Adjusted Reality

Tag: psychoanalysis Page 11 of 31

The legs, the lungs, the head, and the heart.

On January 16, 2018

On Saturday, I had an eight mile run on the plan.

Eight miles for me is not extraordinary. It’s a weekday run during marathon or half ironman or ironman training. It’s something that is 90% of the year totally within my comfort zone, as it is right now. It’s one of those runs that’s not long enough to really be daunting, but definitely not short.

However, five of those miles were planned at half marathon pace.

For someone who’s spent the majority of the last few years running anything over a short handful of miles at a pace in which I could carry on a full conversation and probably also juggle, that was intimidating. My original plan with this training block was to do a lot of these, but when it decreased from 10-12 to 5 weeks, I barely got comfortable running anything with two digits at significantly slower than race pace. However, I had been diligently (at least, for the last four weeks) doing my speedwork, and that had gone from hilariously bad to actually being able to hit the paces I should most of the time.

I needed to know where I stand eight days out from the race. I knew this was a run I needed to do.

That doesn’t mean that I didn’t procrastinate the eff out of it. I mean, Saturday mornings without alarms are precious things, and I’ll enjoy them while the cold lasts, but I woke up and read for a long time and then dithered around the house until my husband got annoyed enough with me he started warming up on the bike, convinced I was just going to sit on the couch all day.

I didn’t even though it was tempting. I got my warmup in on the bike, and we decided to hit the gym instead of running outside because my eyes were already itchy from just existing. Over an hour outside sounded like a death wish. The air filters at the gym are AWESOME, and I knew that it would be the best thing overall for my health and well being.

3M 2017 – 2:13:40.

I started up the treadmill, and the first two miles seemed to go on forever. I was straight up dreading these five miles. Anything below 10 minute miles scares me nowadays. I can hold it sometimes, but recently, it’s a toss up how long. I’m decent at running slow forever, I’m decent at running pretty fast (for me) for short stints, but approximately 45-48 minutes just outside my comfort zone? Ick. Worst. Give me a 20 mile long slow run instead.

1.98. Sighhhh. 1.99. Eeek, ok, let’s get this over with. 2.0. I clicked the button to increase the speed from 5.5 to 6.3 on the treadmill.

I went through the five stages of grief within the first half mile.

Denial. “Hey, this isn’t so bad, I just feel like my feet are turning over a little faster than normal.”

Anger. “F#%k, never mind, this s#&t feels pretty f@%$*#g terrible. What horrible coach put this on my schedule? I hate this!” (keep in mind that coach = me)

Bargaining: “Ok, well, 6.3 pace isn’t soooooo bad. If I get too thrashed later in the workout, I should be able to come back and hold this 9:30/mile pace alright and still *technically* complete the workout at the minimum acceptable standards.”

Depression: “Oh. em. gee. I’m at 0.3 miles into my 5. This is going to take sooooo long. I’m never going to make it.” *cues the dramatics*

Acceptance: “Right. I’m a half mile in now. Just nine more of that same distance to go.” (maybe a little bit of bargaining still, but I was in…)

3M 2016. 2:11:02

By the end of the first mile, I realized this was doable. Slightly uncomfortable? Sure. But my legs were turning over and my lungs were holding out. I had calmed my brain into submission to accept that this is where we are suffering right now. And my heart felt the importance of this run. I tend to lack the confidence to really hold my foot to the gas pedal when things feel tough because I’m scared I’ll crash (even though I have plenty of reserves). I have been building confidence by holding pace for quarter miles and half miles and miles, and now it was time to prove to myself that I could string miles of that pace together, enough to approach half the race distance.

The second mile, as each subsequent mile, started with a little adrenaline rush as I hit the UP arrow on the treadmill (was this going to be too much, would this send me over the edge?). Then, around a quarter to halfway in, it got tedious (ackkk, isn’t this mile over yet?). Then, around three quarters in, I felt confident (I have survived, I got this), and then it started all over again when the mile ticked over to SOMETHING POINT ZERO.

Every mile, I checked in with my legs, my lungs, my head, and my heart. My legs started the run feeling great and had moments where they felt heavy, but it definitely wasn’t a slog at any point and if I focused on my form it felt better. My lungs felt taxed by the end but not maxed out, well within the place where they could keep this up for longer. My brain had many moments of wavering motivation and focus, commercials on spotify were an absolute TRAVESTY to me while grinding out the last mile, but once I realized that the first two components of my body were actually doing just fine, I told it to shut up and deal. I think one thing that helped was tapping into my heart near the end. My heart would REALLY like to prove to everyone (though mostly myself, ’cause I can’t imagine anyone else gives a shit about my 13.1 PR) that I have a better half marathon than 2:08 in me.

The last quarter mile, I found myself tired but not crushed, so I “sprinted towards the finish” envisioning the last part of the race and the finish and I was about at my half mile repeat pace by the end of it. I needed a few moments to catch my breath once the mile ticked over, but the cooldown mile followed the same formula – mentally tough (you mean, I didn’t *actually* just finish the race and I get my bagel and beer now?), but my legs and lungs felt so good I sped up the pace to about 10-10:30 min/mile (since I knew I got an extra 10 minute bike cooldown anyway).

3M 2014 – 2:10:02

I find myself going into race week feeling a little anxious about the preparations (or lack thereof) I’ve made, but more confident than I was a week ago. The little training I have been able to complete has been pretty specifically tailored to THIS race, and I haven’t been able to do that for a long time. 3M has been a stepping stone to a marathon, a longer triathlon, or just weeks after coming out of hibernation or a project as a pacer.

