Adjusted Reality

This post was supposed to be a weigh in, a plan, and perhaps some bitching about various things workout and weight loss.  Today is something different.  If you follow me on twitter you probably got some emotionally charged mood swingy slightly cryptic messages, so here is the whole story.

Friday morning, I woke up, grabbed the leezard out of her cage and attempted to put her into her uber special carrying case (which also happens to be the rock band drums box).  She DID_NOT_WANT_TO_GET_IN.  After a few minutes of struggling, we get her in the box, I drove her up to the vet, and after waiting a bit, they decided just to take her back in the box, so I told her to be a good girl and then left for work.

The vet was supposed to call about when to pick her up and then it was lunchtime, and the 3… I ended up in a meeting around 4, and I grabbed my phone.  Zliten called me halfway into it, basically letting me know our options: emergency surgery or euthenasia.  I COULD NOT deal with that right then, so I told him I”d call him back.  I tried to get back into the meeting but my head wasn’t in it.  I excused myself, ran outside, and called Zliten back.  We talked for a while and after he filled me in on what the vet said was wrong (they thought she had a rupture in her stomach) and the chances of recovery (about 20% and about 6 months of pain and suffering even best case) we decided on the unthinkable.

I went back into work, let everyone know what was going on, I tried to finish up what I was doing, but ended up just taking off.  I’m not a crier but I was barely holding myself together.  I came home, poured myself a drink, opened up a new pack of smokes, sat down outside, and started bawling.  Zliten was on his way up to the vet to pick up our leezard, and we were going to bury her in the backyard.  He came home empty handed, as the vet had asked us to come back the next day, as she wanted to do an autopsy to find out exactly what was wrong to help for next time (to which we agreed).

We talked, drank, and said “this sucks” a lot.  A few hours later, the vet called again.  I had almost gotten myself out of being in a completely miserable mood, and I was just like – what now?  Zliten talked to her for an awfully long while and said some very cryptic things, and then hung up.  He let me know that vet had given her the first injection (the one that makes her sleep – just anesthesia), and she just wouldn’t fall asleep.  They gave her another and still she didn’t fall asleep very quick.  They took one last set of x-rays and finally figured it out – she was gravid (full of eggs)!

They put her on a ventilator, and stayed with her.  A few hours later – the vet called back and she was breathing on her own.  She was going to take her to a clinic in South Austin that could monitor her all night, and would call us in the morning.  We proceed to get incredibly drunk, but it didn’t really help.  I didn’t really sleep much.  Around 8:30, we got a call from the vet saying she was up and running around and climbing on things!  We got up and got to the vet, and went and found us a seriously fiesty, awake, and PISSED OFF lizard. The doctor showed us all the x-rays and walked us through what happened, and it all made sense – however, we do think that the x-ray tech might need a little more school, as our doctor took MUCH clearer x-rays.

So, long story short, we have set her up with a nest to lay her eggs, calcium supplements to help her (as laying eggs takes a LOT out of them), and are supposed to give her two baths daily (which I think she is actually starting to like).  We bring her back at lunch for another checkup, but she seems to be doing pretty well.  Hopefully she passes her eggs soon, and she’ll be back to her feisty self.

What a crazy, emotionally draining few days.  I’m so glad it worked out how it worked out, but sheesh – what a scare.  I just wanted to share the story about our crazy leezard just not giving up.  Back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.

So, today has been a righteous pisser on most accounts.

First of all, Zliten took our Iguana Donna to the vet because she has not been eating or pooping lately.  I thought the idea of pet health insurance was stupid until today – she cost about 650 dollars today, and will cost somewhere between 200 and 1200 tomorrow depending on if she needs surgery.  Silly thing apparently ate something that’s just not passing, so she’s had everything from  an enema to barium and x-rays to fluid shots.  If she poops tonight, they just need to do some follow up care with her.  If she doesn’t, it’s likely she will need surgery (hence the large dollar range).  As grumbly as I am about the cost, it will be worth it as long as she’s ok.  And we are DEFINITELY going to look into pet health insurance.

Here she is on the scale at the vet – she is 2 lbs exactly!

Probably about five minutes after Zliten drove by the area in the way to the vet – if you haven’t heard already – a plane decided it wanted to come to work in a building very close to where I work/live.  Silly plane, you can’t go to work, you don’t have a job, you don’t belong there!  Before I get a bunch of hate mail about being completely insensitive, I know it’s no laughing matter, but honestly, when it’s so close to home, all you can do is make light of it.  Because the other option is being scared of this kinda crap happening and freaking out about leaving the house, and I am not having that.

