Adjusted Reality

Six years ago, I could barely cross a parking lot without breathing hard.  Five years ago, I was making progress, and getting active, but running was the furthest thing in my mind.  Four years ago, I attempted to run a mile, almost passed out and died at the end of it, didn’t run for 2 more months, but then later in the year tried it again and didn’t die quite as much.  Then I ran a mile and a quarter.  Then a mile and a half.  Then, I banged out my first 5k on the treadmill and was elated!  There was something to this running thing.

Three years ago, I kept working on upping my mileage and getting faster.  I ran my first 5k road race a few days before I turned 30.  I wasn’t the slowest person, like I had feared, but what really opened my eyes was the 60-some grey haired man who smoked my ass in the race.  I could not catch him even if I tried.  It wasn’t all downhill after age 30!  Also, my goal was 30 minutes and I soundly thrashed that by coming in just under 28.  That year, I ran my first 10k (goal time 1 hour, hit just under 57 minutes), ran my first marathon in the heat of the summer (goal 2:15, hit 2:16), and my first 5 mile turkey trot (goal was under 45, I came in under 46).

Two years ago, I trained really hard to get a sub-2 hour half marathon and got almost there, and then the week of got really sick and barely made it through with 2:19.  That frustrated me and I took a little time to pout, but then decided to dip my toe into multisport to change it up.  I tackled my first duathlon, my first sprint tri, and my first olympic distance (which just about killed me – 4 hours of constant movement? who does that? :D), and on a whim, decided to use that extra endurance I had built up and ran a fall half marathon (because, really, I was a runner at heart) and KILLED IT (2:08, 7 minute PR).  I was totally high and in love with racing and running, but super burnt out from a long season, so I took some time off.

One year ago, Zliten really started to race with me (he did a few times in 2009 and about half in 2010 but mostly he was my… as they say, athletic supporter ;D).  He got the bug HARD and we raced A LOT.  We did a bunch of sprint triathlons, in which I slowly improved my time, and a bunch of races overall.  I slowly moved from being a runner with a bike and a swim cap, to a more balanced triathlete.  I still always sighed a relief when I got to the run leg though – it was my home, my comfort.

This year, as you know – the goal is 24 races in 12 months.  My first metric century ride (first on accident, then on purpose).  My first half ironman.  #20 is in just four days, and it’s a doozy.  Not the first time I’ve attempted it, but the first time I’ve arrived at the week before a marathon I planned to run happy, healthy, tapered, trained, and ready to go.

Yes, this is where I’m at now.  No more freakouts.  Let’s do this.

I realized that I had fallen a bit out of love with running this year.  I felt betrayed and foresaken by my body and mind when I just couldn’t make it through the miles to marathon in February.  I put in a lot of long, slow, draggy miles in the heat this year which I did not love.  I love going fast, speedwork is my favorite session of the week, but to get to 70.3 with the training time I had – it was miles miles miles and no track Fridays.   Then, after the half ironman, I was faced with what had become my least favorite leg of the triathlon, all the time, to get a crash course in marathon training.

I really pouted about it (and HURT for the first two weeks) until something happened.  And it always happens when I run more.  I get better, and faster.  Running with the boys at lunch really helped me to remember what a sub-10 minute mile pace is and I look forward to trying to keep up with the front of the pack soon.  All of a sudden I went from bagging runs because I could barely walk to being able to actually complete a week, as planned, feeling great, hitting paces, and remembering what it felt like to really train as a runner.

The last two weeks, every run has been great.  11-11:30 (marathon pace) is like second nature to me.  Runs have brought me out of funks.  Runs have made me sleep better (and skipping a run made me sleep crappy).  Runs allowed me to take a break in the middle of a chaotic day and get out in the sunshine at lunch.

And now, in just 4 days, I’ll be doing a bit of running in San Antonio.  No big deal, just 26.2 miles.

And here is the requisite goals section:

Pre race:
-No more freakouts.  Remember that mental game I put on the shelf?  Take just a little bit of that out of the box now, and shift my attitude to being excited!  I’m doing my first marathon!  This is a momentus occasion, not something of which to be terrified!
-Good food that comes from my kitchen.  Lots of complex carbs and as much as I need to feel full.  Limit sweets and treats.  Starting Friday night, lots of simple carbs that go through me quick and top off my tank.  Nothing spicy, greasy, fried, or low quality.
-Lots of sleep.  Running when it doesn’t stress me out to run and in short durations.  Running around MP.  A walk tonight.
-Take time to envision what the perfect race would entail (not tied to time, but to feeling/effort)
-Have a “just as expected morning” involving all the normal pre-race stuff I’ve got down.

All-going-according to plan, plan:

Mile 1-15:
Go out with the 5 hour pacer.  By all means do not lose them (going slower or faster).  Eat at mile 5, 10, and 15.

