Adjusted Reality

“Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.” – Mark Twain

Unexpected “After” Effects

I figured while I was having a cocktail and marveling over the awesome weather (rain and lightning and tornados, oh my!)**, I’d pop in and say hi. Work has been crazy, as I predicted, and some late nights, but we’re getting close! Never fear, I’ve been keeping up with my training, and I just have a yoga session tomorrow and my 12 mile run on Saturday morning to go!

I’ve been thinking lately – as I get close to being an “after”, life is peachy, of course, but there are some unexpected side effects.

1. I am very susceptible to cold! I remember at my heaviest I used to thank the dear fluffy lord for the awesome AC in my office, but now, I bundle up in a sweater, and run my portable heater constantly. Over the winter, I actually wished that I could add some fat back to my ass (from my own stomach of course) because I was so unnaturally cold when it was in the 40s. Thank goodness we rarely get in the 30s or below!

2. I used to never have to shave the inside of my thighs because they rubbed together, but now that there’s space between them, I am growing hair again. You would think 10 years would kill those follicles, right? Not so much.

3. I can no longer bitch about feeling bloated/lumpy/complain about my body in any way. I get eye rolls. Instead, everyone just wants fitness tips.

4. Instead of getting the pity look when I’m wolfing down a cheeseburger and fries, I get the jealousy look when I’m downing a cheeseburger and fries.

5. I don’t have the alcohol tolerance I used to. I have to make sure I pour all my own drinks at home to pace myself, and when I go out, I need to make sure I don’t try to “keep up with the boys” like I used to. When I do, there are some funny stories though!

6. I am that annoying chick that suggests exercise as a cure for anything. Tired for no reason? Go exercise, it will be make you feel better. Depressed? Go do a super intense workout where you can only think about the movement and not what’s in your head, and your mood will lift. It even bugs me when it slips out of my mouth too much, but it’s true. There are very few things that exercise DOESN’T cure.

7. If I’m wearing a tight shirt and/or pants, I’ll sometimes get “phantom belly” – as in I feel like my stomach is sticking out in a bubble like it used to (especially when I’m sitting. Then, I look down and there is either a little bitty lump that no one would notice besides me, or nothing. It’s quite odd.

8. My jewish nose is more prominent the skinnier I get. I forgot why I used to hate profile shots when I was younger. When my face filled out, it didn’t stand out so much. Now, schnoz-o-plenty is back!  See picture above for proof (I’m in the purple).

All in all though…I’ll take it over being 265 again. In a heartbeat.

What are some unexpected things that have happened after you got fit? Did you find out that you had funny shaped knees or collar bones?  Did you start evangelizing your new love of fat free cheese (I hope not, that shit’s nasty!)?

**Wrote this last night and got too into watching the awesome weather be awesome.  Happy Friday!


This Week’s Rare Spawn


Half Marathon Training – Between Week 11 and 12


  1. cat

    hahaha I love this post.

    I have no cool stories or such since I’ve pretty much only fluctuated around 10lb but this was a funny read and you are an exceptional person. 🙂 I know the “phantom belly” thing tho! I always remind myself that it’s skin and kinda there for a reason!

    Shaving comment was the best!

  2. This might be my fave post of yours ever! I’ve read it three times and giggled every single time. Especially about the shaving your thighs part. Been there!

  3. miz

    yeah nerd alert here as well.
    LOVELOVELOVE this post and have read it a few times.

    from the hair
    to the looks of pity vs jealousy
    to the wanting fitness tips not body laments from you


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