Adjusted Reality

I AM A MARATHONER.

And my head is in the most wonderful place.

This is not how I anticipated the day would end. I figured 1) I would have a great time, be beaten, battered, and broken, and be so ready for the offseason and kinda hate running/marathons etc or 2) I would have a miserable day, be beaten, battered, and broken, and be so ready for the offseason and kinda hate running/marathons.

I didn’t anticipate 3) have some highs and lows but being so happy at the end with a slightly longer time than I had hoped, but feeling so good at the end, if someone would have told me that it was now a 50k, I would have been like, OK, let’s do this.  Who am I?  Who has their happiest marathon miles in the last 10?

Let’s go back and I’ll elaborate.

All week, there was enough work stress that I had trouble sleeping one night stressed about it, and I got a zit from it.  My second zit in 2012.  So to say that it was NOT EASY.  Also, I was freaking the fuck out about the marathon and I figured that something bad would happen.  Getting sick.  Twisting my ankle stepping off a curb.  Something.  Finally by Friday I was in a better head state, and had gotten fantastic sleep since Monday, so I felt better about getting to the start line a-ok.

We went to the Texas Tri Series party, and I was 1 part bummed that my 2nd place finish in my age group wasn’t recognized because they only gave 1sts, but 100000 parts inspired to speed the fuck up next year. 2013 is for FASTER.  No new distances (probably).  Just speedspeedspeed and working on body composition.  Also, got the news that Jack’s Generic will be at my home turf (Lake Pflugerville) and it will have an Olympic option!  I AM SO STOKED!!!!  Is it tri season yet?

I guess I like biting things.  Usually awards.  =)

Then, Saturday morning we woke up, packed, and headed down to San Antonio.  I am never ever packing the day of again, I forgot so many things (most notably my foot powder – though it wasn’t all bad – I learned chafe-free works just as well if not better). But all the important stuff was there so it was a-ok.  We checked in to our hotel (the Mariott Riverwalk) and we could see the start line from our balcony.  Good hotel spot, check.  We hit up the expo, which was across the street (another big win for the hotel) and got our stuff quickly and circled through all the vendors but I was grumpy because I was hungry.  We decided on Saltgrass Steak House – boring chain, but safe food for my belly I know works pre-race.

We got lost getting there which made me grumpier because I was trying to limit time on feet, and then when we got there, they had discontinued the menu item I always get (grrr), but as soon as I got my chicken and shrimp, taters, and salad w/bread, I was a normal human again.  After a stop in the room, we had to go back to the expo because they didn’t give me enough pins and Zliten found a leezard!  However, that was a quick trip, and by 4:30, we were back at the room and in for the night. TV, dorking on the laptop, setting shit out, snacking, baths, and watching room movies ensued.  Totes relaxing, as the kids may or may not say.

However, I did not have high hopes for rest.  I had great “night before the night before” sleep and many nights before that, but shit was LOUD outside (our room was the ground floor on a busy street).  The hotel even offered by the hotel and I was really kinda meh about all of it.  However, 9:30 hit, and a few false sleep starts and some sleepy juice – I WAS OUT.   And did not wake up until the alarm went off and it was AWESOME and felt rested.  However, again – CRAMPS.  Thank god I dealt with this at the Showdown Half a month ago, so I knew what worked.  Ibu gels as late as possible on top of breakfast (pr bar, pita chips, and some gatorade) and packed some herbal muscle relaxers as a gamble.  I forgot baggies, and I wrapped them up in a cough drop wrapper and then used my spi belt wrist thing.  So it worked out.  Overpacking ftw! However, I went to bed not full because I only really had one huge meal, and gatorade and pita chips a dinner did not make, so I was probably hungrier than I should have been starting out with 5 hours of running to go.

Most importantly, I wrote FIGHT on my nails and fist as a reminder.

We got to the start and made buddies with our friends around us – a gal from CO and another first marathoner from SA.  But, then we had another bathroom need before the start, and because we were 20 corralls back (I was assigned 18, Zliten 21 because he sandbagged his finish time) we went up to the potties and waited.  Worst porta ever, piss and shit on the seat, no TP, but I did my best and got out quick, and we jumped in corall 22 and started at 8am (30 mins after the start) and got our day on.  I had hoped to keep the 5:00 hour pacer in my sights, but they started way before me.  Oh well.  Garmin pace ftw.

I wanted to mile by mile recap, but I just can’t.  Goldfish brain and all.

Mile 1-5 I was having a grand old time.  I was running conversational pace (10:30-11:30), dancing, singing, keeping Zliten amused and enjoying.  Dodging and weaving all the walkers was annoying but I was lovin the course just like I did 2 years ago.  Zliten pointed out the alamo to me, which I missed because I was so focused in 2010, and yeah, it’s freaking tiny.  Someday I will go IN, but next trip.  I ate 3 blocks around 5.

Mile 6-10.8 I was starting to feel rough.   YAH I KNOW.  TOO EARLY.  This was causing me strife.  First my arches started to hurt.  Then my back tensed up.  Then my glutes.  I was like, OH FUCK SHIT NO.  Worried that my taper was too taper-ific and my legs were not ready for this.  But Zliten kept up MP pace range for me so I kept going.  I was afraid this was going to be my demise of the marathon but figured I didn’t have much too lose and it’s not like it’s a breakneck pace to keep up so I kept up.  I looked at the FIGHT on my hand and thought “why the fuck is this coming up in single digis”.  Argh.  Not happy miles at all.  I had an planned shoving of the blocks in my mouth at 8 because that’s what I’ve trained myself to do.  Feel despair = time to shove shit in your mouth.  It’s like productive emotional eating.

