It’s August 2nd. I feel like July went in a blink and my goal to have one blog post per month went by the wayside. But anything worth doing is worth doing badly. And late. Because even doing something half-ass keeps the habit intact.

So, July!

We headed out in the new camper for our annual Independence Day holiday at Krause Springs. It was an interesting trip where I found out a few things. One, the camper was an absolute hero at keeping the temperature down. The previous one struggled to keep us anywhere near comfortable in July. This one – I was in a sweatshirt the whole time inside. No notes. 10/10 for the AC. Two, I splurged and had drinks on two (non-consecutive) days. The second one was a little much for me as I not only had beverages but sat out in the heat for 4 hours being social as well. It was fun but dug a bit of a recovery hole that took me some time the next week of which I had to crawl out. Three, not drinking as much as normal on the trip meant I was super excited to run most mornings (I did THREE runs! I maybe have done three runs in all the other eight years I’ve been going there). Four – I just needed to remember that fourth of July camping is not the most restful no matter what when it’s all crowded and noisy and enjoy it for what it is.

July also was a start towards some triathlon specific race prep. I haven’t touched a pool or lake or anything (gosh, that would be a step too far) until TODAY, but I have been working on the bike and the run.

I’ve been outside for 3 rides now, two on DeathStar, and plan to do one more before I leave for my trip. I got new pedals, and they clip in and out much nicer than the old ones, which means I am halfway less skittish on the tri bike. Yay! My inaugural trip to Shoal Creek was:

  • Loop 1 – how the heck do I do this again? (shaking out new pedals, power connecting, whyyy am I so slow and this feels so clunky)
  • Loop 2 – ok, everything’s working, but how do I ride in aero while things fly at me instead of just being on the trainer? And why am I still so slow?
  • Loop 3 – Aero is kinda sketch, but I can hold it some of the time. Faster but still wtf?
  • Loop 4 – Ok, I remember how to do this. Mostly aero, holding about 18 mph, still not the best but this might even be a little… fun?

The second time today, I took the first lap very easy just pedaling behind Joel, and then took off to try to stay around 180w for the last 3. I hit about 172-175 normalized. I could have been in aero more but I think every runner ever was out running and many of them on the bike path. Which is fine, just pay attention, and don’t get scared when I come up on your left dodging around you. 1.52 mile run off the bike in 15 mins (9:52 pace, faster at the end) – my only complaint after the first 5 mins was feels like 89 is HOT y’all. I can’t wait to see what I can do in cooler weather.

I’ve also started doing a lot more intention on the bike (and the run). This week’s structure was:

  • Monday- 5×5 tempo intervals on the bike at 175-180w (I think I hit 174 because I didn’t set my bike quite high enough), 3 mins recovery between (15 mins warmup and cooldown). Back and bi at the gym.
  • Tuesday – easy 5k (which I actually kept easy!)
  • Wednesday – 2×10 tempo intervals at 9:36 pace (goal was 9:30, it was feels like 91, calling it a win), 3 mins recovery between, 10 mins warmup/cooldown
  • Thursday – walk only
  • Friday – 40 mins at 135-145w (zone 2 power), held 143. 10 mins warmup and cooldown. Legs at the gym
  • Saturday – walk only
  • Sunday – 4 loops on the bike outside ~ goal was 175-180w on the last 2-3 laps and I got 172-175. Close enough. 15 min brick run, 9:52 pace. Got to the pool! 500yd in 10:13 (not the fastest but no complaints after slacking on swims). Chest and shoulders. I die now. 🙂

I will keep a similar schedule while I’m home until the race at the end of September, when my body will show me what it’s got. It’s kinda fun to be at that place again. My self-worth isn’t tied up in triathleting right now, but I have enough training/fitness right now to rev the engine and see how fast it goes.

We had the last show of the 2025-2026 season – & Juliet. I think it was my favorite, even surpassing Hades Town. While the costumes, the songs, the story was great, I think what really made me love it was something else. I’ve been settling into this year of experiments and found that after easing it up on the adult beverages and really prioritizing recovery… when you’re not so exhausted all the time, feelings return. It’s been a while.

In the way back, I weaponized apathy to never have to face whether I’d hit a ceiling or not. If you are too cool to care, then it doesn’t sting as much if you fail. Then, I weaponized anger. Like the hulk sorta didn’t really say, if you’re always angry, then you don’t have to feel some of the other uncomfortable emotions. Anger can feel like control. And power. And taking charge of shit. It served me really well pre-pandemic racing and at work – controlled anger is actually really freaking useful.

Until I started breaking down a bit. Anger is also kind of exhausting after a while. I started taking medication (LoLoestrin) which took away the angry (and the building anxiety starting to creep in underneath). The anxiety being at a dull roar at best was really nice, but I missed the anger to give me focus. So, I never really figured out how to proceed from there, and kind of floated a bit before I really started to work on this stuff this year.