Mile 15-20:
If I’m still feeling good, start decreasing pace slowly.  Stay between 10:30-11:30.  If I’m feeling rough, just keep hanging with the pacer.  FIGHT.  Either way, eat at mile 20.  Remind myself that walking and slowing down isn’t going to make me feel better, and isn’t going to do me any good.  There is keep this pace, or quit.  Slow hurts worse (during and after).

Mile 20-23:
If I’m feeling good, hang with or decrease pace to 10:30-11:30.  If I’m feeling rough, just keep hanging with the pacer. Same as above.   FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.  Think that this is a distance PR from here on out.  Think that this is just the end of an ironman in a few years.  Think that years ago I couldn’t run a mile.  Think that 6 weeks ago, you completed your first half ironman.  Think that 6 months ago, you completed your first metric century in about the same amount of hours. Decide what food will be mine when I make it over that line… FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

Mile 24-26.2:
If I’m feeling good, time to guts out whatever pace I think I can.  If my brain is still functioning, try to do math and see what I can shoot for.  If I’m close to 5, figure out what I have to do to get under it.  If I’m close to another round number, see if I can get my feet going to hit that.  If I’m feeling rough, try to continue to hang with the pacer, maybe they’ll give me a piggy back.  Remind myself this is it.  Season is over in about 30 mins.  Fun runs from now until January and a lot of fuck all else.  This is the one to waste my legs on.  Remember when you weren’t sore after that 70.3?  Let’s make up for that.  Champagne is much better with a good time.  My legs are still fine, as long as my brain is.  The faster you get to the finish line, the faster it’s done.  Walking is for suckers.  FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT until the tape!

Alternate plan:
If something really effs up my day, drop all time considerations, flip the garmin to another screen that doesn’t have pace/time/etc, and realize – hey, first 26.2 miles!  FIGHT when I can, just keep moving.  If it takes me 7 hours, whatevs!

After:
-Try not to get sent to the med tent looking like this.
-Remember that walking gets better after a bit, my legs won’t feel that way forever.

Time goals:

A+: under 5 hours
A: in the time allotted

It’s my first marathon, I’m allowed wishy-washy goals!  I have a plan to execute on to get the time I’m looking for, but I’m not going to get upset with myself if I don’t hit it perfectly as long as I keep my head in the game and make the right decisions at the time.

Full disclosure, linking this video so I can get entered for a super sweet t-shirt giveaway, but it really reminded me to get going on a timely topic and post more positive pre-marathon thoughts than my wah-wah-wah-I’m-tired-and-scared post.

Well, next time we talk, I’ll be a marathoner. Wish me luck, success, good weather, good sleep, speedy legs, and most imporatantly, a brain that shows up that morning ready to FIGHT.

Wrote this up yesterday and forgot to post, so forgive the day shift.  My brain is a little better today, but still… crazy.

Oh marathon training.

On the way home from my run today, I had a weird thought.  Triathlon training feels like hanging out with the dudes.  Occasionally there’s drama or a bad day but generally it’s just chill and there aren’t as many highs and lows.  In a week, I would rarely feel down, because maybe a run sucked, but my bike was AWESOME and I had a solid swim so it was a-ok and during the rest of the time I was probably sleeping, eating, drinking or working anyway so I didn’t really have time to think much.  Marathon training, it’s like hanging out with the cheerleader clique at the mall.  If you have a great run, it’s like the highest high and you’re like bffs forever.  If you have a shitty run, or feel down about your training, it’s like they’re snubbing you for no reason and calling you a slut behind your back.  And you don’t have your biking and swimming bros to go hang out with instead.

Because that doesn’t matter right now.  The amazing-tastic trainer rides I’m doing lately mean nothing to me right now because they are not directly related to getting me closer to crossing that line in… a week and 3 days.  Yeah.  That’s not helping either.

So I figured I was going to allow myself one post of my worries and then get on with it.  I did say I was putting my mental game in a box and saving it for race day, but I didn’t invite stupid brain back to the party.

Worry #1: I’m not ready.  It’s just the fear of the unknown.  I have not covered more than 20 miles before.  I have attempted a lot of long runs where either my head, my heart, or my body didn’t show up that day.  I know completing a half ironman has helped my confidence and endurance, but it’s not the same animal.  Plus, I did BONK at the end due to body issues.

Worry #2 Not enough medium long runs.  I did a lot of them over the summer, but this whole “not light until almost 8 am” and just some lack of motivation has had me doing a lot of shorter and 2-a-days instead of 8-12 continuous miles, and I’m worried that this will affect me.  I know ultra runners do a lot of this type of training and they seem to get through, but still.  Nothing about the lead up to this race could be called conventional.

Worry #3 My mind and my body won’t work together.  I have learned in the last month that my body can hold an 11-11:30 pace forever.  That is it’s happy spot.  My brain wants me more around 12:30-13.  My body actually does not like the slowing, and my form breaks down and I start to hurt more and I slow more, and it’s this vicious cycle which will include walking (ultimate defeat) and cursing and general malaise and discontent.  I need my brain to fight to keep going at the pace which my body is comfortable.  I’ve picked a pretty reasonable MP, I just need to execute.

