Adjusted Reality

“Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.” – Mark Twain

On Role Models…

So I have a dirty little secret to get off my chest today.  I feel freakin’ guilty as hell sometimes when people say I’m their inspiration, or they look up to me.  Why?  Well, while I have totally done some awesome things, and I have stopped doing a lot of totally un-awesome things, I also still do some completely reprehensible things or…have some things about me that are just plain weird.  So in the interest of full disclosure, let me unearth some skeletons from my closet and see if you all run away screaming.

1.  I still smoke 1-1 1/2 packs of American  Spirit Lights per week.  Yes, I am well aware of the fact smoking is bad.  I should quit, right?  Like the boy in the picture, I know it’s a bad idea every time I light up, but I do it anyway.  I have cut down over the last few years – I used to smoke in a day what I do now in a week.  I can go a few days without one, but I also cannot completely quit.  It’s like when I tell myself I can’t have chocolate/chips/etc ever again, I go craaaaazy.  Think raging PMS times twenty.  It’s getting easier to go longer periods without one, but I am still not going to hurry myself to quit.

2.  I enjoy a good, solid night of drinking about once a week.  I budget it into my weekly calorie plan and typically only eat about 1000 calories or less of food that day (unless I am really and truly splurging).  I’ve read the same articles everyone else does that say that women should have no more than 1 drink per day.  I just save mine all week for one night.  Unless I drink more than one night.  Then, I’m just screwed.  Incidentally, one of the best hangover cures I have ever found is just slogging through a somewhat intense cardio workout.  Just…not too early in the morning (read: 3pm).

3.  I eat white rice, white bread, white pasta, and potatoes without shame.  Some people, like my mother, claim it makes them craaaaaazy and once they have it, they just can’t stop.  Some people say it fills them up more.  I will absolutely acknowledge that it has more fiber, but generally, I am at or above the recommended fiber count per day.  My poops are regular, yo.  For me, I find no difference between getting the calories through white stuff or through brown stuff.  I also have never been so miserable in my life as the few months I gave up carbs on Atkins.

4.  I regularly go 3 days without washing my hair.  I don’t look like this or anything, but I like my hair with a little…character.  Now that my face is slimmer and I have added pigtails, braids, ponytails, buns, and little poof buns to my hair repetoire and have amassed a decent collection of hats, I can easily go 4-5.  I have, on occasion, febreezed my hair instead of washing it.  I shower, brush my teeth, and wash my face daily – but long hair is sometimes a drag to deal with.

5.  Sometimes only the wrong motivations get me to workout.  Like, fear of getting fat again or that I’ll never get to my goal weight.  Or the fact that someone I inspired to start workout will see me skip a day and…I dunno, but it’s a thought.  Or the desire to burn off enough so I can go splurge on dinner.  Sometimes just the thought of getting a day off to sit on my ass will get me through it.

6.  In general, I think babies are ugly.  And I have no affinity with children.  They scare me to death.  They look into my soul and know things they shouldn’t.  Ok, maybe not, but I am totally missing the mommy gene.  There is one kid who’s the exeption to the rule, but honestly, we are still ackward around each other even after 2 years.

7.  On cold nights, I really and truly wish for a little more fat on my legs and butt – I honestly get too cold and I know it’s partly because I can’t really pinch an inch anywhere down there.  I would totally enjoy if it could come off my stomach though, I’ve got plenty of inches to spare there.

8.  I am such a stargate fangirl, I joke about the fact that IRL there has to be a stargate and the show is just for plausable deniability, but I really and truly hope I’m right!  The picture on the right kinda makes me giddy and hopeful at the same time.

9.  While I am really and truly happy I lead a more active life and enjoy the fact that I have more energy and can keep up with anyone and all that, some of the most cherished days are the ones where my ass barely leaves the couch and we order delivery food for the entire day.

10.  I listen to horrible music sometimes just because it’s fun.  Just think of the stuff you hear on the top 40 stations or the hip hop stations…anything that makes me feel peppy.  But only in my car, alone, or on my mp3 player.  I would never subject anyone else to it.  And I’ll probably not ever admit to specific bands or songs, because it’s less fodder to be teased with.