Mile 10.8-15 I split off from Zliten and got a little emotional that finally, there was a race I was watching the half marathoners go and not turning in with them.  I felt nothing but happy in Austin when I turned in, but this was my time.  It was MARATHON GO TIME.  I figured I would get choked up a bit, but I was just feeling proud/happy/scared that I was committing to really doing this.  The miles got tougher as I went on because it was hot with no shade, and then finally around 15 – the ibu wore off and cramps set in.  I crossed 13.1 at about 2:27 so I still had hope of my 5 hour goal around then but it was going to be a rough fight to get there.

Mile 15-16 Cramps hit.  I didn’t have a water station for a while to take my gross tasting pills.  So, I walked.  I looked at the FIGHT and it did nothing.  I needed the walk.  Somewhere around here I tried a salt packet just in case I needed it and promptly spit it out and discarded it.  Gross.  I didn’t feel really off or anything, so I went with it.

Mile 16-18 Hit a water station, got the pills down, and then felt *better* and a great song came on, so I took off (back to M-pace).  If I didn’t walk again, I could sub-5.  I was feeling great again singing to myself and running strong.  But my body wasn’t ready to keep up 10 more miles of straight running so I backed off around 18 and walked again.

Mile 18-24 Cramps came and went (pills worked but not all the way).  I realized that a) I was going to finish b) it was not going to be sub-5 and c) I was ok because I was having a great great day.  Mile 18 I knew I was going to finish.  Mile 20, I realized every mile after that was a distance PR.  Mile 21, I was taking a walk break, and there was a cheerleading squad and I told them to do a backflip and I’d start running again (and they did so I did).  I walked through all aide stations and sucked down nutrition and water and ran when I could (I’d guess the ratio was about 3/1 runnng/walking).  The awesome was that when I was running, it was m-pace range, but I was scared to continue that so I didn’t blow up.  Going slower didn’t feel good at all.  When I walked, it was 15-16 min mile power walking.  Each mile I felt increasingly better and happier, but I wanted to save my hoorah for the finish.  I tried to do a “no more walking” thing at 22, but I had to walk one more time through the 23 aide station.

Mile 24-26.6 I walked through the 24 station, got 2 gatorades and a shit ton of water, and at about 24.4, a good song came on and I realized that I was feeling great (no worse than 11 at least) and I was close, so I made the “no more walking” pact a reality.  It was a HUGE confidence builder passing all the walkers and trudgers (and I mean, by running, I think I was mostly in the 10s, I really felt great and my legs were liking that pace).  I passed the 25 marker, went around the go in turn, up the hill, down the hill, and was back to singing to myself and passing people and thinking about how I was going to cross the finisher line feeling awesome, strong, badass, and, well, a marathoner.  I found Zliten cowbelling like crazy under the last bridge and this is how I left him.

I busted the fuck up the last hill and ran through the chute pumping my fist getting people to cheer and crossed strong (Official time 5:23:34).  I got my medal and several finisher pics before I stopped my garmin at 5:24 and made my way through the finishers shit and stuffed everything that looked good in my bra (I had some DDDDDs by then, hehe) and then found the finishers meet up area and stretched and nommed and gatoraded waiting for Zliten.  We met up and talked and I found out his last 2 miles didn’t go so well (he crossed 13.1 about 7 mins after I did due to body issues) but he finished and we recapped our time and then got me a finishers shirt because the race shirt was kinda lame and a beer and then got going before we got too comfortable.

I got cleaned up in the pool shower because we had to be out of the room before the race was over, and then got on the road.  I have been craving (after not having for 7 years) a big mac and I knew it was probably the easiest quick food without an extra drive so we did it.

It was what I expected.  No need for it again any time soon, but it was calories in were needed like right then, was fine, and sustained us for the drive home.

Zliten was feeling rough but was awesome and got us home safe, we drank champagne, ate pizza, and I wrote this blog post (after dealing with some work stuff).  I saved it for the today to edit and… you’re welcome.  It was sort of incoherent babble that I only got because I was there.  Hopefully this is semi-coherent! 🙂  However, I did leave in all the curse words because apparently when you’re happy about a marathon, you curse a lot!  Fucking-a!

So, to sum up… I wont lie.  I am in love with the marathon in ways I never thought possible.  I am resisting the urge to sign up for another in a few weeks.  Or a 50k.   I really didn’t think this distance was going to be for me.  I’ve had some triumphant long runs but never an “omg enjoyable” anything over, like 12 in training.  Every time I tried to push beyond 13.1, my head got stuck in this “that’s really far and I’m scared” place and I just couldn’t do it.  I didn’t understand I could feel anything but pain in the 20s.  I didn’t think I could rebound from a low during a race that long – I figured it was continue on with planned pace or die.  I am not so much proud of my time (though I’m certainly not disappointed), as I am how I kept my wits and positive attitude about me, and felt increasingly strong as the day went on.  This was an experiment.  Can a half ironman turn around in 6 weeks and use that endurance and mental game to complete a marathon?  The results are a resounding: yes.

