.  This year, I added crazy hours at work and crunch dinners to the list.  I ate 90% of my meals either in restaurants, or as takeout.  But I still lost.  Steady.  5 lbs a month or so.

More importantly, I found something in me that had been hiding for years.  I thought it would be novel to try to run.  I also thought it was silly on my 200 lb body, but I just had to give it a go.  I made it around that track 4 times, probably doing a 12-13 minute mile or something, and just about collapsed.  But I did it.  It felt goooooood.  I also got the best 29th birthday present ever: for the first time less than a week before my birthday, I weighed in at 198.  First time under 200 in at least 8 years!

After I had enough time to forget how rough that mile was, I tried it again.  And then the next time, I ran a mile and a quarter.  Then a little more.  Soon, I was able to run a 5k at about a 12 minute mile pace.  Then, I went 3.5 miles.  Then I cut it down to 11 minute miles.  Then I went 4.  By the end of the year I was more like…

I hit 170 in early fall and hit a little wall.  My first plateau!  I spent a few months maintaining around there, and then kicked it back into high gear and ended the year around 165, and was regularly running a long run per week of a 10k.

2009:

The running bug really had me.  I was terrified, but I was also really intrigued by races.  So I decided to sign up for a 5k.  I figured, why not.  If  the experience sucked, I’d never do it again.  However, it didn’t.  Although I was infuriated that I couldn’t catch the damn grey haired dude in front of me (always humbling), I was hooked.  My goal was 30 minutes and I busted that wide open with a 27:49.  I was STOKED!

I continued to lose weight and hit my low of 150 in April and also that month decided to do something big – train for a half marathon.  I could easily run 6-7 miles, so I figured it was doable within a few months.  I found a 3 month training program online, modified it a little for my life, and went with it.  I had just planned on running 13.1 miles around my neighborhood, but luckily there was a half in San Antonio.  Late June.  In the heat and the humidity, I finished my first half marathon dripping from the mid 80s and humid heat almost ready to collapse, but I finished.  Fuck yeah!

I also found the pain of running being HORRIBLE on my waistline.  I gained 5 lbs back during that race and could never lose it again.  I continued to maintain my fitness, taking a break from running over the summer and dancing, doing zumba, finding the awesomeness of the 30 day shred.  Hmmm, I seem to remember something else important going on around then.  Something big…what was it?  OH YEAH, I also got married. 🙂

This was huge.  Zliten had been asking me for years and I wasn’t ready until I got my own shit together.  Part of that shit was losing weight.  I knew I was with the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  I didn’t need a piece of paper for that.  If I was going to do the marriage thing, I wanted the whole shebang.  And if I was going to do it, I wanted pictures I’d be proud of.  I’m glad I waited.  It was an awesome experience surrounded by family and friends, I felt like a pretty princess and not at all self conscious, and no matter what weight I end up settling at, I just can’t see ever looking at that picture and thinking I look fat.

Then after a nice break from running I decided I was ready to do the ultimate: run a marathon (which of course changed to triathlons when I decided that sounded like more fun but whatevs).  I figured I’d go ahead and knock out another half, so I started training again in November.  I finished out the year getting ready for an epic year of running, right around 155-ish.  But a very different looking 155.

2010:

I’ll keep this short because it’s already a novel, and I’ve done a lot of recaps recently, but this was the year of sheer joy.  A lot of things fell into place to make me able to balance a promotion at work, a loving relationship with my Zliten, advancing my athletic prowess, and still having somewhat of a life.  Sure, I gained a little back this year.  But I wouldn’t trade it for all the experiences I’ve had.  I only hope that 2011 is just as awesome!

And I’ve done it all without giving up being me.  I still work in the video game industry in a high stress job heading up a team of over 30 people working on a high profile successful game.  I still go out and get way too wasted with my friends at the bar and occasionally light up a smoke or 3 while I do it.  I still enjoy a burger and fries, cake at a birthday party, or a tex mex combo plate.  And I have for the entire 4 years of this journey.  It’s all about moderation (aka, not all that at once).

Besides a long winded self masturbatory exercise in reliving old war stories – I just want everyone out there to know that if *I* can do it, you can do it.  I am no role model.  I am the poster child for weight loss IN SPITE of yourself.  You too can go to from Fatass to Athlete in 12 easy steps, I’m certain.  I did it by hook or by crook, but there are much easier ways for normal human beings who are willing to give up more than I did.

Start NOW.  Don’t wait for the perfect time.  Don’t wait for a fast forward button!  The only way to have a wonderful, blessed, awesome, funtastical life it to MAKE IT SO.  Go forth and make awesome!

Man oh man, I never thought I would say this, but I am ready for the grind.  I have never had two weeks straight off like this with nothing particular to do like a vacation (last year was close but not quite), and I can honestly say it’s good to be back to work, back to normal workouts, back to eating like a normal human bean, and uh, quix-ing like a normal Quix.