As an aspiring coach, I do a heck of a lot of reading about training and bodies and how to structure the former so the latter performs well. What’s hilarious is there are perfectly valid theories that are mutually exclusive. Maffetone would tell me I’m a flipping idiot for doing any training above 143 beats per minute. Almost ever. Bill Pierce and Scott Muir would wholeheartedly concur with my training program (in fact, I’ve based my weekly schedules loosely on their wisdom). I think the difference is the quick fix vs the long game. The 3-day a week but serious business technique will eek some fitness out of you fairly quickly without a huge time commitment. MAF is the long game where in six months, you’ll have a huge transformation, but it’s going to suck in the meantime.

I realize I’m playing the quick fix card here. I know to realize my true fitness, I need a lot of base building first, but I’m choosing to sharpen the stick I have instead of hunting for a new one.

Chasing whatever magic I found that morning over 7 years ago with my 2:08:08 at Rock and Roll San Antonio.

Sunday, I need to bring out my best version of SAPPHYRA the barbarian warrior racing badass to conquer the course. I need her strong and capable legs. I need her large, hearty, and conditioned lungs. I need her head, the one that stays cool in the heat of battle. But most of all, I need her heart, the one that fights until the end, the one that doesn’t give up when she’s tired, but when she’s done.

She’s ready to line up with that 2:05 pacer and find a new PR, even if this cycle has been imperfect and even if my longest runs were 10 and 11 a few weeks ago and even if the idea of low 9 minute/mile pace for two hours scares the bejeezus out of me and even if even if even if…

I’m ready to go for that PR or fizzle out trying. If I don’t hit sub-2:08, it doesn’t really matter to me whether it’s 2:10 or 2:15 or worse. After 22 of these things, it doesn’t matter to me whether it’s my third or fifth or twentieth best result. I want it to be FIRST. So, I might as well go for it with all the fight I have in my legs, lungs, head and heart.

Winter Solstice Bike Adventure

By Quix

On January 11, 2018

In Uncategorized

On December 21st, 12 days into my 24 day winter break, I set my alarm for 7:30 am.

Normally, this would be sacrilege. The initial reason for it was my bi-annual dentist appointment at 8am and I had to be up and out and not underfoot for our cleaning service at 9am anyway. However, instead of looking at it as a drag, I figured it was a good opportunity to embark on a bike adventure.

The day started a little rough because I had a few too many beverages and stayed up too late the night before (it’s vacation!), and forgot my backpack (with my ID, credit card, etc) at home. Not a big deal for the dentist appointment, which went quickly, smoothly, and was over with before 9am and paid up by insurance. It was only kind of a big deal because I needed it for the rest of the day’s adventures and going back home meant I had to descend the half of Steck-o-slavakia I had already climbed and resummit it.

When I got home, I *almost* thought about just calling it. The last three days I had spent at home, doing chores, writing my book, working through my To Do list, and I wasn’t even close to complete. A whole extra day of progress, I thought, that would be incredibly valuable. Then I realized that was bullshit. This was my day. I had been looking forward to this adventure for months. The weather was AMAZING. I was just being lazy. So I grabbed my backpack and took off again.

I had an engagement after work in which I either had to meet Zliten at work at 6pm on my bike, or drive there in my car. We all know I’m anti-car. I’d rather bike the 11+ miles unless it was sleeting if I had the option. So, I had and endpoint and about eight hours to kill with a few destinations:

All great bike adventures start, end, or have an interlude with Rudy’s chopped beef breakfast tacos.
It was going to be 75 degrees that day. I would be passing within a mile of the gym. A swim HAD to happen.
Lunch’s destination was Jinya, at the Domain, which seemed like a great place to kill time as well.

Other than that, the town was my oyster. I had my biggest backpack, the basket on my cruiser bike, a sunny day, enough layers to keep me as warm or cool as needed. As I cruised down Jollyville with my stomach rumbling (I was approaching three hours awake, over 10 miles ridden, and zero food), I knew the first stop would be Rudy’s.

I pulled into the parking lot and practiced the ritual of the day. Helmet off, in the basket. Grab lock and wind it around my bike’s frame (not that anyone was looking to steal my 10 year old rusty Schwinn, my helmet with the headset is worth more than it is, but it would suck to be stuck about town without it). Make sure to secure key somewhere I wouldn’t lose it. Garmin off my bike and in my pocket or backpack. Unzip phone from carrying case. Switch out sunglasses for glasses. It felt awkward at first because it’s been a while since I played cruiser bikes, but it became routine after a few stops.

The spicy, meaty, carby taco went down within a minute or so. I splurged and sipped on a coke (I figured I could use the caffeine) while I tinkered with my phone, updating Zliten with my whereabouts, and surfing instagram. While I didn’t want to spend all day on this bench, it was a breath of fresh air that I could. After the conclusion of a very busy work year, a vacation that was FREAKING AMAZING but very active trying to cram in as much water time as possible, and three days of chores and productivity, it was refreshing to take fifteen minutes, just wasting my own time, with nothing, no one, and nowhere specific waiting on me.

