Adjusted Reality

If I haven’t been clear, I really do hate this time of year…

…except when this time of year gives us random afternoons that are in the 70s and sunny when I can actually get out and ride my bike!

I’m typically booked to the hilt with afternoon meetings, but on Fridays, the schedule is a little more relaxed. I complained last week about how I’ve been missing my end of the week bike ride? Well, if the sun keeps shining like this, it’s much more likely I will reverse that trend. With approximately 29 days left before the time change, I’m going to aim to get outside to ride at least once a week until then. We were both geeked up to ride outside again yesterday for our brick… until we saw the weather. It was advertised as 54 and cloudy and windy (not perfect but posssssible) and 45 and hailing is what was delivered (just no). I *guess* I would if I had to, but this kind of weather is what the trainer + Bloodbowl games are for. Absolutely lovely weather for the run portion of the workout though, I was happily bopping around trying to catch hail on my tongue.

This week, I was able to successfully hit 100% of my workouts, even with today completely off. Hooray! As suspected, it just takes doing. Now, it’s time to ramp the difficulty just a bit and start ONE swim per week. After discussing logistics with the Joel, we decided our best bet would be the pool down the street from the house (indoors), but at an abnormal time (during the workday, and we’d adjust our schedule). So, we have a date to swim at 3:30 on Monday. We shall see how that goes!

So, this looks like:

• Monday: Circuits AM, Run 5k lunch, Swim 3:30pm (wow, a triple!)
• Tuesday: Bike 45 min AM trainer
• Wednesday: Run 2-3 miles AM, leg workout lunch
• Thursday: off/walk if it’s nice
• Friday: Circuits AM, ride bikes outside again (45 min-1h) pretty please?
• Saturday: 1h15 ride, 4 mile run
• Sunday: off/walk if it’s nice

Wednesday will be a challenge, I have a 9am meeting so I need to get running pretty dang early, but I can walk in the door and show up sweaty to it (thanks Teams for not relaying smells over calls). I also only have a 30-minute window for lunch, but easy enough to do my leg workout during that time, whilst I nuke my food, and spend 5 mins off camera stuffing my face at my next meeting. In the before times, I was heckin’ busy as well and got it done. I need to get back to that mentality of just making training work around my schedule even if it’s not optimal conditions.

I’m feeling buoyed by this week’s sporty success, but a little hesitant to say I’ve solved all my stupid mental blocks about training yet. If I can get a few more weeks under my belt like this, I’ll be more confident.

In other encouraging news, February’s trend line looks like dis:

The line is actually going somewhere, y’all! *happy dance*

My goal was to cut my calories to around 1350/day average from 1500. In practice, before, I was just shy of 1600/day per week. Last week, with an effort to eat less, I cut that to 1468/day. So, it looks like that, plus a slight increase in activity, was enough to start the trend line going in the right direction.

Let’s not concentrate on the fact that some *&$holes stop drinking sugared soda and go for a walk and start losing 2 lbs/week, and here I am lifting three times a week, doing about 5 hours of fairly intense cardio, and eating like a freaking bird to achieve any sort of results. Let’s instead focus that I’ve found something that is working and I’m pretty willing to do whatever is necessary for a little while to get rid of that lumpy too-stuffed sausage feeling I’m rocking right now.

Yeah, it means that snacks don’t really exist in my world right now. Yeah, it means some nights I need to choose between having dinner and having a few drinks + a snack. Yeah, it means I need to be VERY careful to check my mood and make sure I’m not HANGRY at people. However, it’s going to be worth it when I’m back near my fighting weight and feel confident and happy in my own skin again. Blah blah blah, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. I abhor all the stupid diet rhetoric that attempts to placate angry calorie-starved people as they dig into yet another plate of plain chicken and broccoli. But, like I said, it’s working, so I’ll play along for a bit until I can get back to riding bikes for a few hours and stopping for pizza and beer on the way home.

I slept well and my resting HR average is back down to 49, though my stress levels don’t seem to be going down. On the flip side, I didn’t prioritize was recovery, and it shows because my heel is a little cranky today and things feel tight all over. So, next week’s goals are:

• 100% of my workouts, no excuses
• Aim for 1200 calories/day every day that I can, 1500 max on other days and try for my average to be closer to 1350
• Pick two recovery things per day: stretch, roll, ice, boots, massage (and they can’t be the same two every day)

Hopefully the sun continues to shine (both literally and figuratively) on my efforts and cheers to another great week!

