Adjusted Reality

So I’m sure you’ve seen this new double down sandwich.  If you’ve been under a rock, it is two fried (or grilled) chicken breasts as the “bun”, with bacon, cheese, and some colonel’s sauce (how delightfully ambiguous!) inside.  Gluttons are praising it as the next coming of indulgence, health food bloggers are calling it an abomination of all things good and holy.  What’s my stance on it?

I’m ok with it’s existence.  I think the double down is just fine.

What, you say?  How can you, as a sane person who tries to do the right thing, who cares about your health and weight, who endeavours to prime your body for athletic pursuits… how can you not condemn this devil food?  Quite a few reasons actually.

You know it’s a splurge.  No human being can approach this foodstuff and at least not have an inkling that it’s not in their best interest to consume this.  However, as human beings, we sometimes are motivated by pleasure (and perhaps adventurous natures) and put things in our bodies that aren’t the greatest for us.

Perhaps though, I decide that I’m going to pass by that double down and eat something healthier.  I’m out on the road and gonna hit up something to go.  Oooh, maybe I’ll hit up a sandwich shop.  Get me a tuna sandwich on wheat.   Fish is good for me, right?  And wheat bread is healthier than white.

Oh.  844 calories – 33% more.  Slightly less saturated fat, but what’s 8.5 in comparison to 10?  Also, 1800+ sodium, pushing 80% of what you should have in a day.

Sorry Jimmy John’s.  I’m going to go to that Quiznos down the street.  And I think I’m going to switch it up and get a salad.  Let’s try a honey mustard chicken salad.  That sounds tasty!  Grilled chicken is good for me, greens and veggies are great, and mustard is pretty low cal, right?

Oops.  920 calories, over 40% more.  DOUBLE the saturated fat (yeah, 20 grams).  Slightly less sodum at 1700 but sheesh.  FOR A SALAD.

All this calorie counting is making my head spin.  I need to sit down.  At a restaurant.  Ah, look, Ruby Tuesdays!  I am going to order me an avocado turkey burger.  That sounds incredibly healthy.  Avacodo is good healthy fat, and turkey is very lean.  No fries, I know those are bad for me, just the burger.

1234 calories, holy crap!!!  I could eat 2 double downs and have some calories to spare.  With that – 81 grams of fat?  How do you make TURKEY into something with 81 grams of fat?  And to add insult to injury, it’s got almost 3000 grams of sodium (130% of your daily value).

Now, in comparison here’s the double down:

Calories: 590
Calories from fat: 280
Total fat: 31g
Saturated fat: 10g
Trans fat: 0g
Cholesterol: 190mg

Honestly?  If this is your thing, you can work it into an otherwise healthy day every now and again and come out the other side unscathed.  And the biggie for me?  It’s not presented as a health food in any way or a “seemingly healthy” or “normal” food.  It’s like deep fried oreos or cotton candy or the worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle – they have their place (as very very very occasional indulgences), and should be respected as such.  You know what you’re getting into here.

Not so much when you sit down to that salad.

So, if we really want to get past shock journalism and really actually do something about our obesity problem?  Leave the double down alone and go after all the assholes out there with a 1000+ calorie SALAD on their menu.

Will I eat it?  Nah.  KFC (along with most chain fast food) has been off my CAN EAT list for about 4.5 years now – it does nasty things to my tummy – but it doesn’t mean I’m not intrigued.  And might recreate this at home.  That is, if I can get someone to tell me what colonel sauce is…

Alright, the time to hesitate is through.    Come on baby, light my fire (the one under my ass).  Starting today, it’s all about operation: get back to maintenance weight.  For the last… since I can remember, it’s been about 90% awesome healthy food during the week, and then it all goes to crap over the weekend.  Which… honestly?  Is fine and keeps me at a steady weight.  Could it be better?  Sure.  But as long as it keeps me both sane and able to maintain my weight, I’m ok with it.

However, I need to run a tight ship to actually take off the weight.  It’s not fun.  I definitely don’t miss that period of my life where I spent 2 years constantly in loss mode, but I kinda miss that feeling being normal.  Because it’s a lot easier to coast with inertia then start something anew.  I am totally and completely rusty at losing weight.  But hey, I did it once, I can do it again.  And the time is now.