My next planned stop was the gym, but I realized that I was also halfway to Cornucopia, one of our holiday traditions, so I set sail north instead of crossing under the freeway. On the way, I realized that we needed to pick up the gift we’d booked on https://awesomestuff365.com/gifts-for-lawyers/, and I figured I’d pop in and take care of that. An hour later, I emerged with a new pair of swimsuit bottoms, a black hoodie, some new shirts, yoga pants, and said gift card – after trying on a metric butt-load of coats I was hoping would look better than the one I had on (and none did, even if they were cute on the hanger… wah…).

On the way to Cornucopia, I noticed a new indian and BBQ restaurant. I made a note to check it out later (and that was interesting when we did, but that’s another story), but I had lunch plans already and was full speed ahead to the ‘corn. I intended on getting maybe 2-3 small bags of different flavors, but I went in hungry and tasted all of them about three times, ending up with six after narrowing it down. I ate a LOT of popcorn over Christmas break. Me: I want to try to maintain my weight loss over the holidays. Also me: *buys approximately 100 cups of popcorn*. Ah well.

At this point, my backpack is fully stuffed and part of my basket is taken as well. I have to be careful about acquiring anything else large for the rest of the day. My trunk, it has the junk.

I headed back down south and hit the gym right around 1pm, which was perfect, because all the lunch swimmers were out of the water and I had a lovely pool almost completely to myself. I’ll admit, on one taco and some popcorn, 90 minutes biking, five hours sleep, an a *wee* hangover from the night before, I was not 100% impressed with my performance, but considering the circumstances, 1k in a little over 19 minutes swim time was just fine. When I changed back into my clothes, I couldn’t bear to put my jeans back on and was thankful that I had purchased a new pair of yoga-ish capri pants from Academy.

Finally, it was lunch time. I finally had the opportunity to take the new pedestrian bridge from the quarry to the Domain, and I made it to the holy grail of ramen, Jinya. Again, I was very glad I was “behind schedule” (I figured I’d be there closer to 12:30-1) because they were still busy and I snagged a seat at the bar. I was waited on by the spitting image of one of my friends – she had the same look, personality, and even vocal tone. I had a nice, leisurely lunch, revisiting a favorite meal of mine. Honestly, if I had a top ten of all time, the spicy umami pork miso ramen would likely be somewhere on there.

I was amazed with how my day had shrank so quickly from “how am I going to fill eight whole hours” to “oh my gosh, I need to leave here in about TWO hours and I could easily amuse myself for another eight”. It was the ultimate day of freedom. I am generally a solitary person, and I would have loved my partner in crime if he wasn’t stuck at work (I was doing my best to take him along with me via texts and pictures), but I was having a great day just hanging out with myself. I was the opposite of lonely. I was out and about, enjoying someone’s company I don’t often get to spend a whole day with (the last time was Ironman Texas, in a sense).

I popped my head into Bird’s Barbershop, since I had a free haircut coupon, but they were paaaaacked, so I figured that long hair is just fine for colder weather and I’d deal with my mop later. I was on a mission to find some of the last gifts on my list, ones that I didn’t just want to order on Amazon. I happened into a new store called Limbo, and found some very beautiful, extremely appropriate, if a little pricey, earrings. I spent the next hour popping into a million different other stores and found nothing else that even came close, so I went back to Limbo (the first store I visited…) and had the pleasure of purchasing the earrings from the lady who made them and owned the store. It was definitely worth the extra $$ to avoid the cheap, mass produced crap and get the perfect gifts.

The Domain, that day, had began it’s transformation from work to play for me. While my old work building loomed in the distance, and I remembered some of the times I walked out of that building to take a walk on those same streets to clear my head, sometimes during the roughest periods not *entirely* sure I could make myself go back, six months of distance definitely helped (and things have been MUCH better since then for me). I don’t miss the traffic, the rude people, the middle-aged pillheads, and that finding lunch under 10$ a plate is laughable, but as an entertainment destination, it’s a lot of fun.

After I got the gifts worked out, I did a little looking for myself and actually had some restraint, and settled on some peppermint gelato as a snack and fuel for the next bike leg. I figured I was 7-8 miles away from new work, but I miscalculated and I was almost 11 – plus it was getting windy (and I was heading into it) and daylight was not on my side. Along with that, I had been on my feet or pedals pretty much all day, so I was not making great time. This was the first time all day since Steck-o-slavakia that felt like work and took me a little over an hour to roll into the parking lot, when I anticipated maybe 40-45 minutes. Since it was the shortest day of the year, I was pushing it for the last 15 minutes and it was flat out DARK for the last five. And, I left my lights at home. Oops.

I snuck in one more gift shopping stop in our area and met up with Zliten as he left work. Unfortunately, I forgot to stop my garmin so I don’t have an exact mileage or time, but I think it was about 28 miles in about 2 hours and 45 minutes, both of which are a PR on my cruiser bike.

So far, the last two years, I’ve had a bike adventure day on the winter solstice. I think it’s a fun tradition, bucking the motivation just to stay inside, curled up in bed with a blanket. For months, I’ve watched the sun dip lower in the sky earlier and earlier, and this is the day I’m out playing bikes celebrating the fact that IT JUST GETS BETTER FROM HERE!!!

I wonder where I’ll ride on December 21st, 2018?

New Years Resolutions – Focus, Intention, and Purpose

By Quix

On January 2, 2018

In Uncategorized

2017 was freakin’ epic. I finished an Ironman! I did my first official century ride! I went on amazing vacations and got a camper and spent a ton of time outside! We redid our kitchen! How the heck do you follow up something that crazy and grand?