Although I pitched a fit and whined and moaned and complained a lot in 2009 and some in 2010, I don’t want to just stay at home and do nothing.  I enjoyed a few days of it, but then I was ready to rock.  Then I went crazy and did lots of fun stuff when my Zliten was also off, but somehow that also lead to really crappy eating, not much exercise, and not much productivity.  In fact, beyond some of the epic experiences I will start detailing soon, I can’t really tell you what we did.  There was a lot of TV watching, shopping, napping, web dorking, web gaming, some drinking around the fire, some hangin’ out, and some cleaning.  Can’t say that I really felt I made huge use of my time off to be productive/epic/whatevs, but I got a lot of rest and relaximication, and that is absolutely what I needed.

This is relaximicated,  happy Quix.  Photo courtesy of Tiny Glow who ended up partying at mi casa (g00d times, good times….).

So now, back to life, back to reality.  Definitely with a clearer head, a sunnier disposition, and less crispy crunchiness from being brain fried.  It definitely helps that we’ve got a vacation planned in, oh, 46 days (not that I’m counting… oh wait, I am…).  Even though the last two days of normal life have been hectic (we don’t do easy break ins back from vacation here!), I love my life, so it makes sense that getting back to the norm ain’t so bad.

I do miss the 11am wakeups though.  Dear fluffy lord, why can’t the world operate a little later?  Ah well.  C’est la vie.   Numbers below…

Vacation Rest Week Workouts:

Monday: off
Tuesday: roller skating
Wednesday: trapeze lessons
Thursday: off
Friday: swimming, full body weights
Saturday: off
Sunday: bike sprints

Back to the Grind Week:

Monday: swim workout #1 Season Prep – 3000 yds (1.7 miles…yeah) 15 mins warmup IM (butterfly, you are so awkward), 5×200 yd repeats in about 8 minutes each with 1 min rest in between, 5 mins cooldown.
Tuesday: group power
Wednesday: run workout #12 – Faking the Long Run – 15 mins warmup, 4×5 minute hill repeats, 5 mins cooldown
Thursday: 30 mins cardio, abs + legs
Friday: bike sprints, arms + back
Saturday:  off
Sunday: off

Foodwise… we don’t even want to go there last week.  It’s not as if I intentionally went hog wild.  I didn’t.  However, I definitely did not eat like my normal self.  My body is telling me that this week.  The scale is telling me that as well.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t gain 5 lbs in one week and I feel like a helium balloon, and uh… my body is trying desperately to get all the yuk out, so I’m not putting much stock in the number, but suffice to say – I’m not content with it.  However, I’ll leave the harsh judgment for next week.

However, it’s true – scale, this is what you make me do… because I also am the heaviest I’ve been in 2 years.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m also the fittest I’ve been in 2 years, but my clothes definitely let me know that it’s not all muscle.  I would do well with some fat loss.  I know fat loss is slow, where weight loss can be quick. I’m not giving up an INCH of these muscles if I can help it, thx u very much.  157 may not be reasonable by my cruise.  I just need to stay on top of it and continue to make forward progress.

I didn’t gain during tri season last year (sadly, the extra 15 on me can be pinpointed to half marathon 1, 2, and 3 – 5 each time), even without being terribly conscious of my food, so I’m going to try to stick to less lengthy swim, bike, and run workouts, and continue at least 2 hours of weights this month.  I think yoga may perhaps fall by the wayside, but something’s gotta give.

This week – I return to no sweets for January as I did in July.  That’s one of the major ways my eating changed – I normally don’t have issues controlling myself around sweets (a dab’l do me) but occasionally I’ll notice it’s a nightly occurrence.  Or like December, when it was ALWAYS around – I tried to be discerning, but so much of it WAS homemade and delicious and worth it.  And January is the season of bringing the leftovers to the office to get rid of them.  I figured the best thing was to just swear off them altogether for a while.  And honestly, they don’t even look good to me – the homemade fudge and candy caramel corn and the like and puppy chow and christmas chocolates?  Bleh.  Over it.  I’m not making a big deal about sugar content of stuff (like ketchup or dressing or crap – that would drive me batty), but anything that’s a sweet treat?  Call me in February.

Calorie-wise?  Trying to average at or a little below 1500 cal/day over the week.  That means probably 1300-1400 weekdays, a little more weekends.  I forgot that pain of calorie restriction and am not enjoying it thusfar, but hey, I guess you must bleed for your art, right?  I always get the comments that it looks low for my activity level/weight – but I just can’t lose on more.  I wish I could.  But my body is greedy with the food and wants to keep it allz.  I’ve tried more fat, less fat, more carbs, less carbs, zone ratio… the only thing that works is good old fashioned deprivation.  Bleh.

So, how’s your first week back to reality?  How are doing with your January goals?