Obviously I know what to do to improve my time next time:

1. Eat more the night before.  You shouldn’t have to eat 3 times in 12 miles :P.

2. Train more long runs.  Obviously.  The blow up at 15 was partly because I’ve barely had any runs over 15.  I need to become bffs with 20.  x-on tired legs is great, but I can tell 15-20 is going to be my toughies until I get really cozy with it.

3. Pick a marathon that’s not on a hot and humid day, and also on that day of the month where I just want to curl up in a ball and die.  Poor planning Quix. 🙂

4.  Taper LESS.  I skipped a few miles the last few weeks due to stress and I think I would have done better in the first half if I had done them, maybe?

But even though I want to sign up for another race, I promised myself an offseason, and I can’t think of a better way to go into it happy as fuck with what I’ve done.  This week, I will do nothing but train wineglass to mouth reps, butt to couch reps, and practice saying yes to social invitations.  Maybe some walking and yoga if I want.  The goal is NO SWIM BIKE RUN, lots of social time, and keeping the gross food in check a bit.  We’ll resume with anything healthy Nov 19th.  Expect next weeks post to be…. not so much like anything else in 2012.  I still have Turkey Trot 5miler and two more 5ks to do this year, but they are all “fun runs”.  Meaning, I’ll run them as hard as I feel like at the time with no specific training, and the chips will fall as they may.

OMG I AM A MARATHONER.  Seriously, I was so afraid of this race.  70.3, excited.  26.2, terrified.  Now who’s afraid of the big bad marathon?  Not me.  Respect for the distance?  Totally.  Know how to better train for it?  Absolutely.  Scared of completing the distance?  No mas.

Six years ago, I could barely cross a parking lot without breathing hard.  Five years ago, I was making progress, and getting active, but running was the furthest thing in my mind.  Four years ago, I attempted to run a mile, almost passed out and died at the end of it, didn’t run for 2 more months, but then later in the year tried it again and didn’t die quite as much.  Then I ran a mile and a quarter.  Then a mile and a half.  Then, I banged out my first 5k on the treadmill and was elated!  There was something to this running thing.

Three years ago, I kept working on upping my mileage and getting faster.  I ran my first 5k road race a few days before I turned 30.  I wasn’t the slowest person, like I had feared, but what really opened my eyes was the 60-some grey haired man who smoked my ass in the race.  I could not catch him even if I tried.  It wasn’t all downhill after age 30!  Also, my goal was 30 minutes and I soundly thrashed that by coming in just under 28.  That year, I ran my first 10k (goal time 1 hour, hit just under 57 minutes), ran my first marathon in the heat of the summer (goal 2:15, hit 2:16), and my first 5 mile turkey trot (goal was under 45, I came in under 46).

Two years ago, I trained really hard to get a sub-2 hour half marathon and got almost there, and then the week of got really sick and barely made it through with 2:19.  That frustrated me and I took a little time to pout, but then decided to dip my toe into multisport to change it up.  I tackled my first duathlon, my first sprint tri, and my first olympic distance (which just about killed me – 4 hours of constant movement? who does that? :D), and on a whim, decided to use that extra endurance I had built up and ran a fall half marathon (because, really, I was a runner at heart) and KILLED IT (2:08, 7 minute PR).  I was totally high and in love with racing and running, but super burnt out from a long season, so I took some time off.

One year ago, Zliten really started to race with me (he did a few times in 2009 and about half in 2010 but mostly he was my… as they say, athletic supporter ;D).  He got the bug HARD and we raced A LOT.  We did a bunch of sprint triathlons, in which I slowly improved my time, and a bunch of races overall.  I slowly moved from being a runner with a bike and a swim cap, to a more balanced triathlete.  I still always sighed a relief when I got to the run leg though – it was my home, my comfort.

This year, as you know – the goal is 24 races in 12 months.  My first metric century ride (first on accident, then on purpose).  My first half ironman.  #20 is in just four days, and it’s a doozy.  Not the first time I’ve attempted it, but the first time I’ve arrived at the week before a marathon I planned to run happy, healthy, tapered, trained, and ready to go.

Yes, this is where I’m at now.  No more freakouts.  Let’s do this.

I realized that I had fallen a bit out of love with running this year.  I felt betrayed and foresaken by my body and mind when I just couldn’t make it through the miles to marathon in February.  I put in a lot of long, slow, draggy miles in the heat this year which I did not love.  I love going fast, speedwork is my favorite session of the week, but to get to 70.3 with the training time I had – it was miles miles miles and no track Fridays.   Then, after the half ironman, I was faced with what had become my least favorite leg of the triathlon, all the time, to get a crash course in marathon training.

I really pouted about it (and HURT for the first two weeks) until something happened.  And it always happens when I run more.  I get better, and faster.  Running with the boys at lunch really helped me to remember what a sub-10 minute mile pace is and I look forward to trying to keep up with the front of the pack soon.  All of a sudden I went from bagging runs because I could barely walk to being able to actually complete a week, as planned, feeling great, hitting paces, and remembering what it felt like to really train as a runner.

The last two weeks, every run has been great.  11-11:30 (marathon pace) is like second nature to me.  Runs have brought me out of funks.  Runs have made me sleep better (and skipping a run made me sleep crappy).  Runs allowed me to take a break in the middle of a chaotic day and get out in the sunshine at lunch.