Week #1 workouts:

Monday: 30 mins arc trainer and weights after work (80 mins)

Tuesday: 30 mins DDR in the morning

Wednesday: 5k run in the morning

Thursday: 30 mins resistance band workout in the morning

Friday: run/weight intervals at the gym after work (80 mins)

Saturday:  30 mins DDR OR equivalent outside happy fun cardio

Sunday: rest

Lotsa days, but super relaxed (minus today/Fri).  The goal is to get back into morning workouts, but the tradeoff is they can be short… I don’t need to do epic workouts every day if I do them more consistently.  Also, 3 days of weights.  I might not keep that up every week, but I’d like to start squeezing it in when I can.  (Charlotte – I’m meaning to look into core performance but I’ve had very little internet time – I might try to work it in too!)  I’m also working long days Wed – Fri, and have events both on Wed AND Fri nights (as well as Tues lunch for work, and I’m *sure* something will come up on Sat).  So the plan?  Cardio calorie burning those days so I can have a few extra consumables, but manageable enough I can still not have to get up too early to do ’em.  Yeah, it’s a hell of a week to start, but y’know?  If I can get through this week I can get through them all.

Week #1 consumables:

Monday: 1200 + 600 workout = 1800

Tuesday: 1200 + 300 workout = 1500

Wednesday: 1200 + 400 workout = 1600

Thursday: 1200 + 150 workout = 1350

Friday: 1200 + 600 workout = 1800

Saturday:  1200 + 300 workout = 1500

Sunday: 1200

So, I’ll leave Saturday up in the air for a bit, as I’m not sure of our plans for the day.  I still plan on working on keeping myself under control no matter what, but it might be nice to burn 600 calories that day and have 1800 to work with instead.

My goal with all this as well is to make it as non-impactful as possible on Zliten and my friends.  I need practice being masochistic with my food intake in social situations again.  I’ve gotten really, really bad about saying no to myself and said no to other people instead.  I’m going to put myself in said situations, make the good choices, and keep the grumbling internal as much as I can.  Why, yes, I am truly happy with this grilled chicken while y’all eat hamburgers and fries in front of me *teeth grit*.  Sure, let’s go out this weekday evening, even though it means I have to get up at 7am to get my full workout in *zzzz*.

Hopefully it won’t be *THIS* bad.  I mean, I’m not going to accept *every* invite, but I’ve been getting razzed a bit about being so antisocial.  It’s been for various reasons, but one probably has been avoiding social situations where it is not a proper day to drink/eat restaurant food (I mean, seriously people, I have to plan for this shit) and we get invited out – so I’d rather just not deal with it.  I know the nice and noble thing to do is to go out, order a glass of wine and sip it slowly, and find the ONE thing on the menu I can eat without going into calorie overdrive, but really?   Rather enjoy my own cooking and my couch.  But – since it’s go time, why not throw one more thing into April’s experiment, right?  Because sadly, it’s not working.  I’m gaining weight, and not getting to be social.  So it’s like a lose/lose situation (minus saving the money, so I guess it’s lose/lose/win, which still isn’t very good).   So, I’ll practice grinning and bearing it for a while and maybe I’ll start to enjoy it again.  I was getting good at operating on about 1000 calories if it was a drinking night…  Fake it ’til you make it, right?

I just have to remember, like half training, it’s just something I’m doing.  I’ve set May 1 as the last day of this for a reason – a) I have the warrior dash that next day and damned if I’m not going to celebrate with my big ol’ turkey leg and brew, wearing my finisher’s horns and b) It’s a finish line.  I can re-evaluate progress and effort on May 3rd and see if I’m in for another month of it or it’s just NOT WORTH IT or NOT WORKING.  I think my biggest fear is putting myself through hell for no progress – but I can give it a good college try for a month.  This is just as important and just as noble as training for a race.  It’s just a different measure of success.