Worry #4 The tireds.  While my runs are actually going great, I have just been REALLY TIRED this week and all I want to do is curl up and sleep.  This is TAPER.  I’m supposed to feel like a caged tiger.  I feel like a caged two-t0ed sloth.

Worry #5 To run with Zliten or not.  He’s doing the half.  I can have awesome company for 11 miles and then deal with the grievance of a running partner for the last 15.  Or,  I can fly solo and not have the down, but also not have the ability to just focus on running with someone for the first 11.  I’ve been going back and forth for the last month.   It may be a race day call.

Worry #6 I stopped strength training regularly in Sept and I really haven’t picked it up.  My body has just been too dang sore to even think about squats and lunges and laziness ensued on crunches and curls.  Hopefully this won’t screw me come M-day (and really, really, for real, I will pick it back up right after.  Honest engine.)

Worry #7 My fucking appetite.  My miles may be on taper, but my stomach thinks I’m currently in peak training mode.  I’ve been trying to mitigate the calorie damage by shoving it full of good quality food like carrots and hummus, apples, nuts, cheese, veggies, salads, etc, but I’m also eating 2.5 (small breakfast, big lunch, decent dinner) foods and some treats along the way.  And it’s not just like I’m eating my emotions – my stomach is like “bitch, give me FOOOD” even if my head is like, “Sigh… really?  We just ate.  Kinda sick of eating right now.”  My metabolism is still definitely on overdrive.

Worry #8 Work.  Huge deadline basically on M day.  The week before is going to be potential stress, long hours, etc.  Really, not ideal for the week before my race.  I need some calmness to get my head ready and I’m afraid I won’t get it.

I mean seriously.  Today I have eaten a bean and cheese breakfast taco, a side of potatoes, amy’s veggie lasagna, a side salad, carrots and hummus, jerky, a fun size candy, sunflower seeds, and it’s just 5pm and OMG NEED DINNER NAOWWWWW (and it’s 2 hours + away).

And there is even the “things I shouldn’t worry about yet” category but are…

Worry #8 My fucking appetite after the marathon and how much I should feed the stomach beast.  It is going to be a painful process adjusting to being a normal human.  Calorie tracking.  No meal-snacks in the middle of the afternoon.  I can’t think about how long it’s been since I counted a calorie, pretty much I just ate to keep myself from falling over.  I’m scared of being normal again and I need to give myself time to adjust but not enough time that I gain a bunch of weight, but not so little that I’m still burning up calories like crazy and feel crappy all the time…. really, it would be much easier to just keep training, no? 🙂

Worry #9 I’m not going to know what to do with myself after I stop training.  I mean, I am looking forward to this with all my being right now, but I’m scared that after a few days I won’t know what to do with myself since it’s been since spring 2011?  And once I get used to it, will I not want to start back up? (yeah, I know, TOTALLY RATIONAL stuff)

On top of that, I’ve been doing some deep thought about next season and goals and decisions and shit.  What I really need to be doing is clearing my mind, relaxing, and just visualizing my perfect race like I do for triathlons and calm the fuck down.  As they say, the hay is in the barn.  Nothing I can do right now about my confidence (or lack theirof) in the training I did.  All I can do is just run enough miles to keep my legs fresh but let them recover from a marathon-training month boot camp and work on getting my head on straight.

Doing that means a lot of saying NO.  Up through Sunday, it’s normal operations.  Monday on, if I’m not working, running a very few miles, or eating good food – I will be legs up or sleeping.  Minus the finishers party for the Texas Tri Series where I get to go receive my second place AG (:D) and be good and not drink or stay out late.   I’ve already said no to 2 things that week and I imagine I’ll have to say no to more.  But think of all the things I can say yes to in the coming weeks, with a sweet medal hanging from my kitchen cabinet, and a great story to tell.

Breathe in, breathe out.  3 EZ miles tomorrow AM, 8 miles MP Saturday AM, 3 miles Monday, 5 miles Tuesday, 2 miles Thursday (some combo of M pace and EZ – nothing above 11s)… and that’s all she wrote.  Now that my worries are out, I can focus on the positive and clear my head, and make sure my legs and my brain are BFFs.

Question of the week: what’s the thing that you are most worried about right now? (Type it out, release it, let it go, and move on….)

I’ve now found the cure for a bad run.

Good runs.

I know, revolutionary, right?  Who would have thought getting back on the horse and conquering some awesome runs would help me (/sarcasm).  But for some reason, my mental state about this marathon had me convinced that the awesome 20 was a fluke and I had lost it all and I was fucked and the sky was falling and I had to turn in my endurance athlete card and I may as well just hit the turn in for the half on Nov 11th because I suck.