If you haven’t actually read the fuckwit’s manifesto, feel free to try here, but honestly?  Let me sum it up – “I don’t understand how to pay taxes and it’s made me make poor decisions and my life sucks and instead of learning from my mistakes, I’m going to instead burn down my house, leave my wife and kid without anything (as I’m sure arson isn’t covered with insurance and neither is suicide), and kill myself in an act of domestic terrorism because I am the adult equivalent of a rebellious teenager and I’ll show them!!!”  Seriously?  Dude?  Grow a pair and deal with your problems in a way that doesn’t cause property damage and screw your family’s future.  Kthx.

We drove by the building again on the way to dinner (after this kind of a day, I’m only human – I ditched the run in favor of some chicken fajitas and a margarita), and it’s just wrecked.  You can see the plane hole from the freeway and instead of the black mirrored exterior it’s just all shattered and broken on that side.  Thank goodness that only 2 people sustained major injuries, 1 is missing, but the current thought is the dude was playing hookey as no one thought he had actually shown up to work.

In other less important but more personal news, I’ve been tracking my calories and seem to come in right around 1800-1900.  So that’s good as a) I’m definitely not eating as much as I was before, so I was FOR SURE sustaining my running this race and not undereating (yay!) and b) I’m naturally eating right around maintenance calories, which makes calorie reduction to say, an average of 1500 per day make sense.  If I had naturally settled around 1500, then I’d be a little frustrated, as reducing from there makes me cranky.  It’s gonna take some calorie detox time, but I should be able to get back to where I was eating a few months ago.  Maybe my metabolism just took some extra time to repair?  Only time will tell.

I am also now 12 days without a cigarette.  I hadn’t intended to quit for good, but the Sunday before the race, I quit until after the race (for a week).  Then I got sick.  After the race, I was still sick, so I didn’t just go light one up.  It occurred to me that I might be best served by making a go to quit entirely.  Oh, I’ll probably still slip up and suck down a delicious American Spirit Yellow occasionally while drunk.  I’m just going to attempt to not NEED it.  I’d like to be one of those people who can take it or leave it and most often?  Leave it.  And the only way to do that is practice having some alcohol without cigarettes.  Today I had a glass of wine and a margarita and didn’t really crave one.  That’s huge for me.  I believe there will be some imbibing tomorrow.  It will be another test.  I think if I make it through the first few drinks without and have less than I can count on one hand all night, I’ll say I passed.

…and hey, it’s almost a post.  Next week, I promise some more coherent topics, I have some questions to answer, my workout and eating plan post-race, and much, much more.

If you wish to ask me a question, you can comment below, or you can use this handy dandy formspring ask-me-anything-page (hey, everyone is doing it, I might as well).  Have a great weekend!  Think poopy thoughts for my leezard, healthy thoughts for me and Zliten (as we are both getting over our respective plagues), and comforting thoughts for some poor, freaked out people who had a plane try to join their conference call this morning.  Good night, good weekend, and good days ahead if’n karma will please.

…I dunno, I made up the title because it looked cool.  I do these things.  Please excuse my brain fritters today as I don’t have all that much to talk about, and it’s WAY too late in the day to start thinking of a coherent post on a super serious subject.  So I’m-a gonna go for a bunch of different tidbits today.

I Love Game(s), or Questions:

Everyone is doing the questions thing, and I’ve been trying with little to no biters (perhaps I’m like Mrs. Fatass and a little too much of a sharer?) – but I’m going to try again.  I’m trying to come up with some gaming/game industry posts and I’m curious… what do YOU want to know from the world behind the curtain of making interactive entertainment?  I can only give you my biased and generic opinion, but I have been at this going on 9 years now in a variety of different positions.

So, my friends – ask me ANYTHING about my day job in video game production or games or the industry in general.  Is it all really like EA Spouse says it is?  I’ll answer what I can without getting fired/burning bridges/etc.  Knowledge is yours for the price of one comment below.  Or you can email me – pinksparkly at yahoo dot com.

For The Love (of Running):

I am now just about 50-some hours post-half and honestly?  Really stoked to be lacing up my shoes here shortly for another run.  If you’ll remember (old skoolers), last July saw me take almost the WHOLE MONTH off running save 2 very half hearted 5ks.  August wasn’t much better.

Today, I anticipate needing to keep myself under race pace because I am rip-roaring-ready to go.  Not terribly looking forward to the treadmill (damn you early sunsets), but really feel the want to be moving.

Love running.  Love the 3 day a week training.  Feeling lots of love woogies today for my sport.  I am my own dutch fan.