And now, in just 4 days, I’ll be doing a bit of running in San Antonio.  No big deal, just 26.2 miles.

And here is the requisite goals section:

Pre race:
-No more freakouts.  Remember that mental game I put on the shelf?  Take just a little bit of that out of the box now, and shift my attitude to being excited!  I’m doing my first marathon!  This is a momentus occasion, not something of which to be terrified!
-Good food that comes from my kitchen.  Lots of complex carbs and as much as I need to feel full.  Limit sweets and treats.  Starting Friday night, lots of simple carbs that go through me quick and top off my tank.  Nothing spicy, greasy, fried, or low quality.
-Lots of sleep.  Running when it doesn’t stress me out to run and in short durations.  Running around MP.  A walk tonight.
-Take time to envision what the perfect race would entail (not tied to time, but to feeling/effort)
-Have a “just as expected morning” involving all the normal pre-race stuff I’ve got down.

All-going-according to plan, plan:

Mile 1-15:
Go out with the 5 hour pacer.  By all means do not lose them (going slower or faster).  Eat at mile 5, 10, and 15.

Mile 15-20:
If I’m still feeling good, start decreasing pace slowly.  Stay between 10:30-11:30.  If I’m feeling rough, just keep hanging with the pacer.  FIGHT.  Either way, eat at mile 20.  Remind myself that walking and slowing down isn’t going to make me feel better, and isn’t going to do me any good.  There is keep this pace, or quit.  Slow hurts worse (during and after).

Mile 20-23:
If I’m feeling good, hang with or decrease pace to 10:30-11:30.  If I’m feeling rough, just keep hanging with the pacer. Same as above.   FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.  Think that this is a distance PR from here on out.  Think that this is just the end of an ironman in a few years.  Think that years ago I couldn’t run a mile.  Think that 6 weeks ago, you completed your first half ironman.  Think that 6 months ago, you completed your first metric century in about the same amount of hours. Decide what food will be mine when I make it over that line… FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

Mile 24-26.2:
If I’m feeling good, time to guts out whatever pace I think I can.  If my brain is still functioning, try to do math and see what I can shoot for.  If I’m close to 5, figure out what I have to do to get under it.  If I’m close to another round number, see if I can get my feet going to hit that.  If I’m feeling rough, try to continue to hang with the pacer, maybe they’ll give me a piggy back.  Remind myself this is it.  Season is over in about 30 mins.  Fun runs from now until January and a lot of fuck all else.  This is the one to waste my legs on.  Remember when you weren’t sore after that 70.3?  Let’s make up for that.  Champagne is much better with a good time.  My legs are still fine, as long as my brain is.  The faster you get to the finish line, the faster it’s done.  Walking is for suckers.  FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT until the tape!

Alternate plan:
If something really effs up my day, drop all time considerations, flip the garmin to another screen that doesn’t have pace/time/etc, and realize – hey, first 26.2 miles!  FIGHT when I can, just keep moving.  If it takes me 7 hours, whatevs!

After:
-Try not to get sent to the med tent looking like this.
-Remember that walking gets better after a bit, my legs won’t feel that way forever.

Time goals:

A+: under 5 hours
A: in the time allotted

It’s my first marathon, I’m allowed wishy-washy goals!  I have a plan to execute on to get the time I’m looking for, but I’m not going to get upset with myself if I don’t hit it perfectly as long as I keep my head in the game and make the right decisions at the time.

Full disclosure, linking this video so I can get entered for a super sweet t-shirt giveaway, but it really reminded me to get going on a timely topic and post more positive pre-marathon thoughts than my wah-wah-wah-I’m-tired-and-scared post.

Well, next time we talk, I’ll be a marathoner. Wish me luck, success, good weather, good sleep, speedy legs, and most imporatantly, a brain that shows up that morning ready to FIGHT.

Wrote this up yesterday and forgot to post, so forgive the day shift.  My brain is a little better today, but still… crazy.

Oh marathon training.

On the way home from my run today, I had a weird thought.  Triathlon training feels like hanging out with the dudes.  Occasionally there’s drama or a bad day but generally it’s just chill and there aren’t as many highs and lows.  In a week, I would rarely feel down, because maybe a run sucked, but my bike was AWESOME and I had a solid swim so it was a-ok and during the rest of the time I was probably sleeping, eating, drinking or working anyway so I didn’t really have time to think much.  Marathon training, it’s like hanging out with the cheerleader clique at the mall.  If you have a great run, it’s like the highest high and you’re like bffs forever.  If you have a shitty run, or feel down about your training, it’s like they’re snubbing you for no reason and calling you a slut behind your back.  And you don’t have your biking and swimming bros to go hang out with instead.

Because that doesn’t matter right now.  The amazing-tastic trainer rides I’m doing lately mean nothing to me right now because they are not directly related to getting me closer to crossing that line in… a week and 3 days.  Yeah.  That’s not helping either.

So I figured I was going to allow myself one post of my worries and then get on with it.  I did say I was putting my mental game in a box and saving it for race day, but I didn’t invite stupid brain back to the party.

Worry #1: I’m not ready.  It’s just the fear of the unknown.  I have not covered more than 20 miles before.  I have attempted a lot of long runs where either my head, my heart, or my body didn’t show up that day.  I know completing a half ironman has helped my confidence and endurance, but it’s not the same animal.  Plus, I did BONK at the end due to body issues.