Dramatics, I know.  But I was run-mopey and grumpy about it until I forced myself to put on my shoes a few days later and just RUN dammit.  And it brought me out of my funk.  My legs didn’t stop functioning, I didn’t stop enjoying a run, I had just had a bad day and needed to get the fuck over it.  So I did 4 runs + 2 bikes over 3 days to get some miles in, all of which were solid, soul soothing, and I didn’t feel broken Thursday night when it was all over.  This was good for Quix-brain.

Being that I had made a comeback, I decided that my last long day of prep today had to be a good test of stupid brain.  I was signed up for a 5k race and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with that when I needed double digits.  At first I thought I’d just jog it at marathon pace, but then I realized that would be missing a good opportunity.  I remember doing 25 miles of bike hills after my last 5k race, and how much HARDER it was than on fresh legs.  Why not test how harder it was to hold m-pace on completely blasted legs?

Then I saw the weather.  Fucking 40 degrees in the morning.  I was not a happy Quix.  I don’t like the cold.  I am definitely not used to it, being this is the coldest it’s been since, oh, February.  Oh well, out comes the cold weather gear.  I was almost thankful for Alaska training because it wasn’t a COMPLETE shock to the system.  But that didn’t mean I wasn’t a whiny little bitch about it.

6:40am today.  Cold.  Dark.  Hate. Grumble.  Get out of bed anyway.  More grumbling.  Get on compression sox, pants, shoes, long sleeve hoodie shirt, jacket, gloves.  Note that my last outdoor run Thursday was 84 and sunny.  Grumble.

7:20.  Get out the door.  Grumble and cuss.  Walk just a little to get moving, and since I’m cold, get going.  Grumble.  Run run run.  Hey, this could be worse.  Run run run.  Ok, this isn’t so bad.  Run faster.  Enjoy the first bit of sunrise.  Unzip the jacket.  Turn into wind.  Zip up jacket.  Think about the day to come, hope I have it in me.  Run a little more and turn into the house. (3 miles – 36 mins, nice ez 12 min/mi pace)

8.  Go home, change shirt, bra, put on arm warmers, decide at last minute that I was bringing my jacket too, nom some cliff blocks (I didn’t eat before), and get going to the race.  When I get there, do a mile and as I finish, it’s time to line up.

My goal was to try to beat 29:16 from last year.  Last year, I went out fast, blew up after 2 miles, and threw myself a pity party for my worst 5k finish time ever and gave up and whined until I got an email saying I was 1st in my age group.  This year, I decided to try to run the opposite race.  Start slower, accelerate, and then kick hard into the finish.

National anthem played, horn sounded, and we got off (that’s what she said).  Zliten actually got ahead of me and I let him go since I was holding at 9:30s.  That was hard.  I wanted to keep up with him.  A bunch of people passed me.  I let them.  I stayed in my little zone.  I knew what was to come – this nice little flat would turn into a monster soon enough.  The only thing that broke my zone was the moment where my jacket, tied around my waist, fell off and almost tripped me.  Doh!  Fixed it and moved on.  Mile 1 ticked over at 9:36, Zliten was still ahead, and now my goal pace dropped from “anything in the 9s” to “under 9:30s”.  We cruised down a hill and I braced myself because what goes down also goes up.  I stopped looking at my garmin through that stretch and just tried to fight that hill with everything I could and then when I crested it, I took a deep breath and got back to the lower 9s.

Around 1.7 was the turn around, I caught up to Zliten, high fived him, and realized I felt good.  I had 3 plans for the last mile.  If I felt awful, just try to maintain whatever I could because it was the worst (STEEEEP downhill then STEEEEEP uphill), if I felt ok, just try to maintain pace.  But I felt good.  GOOD.   So I decided to HURT.  I turned the corner and took off, clocking mostly low 8s.  Zliten said he tried to keep up but I just booked.  I fought up the hill, I exploded down the steep downhill, and steeled myself for the last huge hill.

It was just as bad as I remembered.  I also didn’t look at my garmin during this time but just pushed.  I passed at least 3 girls and a few more when we crested it.  “Keep it going, keep it going” I thought to myself.  Just another turn and we’re done.  I picked off a bunch of people that the hill destroyed, but one girl just flew and I couldn’t catch her.  Sadly, as the finish line appeared my tummy did flipflops and I slowed down ever so slightly (probably from the 6s to the 7s, I was sprinting like I stole something) and crossed and the announcer mentioned my Ironman visor as I finished (thanks for noticing! :D). The clock said 29 something, so I knew it was close.

I paced around like a moron going “where the fuck is the water”, and then as soon as I looked back and I saw an orange jacket booking it in and I cheered.   Zliten finished at about 30:20.  To give you perspective on how much more of an awesome runner he is than last year, he beat his time by 5 MINUTES.  Badass.  And he was injured this week so he was not able to run until yesterday.  Double badass.