As for my starting weight – let’s not talk about that until Wednesday, my normal weigh in day.  The scale and I had some disagreement this morning and I need a few days to cool down.  I think it was calling me fat, but I can’t be sure… anyhoo… in summary…

-Reduced calories, 1200 + whatever I burn per day

-Fully tracking every bite at www.dailyburn.com

-Keeping a log of my feelings/motivations each time I eat (more on this after I’m a few days in)

-Putting exercise for athletic gain on the back burner, back to exercise for the purpose of weight loss.

…bleh.  I know.  I hate saying it too.  But it’s temporary.  I can live with this.  What’s your April plan look like?  Am I crazy?  Think I can do it?  Hit me up below.

**Note – this is NOT an April Fool’s post**

Ignorance is bliss.  I’ve been a little too blissful lately.

I also feel like a hypocrite.  Here I am, with a mainly-healthy-living focused blog, dispensing advice like one of those little number stands at the butcher counter.  However, I keep forgetting to call my OWN number.  I have been giving out solid advice like:

-If you are feeling guilt or unhappiness about something in your life, either make it a priority, or let it go.  It’s not worth stressing about something you are not mentally ready to tackle.

-Get in touch with your emotions.  Figure out WHY you are continuing bad habits that you are trying to break.  What’s in your head when you reach for that trigger food?  THAT is what needs resolution.  The problem, not just the symptoms.

-The scale can be a great measuring tool if it is a) considered with respect – no excuses, it’s not lying to you even if it says something you don’t like and b) used as a measurement, not a mood-altering device.  Also, definitely keep an eye on your favorite pair of jeans – if they start fitting differently, then something is definitely up.

-Take little steps while you feel yourself starting to slip, rather than waiting for the ceiling to crash down on you and have to make a major head shift.

So, am I following this?  Not at all.  The scale is reliably in the low 160s this week (after 2 weeks of completely sidestepping it because I did not want to deal with it).  My favorite jeans are tight.  I’m finding I’m going for the looser shirts.  I’m putting things off until “Monday” or “next week”.  I’ve been getting regularly grumpier with the scale and my situation yet I continue to overeat some days, eat junk, and not go back to what was working before – moderate exercise, tracking all my food, reduced calories, not so much protein, etc etc.

It hit me today that I’ve developed some nasty habits and deviated from what was reliably helping me lose weight.  I’ve got this sense of entitlement that since I’ve been through it for the last 3 years, since I’m an ATHLETE now, since I’m SO MUCH SMARTER and so superior, I don’t need these playthings anymore.  I deserve to be able to take off these 5 (now closer to 10) to be comfortably in my maintenance range without too much discomfort and stress.  I took my licks, I did my time in the trenches, I am smarter than needing silly things like calorie trackers and I have transcended beyond the scale mattering.

But it does matter.  Not in that “I need it to be a specific unrealistic number” way, but in the way that a year ago it was about 10 lbs less.  And although I was going through a lot of mental issues about being stalled and it not being the 135 or whatever my goal was back then, I was pretty fit and happy there.  I never thought 10 lbs would matter so much until I regained them.  It sucks to look at things and think – hmmm, that looked so much better last summer.

Not to say that I can’t make my excuses.  Last year, I got married.  That’s worth at LEAST 5 lbs of stress gain, right?  I ran two half marathons and really found that distance running is a HORRIBLE way to lose weight.  It’s a GREAT way to gain weight though…  The 10 lbs has actually IMPROVED my performance, but I think what it is – I was eating WAY too little before to be training as hard as I was.  Eating enough goes a long way to knocking out PRs.

The problem is – I see this continuing.  The weight is not falling off.  The scale is continuing to inch up every few weeks.  If I don’t take some time and tackle it now, I’ll be worrying about losing 25 lbs and NOTHING will fit.  I’m not doing any distance races in the next few months.  I’m scared to think what will happen if I start training again at 160 without losing anything – I’ll get to the starting line of the next race pushing 170…

So in being honest with myself, I am putting forth this plan.

-Spend the rest of this week eating as healthfully as possible while finishing some last minute training and completing a duathalon, camping, and easter dinner with the folks.

-Starting April 5th, I will be tracking my calories with Daily Burn.  I’m giving this a try as I like how it adds your workout calories burnt to each day’s consumption.  I am going to try to eat at the bottom of the range it gives me on workout days (which will mean increasing my intake most days) and the top of the range on non-workout days.