(In My) Tummy Love:

One week from today, I get on the scale and begin Project: Lose the Half Marathon Weight.  I haven’t weighed in a few weeks, but I’m pretty sure that I’m up there.  Or my body image is VERY twisted right now, as nothing looks right on me and I feel like I have this oddly inflated tire around my midsection.  I’m looking forward to figuring this out again after a few weeks of refreshingly NOT CARING AT ALL.

Tonight, when I am done eating, I will be tracking everything.  I’m going to estimate my intake today at around 1700 with everything I have eaten/have planned.  I’d like to shrink that closer to 1400? 1300?  It will have to depend on my activity but all I know is that I don’t seem to succeed in losing weight unless those numbers are lowlowlow.  My maintain window is about THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS big, and my lose window is about <> big.

I did some reading about marathoning and one expert suggested eating 4.5g carb per 1 lb of bodyweight. 675g of carbs?  I’m pretty sure that’s what I eat normally – oh yeah, divide that in 3.  On a really carby day.  That looks like juice instead of water all day (oh yeah, and you need to stay hydrated so probably both), and chowing down Michael Phelps sized portions of pasta, rice, potatoes…  Right now I am NOT looking forward to that because I’m really really ready for my half-appetite to go away and not feel like a bottomless pit for a while.

…but I’m not going to lie.  I think I’m up to the challenge.  And I don’t know HOW far my appetite is going to really go down as I’m still planning on a long run every 2-3 weeks.  Argh!  I am going to be the fattest marathoner ever.  Tee hee.  Not really.  If I’m not pushing pace as hard, I can suck it up and be a little weaker for a few.  I’ll figure it out somehow.  I’m pretty sure I can throw out “underate” for the reason I didn’t lose weight during this 3 months (fo sho), so now it’s just figuring out what will work for this jumble-y wumble-y bod of mine.  Or maybe next Tuesday I’ll hop on the scale and it will scream “UNDER 155 STOP STRESSING NOOB” at me, and I’ll go on my merry way.

And stop stressing I shall.  Starting right now, when I lace up and go for a nice relaxed run, not training for a damn thing, not worrying about my weight, not even worried about my job.  Today is for abandoning the worry and becoming one with the ‘mill.  Let’s see how long THAT lasts…

EDIT:  No post today (2/18).  Taking the night off. 🙂  But – I’m hopping on that “ask anything” blogger train.  Submit your annoymous questions here!

Here are my leftover thoughts from the half…

What went right:

-Wearing the camelback.  I think from now on I get myself a real one, that has pockets and such, and train and race with it (maybe not for 5 or 10ks, but ya know).  It was so nice not to have to stop for water stations if I didn’t want to.

-Not restricting calories during training.  Eating tons of healthy food made me feel strong.  Eating other tons of not so healthy food probably didn’t do much good, but I’ll work on that next time.  I’m anticipating about a month at least to diet off what I gained or more, but as of right now, it was worth it.

-Racing smart and pulling back a bit at the end of the race.  While I’m not wrecked today, I still DEFINITELY have a cough since I went off the OTC meds, my legs are sore in completely different ways than normal after-run, and oddly enough I have a rash (?).  These are all signs that going for it might have meant a few days (or more) laid up in bed or worse.  And considering where my heart rate was at, it’s not as if I was pulling back all that much.

-Training the way I did.  On the 3 miles I was feeling good and the course was cooperating, I could definitely see the potential of a sub 2 hour half.  If it was my day.  And fo sho’ it wasn’t my day, but still.  Someday, perhaps.

What I would change:

-Being sick.  Obviously.  I need to remember that racing in February is a gamble.

-Different shoes.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED the shoes I had.  They were comfy, fast, and looked way less dorky than the norm.  However, they just didn’t hold up well in a long, tough road race.  I think I need more cushion.  I will be getting another pair when they die for short races and speedwork, but will be breaking in something new for long runs soon.  Yes, I will finally get out of the kiddie pool and finally get two pairs of running shoes.

-Hills.  I need to start doing hill work.  Even if it’s on the treadmill.  I say this every race, and then seem to forget about it.  Because I hate hills a lot.  Maybe I wouldn’t hate them if I conquered them…hmmm?  I could be that smug runner that sails by everyone, thinking how superior I was because I knew how to run hills better…

-Training outside more.  I think my tooties were a little pampered with all the treadmill work.  I also lucked out that we had good weather, if it was under 40 and icky I would have been screwed – I should have trained in crappy weather at least once.  I can suck it up to heat train just fine, but cold train?  Heebie jeebies.