Check out the new shooz.   I converted him to my Asics ways.  He likes em.  Also, yeah, race 20.  4 more to finish out the year at 24 races in 12 months.  HELL YAH!

We walked around a bit and he got food and I drooled over food and got fruit (didn’t figure good queso, sammiches, or scallops? would not be good mid-run fuel) so I grabbed a half of a quinoa wrap for later, took it to the car, and did a mile cooldown.  I noticed I kept dipping into m-pace territory and forced myself to slow down (ended around 11;45).  Maybe I was doing better than I thought.

We were going to stay for awards, but then noticed that the results were up in a tent.  Last year, 1st AG (because I guess all the fast people were elsewhere).  This year, 8th.  Womp womp.  Decided at that point, it was time to go get the rest of our day on.  Got home, got some water, ate some honeystinger chews, and got back out before I lost motivation.  I did half a mile warmup to try and make my legs un-stiffify, and noticed that 11s became easier as I went on. At .5 I reset my garmin and started the clock on 6 miles of m-pace (11:30s).

Mile 1 was easy (11:16).  My legs felt warm, the day had warmed enough that it was sunny and gorgeous (with a ls shirt and arm warmers) and I was ready to rock.  However, being half a mile displaced on my normal run course was a little demoralizing.  And it started to affect my pace.   I was slowing. (11:30).  I got to my favorite part of the course and naturally picked up, and then had a little talk with myself.  “Self, this is the test.  It’s time to fight.  This last lap, you are going to FIGHT.” (11:17).  Mile 4 included some uphills, and I fought each one.  When I hit 4, I thought “2 more like this” (11:10).  When I hit the uphills again, I fought each one again.  And every time I fought, I got faster.  My avg pace was around 11:10s (? 20 sec FASTER than m-pace) and it kept feeling better.  Fight. (Mile 5 – 10:49).  Got to my favorite part again.  In the 10s regularly.  FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.  Mile 6 was the fastest at 10:39.  Almost 1 minute faster than m-pace on my 15th mile of the day. I FOUGHT THE RUN AND I WON. 1:06 and change for 6 miles.  About a 11 min/mile pace.

I felt AWESOME, but I figured I should jog it in.  I dropped to the 12s.  …and then my legs HATED me so I walked it in to stretch em out.  Lesson learned.  It’s going to be a huge mental game to stay in the 10s and 11s in the marathon, but thats where my body wants me to be.  My stride felt great, my body felt great, I wasn’t winded… but my brain thinks “danger danger danger it’s going to be a long day slow down or you’re going to blow”.  11s is not too much to ask of my body.  My brain needs to recognize.  My brain needs to FIGHT.  This will be my marathon mantra.   FIGHT.  FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.

Now, it’s time to enjoy my pizza lunch, champagne, rocking out as the slutty pirate for weekend #2 of 3, and putting this mad mental game from today in a little box and bringing it out on m-day and tearing up that course.

I’ll leave you with that so I can start on champagne bottle #3 and more pizza.

Vitals:

Weight I took this week was 178.  Not awesome, but not tragic.

Workouts this week:

Monday: grumpy pants triathlon of whining, pouting, and sleeping
Tuesday: 4.5 miles ran, 20 miles bike
Wednesday: 3 miles ran
Thursday: 5.5 miles before work, 3 at lunch, 11 miles bike after work
Friday: off
Saturday: as above.  15 miles in 2:48 total
Sunday: couch to ass reps

Next week – taper week #1:

Monday: 3-4 mile run
Tuesday: 7-8 mile run
Wednesday: 45 min bike
Thursday: 3-4 mile run
Friday: off
Saturday: 8-10 mile run (last 2 at marathon goal pace)
Sunday: off

A range, because I want to see how my body feels.  The next two weeks are for getting my leggies rested and ready to tackle 26.2.  The proverbial hay is in the barn, so I won’t run through pain or discomfort and just want to keep my body primed for marathon:awesome.

MARATHON:AWESOME.  Two weeks to go.  Let’s do this.  I wanna be a marathoner already.

Motivation hit an all time low kids.  It wasn’t pretty.  Just like the face, yarrrrr….

Well, I have motivation.  But sadly, it’s to curl up and die and hibernate for a week (Nov 16th, I’m looking at you, kid).  I have gotten a taste of what it is to have a social life after 70.3 training and don’t want to give it up.  Marathon training may not take as many hours but I can’t just trade those extra non-training hours for patio drinky time.  I need SO MUCH MORE SLEEP increasing my running volume it’s crazy.  I can get in the pool and on the bike and pound out tired miles np but running really takes effort and focus for me.  If I could just be content to run and eat and sleep it would be perfect.  But, there is worky bits and fun bits and errand bits and cleaning bits (amazing, being home to do more than deposit dirty tri gear and pick up clean stuff makes me actually care that my house is a complete disaster) and coupled with the fact that my eating and sleeping have not been completely normal since getting back from the epic vacation of epic-ness, it’s not helping me be 100% bad ass.

