Since All I Can Do Is Whine Lately…

I wanted to post something positive. I haven’t tackled the in-depth topics I’ve wanted because my brain is fried at it’s core.  Let me give a bit of background on the last week or so.  It’s like everyone that I have to spend significant time with in my day has been in the pissiest, most foulest, terrible, horrible, no good very bad mood and damned if it didn’t rub off on me even though I fought it hard.  So by mid-week last week I was super grumpy and joining in the mucking about in the mad mad mud of negativity with them.  My dad monopolizing the TV ALL DAY with his sports was sending me into a snarkfest.  My mom, well, saying anything in that *tone* of hers made my blood pressure jump.  I was probably snippy at Zliten for being snippy at the same things I was feeling snippy about, but I didn’t want to deal with the snippiness twice, so I was snippy about him being snippy.  Let’s not even go into the funk-y-town of negativity which is work, but let it be known there was no escape from it.

So my home life is not my own, hasn’t been for 9 days and I’m not sure when it will end.  I’m scheduled to be out and about WAY more in the next few weeks than normal due to ADGC and what seems like half my friends’ parents having procreated in January (thus having September birthdays) and then a wicked cool three day concert of awesomeness.  My dance card, as they say, is full.  Mix in a whole bunch of abnormal eating (chinese buffet food that wouldn’t stay in my belly one minute longer than deemed necessary by my intestines, bar/party snack food, and much, much, more) and the start of a vigorous exercise plan that I rocked last week into exhaustion, and am already failing at this week because I simply don’t have the time between work and events for hour and a half sweat fests, and it adds up to frustration.

And, of course, the scale isn’t budging.  It has said one hundred and goddamn sixty eight or nine for the last month when it wasn’t saying something worse.  Not that I am unhappy at this weight right now, but I do not want to stay here forever.  On top of everything else getting my knickers in knots, it’s frustrating to count calories and do *reasonably* well eating for most of the month, and beat myself into a pulpy, quivering mess at the gym and continue to see the SAME thing, when all reasonable and mathmatical calculations should show the weight declining in some way, shape or form.

So now that you know how my week was going, I needed a good night out on the town with people my own age who don’t think that that funny internet thing I do is a waste of time.

Yay for ADGC afterparties.  Last night was a lot of freaking fun.  I cruised downtown after work and met Zliten  and T at the jackalope for a few pre-open bar drinkies, then headed to the video game art exhibit at the Arthouse hosted by one of the companies that jetsers is trying to get a job with – and met up with a bunch of Zliten’s ex-coworkers that had been axed as well.  The exhibit ended up being novel but kinda lame, and of all things they ran out of ICE, so my second drink was all vodka, and it took all 5 of the people with us to finish it before we left!  Actually, my first one wasnt great either – was a cute idea in theory (it was called a pac man, which had vodka/blue stuff drink, a lemon wedge cut like pac man, and marshmallows for dots), but not in sippage, so to the peanut (drinking) gallery named Zliten it went.  We also couldn’t hear the guy speaking – the sound system was really fuzzy.  Our gaggle wanted to eat so we led them back to the jackalope for burgers and more cheap drinks.  I got a gardenburger (which was super yummy) and a few (read: half) of jetsers fries.

Then around 9 we headed to the Heatwave party at Sky Lounge which was FABULOUS.  Full open bar, I mean, I was drinking Makers Mark all night for free.  Can’t beat that. ::grin::  A good, energetic crowd.  Funny to watch the suits walk around scoffing and calling the industry people monkeys.  I heard some guy who was like a junior suit tell what was obviously his boss “I’ll be your clown”.  There were wheelings and dealings and little private side meetings all over.  There was also quite a few people I haven’t seen in a while from SOE so it was cool to catch up.  The guys hosting the party were actually pretty cool to talk to, they had a decent idea for a business model (incubating game ideas and then handing them off).  I also got handed two purple boas which I rocked all night.  At one point we had Lum the Mad and Scott Hartsman sitting at one table with us (and the drunk girl that apparently adopted him for the night – poor Lum), and I instantly felt the appearance of thousands of MMO geek boners go “sprooooiiiinnnngggg” simulatenously throughout the world without them even knowing why.  Hardy har.  Requisite bad camera phone picture of me rocking the boa included free of charge.

I may not die by Sunday from exhaustion, stress, and being pissy like I had feared this weekend.  I’m totally awake and happy today!  But it might have been also that I spent last night drinking all caffeinated diet coke and I have a residual buzz, we shall see by the end of today.  Tonight is squeezing in a short workout, dinner with the ‘rents at Stubbs downtown, and then the SOE/PlayStation party.  The place looks pretty sweet, and I have a ride home instead of having to drive, so yay for that.

So here is where I take a stand on that whiny, poor me, wah mood I’ve been in lately.  I refuse to weigh until Thursday because it could potentially piss me off, and I don’t need that.  If it’s lower, great, if not, I’ll wait until I have a quiet day to be grumpy about it (or not even be grumpy, that would be even better).  I refuse to be frustrated with myself for the lack of progress lately.  I’m stressed and got a lot of shit going on, and the stress itself is enough to keep weight on when everything else is going right, so I don’t need to stress more about being stressed, right?  So I’m gonna do the best I can without driving myself crazy until things smooth out (hopefully next week), and not be angry with myself for having an off-month.  If I don’t get to 165 by October 1st, it’s not the end of the world.

My parents will soon be at their own dwelling where we will not be in each others faces every moment, and I’ll have my house and a not-so-pissy jetsers back.  Caring about the politics at my job right now and thinking about what’s going on here in any capacity but what’s required to actually DO my job is going to have to wait until the rest of this shit resolves itself.  Things are looking good for jetsers and the co-op, and we aren’t even remotely close to out of money yet (or even out of severance and PTO reimbursal), so that’s barely even on my radar to stress about.

I am going to spend today happy and in a good mood, and there ain’t no one that’s going to stop me except me.  Tomorrow, well, she’s another day and I’ll see if I can keep this good vibe thing going.  My mood is a choice, and why choose to be in anything but a good one, right?