Worry #2 Not enough medium long runs.  I did a lot of them over the summer, but this whole “not light until almost 8 am” and just some lack of motivation has had me doing a lot of shorter and 2-a-days instead of 8-12 continuous miles, and I’m worried that this will affect me.  I know ultra runners do a lot of this type of training and they seem to get through, but still.  Nothing about the lead up to this race could be called conventional.

Worry #3 My mind and my body won’t work together.  I have learned in the last month that my body can hold an 11-11:30 pace forever.  That is it’s happy spot.  My brain wants me more around 12:30-13.  My body actually does not like the slowing, and my form breaks down and I start to hurt more and I slow more, and it’s this vicious cycle which will include walking (ultimate defeat) and cursing and general malaise and discontent.  I need my brain to fight to keep going at the pace which my body is comfortable.  I’ve picked a pretty reasonable MP, I just need to execute.

Worry #4 The tireds.  While my runs are actually going great, I have just been REALLY TIRED this week and all I want to do is curl up and sleep.  This is TAPER.  I’m supposed to feel like a caged tiger.  I feel like a caged two-t0ed sloth.

Worry #5 To run with Zliten or not.  He’s doing the half.  I can have awesome company for 11 miles and then deal with the grievance of a running partner for the last 15.  Or,  I can fly solo and not have the down, but also not have the ability to just focus on running with someone for the first 11.  I’ve been going back and forth for the last month.   It may be a race day call.

Worry #6 I stopped strength training regularly in Sept and I really haven’t picked it up.  My body has just been too dang sore to even think about squats and lunges and laziness ensued on crunches and curls.  Hopefully this won’t screw me come M-day (and really, really, for real, I will pick it back up right after.  Honest engine.)

Worry #7 My fucking appetite.  My miles may be on taper, but my stomach thinks I’m currently in peak training mode.  I’ve been trying to mitigate the calorie damage by shoving it full of good quality food like carrots and hummus, apples, nuts, cheese, veggies, salads, etc, but I’m also eating 2.5 (small breakfast, big lunch, decent dinner) foods and some treats along the way.  And it’s not just like I’m eating my emotions – my stomach is like “bitch, give me FOOOD” even if my head is like, “Sigh… really?  We just ate.  Kinda sick of eating right now.”  My metabolism is still definitely on overdrive.

Worry #8 Work.  Huge deadline basically on M day.  The week before is going to be potential stress, long hours, etc.  Really, not ideal for the week before my race.  I need some calmness to get my head ready and I’m afraid I won’t get it.

I mean seriously.  Today I have eaten a bean and cheese breakfast taco, a side of potatoes, amy’s veggie lasagna, a side salad, carrots and hummus, jerky, a fun size candy, sunflower seeds, and it’s just 5pm and OMG NEED DINNER NAOWWWWW (and it’s 2 hours + away).

And there is even the “things I shouldn’t worry about yet” category but are…

Worry #8 My fucking appetite after the marathon and how much I should feed the stomach beast.  It is going to be a painful process adjusting to being a normal human.  Calorie tracking.  No meal-snacks in the middle of the afternoon.  I can’t think about how long it’s been since I counted a calorie, pretty much I just ate to keep myself from falling over.  I’m scared of being normal again and I need to give myself time to adjust but not enough time that I gain a bunch of weight, but not so little that I’m still burning up calories like crazy and feel crappy all the time…. really, it would be much easier to just keep training, no? 🙂

Worry #9 I’m not going to know what to do with myself after I stop training.  I mean, I am looking forward to this with all my being right now, but I’m scared that after a few days I won’t know what to do with myself since it’s been since spring 2011?  And once I get used to it, will I not want to start back up? (yeah, I know, TOTALLY RATIONAL stuff)

On top of that, I’ve been doing some deep thought about next season and goals and decisions and shit.  What I really need to be doing is clearing my mind, relaxing, and just visualizing my perfect race like I do for triathlons and calm the fuck down.  As they say, the hay is in the barn.  Nothing I can do right now about my confidence (or lack theirof) in the training I did.  All I can do is just run enough miles to keep my legs fresh but let them recover from a marathon-training month boot camp and work on getting my head on straight.

Doing that means a lot of saying NO.  Up through Sunday, it’s normal operations.  Monday on, if I’m not working, running a very few miles, or eating good food – I will be legs up or sleeping.  Minus the finishers party for the Texas Tri Series where I get to go receive my second place AG (:D) and be good and not drink or stay out late.   I’ve already said no to 2 things that week and I imagine I’ll have to say no to more.  But think of all the things I can say yes to in the coming weeks, with a sweet medal hanging from my kitchen cabinet, and a great story to tell.

Breathe in, breathe out.  3 EZ miles tomorrow AM, 8 miles MP Saturday AM, 3 miles Monday, 5 miles Tuesday, 2 miles Thursday (some combo of M pace and EZ – nothing above 11s)… and that’s all she wrote.  Now that my worries are out, I can focus on the positive and clear my head, and make sure my legs and my brain are BFFs.

Question of the week: what’s the thing that you are most worried about right now? (Type it out, release it, let it go, and move on….)

I’ve now found the cure for a bad run.

Good runs.