Banking on the endurance I’ve built from tri season to accomplish some fall running goals in a way that makes me feel like a training cycle cheater is something I’ve done for 3 years now.  Year 1, I was so damned burnt out after my first Olympic that I kept on and on that I regretted signing up for the race and wah de wah wah, and then went out and PR’d the shit out of my half marathon by 7 minutes.  Year 2, I trained up for a half, got sick and it rained so it got cancelled, had a bunch of pent up race energy so I raced all winter and never really did great, but also figured out how to not race a race and kept my endurance in the “I can run 13 miles on a whim” category.  Year 3 is this year, and since Olympic to 13.1 went so well, I figured doubling it would be NBD.  Y’know, 3 real weeks to train for a marathon before taper and stuff.  Jury is still out on whether this was a splendid idea or not.  I’ll get back to you about noon on Nov 11th.

However, pretty much every year, I hit this LOW right around now.  I regret signing up for fall races.  I rue that it’s not off season.  I want to sleep in.  I want to take stupid zumba or ice skate or yoga or swim, or ride my bike as long or as short as I feel like it.  I don’t want to be a runner anymore.  If only I could just go swim in Lake Pfugerville instead of another stupid goddamn run.  Couple this with sort of forgetting to take an off-season last year and racing through it and a pretty crazy (cool but crazy) life this year outside of training and racing- I am suffering from a case of the crispies.  It’s making me want to walk the plank, mateys.

Couple this with coming off the high of my first 20 miler, kinda feeling like “ok, I’m ready, let’s run this marathon” and getting smacked in the face with the reality that I still have another month, and I still have lots of running to do, and a DISASTROUS long run on Sunday, does not a sunny Quix make.  I haven’t had my head so far out of the game since the appearance of “Quix is not impressed” at Jack’s Generic after  the epic burnout bike week of 2012.  I cut what was supposed to be an upper double digit long run to 15 before I started, and then walked home defeated at 11 (and I was a long way from there, so 12.6 miles total) because I had no run left in me.  I can make any excuse I want about what other problems were going on (although being on 400+ mile shoes was valid and something I rectified later that day), but it was really my head.  I was in a run-mopey mood the rest of the day (only to be cured with beer and bbq), and the next day I was Jack’s (generic?) Utter Lack of Motivation to do anything.  Yesterday I woke up feeling just as blah but forced myself to get my ass out and apparently the only cure for the blahs is a great 5 miler in new shooz.  I’m not all better but I don’t want to throw my Asics in the trash anymore.

Things that do not make me want to give up my runner card:

1. Actually having some decent runs at semi-decent paces once I get my ass out there.  It’s nice to see 9s and 10s on shorter runs little more often than not.  Gives me hope that I may not run my worst 5k ever this weekend (NOT hoping to PR, just would like to beat last years similarly horrible time on this course).  Along these lines, runs with our new work lunch run club.  Running with faster boys to chase down makes for a bit more speed.
2. Actually having some beautiful weather for runs.  I live for cloudy, 60-70, and a little humid/drizzly on a run.  And that’s the majority of what we are getting.
3. Counting down the runs.  I have 9 more runs until the marathon, after which I can do nothing for 6 weeks if I so choose.
4. Sleeping as much as humanly possible and trying to keep the patio drinking to a minimum.
5. Riding my bike REALLY FAST when I get a chance to do so.

So here I am, having hit the high, the low, and now I’m somewhere in the middle.  I’ll take it.

Going forward, I have set Saturday as my last key day.  I’m going to run a (butt-ass-early) 10k around my neighborhood at EZ pace, I’m racing the fuck out of a 5k, and then I’m coming home to run another 10k at marathon pace.  After the earlier thrashing, holding 11:30s is going to be HARD, but should be a simulation on how I’ll be feeling at the end.

Beyond that, I have approximately 45 other miles to run in the next 2.5 weeks whenever I can get around to it, preferably before Nov 9th so I have a nice 2 day rest, and preferably not too many in one day (read: taper).  The only double digits I’m really hoping to rock are double digits on the hours of sleep per day.

And actually, I’m learning a lot.  Running multiple days in a row, once I got used to it, ain’t so bad.  Running doubles isn’t either and a way to pile on the miles a bit more without getting up at ridiculous o’clock.  It’s not a waste to do a few shorter runs back to back instead of longer and continuous ones.  I fear that I’m probably going to stop hating this run volume and have figured it out and be kinda loving it just in time for taper.  Figures.

If this post is incredibly disjointed, that’s where my head is this week.  Please enjoy some fabulously drunken and costumed pictures of us at our Company Launch/Costume party. Yarr!  So much fun.  I have one more party to go next weekend to so expect more sassy pictures as the sexy pirate wench soon.

