Where Everything Falls Apart

So my big thing is no guilt.  No regrets.  But it’s hard not to regret and rib yourself a bit if you treated yourself so poorly over the weekend that you are feeling physically ill about it.  And by “you”, I mean me.  Consider yourselves my proverbial priests, while I give you a full confessional.  I’ll give you a play by play of the carnage.

My first mistake was going out Friday night.  I knew I had a party lined up the next night, yet I couldn’t wait.  I didn’t go too crazy and I ate well (I was a good girl and ordered chipotle tacos with meat, lettuce, salsa, and that’s it, and that was the worst thing food-wise I had all day), but there was definitely whiskey involved.  And I was up until almost 5am.  And I skipped the DDR part of my workout.  Mostly because I was sore and wanted to die, but partly because I didn’t have time – friends were already over and food was sitting on the counter after Jillian kicked my butt.

My second mistake was sleeping in Saturday, lazing around, and then having to run all over town getting things for my costume.  I missed my sixth day of Shred.  Six days is more than I usually do, but considering 2 of those days were only 20 min shred workouts, I still owed myself a workout.  And I didn’t do it.

My third mistake was following my advice for parties – I had a very small and what I thought was filling snack before I headed out, but I guess a gardenburger wasn’t enough.  I was so seriously hungry I downed an OBSCENE amount of junk food there because I was STARVING.  On top of that, I could only obtain a one liter of diet soda and had to move on after that to sugared punch and soda.  Ugh.

My fourth mistake was lunch on Sunday.  It wasn’t that it was so unhealthy – it was just so BAD.  We went to try out what we thought was a new soup and salad bar, but it ended up being more of a straight buffet, and probably the worst one in town we’ve had thus far.  Everything was fatty and greasy and bleh (except that salad, that was alright- but the topping bar was pretty small).

My fifth mistake?  Not making up my skipped workout on Sunday.  I had convinced myself somehow that I should rest today so I didn’t tire myself out, but I think it was more about the hangover.  I usually punish myself by working through hangovers but not so much yesterday.

My sixth and final nail in the coffin was dinner.  Calorie-wise, I was a freaking saint.  We got chinese takeout and I had wonton soup, veggie delight, and one bite of orange chicken.  And about half a cup of rice.  The problem is – I ended up with a gigantic portion of the wonton soup + broth and it was especially salty, so I am Bloaty McBalloonperson today.

I will say some good things about this weekend though:

1.  I didn’t partake of the late night fast food runs either night.  I had a few fries off Zliten’s plate Friday but that’s it.

2.  I did dance my ass of for a while at the party Saturday.  Plus I was shopping for 3 hours – shopping is cardio, right?

3.  I made good food choices with what I had to work with Sunday.  I went for non fried stuff (minus one small taste of fried fish which was honestly the best thing on the buffet :P) and loaded up on veggies and non-sauce covered protein.  Chinese, I ate probably just about the lowest calorie foods on the menu and was actually pretty satisfied with what I got instead of feeling diet-punished.

However, the truth is today the scale is saying unthinkable things that I am going to throw out as a mulligan.  I’ll give myself a day or 2 being healthy to detox and I should be back in business.  The problem: I have just about the same weekend to face next weekend.  I have high hopes going into each weekend and then it all falls apart.  It’s one hundred percent my fault.  While I’d love to get persnickety about people around me not being the best influences and yadda yadda yadda, I am the one making the choices.  I am the one who controls my destiny.

I am the one who had to have her heart jump out of her chest practically today because of what she saw on the scale.  Yeah, it was that ridiculous.  Who gains seven lbs in 2 days?  That would be me, people.  I am really going to have to get it together if I want to accomplish project: the last effing 20 lbs.

But really, all I can do is analyze, figure out how to be better next time, and move on.  So that I will.  This week, I will stop letting those close to me be enablers.  If I choose to go out drinking and find myself hungry because of it, fuck it.  Being hungry is not the worst thing in the world.  If I have the strength to run a half marathon, and the capability to come up with a training plan – I can figure this out.  I’m not a dumb bunny, but I sure played one this weekend.

So, I guess here is last week by the numbers:

Monday: under 1400 1500 calories, Shred Lvl 1, 30 mins DDR 5k run (had an itch to run, so I ran instead)

Tuesday: under 1400 1500 calories, Shred Lvl 1, 5k run 30 mins DDR (switched from Monday, and at lower intensity than normal because – um, sore!)

Wednesday: under 1400 1500 calories, Shred Level 1, 30 mins DDR yoga (was about to die from soreness so I yoga’d out)

Thursday: under 1400 1500 calories, Shred Level 1, 5 mile run 5k run (just didn’t have a 5 miler in me)

Friday: under 1500 1700 calories, Shred Level 1

Saturday: healthy eating until the Halloween party, Shred Level 1

Sunday: under 1500 calories (who knows), rest

So this week is:

Monday: under 1400 calories, Shred Lvl 1, 30 mins DDR

Tuesday: under 1400 calories, Shred Lvl 2, 5 mile run

Wednesday: under 1400 calories, Shred Level 2, yoga

Thursday: under 1400 calories, Shred Level 2, 5k run

Friday: under 1500 calories, Shred Level 2, 30 mins DDR

Saturday: under 2000 calories, Shred Level 2, yoga

Sunday: under 1500 calories, rest

So yes, pretty much a do-over of last week, and moving up to level 2 of the Shred.  Since this post is already looking to be like a novel, I’ll talk more about the shred and other random stuff tomorrow.

How was your weekend?  Anyone else want to pull up a chair to the confessional?  If you had a saintly weekend, wanna give me some tips? 🙂