By doing less. Oh yes, by one hundred percent absolutely positively for sure doing LESS. 2018 is about doing less with purpose, intention, and focus.

This will be my junior year with Team Bicycle Sport Shop. Looking forward to training and racing with them again!

Racing/training:

I want to strengthen the bond between coach and athlete here. Yes, I am that person in both aspects, so this will take myself being kind, patient, and firm with… myself.

As a coach, I will schedule myself like I was scheduling another athlete. I will not put crazy sessions that make no sense on my list just to see if I can do them. I will not fill my week too full without good reason. I will consider both what the sessions mean to the athlete in the context of goals for the season and also what’s going on in life right then. I’ve been coaching myself long enough to know how I operate. I don’t do well undertrained, but I also need to watch my tendencies to want to do way too much and then disappoint myself by either failing sessions or burning out right before races.

As an athlete, I will HTFU this year. If coach does her job and schedules things better, it is my job to actually complete the sessions AS INTENDED. If I have 6×400 with a one mile warmup and cooldown, starting with drills and ending with stretching and rolling on my schedule, that’s what I do. And, I’m going to do my best that if it’s scheduled for Tuesday morning, I do it Tuesday morning because I put the session there for a reason.

I feel like this will help grow my experience as a coach and also my confidence as an athlete. If I could sum up my athletic goals in triathlon in a mission statement, here’s a go at it:

I am a strong, fit triathlete who is rarely injured because I have good stability from weight training and flexibility/form work. I have the confidence because I complete my training sessions. In races, I take that confidence and head close to the front of the pack in most races where it’s appropriate to start the swim, and I’ve closed the gap between my decent pool swimming and subpar open water form. I continue to do well on the bike because I train and race with power goals. I leave the bike and can now chase down people on the run. As a coach, I will set reasonable goals for my athletes (me and Zliten), and include only the necessary training on their schedules to succeed.

Here’s this year’s plans so far:

Winter:

Jan 22: take the little bit of training I’ve been able to do and see what I can do at 3M. My new A+ goal is to PR. With the paces I’m running, sub-2 is not reasonable right now, but my legs are showing some promise, so, on a really good day, I may be able to come in under 2:08.
Feb 3: do an ill-advised-but-it-will-be-fine 6 hour cycling event. I’m here for the fun and to support the team and go camping. I may not hammer this one but I know I’ll survive it.
Take at least a month after this with minimal swim/bike/run and get into the gym and lift heavy in preparation for the rest of the year.

Spring: goal is to get fit and then race a LOT of sprints to try to qualify to nationals. I want to shift my mindset at the shorter distances to actually racing for the podium vs getting my heart rate up.

Summer: cut off the racing with enough time to give myself an offseason before getting back to it for Nationals (if I make it) in August and then Cozumel in September.

Fall:

Sept 30: Cozumel 70.3. I have some outcome goals here. First, sub-6:30 or better (PR). Second, I’d like to finish far enough up in the results I actually go to the rolldown for Worlds (as a super longshot, I’ve heard rumors of people being in 20-30th place and getting it). But honestly, I want to race this to force myself to figure out one of my biggest triathlon problems – I do not love hot weather but I’ve had my two best half runs in sweltering heat off of my two fastest bikes those two years (though I’ve also had some pretty critical explosions). I need to figure out how to succeed in the heat, be it training, gear, or just HTFU’ing.

After this, I’ll make some decisions. Ironman Waco 70.3 or Oilman last minute? A fall half marathon? Offseason? I’m not committing to anything after Sept 30th.

You will notice there are no marathons, no ironmans, no century rides, no 10k swims on this list. Will I haul off and randomly do a long bike ride because it sounds fun? Probably. But I’m keeping my focus (after Feb 3rd) on one thing: triathlon, and succeeding at the distance that my next race is at instead of random long base training for no reason. I’m running the longest right now that I need to run all year and that is super refreshing to me!

Less of this face in 2018, young lady!

Human Being-ness:

As a human, I want to be a more patient and kinder person. I feel like in relentless pursuit of goals sometimes I get a little snitty and self-centered. I get annoyed by the MOST ridiculous things that shouldn’t even register on my radar. I joke that I’ve gone from being a people person to an anti-people person – that grumpy 80s TV dad that just wants his underwear and his recliner and silence. However, in going from a state of fluctuating between mega-maniacal (DO ALL THE THINGS) to burnout, I’m definitely finding human connection challenging to enjoy more often than I’d like to admit.

I actually like people. I am actually probably more of an extrovert on the spectrum than an introvert. I love random conversations, and I’ll talk your ear off and listen to just about anything with a few beers in me (i.e. – when I’m finally relaxed and not thinking about the next thing on my TO DO list). Sure, I’m a little socially awkward at first with people, but I’m mostly comfortable in my skin as long as it’s not a “hi, will you be my friend” situation. It’s that my brain is so far up inside itself thinking about what’s next and goals and achievements that it’s hard to focus on anyone else.

Yep, my problem is that I’ve become a bit of a selfish asshole. The way I fix that? By committing to less and really and truly being IN when I do commit. If I can have more space in my life between TO DO, then I can actually enjoy these things instead of feeling obligated to do them.

Yes, I GET to have a great group of people in my life that want my time and attention. I’m not burdened by it. That is a very negative way to live and I’m going to leave that one behind in 2017 in the rear view mirror where it belongs.