I know how this goes, but it doesn’t mean it’s not frustrating to be in it…

This time of year sucks to try and lose weight. I have all the excuses. It’s too cold or allergerific to get outside and walk. I’m braving it for short runs but not interested in going on close-to-freezing-in-the-dark walks after work so my steps/calorie burn is super low besides my actual training. I’m keeping up with about 80% of my planned training (3x weights, 2x run 2x bike 1x brick) but on non-run days, only I’m averaging a few thousand steps max since all I do is walk back and forth from my office to the kitchen (for tea) to the bathroom (because tea) a few times a day. I know how this goes and I probably need to try and reduce my calories a little further until my garmin stops giving me daily step goals in the 3-4k range.

I’m actually doing rather okay at sticking to 1500 calories average – 1586 for the last seven days – but my weight is still stuck. My average weight on Jan 19 was 194.0, and still today it is 194.0. On the bright side, I haven’t gained, but it’s super frustrating that I haven’t lost anything yet. Like I said, I know how this goes. For some reason, it usually takes me about 3-6 weeks of trying to lose weight before my body actually decides to get with the effing program. And instead of having enthusiasm at a new goal and being buoyed by some initial progress, I just feel like I’m beating my head against a brick wall. I just have to remember that eventually I’ll break through and the alternative is backsliding (like the last two years) so keep at it I shall.

So, let’s move beyond whining and solve problems.

Problem #1 – I am eating too many calories at my current rate of calorie burn.

So, I need to burn more or eat less. At this point of the year with the cold weather, shorter days, and current work schedule, I’m going to choose to eat less on average. I’m going to try for 1350 calories average. This equates to about 3 days at 1200 calories and 4 days at 1500 calories with some room for error. It’s tough, but doable. I just need to limit my splurges to what I really want, and let’s face it, that splurge is going to be whiskey so I need to watch my food intake.

I haven’t eaten this low cal in a while, but let’s look at a sample day that I could feasibly see doing now (without a lot of meal prep) cutting as many calories as possible but getting good nutrition in:

• Breakfast: Protein smoothie (quest protein powder, strawberries, coconut milk) ~200 calories
• Lunch: Brothy soup and big garden salad (leaving off the fun stuff like cheese and croutons) ~350 calories
• Snack: Quest chips ~130 calories
• Dinner: snap kitchen or frozen meal (up to 500 calories)
• Chocolate square: 40 calories

This keeps me from going crazy low on protein and also doesn’t go low carb but keeps me right around 1200. Lately, I’ve been tolerant of increasing my calories a little here and there because things are yummy (like croutons on a salad) and I need to be shaving them everywhere I can. Maybe it’s okay if my food intake is mostly boring for a while to achieve a goal. It’s not every day and it’s not forever. A couple days a week I can splurge a little, and I’ll be INCREDIBLY motivated to get out and move more when the world allows so I can be a little less restrictive.

I’m also frustrated with running. Wait, let me clarify so the universe and karma doesn’t do me a bad – I’m super happy I’m able to run again regularly and pain free. This is everything. However, I am so slooooooow. My stride is garbage, I feel like a bag of rocks thumping around my neighborhood. I made the right choice sticking to 2-3 miles a few times a week until I don’t feel like I’m running like Phoebe and I just need to keep at it, but since this is my post-o-whining, I’ll mention it here. I miss fast runs where I felt awesome and powerful. I want them back. I have much work to get there. Not much problem solving to do here besides keep weight training to get stronger, keep losing weight to get lighter, and keep doing my 2-3 miles three times a week.

What this means is I need to keep a schedule, and right now I’m hitting 80% of my meager 5h training plan instead of 100%. I find I am better at the beginning of the week, I fall off in the middle, and the weekend is sometimes a toss-up – here I am today with ~1h30 min of biking and 30 mins of running left, and not sure how much of that I’m up for on a day I was supposed to have completely off. During the week, I tend to hit my morning sessions well, lunch is hit or miss, and trying to do anything after work is laughable right now.

