So, here it is. I find myself in a LOUSY ASS mood today. I even blargharlargalarghed in the comments at poor Mizfit, who being the mayor of blogsville, spread the word that today was the day to post what we were thankful for, and link back to HERE, who started the idea of tweetsgiving, and everyone in the twitter and blogosphere should share what they were thankful for. And apparently leave our participles dangling. Oh yeah, dangle that participle baby.
Anyhoo, I find myself in a LOUSY ASS mood. I don’t think that adequately describes it. Given any sort of outcome, today is the day I wouldn’t have found any of them favorable. Given the winning lottery ticket, I would have been bitching about paying the taxes on it, and not being able to decide WHICH Rolls Royce I was going to buy. That kind of mood. Where you know you’re being ridiculous, but just can’t find a way to pull yourself out of it, and really just don’t care. I’m so rarely in a bad mood I almost want to indulge myself sometimes. Like, I’m still pretty grumpy but I’m almost laughing at myself because I know how silly I am when I’m pouty like this.
So yes. For the 3rd time, LOUSY ASS mood. Some crap at work that I loathe to go into on my blog, some frustration at poor planning on my part in my social calendar, and some wanting people to bend to my will without luck, and nothing was goddamn going my way. I was also ridici-busy so I was also grumpy that I wasn’t able to put up my fuckity fucking post about being fucking grateful for a bunch of awesome fucking crap in my life.
LOUSY ASS MOOD. Did I mention?
I had thoughts like – “If only everyone in my life can leave me goddamn alone and let me do what I want, maybe I could actually be a novelist/marathoner/90 lb waif/whatever flavor of the month Quix dream is.” But that happened once. I worked and worked and worked and worked to try to be something until it encompassed everything else in my life. Once I took the blinders off I was so shocked at how much the rest of my life was in ruin, I changed.
So thank you, to my family and friends, for saving me from myself. I want to dedicate this post to you, even if very few of you read this. Besides all the normal stuff – being there for me, good times, hugs, support, etc (which I will surely go into next post when I feel a bit more sane), I want to talk about all the completely selfish and weird reasons I am lucky to have all the people in my life.
If it were just up to me, and I was just alone in my own vaccuum, it would be all work and no play. I would spend every waking moment trying to be something or do something or better myself. I would stock my fridge full of rabbit food and lean meat. I would probably workout hours per day, and then write until I fell asleep. Or I would go back to school and start at one end of the catalog and work my way through. I might learn how to program my own games. I might be able to finally lose all the weight without all those temptations around me and finally wear those super skinny jeans without the tummy pudge pokin’ out. Hell, I might be able to run something more than this rinky dinky little blog.
I forget to have fun. I forget to make those awesome memories like margaritas at sunset on the lake. Or lounging around in PJs all day finishing a game. Or the fun of cooking a huge feast for people who either like my cooking and bartending skills or were at least nice enough to pretend. Or my bachelorette party where I rolled 10+ girls deep with a penis crown all night. Or staying up late on a stolen weekday and talking about life. Or laying in the grass in my yard and looking up at the clouds and trying to figure out what they all look like. Or the cruise where we played at least 6 rounds of mexican train (dominos) and all took turns winning. Or, the pinnacle of awesome – our wedding where we had so many awesome and loving and supportive people around us celebrating our special day where I felt like a pretty pretty princess.
Besides being awesome human beings, you keep me from being too much…me. Without someone to help balance me, and remind me that there is life outside megamaniac mode, I get way too focused and then just frizzle-fry-burn out. I might curse your name when I’m running a little hungover or behind on my writing, but seriously, I would be one boring evil genious without ya’all. That occasional piece of cheesecake make all the salad days worthwhile. The promise of drunken hookey days make those ass-dragging technical meetings where I don’t understand anything but have to take notes bearable. The fun times might not contribute to any goals I have in life, but the memory and the promise of more makes the responsible things just that much more ok.
Most of all – I am thankful for my Zliten. He’s the one that has to deal with the day-to-day, and he’s gotten very good at knowing when I need to be left alone in my little mad-scientist world, and when I need to be pulled the heck out. I am thankful for him in many, many, many other ways that are way too plentiful to go into here. But today, I am most thankful for him and his ability to monitor my crazy and pull me out of it before I lose it completely.
Now, a little more wine and back to NaNoWriMo-ing. I might not make my 50k words but I’m going to try. A more coherent and all inclusive thankfulness list in the very near future, I promise.