If I had to pen a mission statement for this one:

I will do my best to be present in the situation I am in, instead of having my thoughts stray to the future. If I’ve committed to something, I will give it time and attention to the best of my ability. If I’m feeling overscheduled and overwhelemed, if I’m fumbling at life, I will take a good hard look at my goals and to do list, and I will prioritize until it feels reasonable. I will approach social interactions as a pleasure instead of a chore.

Food/Scale:

It’s nice to weigh a little less than I did last time this year. Obviously obsessively tracking my food and diet quality didn’t work. I seemed to only make progress when I actually let go a little and ate… dare I say… intuitively. I gave my body a break and trained INCREDIBLY minimally. Or maybe turmeric is actually the magic anti-inflammatory bullet, so obviously I’m going to continue to take that.

So, obviously I want to continue to take steps back towards my race weight, but I don’t honestly have much to say here that’s revolutionary. Just keepin’ on keepin’ on with what’s *slowly* working.

I want to continue (after a slight holiday feasting break) with my diet that’s at least half fruits and vegetables. I feel the best when I’m consuming a diet high in plants in their truly natural form.
This is accompanied by making sure I continue eat my my normal breakfasts and batch cook my meals to get enough lean protein, whole grain carbs, and snack on things like almonds and pistachios instead of chips.
I want to limit my indulgences to ones that I truly enjoy and that will will be a fun and relaxing diversion from my normal. For me, that means most of the sweets I get go into the freezer and I’ll dig them out once a month when I have a craving, but I’ll consume alcohol in moderation on Saturdays and there will be Desano’s Pizza or after long bike rides.
If not tracking, I will at least be conscious about what I put in my mouth is going to help me towards my goals or not. It doesn’t all have to be positive diet quality (just most of it), but if it’s not, it should be for a reason and not simply because it’s there in front of me.

Self-enrichment:

This is another place where my life needs focus. My eyes are now open to all the things I want to do and learn after a period of just being happy existing as a game developer and triathlete. But, in true form, I want to do and learn them all NOAW.

The last two years, I’ve had this giant, big, varied, scary to do list. I was trying to be a jack of all trades, master at none. I’m going to pull back and pick one focus this year:

2018 is the year I focus on becoming a published author of a non-fiction book.

I’m pretty sure that’s my mission statement right there. Here’s the steps I envision taking next year:

Finish my book. I have about 3.75 chapters left to go. My goal is to finish the first draft by my birthday (or at least birthday month).
Put it on the kindle and read it myself. No taking specific notes, no editing, just read it as if I was reading another author’s book it to see if it’s interesting.
Ask my husband for help with his dialogue. I’m a fairly prolific writer with a lot of strengths, but dialogue is not one of them. If you could, why not ask the character what he would say in those situations?
Edit chapter by chapter. I know I need more environmental description and cues. I can see and smell and taste and hear all the things that happened to me. The problem is, the reader can’t unless I describe them. I know I need to make things a little more cohesive because I wrote the chapters out of order (as in, don’t describe things five times, describe it once and go back and reference).
Get some beta readers. Some that are familiar with triathlon, some that are not, to see if it’s interesting to either/both groups.
Become knowledgeable about the industry. Read books and devour websites about publishing, editing, agents, and marketing your book. Stuff like this. While I want to know so much more about marketing in general, I’m going to take 2018 to focus on this slice of marketing.
Continue to read in the non-fiction genre. 1-2 books per month in between my pulpy sci-fi 25 book series that will likely never end…
If it gets this far… build a website for the book. Contact publishers about the book. Get an agent (or not). This stuff is so far away and I need to learn what half of this means, but my goal by the end of the year is to have a finished manuscript I’m proud of and at least know where to go with it next.

The Lists

Here’s where I break my mold of focus and intentions, because I am me, and I am not doing away with TO DO lists. However, I’m still trying to stick with the intention of planning LESS. I’m trying to keep the first list reasonable. I am also trying to leave off a bunch of fluff so I actually do the things I really need to do, like actually see a financial planner for eff’s sake. Focus. Intention.

The second list should be FUN! I will do these things as they sound pleasurable and enriching to me, not as TO DOs I need to check off. These need to be things I GET to do, not that I *have* to do. If my sewing machine stays hidden, that’s ok. If I post weekly recaps because I’m pouring my time and energy into my book, that’s totally acceptable. They are here simply to remind myself there are better ways to spend free time rather than Netflix and dorking on social media on my phone.

Now that this is done, we can do smaller, bite size projects. After a break, that is…

Adulting List:

Yep, a lot of this is carryover from this year that didn’t get done. Still want to do them. Will try again.

Wills
Financial planner
Fix our occasionally around kitty stray
Organize our entertainment center and pantry
Build leezard a lounging platform she can’t knock her plate off
Probably some other small organizational projects that emerge as I check these off.

Mostly take the year off adulting because HOLY HELL we adulted pretty hard last year with house projects. Actually taking January ENTIRELY off any sort of TO DOs minus the normal cooking, keeping the house to the point where the cleaning service can do their thing, and laundry. I need a friggin break.