I need to hit 100% of my workouts regularly (especially because I still need to add a sport back). So, let’s problem solve:

Problem #2 – I’m skipping sessions when I have a fully reasonable training plan

So why did I skip my training this week? I did fine Monday through Wednesday. On Wednesday, I had a few beverages, so I slept in Thursday (and didn’t bike in the morning). Which is fine, I had a window at lunch… which I ended up working through to prep for an afternoon full of meetings. After work we were so tired, we just noped out of everything and watched TV in bed. Then, Friday, I did my weights in the morning and then was absolutely ROLLING at work being productive (Friday is the one day I don’t have back-to-back meetings for 6+ hours) and told myself I’d hit it as soon as my short afternoon meeting block (1-3:30) was done. Well, my “short” meeting block ended up more like 1-4:30, and went through some very frustrating stuff through the afternoon and still had work to get done. All of a sudden it was 8pm and yeah, no way. And all that meant we slacked off yet again. I managed to get one bike done yesterday, and looking to ride again today, but not sure I have the oomph to make it a brick.

Talking through this, I need to understand that mornings are my friend. I probably need to move the cardio there. It’s much easier to snake 20 minutes somewhere else in the day to get a few circuits done instead of trying to will myself to get on the bike or run for 30-45 mins during a very busy day. I seem to have luck with lunch workouts Mon-Wed though, so I can probably count on those. Then, what does a schedule with this in mind look like:

• Monday: 2-3 mile run AM, weights lunch
• Tuesday: 30-45 min bike AM
• Wednesday: 2-3 mile run AM, weights lunch
• Thursday: off
• Friday: 30-45 min bike AM, weights lunch (or before dinner)
• Saturday: 1h bike/30 min run brick
• Sunday: off

I seem to have success with Monday and Wednesday workouts at lunch, so may stick with my previous schedule (the run and weights switched) until the weather isn’t in the 30s before work. 😛

The worst day for me to complete workouts lately has been Fridays. Since I actually have a morning off meetings to work, I hate cutting into it with two workouts. I can certainly get the circuits done (and usually do) but I often end up skipping my lunch workouts. The obvious change it to move it to Thursday, but my body appreciates having a day off mid-week to rest. I may just make it a loose goal to get it done earlier in the week and if I don’t, it’s just non-negotiable for Friday, I have to make it work (by doing it in the morning and squeezing weights in at another time).

The next problem is how I’m going to put swimming on this schedule too in the next few weeks, but I’ll work to solve these two first. 🙂

Let me conclude by saying it’s not all crap. My cycling is going well and I’m able to hold a few mph more on the trainer more than I was a month ago. Three months ago I couldn’t do one pushup from my toes, and Friday, I did two sets of 15. I’m not perfect but I am prioritizing recovery, doing at least two things from the recovery arsenal each day (boots, stretch, roll, massage, ice). I could be sleeping better, but my average sleep time and score (thanks garmin for gamifying sleep!) is much better than it was late 2021. I remember to do hobby things at least a few times a week and optimizing my time fairly decently most days. However, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows right now. It’s okay, I know how this goes and I just need to keep being patient and persistent.

I spent New Years Eve on a boat! It did not suck!

And it’s a month later and I haven’t written about it, wheeee!

We decided that we wanted to do something different for NYE instead of the party we normally host, since we didn’t feel comfortable peopling in that large of a group. Last New Year’s camping was fun but felt really FOMO-y when the clock hit midnight and it was just us and super quiet. We wanted to do something a little more epic if we weren’t going to do normal.

We considered doing something like Bonaire, or another all-inclusive, but decided on a cruise because we wanted something where we didn’t have the opportunity to dive every day so we were forced to relax. So, December 31st, after frantically searching for and paying premium for a Covid test the day before, we made our way to Galveston to hop on the Carnival Vista.

Love that the ships are embracing technology – at 7am we woke to a text message saying that the port was closed due to fog and there would be delays – the last time this happened we just had to show up and wait. We took a much more leisurely approach to the morning and afternoon, leaving a little later (and actually turning around to grab something we forgot instead of just forging on), stopping for a sit-down lunch, and taking some time to explore Galveston Pier when we got there instead of rushing to the ship.