Does this make me a terrible person, or am I just human?  Go ahead and run away screaming now if you must.  I’m just not one to try to be something I’m not, it’s just too exhausting.  Anyone have a skeleton in their closet they want to get out?  Feel free to hit me up in the comments…

…And pretend this was posted last night, please!  I just got too sleepy to edit it…at least today will be a two-fer!


3 Things Before 30


January’s Fitness Summary: We Can’t Have Nice Things…


  1. Divinari

    Dear gods, why would -any- of that make you a terrible person? If nothing else, you are for one, aware of what you’re doing, and two, do most of it in moderation.

    You smoke. I wish I could. I miss it so bad. Just to be able to have one or two, outside in the cold, with a steaming cup of chai… but alas, it makes me sick now.

    Drinking! Dear holy monkeys, don’t get me started. It’s been over four months without alcohol. So very sad. So what if you splurge? And yes, when I mean splurge, I mean be a complete and total lush in only the ways someone from Reno (or Vegas, I suppose) can be. Last call? What’s that? You mean, when the sun comes up?

    You’re an inspiration for me because I think you’re really the first and only person who’s lost as much weight as I’m hoping to. People who only have 10-30 lbs to lose just aren’t in the same category, you know? To know that you’ve done it, and you’re not super rich, or have lots of time, or whatever other excuses sound good for why everyone else can lose weight except me.. well, it makes it seem more plausible, more achievable. You just make it seem possible, instead of depressing. 🙂

    Pleeeeease don’t work out just for me. 😉 Me, I’d rather see you slack, play video games, and enjoy yourself. You’re to the point where you like exercising (I think?), so it’s not like you’re just gonna up and become a complete slacker and never work out again. You don’t wanna work out? Don’t eat as much. Or do. Whatever! 😀

    Don’t get me started on the spawn thing, either. Nic and I were watching TV the other day, and it had some nearly newborn child and the only thing I could think of was… it’s not human.. it looks like an alien.. wtf, people think these things are cute? Eeeeeek! Nevermind I’m mortally scared of actually spawning… yeah. I’ll pass. There are some people’s children that aren’t horrible, but by and large, I’m quite content with my kitty children.

    Your comment of wanting more insulation… maybe that’s why I moved to Phoenix! I’m finally gonna lose weight, and I need to be somewhere that I won’t freeze! Heh, it’s possible, right? 😉

  2. Divinari

    Oh, and about eating all white stuff… the only thing I have a slight quibble about is wheat bread… eew. I mean, unless it’s sourdough or a good french loaf. I prefer wheat. Well, er, I used to prefer wheat. You know, if I could eat bread anymore. :/

  3. Divinari

    Oh, and another thing… (how many of these am I gonna come up with?)

    I’m the same way with my hair. Especially since the water here is just crap (very hard, very drying), I only wash my hair 2-3 times a week. Since it’s so long, trying to wash my hair in the morning before work is a complete pain in the ass (you know, if I want my hair dry before I get home that night). If I wash it at night, then I go to bed with wet hair, which sucks.

  4. Let’s see… I only wash my hair twice a week (all the sweat buildup actually makes it style better!). Babies ARE ugly. Especially when they are first born. I even think that about my own children. Oh and I listen to all kinds of pop/hip-hop/emo crap. And I like it. I guess I’m nobody’s heroine either;)

    Don’t worry, I still like you.

  5. Ok, I need to tweak my site. I really and truly hate having to log OUT or I can’t make comments. Blargh!

    It’s not that I really think I’m a horrible person because I have imperfections I guess – I just put people that I look up to on such pedestals that sometimes I feel guilty having people look up to me because I don’t match *MY* ideal. Its something I am getting over but it made for a fun topic to write about.

    The idea started because I posted a picture on my sparkpage and I had the hint of a cigarette in my hand, and almost took it down. Then, I realized, fuck it, why should I? So began my thoughts for this post…

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