Fun List:

Resume monthly-ish game night with friends in February.
Camping! ‘Nuff said. Especially in the spring when it’s nice out.
I love pictures but shy away from video. I had a blast playing with it underwater, and I want to do short videos about random stuff 3x per week, if nothing else, posted in my Instagram stories.
More video games. I’m serious about this. I got Grand Turismo 5 for Christmas and we are going to stream “Drunk Driving Saturdays” (i.e., having a few beers and playing GT in the comfort and safety of my own couch) for a while and I want to actually feel like at least a casual type gamer again.
Vacations: Cozumel for the half IM and then a week of diving, family cruise in May, family trip to Port A or Galveston, maybe a long weekend in Chicago, maybe somewhere snowy (with the camper?) in the winter to cross country ski or snowshoe?
Painting… I’ve been having a lot of fun with minis but I also would love to expand to canvas again, even if only on camping trips.
More bike adventures. I mean, the kind where it’s beautiful outside and we hop on the cruisers in the morning with backpacks and baskets and only have a vague plan for the day and coast back in at (or after) sunset. I’m open to the other kind with clips and kits and friends as well, but I want to do more where the bike is just the transportation, not the focus.
Posting more interesting things besides weekly recaps. It really helps me when I’m training towards a goal race, but other times it’s like… yep, rode my bike some miles, ran when I could be arsed to, ignored the pool and weight room, and ate, drank, and slept a lot. You don’t care. I’d rather write something else with focus instead of this being my glorified diary all the time.
Crafting. I recently found my beads and I really want to spend some time playing with them and making new pieces (I did one over break, and I love it. Moar!!!). I would really like to get my sewing machine out long enough to be comfortable getting it set up and stitching things.

2018. Let’s do this. But not too much of this. Because it’s the year of LESS.

2017 wrap up – an epic year of drive and exploration

By Quix

On December 31, 2017

In Uncategorized

I can’t let December 31st come and go without a nod to how the year went, so, without further ado, the tale of the year of freakin’ epicness which was 2017 shall commence.

One of the best moments of 2017.

A Race: Ironman Texas.

Done, and dusted. It’s kind of amazing to have such a warm glow around a race with so many trials and tribulations during it, and one that you can envision literally taking HOURS off your time with a better day, but you only have one first IM and I’ll always remember it fondly. Shit canal, Hardy toll road headwind, and wonky knees and all.

I envisioned it as the training being a means to a goal, and all the payoff being that day. I actually really enjoyed the process, the journey, and I might have been just as proud of some of those long training efforts as I was finishing the Ironman proper. But that red carpet moment was pretty effing awesome, don’t get me wrong.

Smiling because I did not at that point know exactly how close I had come to Nationals.

Also, getting your big goal race out of the way in April was kind of awesome. I committed to nothing for the rest of the year and found out a few things:

I wanted back on my bike rather quickly and I set goals to ride centuries because they sounded fun. So, 2017 organically became the year of the bike with over 3500 miles, very little of them indoors.
My run training went so well from Jan-Mar, and then everything went to hell, both with my body condition and also my motivation. It was a very small mileage year with about 450 miles and I’m okay with that.
Swimming… eh. Again, I did a lot to prepare for the IM and then all I wanted to do was ride my bike after. Even during the summer. All said, I swam 52 miles this year, so that’s not shabby.
Weights – I hit a routine for a while with bodyweight workouts over lunch but struggled to get to the gym to lift heavy most of the year.

I actually had two pretty decent sprint triathlon results at Jack’s Generic and Kerrville (let’s ignore the shitshow that was Lake Pflugerville 8 weeks out of an Ironman), which have ignited my goals to qualify for Nationals next year.

I also spent a lot of time really digging into coaching (got my cert) and psychology reading non-fiction triathlon books, and have started working on my mental game here (and will expand upon this in 2018).

Habits and Practices:

Full of washed veggies. And also cooked and eaten outside.

Facebook and twitter – I spent a lot of the year using them sparingly, and then I found some awesome triathlon groups on Facebook and found myself involved (but also wasting a lot of time on social media). I’ve logged back out in December, and I think I’ll just have to continue to be conscious about the mindless and not-super-relaxing scrolling while watching TV.
I made a goal to stop rushing and fumbling with things. I would not give myself a passing grade on this, and it’s kind of the core of my intentions for next year.
Washing my fruits and veggies – I would give myself a 98% on this one. It’s one of those stupid things not to do and an easy goal to conquer. It’s now habit.
I wanted to weigh less than I did Jan 1, 2017. Check. I’m about 5 lbs down, give or take, but that’s still something.
Beer January – check. The rest of the year watching my alcohol portions? Still something I struggle with – mostly because I have a large tolerance and it doesn’t affect me the way it affects most mortals. One large slice of cake makes me ill, but I can drink a mess of whiskey and feel fine (as well as the next day). I also enjoy whiskey way more than cake. But… neither of these things are great in large quantities. The battle continues to control my portions next year.

I made some way-too-ambitious goals for self-enrichment and I think I learned from that for 2018. If this was my full time focus, if I wasn’t also a triathlete and a wife and a daughter and a full time game producer and didn’t have friends, maybe I could have made more progress – but right now, all those things take priority over these. And that’s ok. It’s not my livelihood, its just something I’d like to pursue someday.

One of the best books I read this year…

Learning/Certification:

Finish my triathlon coaching class and pass the exam – CHECK
After IM Texas, start researching some sort of part time or volunteer opportunity that will help me get some sort of experience. – NOPE. Instead I rode my bike a lot. Oops.
Continue to work on my social media plan for this blog as practice. Eh… I use hashtags on Insta. I post occasionally on my AR facebook page. I haven’t really been trying as of late. It stopped being a focus and that’s ok.
Read some business books and other triathlon training books instead of JUST my pulpy sci fi. – CHECK. At least 1-2 per month starting in the back half of the year.