It took about 90 minutes to go from parking to ship, which is a little more than we expected, but we got settled quickly and went out to explore the ship, get some dinner, and take advantage of our drink package. Sadly, we found out Texas laws are annoying, and the drink package doesn’t kick in until Day 2. Normally we’d just play it casual the first night, but it was New Years Eve, so we just braced for an additional bar bill and enjoyed ourselves. It was fun to toast 2022 with a big group of (socially distanced) people, but I don’t think this is a new tradition or anything.

I broke my New Years Day tradition of running, but I did bike for 30 mins and lifted (I refuse to run on a moving ship, and it was rocky AF that day anyway) so we’ll call it a decent substitute.

Cozumel

We had hoped to dive in Cozumel, but there was no tour offered through the ship and our favorite dive shop was closed. Because of the delay to sail, we were in port later (130pm-9pm), so we couldn’t really just shop around for an afternoon dive (they usually leave around noon or 1). We packed our gear and wandered around the port and then just decided to take a last-minute beach break that advertised good snorkeling.

We actually quite enjoyed it! On a trip with a drink package, there wasn’t a need for us to go to Playa Mia with it’s open bar or anything like that – a cheap transport and private beach with fishies was all we needed. While I won’t say it was the BEST snorkeling we ever had, it was more than adequate. And we caught some gorgeous sunset action.

Belize

We didn’t bother getting off the ship in Costa Maya, since the main draw of the port is a swim up bar (which was kinda like Covid soup). For Belize, we had a fairly quick mission – take the ferry ride from the boat to the port, get a Belikin and some Belizian meat pies for lunch, and head back.

Success. And we also found our Leah + Joel was here on the wall at the Wet Lizard bar from 2018!

Roatan

This was the only place we had something booked – a 2-tank dive. Since it was the only one on the whole trip offered through the ship, it was SUPER crowded. It was really too people-y for me so I spent much time either on the bow of the ship or the captain’s perch on top of the boat. The first dive was a little annoying with so many people in proximity there was a lot of unintentional kicking and such, but the second dive we were able to hang back a bit and one of the divemasters stayed with us and helped us spot some great things!

After we returned to the ship and changed and ate some lunch, we went on the little “nature hike” that was by the port. It was actually super pretty and I got some decent photos.

Shipboard activities

Most mornings, we had a pretty solid routine: wake up, snap pretty pictures on the balcony, read a bit, forage breakfast and coffee (I often grabbed a cold sandwich from the deli the night before and stuck it in the fridge), and then hit the gym. We stuck to the bikes for cardio, doing an hour most days (I had a new music playlist and the bikes had solitaire built in, I was entertained) and lifted 5 times. After, we leisurely stretched and rolled in the spin studio before perusing our lunch options. One might protest that spending so much time in the gym is not a relaxing vacation but for us, it was.

I did not spend much time in the pools or hot tubs, again, it was very people-y and I just didn’t want to be that close. We read a lot on deck, on our patio, and sometimes just laid in bed and read and napped with the windows open. It was glorious.

We did ride the sky bikes and did the waterslide once. And, I spent a lot of time, as per usual, hunting down photo ops of cool things. The sunset was a revered and sacred time in which I typically ran around all the top decks looking for the best shot I could find of the sun doing spectacular things before it went away for the day.

And… we ate. A lot. The ship had a lot of interesting food with that deli (this was one of the best meatball sandwiches I’ve ever had), a BBQ spot, the best burgers I’ve had on a cruise ship, a Mongolian grill, 24-hour pizza joint, a create-your-own pasta bar, and a great buffet. The dining room was okayyy. We went a few times when a slow-paced multi course meal sounded good, but kind found we’d rather grab some food quickly and move on with our days.

I can say that I escaped without experiencing the fun which is Covid (at least if the home test is to be believed), but I had very little appetite the last day or two of the trip, and some real fun stomach grossness hit me on the way home and stuck with me for the next week and a half.

The trip did what it was supposed to do – provide us with eight days to just do whatever – and kept us from being too active on vacation. We are also both excited for our next trip that’s just us to go somewhere to do a more adventure-y vacation, so don’t expect us to lose our craziness and just lounge on a deck but it was sure nice this time. 🙂

According to Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

However, it’s terribly convenient when you’ve done something previously that you want to replicate. I’m ready to do 2018 over and hopefully produce the same effects. This was the year I lost the weight, smashed my goals, got my courage and confidence back, and really came into my own. It’s kind past me to leave myself a roadmap through this blog, even though I travelled this road before, it’s a nice reminder on all the turns I took to get there.

