Adjusted Reality

Hindsight is 20/20.  On one hand, there are a lot of things I would do over if I could min/max the trip to be perfect, but on the other hand, it was an awesome, magically delicious time so why worry about it, right?

Thursday: Let the Debauchery Begin…

It started well – the parking lot we wanted to park in was full, but a spot opened up just as we got there!  We even made it through security without the white glove search (though we were carrying lots of weird wedding favor stuff).  The flight was very…uneventful.  We flew US Airways and I actually think I’ll refrain from using them again even if they are the cheapest.  I’ve never had a flight that landed on time (and have missed connections with them before), they cost the most to check bags, and their service – meh.

We got our bags without incident (I had major nightmares about this because I was forced to check my wedding dress) and shuttled and got to the hotel and the room.  After checking in, this one was much nicer.  This one was right at the front of the casino, had a comfy bed, DIDN’T have mirrors all over the walls and ceiling, and we didn’t have to walk past the rejected mall kiosks to get to our room, hoorah!

We were starving and parched so we found the best man (who had actually gotten there 9 hours earlier, and spent the day by himself cuz he was the first one there, oops) and after a few libations at the Tropicana and some quarter video poker, we headed out to the strip and settled on Planet Hollywood as our food destination.  After balking at the steakhouse prices, we settled on the Spice Market Buffet (for more detailed food reviews, hit the yelp links).  The one thing I will say – while I doubt it was *all* the food’s fault, I’ve never felt so sick after a night in Vegas.  And I am a pretty accomplished drinker, so…take that how you will.  After that we hit the piano bar for some ridiculously expensive drinks (though we had a 2 for 1 coupon so it wasn’t *too* bad) and enjoyed the piano guy’s humor.  I could sit at a piano bar forever – but this is Vegas so we continued on.

This is where the events of the night gets hazy.  I know that we played a bit more at PH, and then the New York New York (where I won 80 bucks and Z and the best man lost about that much), and I know we made it back to the Tropicana to drop our best man (BM from here on out because I am lazy) off who was exhausted, and ended up meeting some people playing more quarter poker (I think).  We convinced everyone to go swimming (even sleepy BM) – gotta love 24 hour pools.  Then, after completely ruining my hair we went right back out and hit up the Hooters Casino.  I believe there may have been some wings and onion rings ingested, as well as a little lot more whiskey.

Then, we sat down at these machines that have this fishing networked bonus round where if anyone at the machines won, you got to play.  In my drunken state, I was FASCINATED by them and got so excited when they came up.  The quote of the night was – Me, “Winner winner chicken dinner!” Zliten – “No, they’re fishies!” Me – “Oh yeah…winner winner FISHY dinner!”.  Apparently it was adorable.  The cleaning crew (as it was 6am-ish around this time) kept cheering us on every time we hit the bonus.  I even made Zliten pull more money out because I was having too much fun playing (which is VERY uncharacteristic of me).

When we left it was sunrise, but silly us, we decided that that just meant it was time for champagne!  We went to the MGM across the street and sat down for more quarter poker and mimosas.  This is where it gets VERY hazy, as Zliten seems to remember us going through about 4 bottles of champagne (I am *pretty* sure that it wasn’t all us but who knows).  Around 10:30 am Friday, my Thursday ended with a ceremonious pass the hell out on the bed.

Friday: Not for the Squeamish

Seriously, skip this day if you don’t want to hear about throwing up.

So, we had the limo scheduled for 2pm to pick us up and take us to the courthouse to get our marriage license.  I told Zliten to do whatever it took to get me out of bed for it, but apparently it was NOT happening.  So instead, they took the limo and rode around.  I’m glad SOMEONE got to use it.  I woke up around 6:45 pm and still felt like a mach truck slammed into me, but we had some friends to meet at 8pm at the Centrifuge Bar.  I choked down a little of the leftover room service I had demanded we order that morning, got dressed, and headed back out to hit the bar.

I got through a few hours alright, and the rum almost made me start feeling better (hair of the dog, indeed), until I just all of a sudden felt WORSE.  Like, eject button impending.  Since I’m pretty accustomed to airing a lot of dirty laundry on my blog, I might as well share another secret about me – I am a VIOLENT puker.  I get this crazy rash all over my mug because of the ridiculous face I make at the toilet.  I would make a HORRIBLE bulimic.  Getting this rash is NOT optimal 2 days before my wedding.  First I tried a public restroom that was crowded, and got shy and decided I’m going to tough it out for now and do the deed in private. Yeah – I’ve always had incredible puke control.  It’s one of my super powers.

After the gathering disperses, I said I need to go back to the room and tried to figure out how to make myself feel better without throwing up.  So I tried a nap and some TV.  Worse.  I tried to pray to the porcelain god and my brain wouldn’t let me – though I felt SO SICK.  Finally, after a few hours I get the hang of relaxed face upchucking and get rid of what ails me.  I feel better, but now my throat tastes awful, making me feel sicker.

Finally around 2:30 am I feel like a human again and considered going back out because I kept getting texts about people having fun, but then got up and walked around the room a bit, and realized that it was not a good idea.  If I was at 20% before I was only about 45% now.  And I had to get married in a day and a half.  So my Friday was spent mostly in bed, feeling like poopcakes.  Around 3:30, Zliten tried to drag me out, but with a little twist of the arm he fell right into his pillow and started snoring before I could say please.  It was really cute.

Saturday:  A Little Jittery

I woke up WAY early and all the caffeine I had over the last two days (yes, the diet soda … sometimes my complete lack of caffeine tolerance backfires) hit me.  I felt twitchy and if I got panic attacks, I’d imagine this is what the beginning of one feels like (heart racing, can’t stop your brain, needing to pace, etc).  Also – the fact that it was the day before my wedding I think *finally* kicked in the butterflies.  I got up, read my book in the bathtub, got myself some breakfast, played some poker, sat out at the pool for a while, and then FINALLY Zliten got up and we got out and got moving.

We took a cab to get our marriage license and then met up with a group of friends at Caesars to get some food in us.  Since beyond a few bites of leftover room service I hadn’t eaten since Thursday night, I was SO READY and felt zero guilt getting myself some yummy meatloaf and almost finished the entire gigantic plate of it.  Then we hiked back to the Tropicana with our friends in tow and played around the casino a bit and then headed up to the room where we had accumulated a bunch of alcohol somehow.  I finally decided it was time to have a drink or 2 as I was about to go deal with a HUGE group of my family, and after the day before and the weirdness that morning, I didn’t feel terribly social or hospitable.

After a quick getting ready we left in a cab and headed to the Ruben family dinner my dad had arranged (we just went for the cocktail hour).  The nice thing about losing 115 lbs from the time when they last saw me means there were compliments lavished all around and we had lots to talk about – and things which I am very comfortable talking about (my running, how I eat, etc).  That part went quickly and some wine certainly helped.  Next, we ducked back to the Mandalay Bay for our “rehearsal dinner” (no rehearsing but we needed to eat) and stuffed ourselves full of delicious crab and shrimp and all the other nummy stuff.  After that, Zliten ventured to the room for his early retirement, and I enjoyed another glass of wine with the survivors of dinner and caught up with a friend I hadn’t seen in 10 years!  However, wine + tired = SUPAHTIRED so I went to bed pretty early.

…next installment – the wedding day!  See ya tomorrow!