Last Week

Monday: 4 mile shakeout – 43 mins
Tuesday: 5 mile before work – 62 mins (sloooow), walk .55 – 9 mins.  Lunch club run – 3.27 in 35 mins
Wednesday: off.  Leggies and brain needed a break
Thursday: 3.1 miles in 30 mins lunch club run.  15.1 miles on trainer in 41 mins on trainer at home.
Friday: off (lots of dancing)
Saturday: off (lots of couch sitting)
Sunday: ~11 miles real running (2:05), 1.6 miles defeated walk home (37 mins), .5 miles treadmill running for new shooz (~5 mins)

This Week

Monday: princess brat went to sleep instead
Tuesday: 4.5 miles in 48:50 of happy rejuvination.  20 speedy trainer miles in 48 mins.
Wednesday: 3 miles.  Was going to either run 2 more or bike agan too but life intervened.
Thursday: 9 miles – combo of before work and at lunch.  Maybe some trainer love.
Friday: off
Saturday: 10k warmup, 5k race, 10k MP
Sunday: off

Next week goals:

More attention on what goes in the cakehole.

A little less of this….

And a little more zzzzz….

If the part of last week’s post talking about the marathon upcoming was disjointed and weird, it was because I wrote and edited it over a few days and my brain kept changing.  Here’s where my head was at:

Monday: hamstring’s a little tight but whatevs.  Run 3 fast outside and feel ok.
Tuesday: hamstring’s stil hurting and tighter.  Decide to work quads on the bike.  Hurt hip. Fuck.
Wednesday: hamstring is like a rock and hip hurtiing.  Bag the 3 miler I was going to do that day and just rested.  Brain starts reeling about how stupid I was for thinking 70.3 training did anything for me for marathoning, that if I was going to get through this race, I was going to go in either woefully unprepared if I rested like I needed to or in some form of injury.
Thursday: a little better in the AM.  Run 2 miles and it starts tightening up so I walk the last mile and save my legs for the race.
Thursday night: getting to be a huge headcase and threw a tantrum and got drunk and went to bed at 2:30 when I had to get up at 7:30 for work.  Pretty much my subconscious pulling the “well, if I’m going to go into the day fucked, I might as well go in righteously fucked.  Pretty teenage of you, subconscious.
Friday morning: exhausted and a little pissed at myself… but hip and hammy feel a little better.  Drive to Dallas takes 5 hours (and we all know that 5 hours in a car is GREAT for hurty legs), getting in at 10:30, sleep at 11:30 for a 5am wakeup.  Fuck fuck fuck.  I never do well with bad sleep 2 days in a row.  This is going to be a disaster.

Even though I channeled the brat on Thursday night, I did ice and stretch and foam roll and biofreeze and shocky like a champ.  Even though I just wanted to run right through it because it didn’t hurt while running and see what happened with it, I can’t do that so close to the marathon.  If the option is undertrained or injured, I’ll take undertrained every time.  If I have to baby myself to get in a few key runs (read: long ones), so be it.

Something magical happened Friday night.  The 6 hours of sleep was amazing sleep.  Like, magical, healing, deep sleep.  I woke up not completely exhausted and *cue magical trumpets and angels* my hip/hammy didn’t feel too bad.  Then the bad news – my worst (well, worst, non-tragic, non-DNS) race fear realized – woke up crampy and bloaty.  Yes, it was the start of that happy time.  Argh.  Never has happened on race morning before.  So, it was either risk painkillers and upset tummy or deal with cramps.  Being that one was a sure thing (cramp misery) and one was a gamble (tummy issues),  I went with the gamble and ate an extra cookie so there was more in there and hoped for the best.

My goal was to get in 5 miles before the race.  Being that I slept in and we took a little longer than expected to get ready, I only got in 2.3 before I had to line up (32 minutes, that included about .75 of walking and I forgot to stop the timer a few times when  wasn’t moving) but the legs were holding up pretty good, so I was encouraged.  I snuck in with 2:25 pace group and Zliten was back with the 2:35… which was about 10 feet away.  So he just came up and hung out with me and we took off together.  The 2:25 pace was faster than I had been running, so it was a shock to the system but I tried to keep up.  The pacer was going a little faster than I wanted to go, so I let them get a little ahead.  I didn’t want to blow up or injure anything.

The early miles were difficult for me.  My strategy was use Frank Sinatra for the first half of the race to keep it mellow, then switch to pop for a pick-me-up.  Well, it was clear by mile 4 I needed that pick me up.  I was letting Zliten get ahead of me and if it was anyone else I would have just let him go, but I couldn’t let him beat me.  Every time he went ahead, I sucked it up and caught up.

Then, all of a sudden, I just sort of went from hating life to loving the course and the day.  There were alpacas to make llama faces at, longhorns to moo at, and it felt like running the bike course at Lake Pf.  Suddenly around mile 7, I realized I was halfway, and things just seemed… better.  Peppier music was helping, and soon I had crossed into double digits for the day and my body seemed to be holding up.  I concentrated on using my big ass quad muscles and using proper run form, and certain stretches did challenge my aging shoes and tender parts, but I was keeping it together.