I do need to remember that while the goals are the same, the circumstances are a little different. We were not mid-pandemic in 2018. In some respects, this doesn’t matter a bit but with Omicron still a THING right now, I’m a little hesitant to get back to the gym which means I’m lifting, but not heavy and doing the same circuit over and over until we can meet with the new trainer. I’m also not swimming. It’s been a month since I’ve been in the pool and while I feel a little less hesitant to do this than breathe heavy in a gym indoors, it’s still being around people without a mask which feels bad right now.

And, of course, my job is way more exciting/stressful than it was in 2018. Whatever past me -that sweet summer child – said to the otherwise, my day to day was a cakewalk compared to 2022. I love it, but it does mean work encroaches on my personal time rather than in 2018, my personal time sometimes encroached on work (four years ago, I might have had time while waiting on something from someone, and, say, go track my food for the day, or put together a training plan, or calculate diet quality, and I don’t have these downtimes now). I have been doing much better with my time management. My focus hour is non-negotiable to get scheduled over, I’ve been able to quit working at a reasonable time most days, and I’ve been better about pushing back on meetings for which I don’t have time. However, it’s a far cry from what life was like in 2018.

Since this was my #1 goal for 2022, and it’s the end of the first month at it, here’s a check in for posterity

• Making myself a daily checklist of non-work things – doing better. I don’t have time for all of them, and some days I still just eff off and be utterly unproductive, but much more often, I’m one with my to do list and do fun/useful things instead of just doomscrolling.
• Giving myself 1 hour per day (and a half day on Friday) true focus time – wayyyy better then 2021, but not perfect. I’ve done a great job preserving this time – but sometimes I forget to shut down Teams and I’ll munch this time with correspondence. It’s a good reminder to reset and not do that. Once success not listed is that I’m also holding the line and keeping a lunch scheduled (which is often my workout!)
• Enforcing shutting down my work computer at least once a month for a fresh start – great reminder to do this Monday since it’s the last day of the month!
• Using a daily cut off time where work ends and I’m unavailable – I actually haven’t done this much but it’s because I’ve been able to quit working at a normal time most days.
• After hours chats – These have been less frequent and when they’ve been happening, utterly non-work related and been the equivalent of havin’ a beer/social time.
• Carrying work “home” with me – I feel like I’ve been way better. I’m not waking up in the middle of the night thinking about work. I’m not spending full weekends or evenings ruminating on things. On Friday, Joel and I were decompressing, and we gave ourselves a time cutoff – at 6pm we’d stop work talk and I think I only violated it once after with a short comment I had forgotten earlier.

All in all, I feel less like I’m drowning. So, I’ll call it a win. Next month I would like to maintain my progress here, and improve the frequency in which I can say I’ve gotten true work focus hours five days per week.

Training

Yet again, let me reiterate that it’s been a crazy relief not to be training for an Ironman. The ability to do less and focus on a distance that feels like something I can rock, not just limp through, is super encouraging for me.

Since we last spoke, I’ve ran twice, lifted three times, cycled three times, and been back on my recovery, stretching/rolling/icing/boots at least every other day. I made and actually followed a training plan (missing only one run because my upper back decided to spazz out). While this isn’t necessarily revolutionary (I was at least SOMEWHAT following one for Kerrville), I actually had some enthusiasm for it, so that’s different!

This week:

• Monday: 30 min speedwork (spinups) on the bike
• Tuesday: circuits (did 3!), 2.5 mile super happy run
• Wednesday: 40 min speedwork (spinups) on the bike
• Thursday: off
• Friday: circuits (2), skipped my 2-3 mile run
• Saturday: off
• Sunday (today): 1 hour bike, 2-3 mile run, circuits

Next week:

• Monday: circuits, 2-3 mile run
• Tuesday: 30-45 min bike speedwork
• Wednesday: circuts, 2-3 mile run
• Thursday: off
• Friday: 30-45 min bike speedwork, circuts
• Saturday: 1 hour bike, 2-3 mile run
• Sunday: off

If it looks the samey same, that’s intentional, right now I’m just trying to build the 5-day/week habit. On the run, I’m working form rather than anything else, and there’s no reason for me to traverse more than a few miles until my stride feels like my own again. I’m ditching the third circuit this week to get back on a MWF schedule. On the bike, I’m pulling about 2-3 mph higher than I was previously. I can’t quite face the FTP test yet but maybe Joel can talk me into it soon. Overall, it’s like 4-5 hours per week right now but it’s a quality 4-5 hours and I am happy with this.