One thing no one tells you is when you are recovered enough to start feeling the feelings again, the negative ones seem to hit first. Which sucks. But, then months later, you sit down to watch a musical with friends and feel something different. Not relaxed, not anxious, not pissed, not annoyed, not made, not sad, but this warm fuzzy feeling in your chest where I couldn’t help but smile and be in the moment. My friends, that was joy. Not contentment, not pleasant happiness, but joy. I haven’t quite found that since, but it was nice to have a moment of it for the first time in forever. I hope to find it again on the trail.

I coined a phrase that evening. “Even if I haven’t solved all the problems, I deserve to feel joy.” Sounds cheesy, but for some reason, that hit. I usually spend those musicals just thinking about what happened, what I still need to do, etc etc. That day, I was just present in the moment. I also later modified it to, “Even if I haven’t solved all the problems, I deserve to feel CALM.” That’s been my mantra because joy is cool and all, but what I really need is calm right now. Both those have helped me through the rest of July.

It’s not perfect, a work in progress for sure, but my ability to let that shit go after getting stressed, activated, etc is getting way better.

This was Thursday this week.

I would have described this day as a normal, if not slightly stressful/annoying in-office Thursday. I had a few things go wrong, a few things that were unexpected, and lots of meetings and an errand after work that took longer than expected. In previous months, that would have had the orange stress up at medium/high all day, the littlest things would send my body into crisis mode. Just these last few weeks my body has decided that it doesn’t have to brace for impact all the time. Even if I am not in a positive mood/content/etc, we are safe enough to physiologically rest. It has gotten to the point where I was able to get some body battery BACK whilst in the office working. That… hasn’t happened before. I had to confirm my watch was working.

So, I am trying to continue down this path – assuring myself that I am safe enough to experience stress, non-positive feelings, and non-positive situations without having to go and remain in fight or flight mode because of it. And maybe trying to find those moments where I can feel a little joy too. 🙂

And… uh… food and the scale. Yeah. It’s not exactly the biggest focus right now. I’m eating properly to fuel my training and feel good, prioritizing protein, and the scale is stuck exactly where it is. Right before a long journey is not the time to try to make it move, so we’ll get back to that after the race, stripping back 100-200 calories a day when I’m not trying to crush speed workouts multiple times a week. Thems how you get injured. Right now, I’m trying to get my meatbag in good condition to be able to sustain some weight loss efforts later in the year. I’m pretty sure it will help things if it’s not in crisis mode all the time.

In adulting news, we completed more than I expected.

  • Complete our wills – done
  • Transfer my 401k – done
  • Hang pictures that are in the frames (home and office) – need nails, will do this after traveling
  • Get other arts I found framed and hung – need some Joel assistance here, will do after traveling
  • Get eye appointments and new glasses – we really need these, after traveling.
  • Hair dids before Europe -done!
  • Hang the light fixture Joel’s parents got us for our birthdays – before October when they’re here next 😀
  • Bonus: house painting (since this is not US outside) – nope
  • Bonus: shelves in my office (but i see this as kind of unlikely) -nope

Also, my husband did not give up on the garage and knocked out two more things:

  • Get rid of the garage fridge – done
  • Clean off and take the table in the garage back to the front door – done

So, now we can park my car in the garage. Neato. More in Q4.

Hobbies!

  • PHOTO EDITING: cruise will be done by the time I leave. Then I’ll pick up Oklahoma when I’m back in Sept. I’m so behind this year, but hey, it’s better than the alternative – I’ll pick too many cool trips in 2026 anytime.
  • WRITING: I am making some progress. It is not quick enough to catch me up to current campaign time. That’s probably a winter goal, for now, I just want to prioritize enough time writing each month not to get rusty and feel like I don’t write anymore.
  • PAINTING: nothing here, the 4th of July trip did not have enough relaxing time to want to be creative like that. Not all hobbies can have the same motivations at the same time.
  • GUITAR: I played. Once. Maybe twice.
  • WALKO TACO – Q4.
  • MORE GAMES WITH JOEL: we played a new card game whilst camping and started a puzzle but nothing since.

To be quite honest, I’ve been pretty toasted after work most days and just end up reading and relaxing instead. Then, the weekends depend. We rely on one of the days to do chores, get prepped for the week ahead, and relax. So, the other day is a toss-up – it’s either social (like game day or family day) or hobby day. Sometimes I can squeeze in all three but not lately. I feel like I have a little more oomph when it’s not stupid hot outside, so we’ll see if I feel less zapped in the fall.

And travel-

  • Krause Springs July camping – done!
  • Cotswold Way hiking + other stops Europe adventures – booked!
  • Kerrville Camping in Sept – booked!
  • Probably a few short camping trips in fall TBD – considering this after we get back from all the traveling. I’m sure we will want to do something but TBD how far/long this is.

And for work life balance – obviously a major focus, a work in progress, and we like how things are heading. This has been a REALLY difficult year and I’m handling it well because I’m able to recharge and recover during my nights and weekends instead of staying braced for impact (well, most days). So, I will call this a win.

August is about adventure (so many new places to explore!) and survival (prioritize enough downtime and recovery and treat my meatbag well enough so I don’t come back exhausted/sick). I’m very much looking forward to it!