I know, revolutionary, right?  Who would have thought getting back on the horse and conquering some awesome runs would help me (/sarcasm).  But for some reason, my mental state about this marathon had me convinced that the awesome 20 was a fluke and I had lost it all and I was fucked and the sky was falling and I had to turn in my endurance athlete card and I may as well just hit the turn in for the half on Nov 11th because I suck.

Dramatics, I know.  But I was run-mopey and grumpy about it until I forced myself to put on my shoes a few days later and just RUN dammit.  And it brought me out of my funk.  My legs didn’t stop functioning, I didn’t stop enjoying a run, I had just had a bad day and needed to get the fuck over it.  So I did 4 runs + 2 bikes over 3 days to get some miles in, all of which were solid, soul soothing, and I didn’t feel broken Thursday night when it was all over.  This was good for Quix-brain.

Being that I had made a comeback, I decided that my last long day of prep today had to be a good test of stupid brain.  I was signed up for a 5k race and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with that when I needed double digits.  At first I thought I’d just jog it at marathon pace, but then I realized that would be missing a good opportunity.  I remember doing 25 miles of bike hills after my last 5k race, and how much HARDER it was than on fresh legs.  Why not test how harder it was to hold m-pace on completely blasted legs?

Then I saw the weather.  Fucking 40 degrees in the morning.  I was not a happy Quix.  I don’t like the cold.  I am definitely not used to it, being this is the coldest it’s been since, oh, February.  Oh well, out comes the cold weather gear.  I was almost thankful for Alaska training because it wasn’t a COMPLETE shock to the system.  But that didn’t mean I wasn’t a whiny little bitch about it.

6:40am today.  Cold.  Dark.  Hate. Grumble.  Get out of bed anyway.  More grumbling.  Get on compression sox, pants, shoes, long sleeve hoodie shirt, jacket, gloves.  Note that my last outdoor run Thursday was 84 and sunny.  Grumble.

7:20.  Get out the door.  Grumble and cuss.  Walk just a little to get moving, and since I’m cold, get going.  Grumble.  Run run run.  Hey, this could be worse.  Run run run.  Ok, this isn’t so bad.  Run faster.  Enjoy the first bit of sunrise.  Unzip the jacket.  Turn into wind.  Zip up jacket.  Think about the day to come, hope I have it in me.  Run a little more and turn into the house. (3 miles – 36 mins, nice ez 12 min/mi pace)

8.  Go home, change shirt, bra, put on arm warmers, decide at last minute that I was bringing my jacket too, nom some cliff blocks (I didn’t eat before), and get going to the race.  When I get there, do a mile and as I finish, it’s time to line up.

My goal was to try to beat 29:16 from last year.  Last year, I went out fast, blew up after 2 miles, and threw myself a pity party for my worst 5k finish time ever and gave up and whined until I got an email saying I was 1st in my age group.  This year, I decided to try to run the opposite race.  Start slower, accelerate, and then kick hard into the finish.

National anthem played, horn sounded, and we got off (that’s what she said).  Zliten actually got ahead of me and I let him go since I was holding at 9:30s.  That was hard.  I wanted to keep up with him.  A bunch of people passed me.  I let them.  I stayed in my little zone.  I knew what was to come – this nice little flat would turn into a monster soon enough.  The only thing that broke my zone was the moment where my jacket, tied around my waist, fell off and almost tripped me.  Doh!  Fixed it and moved on.  Mile 1 ticked over at 9:36, Zliten was still ahead, and now my goal pace dropped from “anything in the 9s” to “under 9:30s”.  We cruised down a hill and I braced myself because what goes down also goes up.  I stopped looking at my garmin through that stretch and just tried to fight that hill with everything I could and then when I crested it, I took a deep breath and got back to the lower 9s.

Around 1.7 was the turn around, I caught up to Zliten, high fived him, and realized I felt good.  I had 3 plans for the last mile.  If I felt awful, just try to maintain whatever I could because it was the worst (STEEEEP downhill then STEEEEEP uphill), if I felt ok, just try to maintain pace.  But I felt good.  GOOD.   So I decided to HURT.  I turned the corner and took off, clocking mostly low 8s.  Zliten said he tried to keep up but I just booked.  I fought up the hill, I exploded down the steep downhill, and steeled myself for the last huge hill.

It was just as bad as I remembered.  I also didn’t look at my garmin during this time but just pushed.  I passed at least 3 girls and a few more when we crested it.  “Keep it going, keep it going” I thought to myself.  Just another turn and we’re done.  I picked off a bunch of people that the hill destroyed, but one girl just flew and I couldn’t catch her.  Sadly, as the finish line appeared my tummy did flipflops and I slowed down ever so slightly (probably from the 6s to the 7s, I was sprinting like I stole something) and crossed and the announcer mentioned my Ironman visor as I finished (thanks for noticing! :D). The clock said 29 something, so I knew it was close.

I paced around like a moron going “where the fuck is the water”, and then as soon as I looked back and I saw an orange jacket booking it in and I cheered.   Zliten finished at about 30:20.  To give you perspective on how much more of an awesome runner he is than last year, he beat his time by 5 MINUTES.  Badass.  And he was injured this week so he was not able to run until yesterday.  Double badass.

Check out the new shooz.   I converted him to my Asics ways.  He likes em.  Also, yeah, race 20.  4 more to finish out the year at 24 races in 12 months.  HELL YAH!