Set Up

Write a business plan and figure out who I really want to reach and the services I want to provide. NOPE. I’ve had some thoughts here but nothing concrete.
Create a website with all the bells and whistles it needs. NOPE.
Start writing some book notes CHECK. More than, actually.

(Big) Baby Steps. By the end of the year I want to:

Have a website ready to go that can take people’s money and provide a service. – NOPE.
At the very least, start providing a small service via fiverr or something similar to test the waters. – NOPE. I decided this wasn’t a great idea until I really decide what my business plan is.
Have a published book (even if it’s just self published). NOPE, but I’m getting close to draft 1 done, so that’s something!

Other Stuff:

Sunsets and stars outside were definitely highlights of 2017.

Game night – we had three and then our end of year booked up so fast we didn’t have a free weekend. I’m really looking forward to reviving this next year!

Video games – I was really bad at this in 2017. I wanted to list 20 that I played multiple times, and I can only do the games I work on, Clash of Clans, Dance Dance Revolution, Gran Turismo 5, Stardew Valley, Job Simulator, That’s You, and… errr… that’s it. Oops.

Vacations: I didn’t do my reunion in Reno/Tahoe, and we chose Bonaire over a liveaboard diving trip, but I was super excited to take all these trips:

Woodlands, TX for IM TX
Cruise to Roatan, Costa Maya, and Cozumel
Krausse Springs camping for Independence Day week
Other various camping trips in the summer and fall
A week in Bonaire.

And, all the other things. Did I mention I like goals?

Little stuff:

Hem/fix a few pairs of pants. NOPE. 2018?
Clean out both cars. CHECK (and then they got dirty again, funny how that happens…)
Take my existing extra hoka soles and cut them and put them in my less comfortable shoes. NOPE. So easy, and not done. Oops.
Appointments
- Find a new doctor and get an exam – CHECK
- Financial planner – NOPE (2018)
- Bike fit – CHECK!
- Eye doctor appt and exam (my frames are SOOOOO scratched) – CHECK!

Bigger Stuff:

I still have yet to do a full reveal but here are some fruits of our labor…

Clean out and renovate the office. We were hoping to get to it over holiday break, but it didn’t happen. CHECK!!! This is where I’m writing this right now.
Figuring out a place to store (or a new home for) this other gaming table we have that is currently threatening to impale anyone that sleeps on the left side of our guest room. CHECK! (It’s right next to me)
Make the workout room a proper pain cave with a TV, computers and monitors for Zwifting. CHECK – the trainers now live in the workout room and I found I actually enjoy music more than movies/screens so we’ve been rocking that (though I haven’t done more than an hour).
Figure out a more permanent solution than boxes and a blanket in a closet for the leezard (though she seems ok with it). NOPE – 2018. She’s fine with it but her plate of salad falls over and makes a mess.
As long as our financial situation seems stable, picking a renovation project (kitchen, patio, etc) and do it. CHECK. Kitchen has like two things left on the TO DO list (to do later today).
Get a shed. CHECK.
I want to train myself to be ambidextrous on the bike. NOPE. Need to work on this one on the cruiser without clips first.
iFly. NOPE. At least they never expire…
Comedy tickets. NOPE. We went to a few shows but not enough to use up the tickets. I gave them away as presents to people at work. Oh well.
#goplayoutside – CHECK. The camper and being a crazy cyclist really helped me spent a lot of time outdoors. The last two months (between cold weather and kitchen renovation obligations) have been driving me nuts, but I know playing outside season will come back again and I’ll be out there.

I usually do this thing where I try to distill the year into three words and I’ll do it again.

2017: the year of turtle home, for sure…

Epic. I mean, yeah, this word is overused, but my first Ironman, riding so many bikes, buying a camper and spending almost three weeks in it in the second half of the year. 25+ hours underwater back in my happy place in Bonaire. Tri coach certification, finishing a kitchen remodel and a lot of other fairly major house projects, and eeking out 3/4 of a draft of my first novel. SO MUCH THIS YEAR.

Explore. I feel like I got to know my town better, biking over what felt like every inch of it over and over. We camped SIX times in the span of four months in the camper. I hit the water in five different countries this year. I also explored the inside of my grey matter a bit pushing myself through Ironman training and racing, and then working on my head game in for Sprints.

Driven. I felt a pull this year like no other year to really expand my goals beyond being a triathlete. I’ve wanted to write a book for over half my life and I finally started it. We’ve been talking about redoing the kitchen since we moved in. We’ve been talking about Ironman since we started triathlon. While there are a lot of things on my list still to do from this year, I checked off, or at least started, some of the real big ones.

Hope you have a happy New Year’s Eve, and cheers to a fabulous 2018!

What’s your biggest 2017 accomplishment? Share in the comments, since goals make me unreasonably happy!

Looking up the hill…

By Quix

On November 8, 2017

In Uncategorized

When I first started racing, my year was pretty periodized by default.

In 2009, I ran a half marathon and then after that, shut it down for a few months. Because that’s what normal people do.

I wasn’t a complete nut yet, and I had these natural cycles before I even knew what periodization and offseason and all those other coach-y schedule-y things meant.

Yearly, I would maintain a baseline fitness level (ten years ago, that looked like 4-5 hours a week – 3x weights, 2x running, and either some arc trainer and/or DDR to round out the hours). I would sign up for a race occasionally, train 2-3 months for it, and then go back to my base fitness level right after. There was never any compulsion to “keep what I gained” by boosting my training beyond that 4-5 hours unless it was for a reason.