Training regularly was my #3 goal for 2022 – but since I was geared toward the IM distance, most of the points are invalid. So, let me come up with some new ones:

• Get back to the pool 1x week when it’s reasonable to do so. Either a super non-peak time at the indoor pool or when the allergies are better at the outdoor one. When I do swim, focus on form and speed vs distance. Short 100s with rests and drills are better than 2:10/100y easy swims rn.
• Continue doing some level of speedwork almost every ride and ride 3x week. Take an FTP test in Feburary (and each month after).
• Run 2-3x week short and speedy. Keep runs to 5k max UNTIL I have fixed my stride (that is, can run ~10 min/miles easy). Speedwork here once a week.
• 3x week weights. Get back to the gym as soon as it feels safe to do so, but maintain at home until then.
• Follow a training plan. When I fail to plan, I really plan to fail. I do much better when I schedule myself time to workout because if I don’t, I’ll push it from the morning to lunch, munch my lunch procrastinating, and then after work I’m just wiped and don’t wanna. If I know I need to bike before work on Wednesday because it’s the time I have to do it, I’m way more likely to actually do it!

The Fifth Sport

I am actually tracking shit again – both my calories and my weight. It’s the first time since the glorious 2018 shedding of weight and apathy that I’ve been able to make myself do it regularly.

Calories

I have actually tracked enough that I can verify that my average calories per day for the last 7 days average 1488. Neat! My goal is 1500 average, and I was able to get there with one day of 1200 because I wasn’t that hungry, and a few 1400 days to make up for a 1600 and 1700 one. I was tracking diet quality in 2018, and maybe we’ll get there again, but for now, I’ll just stick with the calorie counting and try to put more veggies in my mouth (I definitely don’t eat as many of those as I used to).

Weight

Originally, I cut off the actual weights and was going to just show the trend, but let’s be honest at how far I’ve slipped since 2020.

My weight never quite hit the number of ultimate and extreme panic (200) but it got SHOCKINGLY close. Of course, I decided to start weighing right around that lovely time of the month, so of course the trend goes UP right away, but it’s coming down nicely. I’m hoping I make it back into the 180s regularly in February.

I don’t like the numbers, but the only way I succeed is to track, so here we are. This is where we start.

As this is goal #2 for the year, let’s also make with the January recap:

• Track my food – check. This has become a habit. I’m doing this daily, typically as I eat every meal now.
• Aim for 1500 calories a day average – check. I did overeat a bit yesterday but I just know I need to bring the average down today with high-volume low-calorie foods.
• Continue to weight train – check!
• Weigh at least 4 times a week – check! I don’t like the number, but I know the only way to change it is face it.
• Make use of healthy meal delivery services – I’ve been leaving the house to pick these up instead. It’s been working. If I get to the point where I don’t do that anymore I’ll get on the food delivery train but I’d rather choose each week.
• Noom et al – have not explored any other apps yet. I think this is okay. I know tracking works, just need to stick with it.

All in all, February’s goals are to concentrate on the things I can control and try to walk the same path as my 2018 self as she became more comfortable in her skin. Even though every step might not be the same one I took before, hopefully they’ll still lead in the same direction.

It’s only January and I’m talking about giving up. But it’s actually a really good thing, I promise…

My facebook post about this race came up in the “three years ago” memories. Joel sent it to me in a message with the comment – “I haven’t seen you look this happy in years.” He’s not wrong. I want to be this happy again and my 2022 path needs to change if I want to make that happen.

After limping through Kerrville last year, building to an Ironman seemed reasonably doable, even with a break. I took one in October, because I really, really needed it. Then as the weather started to be the loveliest version of fall, I started running again. It was going really well for a while! I resumed weight training and swimming too after joining a second gym, and it all seemed copacetic. Maybe the Ironman would be possible after all! In November, I think my hopes were the highest.