We walked around a bit and he got food and I drooled over food and got fruit (didn’t figure good queso, sammiches, or scallops? would not be good mid-run fuel) so I grabbed a half of a quinoa wrap for later, took it to the car, and did a mile cooldown.  I noticed I kept dipping into m-pace territory and forced myself to slow down (ended around 11;45).  Maybe I was doing better than I thought.

We were going to stay for awards, but then noticed that the results were up in a tent.  Last year, 1st AG (because I guess all the fast people were elsewhere).  This year, 8th.  Womp womp.  Decided at that point, it was time to go get the rest of our day on.  Got home, got some water, ate some honeystinger chews, and got back out before I lost motivation.  I did half a mile warmup to try and make my legs un-stiffify, and noticed that 11s became easier as I went on. At .5 I reset my garmin and started the clock on 6 miles of m-pace (11:30s).

Mile 1 was easy (11:16).  My legs felt warm, the day had warmed enough that it was sunny and gorgeous (with a ls shirt and arm warmers) and I was ready to rock.  However, being half a mile displaced on my normal run course was a little demoralizing.  And it started to affect my pace.   I was slowing. (11:30).  I got to my favorite part of the course and naturally picked up, and then had a little talk with myself.  “Self, this is the test.  It’s time to fight.  This last lap, you are going to FIGHT.” (11:17).  Mile 4 included some uphills, and I fought each one.  When I hit 4, I thought “2 more like this” (11:10).  When I hit the uphills again, I fought each one again.  And every time I fought, I got faster.  My avg pace was around 11:10s (? 20 sec FASTER than m-pace) and it kept feeling better.  Fight. (Mile 5 – 10:49).  Got to my favorite part again.  In the 10s regularly.  FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.  Mile 6 was the fastest at 10:39.  Almost 1 minute faster than m-pace on my 15th mile of the day. I FOUGHT THE RUN AND I WON. 1:06 and change for 6 miles.  About a 11 min/mile pace.

I felt AWESOME, but I figured I should jog it in.  I dropped to the 12s.  …and then my legs HATED me so I walked it in to stretch em out.  Lesson learned.  It’s going to be a huge mental game to stay in the 10s and 11s in the marathon, but thats where my body wants me to be.  My stride felt great, my body felt great, I wasn’t winded… but my brain thinks “danger danger danger it’s going to be a long day slow down or you’re going to blow”.  11s is not too much to ask of my body.  My brain needs to recognize.  My brain needs to FIGHT.  This will be my marathon mantra.   FIGHT.  FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.

Now, it’s time to enjoy my pizza lunch, champagne, rocking out as the slutty pirate for weekend #2 of 3, and putting this mad mental game from today in a little box and bringing it out on m-day and tearing up that course.

I’ll leave you with that so I can start on champagne bottle #3 and more pizza.

Vitals:

Weight I took this week was 178.  Not awesome, but not tragic.

Workouts this week:

Monday: grumpy pants triathlon of whining, pouting, and sleeping
Tuesday: 4.5 miles ran, 20 miles bike
Wednesday: 3 miles ran
Thursday: 5.5 miles before work, 3 at lunch, 11 miles bike after work
Friday: off
Saturday: as above.  15 miles in 2:48 total
Sunday: couch to ass reps

Next week – taper week #1:

Monday: 3-4 mile run
Tuesday: 7-8 mile run
Wednesday: 45 min bike
Thursday: 3-4 mile run
Friday: off
Saturday: 8-10 mile run (last 2 at marathon goal pace)
Sunday: off

A range, because I want to see how my body feels.  The next two weeks are for getting my leggies rested and ready to tackle 26.2.  The proverbial hay is in the barn, so I won’t run through pain or discomfort and just want to keep my body primed for marathon:awesome.

MARATHON:AWESOME.  Two weeks to go.  Let’s do this.  I wanna be a marathoner already.

Motivation hit an all time low kids.  It wasn’t pretty.  Just like the face, yarrrrr….

Well, I have motivation.  But sadly, it’s to curl up and die and hibernate for a week (Nov 16th, I’m looking at you, kid).  I have gotten a taste of what it is to have a social life after 70.3 training and don’t want to give it up.  Marathon training may not take as many hours but I can’t just trade those extra non-training hours for patio drinky time.  I need SO MUCH MORE SLEEP increasing my running volume it’s crazy.  I can get in the pool and on the bike and pound out tired miles np but running really takes effort and focus for me.  If I could just be content to run and eat and sleep it would be perfect.  But, there is worky bits and fun bits and errand bits and cleaning bits (amazing, being home to do more than deposit dirty tri gear and pick up clean stuff makes me actually care that my house is a complete disaster) and coupled with the fact that my eating and sleeping have not been completely normal since getting back from the epic vacation of epic-ness, it’s not helping me be 100% bad ass.

Banking on the endurance I’ve built from tri season to accomplish some fall running goals in a way that makes me feel like a training cycle cheater is something I’ve done for 3 years now.  Year 1, I was so damned burnt out after my first Olympic that I kept on and on that I regretted signing up for the race and wah de wah wah, and then went out and PR’d the shit out of my half marathon by 7 minutes.  Year 2, I trained up for a half, got sick and it rained so it got cancelled, had a bunch of pent up race energy so I raced all winter and never really did great, but also figured out how to not race a race and kept my endurance in the “I can run 13 miles on a whim” category.  Year 3 is this year, and since Olympic to 13.1 went so well, I figured doubling it would be NBD.  Y’know, 3 real weeks to train for a marathon before taper and stuff.  Jury is still out on whether this was a splendid idea or not.  I’ll get back to you about noon on Nov 11th.