Then I started racing more. Since I was racing more than a few times a year (with smaller races to support the bigger ones), and I feel like 2-3 months is the absolutely minimum amount of time I feel like I need to be prepared for a race, I was pretty much constantly training. It was new and fun and exciting and it made me toy with the fact that I might actually be an athlete! I remember at one point, I decided to take 5 weeks off because I had been on for something like 17 months. My body pretty much collapsed that entire offseason – I couldn’t run the whole time because as soon as the heel I injured the last race of the season felt better, my back went out for the entire Christmas break. The universe was yelling “STAAAHHHHHPPPPP!!!!”.

I’ve learned that for my mental and physical well being, I need to pretend to be a normal mortal human for extended periods of time or I break down. The length of time I need is predicated by: a) what I have just done to my body and b) the length of time I’ve been “on” and also c) how I feel about life right then/stress levels/etc.

I also have learned that offseason racing is tricky to navigate. When you sign up for something simply because you do it every year, or because your friends are doing it and you have major FOMO, or because you have a husband that would rather race every weekend vs train, you have to watch your expectations. For me, FUN racing is when I PR, when I leave it all out there, when I’m a ball of sweat and snot and making the pain face at the end. Everything else is just paying money to go for a jog with friends.

And sometimes paying money to go for a jog is ok, especially if you get to look like a rainbow threw up everywhere while doing it.

There’s a time and a place for that, for example, the Turkey Trot this year. I know I’m not going to PR (though I’m pretty sure I’ll beat last year no matter what…), but it’s an excuse to get up, ride my bike ~20 miles and go run 5 before I gorge myself on turkey. I absolutely and positively plunked down my 25$ registration fee solely to motivate myself to get my ass of the couch that morning. However, I’m usually not a huge fan of jumping into a race untrained. Results may vary, but for me, they’re usually not positive.

So, right now I’m mentally and physically stuck in between a rock and a hard place.

Crazy Athlete Me says:

I’m mad at my mojo for being absent and I should be making time for more than a few hours a week and maybe 2-3 of the sports instead of just one of them.
What I did over the summer is not worthy of an offseason. Three sprint races, one slow century and one century that got cut short is just maintaining fitness, right?
I’ve not run in so long I’ve forgotten what running feels like (it’s been 2 weeks) and I’ll never be able to get back up to 13 miles in time, let alone get faster.
All of a sudden I’m going to gain back all the weight I’ve ever lost in my life because I’m only training a few hours a week and I’m not starving myself.

Crazy athlete me likes to go out and try to ride 100 miles on her bike, unready for such a thing, for absolutely no reason.

Coach me knows:

I am an athlete that needs time off right now. Work is crazy and stressful. We’re starting a kitchen remodel that will upheave our lives for 2+ weeks. I am working through some rotating pain between my knee and heel which is starting to be on the mend because I’ve resisted being a dumbass and rested it.
I should not discount the amount of work I did over the summer on the bike and in triathlon. Even if Ironman warped me to think so, training an average of 7-8 hours a week is not insignificant and still warrants a break after.
I have plenty of time to build towards a good half marathon at the end of January. I will not lose every morsel of fitness I have earned by taking a few weeks to do whatever.
My body is actually responding positively in terms of weight loss over the last month or so… perhaps because I’m listening to it and giving it what it needs? I *know* it’s not because I’m maintaining more of a deficit (probably less because I’m training less and mostly just trying to eat less crap but not less food).
And the biggie I say to everyone else but it’s hard to say to yourself – it is always better to show up uninjured and undertrained vs properly trained and limping.

So, here I am. I have new running shoes I’ve had for over a week that I haven’t even worn yet. I haven’t ridden my bike on roads since October 22nd. I haven’t done weights in over two weeks even though they’ve been on the schedule. I haven’t swam in almost a month and with the cold snap today… not sure it’s going to happen this week. My mind is reeling with insecurities about my muscles and endurance shriveling up into nothingness, as well as wasting beautiful days and my gym membership funds not training like crazy this season like I typically do.

I miss dis place – literally the gym and also the figurative place of being so smashed (and accomplished) after a really long hard workout.

However, my mind is also thanking me PROFUSELY that I’m not trying to maintain any sense of a training schedule while shipping an update at work. I have been much less of a basket case and handling things much better than normal. I usually have some major breakdowns this time of year when I am in training mode and I’m thankful that hasn’t happened (yet). My body is LOVING this break. The weight is falling off (knock on wood, let’s not jinx this) and when I actually do something like the bike intervals I did this morning, I feel GREAT, not tired, not stale, but like my parts are all starting to work in harmony again. When I DO get back to training, it will be nice to start from a rested, recovered body and see how that feels for once!

As long as my heel continues to cooperate, I have my first run back scheduled for next Monday, but we’ll see how things go from there. It’s neat to occasionally reap some rewards when you don’t rage against the universe’s wishes and I’m trying hard to listen even if it makes me do things I don’t like from time to time.

I’m at the bottom looking up the hill right now. Thirteen miles at a fast pace seems super far away right now. But I’ve been down these roads before. I know how to climb them.

Adjusted Reality

“Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.” – Mark Twain

Tag: psychoanalysis Page 11 of 31

The legs, the lungs, the head, and the heart.

Winter Solstice Bike Adventure

New Years Resolutions – Focus, Intention, and Purpose

2017 wrap up – an epic year of drive and exploration

Looking up the hill…

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