Adjusted Reality

“Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.” – Mark Twain

On Self Sabatoge

Imagine your dream.  No, not the delicious turkey sandwich you’re dreaming of for lunch, but something that has been a long term, professional and/or personal dream.  Maybe you just got handed a publishing contract for your new book.  Maybe you finally qualified for the Boston Marathon.  Maybe you found the perfect love of your life.  What’s the last thing you’d expect your reaction would be?  That’s right, running away and screaming.

So why is that my first instinct everytime I get the opportunity for something cool?

On my super exciting news I won’t be able to talk about for years and years, I was rightfully super excited the first day after I found out, and then after – I realized I felt lost and very self-doubting.  Zliten was pretty incredulous how blah I was being about it.  I spent a while berating myself about it.  When did I become the kind of person that was more comfortable being mediocre?  When did I become the kind of person that is afraid of success?  At what point in my life did I stop wanting to reach for the stars?  Then there was the frustration at how long it was taking me to think things through.  When did I become so rusty?  Am I just too old to be a rockstar?  Is this not really what I want anymore?

All of a sudden, it dawned on me.  It’s just like when I hit the gym after a looooong hiatus 2 years ago.  When I got back on the eliptical for the first time, it was FRUSTRATING as hell that something that once came so easy to me was now like trudging through mud.  Running my first mile took almost a year and I just about collapsed dead after.  Doing a pushup from my toes took over a year and I certainly wasn’t just busting out 3 sets of 25 like I am now.  All things I’ve done before.  All things I am better at now than I was before ever in my life.  I was just out of practice and it took time.

One I realized this, I felt much, much better and was able to make some progress.  I’m still feeling very slow but it’s ok.  It’s not a switch I can flip, and I don’t think my bosses expect that.  I have some time to get my head where it needs to be.  Just as I don’t expect perfection (though I strive for it) in my eating and exercising habits, I don’t need to hold myself to an unreasonable standard in other aspects of life.

Now, I’m excited and optimistic, as I should be.  Still have a little bit of the butterflies but those will clear away once things get settled.  And that’s an awesome way to go into a three day weekend.  What other areas of your life can YOU apply the lessons you’ve learned in forging your way into a healthy lifestyle?  Anyone got super awesome plans for the long weekend?


Barbarians In Past Lives


Happy Labor Day!

1 Comment

  1. My lesson: hold on to that damn bandwagon teeth and nail. You’ll fall off but not long enough where the wagon’s gone on without you.

    Great post (as always!) Quix! I hope you have a wonderful weekend and I can’t wait to hear your exciting news. I am sending positive thoughts your way to conquer anything and everything you want to conquer!

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