So there.  Even today, I’m going to call the race a success with the hand that was dealt to me.  Maybe I’ll try another half next April, but that’s far away.

What’s Next:

The short version – for the next week – whatever I feel like.  After that, more structure.

Food:

This week, I’m going to a) clean up my eating in terms of quality and b) go back to tracking my food, but not until the end of the day or the next morning.  I’m not looking to cut portions just yet, but I’d like an idea of where I’m at.  Next week, I’ll get on the scale, start tracking for real, and set myself up with a plan to take off how much ever I am over 155.

Exercise:

The great thing about the focused running is – I’m not burnt out on it!  I’m actually looking forward to a run tomorrow!  I’m thinking a nice, easy 5k and some yoga.  Wednesday, maybe some arc trainer and lifting heavy stuff at the gym.  We shall see what else follows this week.  I’m not worried about it.  I just know that I’m looking forward to not taking a month off running, and also not having to do the same focused workouts each week.  Starting next week I am going to get back to a regular schedule of something, and by next weekend, I hope to do another long run.  Easy.  Whatever pace I want.

Races:

I think I want to do this for my birthday weekend in a few weeks.

Gonna do this with Zliten as a tune up for…

…doing THIS with Zliten.

Then, after a long time and training, I plan to be insane and do THIS.

Maybe I’ll throw some 5ks or 10ks or something else fun in there for good measure, but that’s the plans.

What’s up for you on the racing horizon, runners?  What’s your favorite length?  What else are you training for?  If you were my trainer, what would you tell me to try next since I don’t have any major training until August?

Since no one has submitted a question for me to answer – and by the way, if you want me to give my unfair and biased opinion on something, please comment below… or if you’re shy, you can email me at pinksparkly at yahoo.com –  I’m all about the 5 random things today.

1.  I can’t lie.  I’m getting a little bummed.  I still have a cough – it’s actually worse today.  My nose is a little stuffy (though it’s totally tolerable).  My throat is tickly from all the phlegm (I know, TMI and gross, but whatever).  My body is stiff.  I am totally not having the week before the race that I wanted.  I’m going to roll with it though.  In the next two days, as long as I can get rid of the cough, I’ll be happy.  I’ve run through allergies, and the nose dries up after a mile or two.  Sore throat just means that I need to DEFINITELY bring my camelback to stay hydrated.  I’m pretty sure this is the worst of the aches and as long as I yoga, rest, and maybe do a easy, easy run either tomorrow or Saturday.  Send me good, healing vibes please!

2.  That being said – my new main goal is a PR.  Something better than 2:16.  Sure, I’m going to start out at my intended pace, but I will self correct as needed.  While I keep having visions of seeing 1:56 as I come into the finish line (which doesn’t even make sense because it’s a big race and I won’t get across the line for at least a few minutes…) but I can be a realist.  Sub-2 hours was going to be an awesome challenge completely healthy, but it will be like climbing Mount Everest sick.  I’m up for the challenge though if my body can take it.

3.  It has been so crappy weather-wise this week (for Austin at least).  It’s barely made it out of the 40s, and been cloudy and/or rainy most of the time.  The one day it was sunny it was soooo damn cold it didn’t really help.  We’re still rolling without central heat until the tax credit thing kicks in, so it’s always fun to get home from work and have the house be in the upper 50s.  I am STOKED that this weekend it looks like it’s going to give the rain a rest and the race should at least be in the 40s, and be up into the 60s.

4.  Work is still going good, I am happily challenged and busy!  I haven’t really done a video game or industry post – because, well frankly, I’ve been very occupied (happily) with things at work, and my head has been all running all the time outside of it (I mean, I do have a little race I kinda have been training for, and my body has kinda decided to go poop on me).  I have a few posts on the horizon, but they require brain power.  Not fueled-by-NyQuil power.  So next week, hopefully!

5.  Valentine’s Day is Sunday.  We are totally not v-day people, and considering it’s my race day, it’s a good thing.  We usually have a tradition where the night before, one of us cooks for each other, and the day of, the other one cooks for…uh…the other one (the NyQuil is beginning to kick in)?  This year, due to it being the craziest weekend evar, we are putting it off until next week.  Trying to decide what to request.  Last year, I got a delicious crab boil.  In the next few days we have plans to eat steak, lobster, and crab, so I need to get creative.

So, wish me luck and send healing thoughts my way.  I’ll post as soon as I have my wits about me after the race, but if you want to follow me on twitter (quixotique), I’ll definitely let you know sooner.  So – do you have any random questions you want me to answer?  What would you request if you could have someone cook you dinner and you could have anything you wanted?