Then, in mid-December, I came down with cranky heel syndrome (yes, it’s the technical term). For about a month, even on vacation, we maintained cycling base (30-90 min rides) and strength work. I was pretty nervous by that point, but figured after I returned from the cruise, then I’d come back rested and hit it super hard. Instead, I returned sick as an effing dog, and I hit the bed and Pedialyte reps instead. I was terrified it was Covid, and thankfully tested negative, but still endured almost 2 weeks of low energy, digestive issues, major dehydration, and alternating between being a sleep monster (literally could only work and sleep) and unable to sleep because of some sort of skin reaction that made me itch like a mofo. I finally coaxed the demon out of my meatbag earlier this week, realized I’m 3 months away from Ironman and started freaking out.

This is not the way to start a year or a training cycle. So, maybe I just won’t.

I think I’ve decided to give up on Ironman Texas. I am not excited about it in the slightest. Ironman takes heart, soul, blood, sweat, tears, and a whole lotta fire in your belly to complete. I have NONE of that toward this effort. It feels like an obligation me-three-years-ago made, so I “should” do it. Screw that. I wanted it in 2020. Putting in the work was a challenge that made me smile. Right now it doesn’t. When you think of something so beautiful as the Ironman experience, the inexplicable joy of suffering and rending your heart and soul bare, when you think of this as obligation, it’s the wrong fit. Period.

I don’t even care about the race entry fees. Making a decision to soldier forward on a bad path only due to sunk costs is a bad call. IM can consider my race fee a donation. However, I have never not started a race I signed up for except when I was injured. It’s a weird feeling to give up on it, since I don’t give up on things, but I deserve to pivot and change plans to chase my happy again. So, I shall.

Instead, we decided to sign up for ALL THE SMALLER RACES instead and chase that sh*t- eating grin of a hard-fought PR, age group medal, or just racing my arse off and feeling amazing at the finish line. In the span of 24 hours, I went from absolutely dreading everything about triathlon to smiling, thinking about the potential of the season to come, and making a race schedule and a training plan (which makes me smile because it is SO doable, where training for the IM was going to be a HUGE stretch. The utter dread has been replaced with sly smiles and utter enthusiasm. It feels SO GOOD to have the sword of Damocles that was Ironman no longer looming large. If I was iffy about my decision yesterday, I have no doubts today.

I’m looking at these potential races for the year:

• 3/26 South Padre (sprint)
• 4/3 Cal tri (Pflug) (sprint or olympic)
• 5/1 Texasman X50 5-1 (X-50)
• 5/21 No Label Tri (sprint)
• 6/6 Wincrest (super sprint)
• 6/26 Lake PF Tri (sprint)
• 7/10 Tri Waco (sprint, oly)
• 9/26 Kerrville (Half)

I don’t think I’ll sign up for all of them (the South Padre and No Label are the first that would drop off, in that order), but the idea of some more frequent race/camp weekends sounds like SO MUCH FUN. I get to return to X-50 at Texasman, which I really enjoyed in 2014 (wow, it’s been EIGHT YEARS?). It’s enough distance to encourage me to maintain some volume this spring, but not to the point where all I’m doing is long slow sloggy hours. I would like another crack at Kerrville to see if I can, by that time, race a half ironman instead of limp through one, but I’m open to doing the sprint or Olympic if the idea of some longer training sounds like an obligation instead of an exciting challenge.

This change also allows me to continue to focus on getting strong and body composition. In November, I couldn’t even do one pushup from my toes. Yesterday, I did two sets of ten as part of my circuit. It’s not the three sets of twenty I used to easily knock out but a large improvement from two months ago. I’m very motivated to keep going here. I feel like a sturdier human being with better posture, if nothing else. With the level of training I’m planning, sticking to an average of 1500 calories per day is actually very reasonable without negative impact to my body, and should net me some results.

Really, with the reset in goals, 2022 appears to now be mirroring 2018 instead of 2017. I spent the winter getting strong, losing weight, and working form. In the Spring, I raced shorter, more frequently, and I found my mojo and started placing at races. I’m starting ~5-8 lbs higher than I was in Jan 2018, but I’d love to replicate this:

It’s doable. It takes work, care, and attention. It also takes enthusiasm. And I feel that enthusiasm now, excited to solve the problem and undertake the challenge.