Around mile 9, we had someone ask us if we were running or run/walking, and we said running.  She asked if she could run with us and we were like, “the more the merrier”, so she stuck with us.  Zliten likes to run and talk, and so did she, so it works (because I like to listen and nod, pretty much, I’m not a talky runner).  Mile 9, 10, and 11 ticked down, and we took turns pulling each other, and I kept counting down the miles to go on my garmin.  When we hit 12, I started speeding us up, and she asked to know at .5 to go to so she could speed up again, and once we hit it I kicked and kept accelerating, ending in the 8s when I crossed the finish line.  I felt great!  We hit about 2:25 exactly, which is a 2 minute PR for Zliten!

And since I was feeling so great, I knew that it was the day I had to do my 20.  I only had 4.6 miles to go.  I got my medal, towel, and some water and a random juice type beverage for some calories, gulped it down, stashed my finisher stuff with Zliten, and got going.  I counted a few tenths of a mile of walking to get going again, and then I took off.  It was a little rough to get going since I stopped long enough to get stiff, but I’ve never felt so fresh and energetic in the 15-16 mile range!  It was… amazing!  I kept thinking I was going to hit a wall and it never came.  I ran each mile right around 12:15s, slow and easy.  I kept thinking I’d walk at the top of the next mile each mile and then got there and didn’t want to stop.

I ran 3 loops around a short trail in the apartment complex next to the race, and at 3.7 I headed back.  At 4.2 I would be able to collect Zliten, walk the .4 miles back to the hotel, and end at 20.  At 4.1, I started to head in and then said “fuck this, I feel strong, I want to finish my first 20 running”, so I looped around and soon it clicked over to 4.6.  Holy crap.  20 miles in the bank, and I did them faster than either attempt I’ve done at 18 (3:55).  I was on cloud fucking 9.

All the worry from this week, all the uncertainty about how I trained and the choices I made last week, washed away.  Training for a half ironman may not be a traditional, or even all that smart way to get your body ready for a marathon, but it did wonders for my mind.  I am mentally stronger and much more patient with myself and can field the ups and downs of a multi hour effort like a champ.  Sometimes a cursing, spitting champ, but definitely not giving up on myself like I was last winter.  My body may have excelled better with different training, but the half iron training did wonders for my mind. If I could finish 20 feeling this strong less than 2 weeks out from my half ironman, I’m ready for the marathon.  Now it’s just time to keep skating the edge of as many miles as I can f0r two more weeks while keeping my body healthy and uninjured, and then taper.

Still TBD whether this was a good idea, but I feel a lot more confident that I didn’t make a huge mistake.  In one morning, in the span of about 5 hours, I went from feeling despair and uncertainty about the condition of my body and what it could do, to a feeling of strength, and power, and confidence.

When I came back, I found Zliten and gave him a huge sweaty hug and told him that I finished my 20 running and felt really good.  Then I found Libby and gave her a sweaty hug and told her I just finished my first 20 and said ‘bye and thanked her for putting on a great race.  Feel bad I didn’t get to talk more but we were both busy with our respective days.  We walked back to the hotel, showered and packed, and then got our prize – In N Out.  However, I had taken another round of ibuprofen before the cramps had a chance to hit, and they hit my empty tummy like a rock.  It was actually challenging to get my double double down, but I did it and half my fries and two sprites.  My tummy held it down and as it digested I felt better, so noting that I need to just make sure to keep the calories flowing if I’m going to do painkillers.

Just a note: I loved this race.  I sort of want to run it next year and try to PR.  It had enough hills to keep you honest and change what muscles were being blasted, but not enough to kill you, and it was gorgeous the whole way!  The volunteers were awesome and they had pace groups for every 5 mins for about 1000 people, and the medal rocks.

Sunday was for rest, and here’s the rest of my week.

Monday: 4 miles
Tuesday: 6 miles before work, 2 miles at lunch with the new work running group
Wednesday: 45 mins on the bike trainer + weights
Thursday: 4 mile run + weights
Friday: off (company launch party)
Saturday: off (recovering from)
Sunday: ~18 miles.  Something in the upper teens, certainly.  Probably best not to do a second 20 two weeks in a row, I gather.

I’m going to keep my goals the same this week:

-Eat good.  I ate better.  Veggies are part of my life again, though we need to see each other a little more regularly.

-Run with a goal of staying healthy.  Stretch, roll, shock, ice, and bag any workouts that feel like they may push me over the edge.

-Sleep like a champ.  Sunday was a 13 hour of sleep day, I’m pretty impressed with my slothiness!

Question of the week – what’s your favorite post race or post run food?

Bonus: silly video of me running via Zliten