However, pretty much every year, I hit this LOW right around now.  I regret signing up for fall races.  I rue that it’s not off season.  I want to sleep in.  I want to take stupid zumba or ice skate or yoga or swim, or ride my bike as long or as short as I feel like it.  I don’t want to be a runner anymore.  If only I could just go swim in Lake Pfugerville instead of another stupid goddamn run.  Couple this with sort of forgetting to take an off-season last year and racing through it and a pretty crazy (cool but crazy) life this year outside of training and racing- I am suffering from a case of the crispies.  It’s making me want to walk the plank, mateys.

Couple this with coming off the high of my first 20 miler, kinda feeling like “ok, I’m ready, let’s run this marathon” and getting smacked in the face with the reality that I still have another month, and I still have lots of running to do, and a DISASTROUS long run on Sunday, does not a sunny Quix make.  I haven’t had my head so far out of the game since the appearance of “Quix is not impressed” at Jack’s Generic after  the epic burnout bike week of 2012.  I cut what was supposed to be an upper double digit long run to 15 before I started, and then walked home defeated at 11 (and I was a long way from there, so 12.6 miles total) because I had no run left in me.  I can make any excuse I want about what other problems were going on (although being on 400+ mile shoes was valid and something I rectified later that day), but it was really my head.  I was in a run-mopey mood the rest of the day (only to be cured with beer and bbq), and the next day I was Jack’s (generic?) Utter Lack of Motivation to do anything.  Yesterday I woke up feeling just as blah but forced myself to get my ass out and apparently the only cure for the blahs is a great 5 miler in new shooz.  I’m not all better but I don’t want to throw my Asics in the trash anymore.

Things that do not make me want to give up my runner card:

1. Actually having some decent runs at semi-decent paces once I get my ass out there.  It’s nice to see 9s and 10s on shorter runs little more often than not.  Gives me hope that I may not run my worst 5k ever this weekend (NOT hoping to PR, just would like to beat last years similarly horrible time on this course).  Along these lines, runs with our new work lunch run club.  Running with faster boys to chase down makes for a bit more speed.
2. Actually having some beautiful weather for runs.  I live for cloudy, 60-70, and a little humid/drizzly on a run.  And that’s the majority of what we are getting.
3. Counting down the runs.  I have 9 more runs until the marathon, after which I can do nothing for 6 weeks if I so choose.
4. Sleeping as much as humanly possible and trying to keep the patio drinking to a minimum.
5. Riding my bike REALLY FAST when I get a chance to do so.

So here I am, having hit the high, the low, and now I’m somewhere in the middle.  I’ll take it.

Going forward, I have set Saturday as my last key day.  I’m going to run a (butt-ass-early) 10k around my neighborhood at EZ pace, I’m racing the fuck out of a 5k, and then I’m coming home to run another 10k at marathon pace.  After the earlier thrashing, holding 11:30s is going to be HARD, but should be a simulation on how I’ll be feeling at the end.

Beyond that, I have approximately 45 other miles to run in the next 2.5 weeks whenever I can get around to it, preferably before Nov 9th so I have a nice 2 day rest, and preferably not too many in one day (read: taper).  The only double digits I’m really hoping to rock are double digits on the hours of sleep per day.

And actually, I’m learning a lot.  Running multiple days in a row, once I got used to it, ain’t so bad.  Running doubles isn’t either and a way to pile on the miles a bit more without getting up at ridiculous o’clock.  It’s not a waste to do a few shorter runs back to back instead of longer and continuous ones.  I fear that I’m probably going to stop hating this run volume and have figured it out and be kinda loving it just in time for taper.  Figures.

If this post is incredibly disjointed, that’s where my head is this week.  Please enjoy some fabulously drunken and costumed pictures of us at our Company Launch/Costume party. Yarr!  So much fun.  I have one more party to go next weekend to so expect more sassy pictures as the sexy pirate wench soon.

Last Week

Monday: 4 mile shakeout – 43 mins
Tuesday: 5 mile before work – 62 mins (sloooow), walk .55 – 9 mins.  Lunch club run – 3.27 in 35 mins
Wednesday: off.  Leggies and brain needed a break
Thursday: 3.1 miles in 30 mins lunch club run.  15.1 miles on trainer in 41 mins on trainer at home.
Friday: off (lots of dancing)
Saturday: off (lots of couch sitting)
Sunday: ~11 miles real running (2:05), 1.6 miles defeated walk home (37 mins), .5 miles treadmill running for new shooz (~5 mins)

This Week

Monday: princess brat went to sleep instead
Tuesday: 4.5 miles in 48:50 of happy rejuvination.  20 speedy trainer miles in 48 mins.
Wednesday: 3 miles.  Was going to either run 2 more or bike agan too but life intervened.
Thursday: 9 miles – combo of before work and at lunch.  Maybe some trainer love.
Friday: off
Saturday: 10k warmup, 5k race, 10k MP
Sunday: off

Next week goals:

More attention on what goes in the cakehole.

A little less of this….

And a little more zzzzz….