So, we embark. Here’s where I’m at right now and where I need to focus on the five sports:

Swim – I’m fully comfortable swimming 1-1.2k right now. I’m also slow AF right now because being injured degraded my form. My back is fine now, but my stroke is still janky. So, next steps?*

• Swim 2x week. No pressure to rush into longer swims than 20-30 mins, but just getting to the pool twice a week is key.
• Bring the toys and do drills. Now that I’m not worried about building my distance to swim for 2.4 miles, I can work on my form so I can swim faster.
• Once my form feels like a fish and not a flounder, do some speedwork. But that’s not useful until I feel like I’m gliding through the water instead of muscling through it.

*With omicron spreading like wildfire right now, I’m avoiding the gym for a bit. The pool is the FIRST place I’ll feel comfortable returning to, especially the outdoor pool at Lifetime, but I’m going to give it one more week to stay away from humans just to make sure.

Bike – I’m at a comfort level of 60-90 minutes on the trainer, which should easily translate to about 1.5-2 hours outside casual road riding. I’ve been eschewing any level of effort simply to build distance since 2020, since that’s been necessary. Now it’s not! My Spring “A” Race is 40 miles on the bike, which on the TT, should take me a little over 2 hours. So, while I need to not COMPLETELY neglect some distance riding, I can focus on getting faster which just made me go “wheeeee” and also “ieeeeee” at the same time.

• This means the dreaded FTP tests should start soon. February 1st, I’m looking at you. I need to look at it like my weight progress – this is where I’m at right now – and focus on making the 2022 number go up, not looking at how many watts I’ve lost since 2019.
• My trainer rides mayyyybe need to be a little more focused than just watching Bloodbowl games and pedaling easily each time. Definitely 1x week needs to be speedwork if not more often. Bloodbowl games can prompt speedwork too (sprint for 60 seconds every time an elf gets injured!).
• But also, when the Austin allergy season dies down, I need to do some outdoor rides in the sunshine. These make my heart happy.

Run – my comfort level is unknown. At present time, my cranky heel is feeling happy and fine, so I’m ready to try again.* This is another area where my back injury is still effing with my form. Thankfully, if I am not worried about ramping distance so quickly, I can work on that!

• I need to refresh myself on my pre-run drills, concentrate on my form during the run, and work hip flexibility. This helped me decrease my pace a lot in 2018, and it can work for me again this year.
• Speedwork needs to return to my life. I’m fine keeping the runs shorter for the next two months (3-5 miles) if I can cut my pace from the 12 minute/miles closer to 10. We do this by running faster in shorter intervals.
• I do owe myself a half marathon as a 3M virtual race, but I’ll just keep the shirt around and worst case, I’ll earn it at Kerrville completing the half. I do love long runs, I love them SO MUCH, but I need to earn the right to run again instead of faking it.

*Some unknowns about how often I can run as Austin’s air is often trying to kill me and I don’t really feel comfortable enough to run in a gym on a treadmill (read: breathe heavy around a lot of people during this Omicron BS). However, I’m willing to endure a little bit of allergy malaise to try to get out 2-3x week for short jaunts.

Strength (the 4th sport): I’ve talked about this a lot, so the only thing I have to say is I’m committed to hitting this three time a week, doing whatever the trainer says to do. Like I’ve done every week since November except the week I was sick. Non. effing. negotiable. Nuff said. Let’s move on.

Nutrition (the 5th sport): Ok, here we go. I know what needs to be done. I just need to do it. Let’s call this #projectraceweight, Take 4. I’m just cutting and pasting past me’s planning and wisdom from March 2018:

• Eat 1500 calories or less UNLESS it’s that special once a week splurge day IF you need it.
• Eat good quality food 90% of the time.
• Don’t eat random crap just because it’s there.  If you splurge, do it because you absolutely MUST HAVE THE THING and do that not very often.
• This actually means a lot to you, so don’t eff it up with self-sabotage.
• This is temporary and you are really good at maintaining your weight* once you settle somewhere, so you won’t have to be this neurotic forever.

*except in times of a pandemic, I guess.

All in all, I’m energized, excited, and so relieved to be following 2018’s path instead of 2017’s. Something about the shift just flipped my confidence on, I believe in myself instead of being filled with doubt and I think that’s going to make all the difference this year. I’ve made this journey before, and previous versions of myself been kind enough to detail a path to success, leaving myself this map and plan via year of blog posts, telling me how to return to my happy place.