-I’m also going to change up the days I workout.  This is going to invoke some pain but I want to give it a try.  I generally eat more on a Saturday, so it is going to become a gym day instead of a rest day.  If I go to Sunday brunch and eat 1000 calories?  Guess what I’ll be doing later that day?  Plans to go out for drinks on a weekday?  Guess who will be dragging her ass out of bed super early for a run?  Worst case scenario and I make an unplanned oops at night before bed?  I make it right within 24 hours.  Being diligent about tracking my calories should help – if I’m actually faced with the number and going beyond it, I’ll usually choose to wait it out instead of stuffing my face.

-Write every bite.  EVERY BITE.  I usually add +100 calories per day for itty snacks, but this month, everything that goes in my mouth is getting tracked.  Also – write how I FELT each time I ate to see if there are patterns or things I can discover.  Maybe if I find I’m having a snack every day at 3 because I’m bored or figure out what I’m feeling when I get home from work and need to attack the kitchen, I can resolve the issue in a way that makes more sense.

-Back off on the gung ho exercising a bit.  As much as I’m terrified to lose this great running base I’ve built, something has to give.  I know I can get it back.  If I ran 14 miles once I can do it again.  I’m still considering the numbers, but I’d like to limit myself to 2 super butt kicking workout days, 2 moderate days w/strength training, and one fun type day (bike riding/walk/rock climbing/skating/etc).  The 2 super intense days might even be too much.  Again, still working on the logistics.  I just need to realize that I cannot out-exercise my eating habits, and not even try.

-Give myself this month to NOT be stronger and better and superior.  To realize that I have mental shit still to get through.  To realize that ANYONE can backslide.  It can happen to you (me, the royal you, anyone).

-Realize that I’m going to be hungry at times.  Realize that I’m going to have to sometimes not eat things I want.  Realize that it’s not forever.  Realize that I am going to reevaluate at the end of the month to see if it’s worth it.

So, starting next week, get ready for your regularly scheduled weight loss news and woes, before the channel was pre-empted by silly things like races and other nonsense. 🙂  Of course, after I post about the race!  Has anyone done a duathalon before?  Starting anew for April and want to share your plan?

So yes, Saturday I walked 11.5 miles.  The garmin says we did 13.25 miles and took about 5 hours, however, some of them were WAY too fast to be walking, so I think we got about 1-2 miles in the car.  So totally an estimate, but I know FOR SURE we did more than 11.  Why would I just decide to leave my house and spend that long on my feets?  Because – it sounded like fun.  I know, I’m completely nuts.

We started the day around 12:30 leaving the house (Zliten was aiming for 11am, I was aiming for noon, so a little late but it worked out).  I was wearing my new “adventure pants” (spf 20 lightweight breathable khakis that can convert from pants to shorts with a few zips – and even have an attachable bag to store them in), which got their own theme song – something like “Adventure pants, adventure pants, doin’ the dance, adventure pants…”.  We remembered sunscreen this time, which was excellent, as we spent about the next 7 hours in the lovely sunny day.

Earlier in the week I had started to plan the route/stops, but Zliten and I discussed it, and decided just to go with the flow.  So we left without a map, without a plan, with just a few ideas of landmarks we’d like to walk past/see.  The one thing we had decided was we were grabbing lunch somewhere on the way.  We set out actually pretty hungry, but as we walked, we just started getting pickier and pickier, and the one place we settled on wasn’t open for another hour when we passed it – so we ended up almost downtown (about 6.5 miles) before we passed the famous Texas Chili Parlor, and popped in to split a sampler and a margarita.

Thus begun a long, lovely, epic, and debaucherous night.  We employed the “one drink and move on” method at most places, and stuck with margaritas before sunset, and moved onto whiskey after dark (this may have been a bad decision, but anyhoo).  Pro tip: after walking a half marathon and drinking all day – trying to subsist on some pineapple, a few bites of chili, one piece of fried fish, and a few fries?  Makes for a bit of a fuzzy night 12 hours from the time we left the house.

What?  I was just trying to get a little yoga in…heh.  Sadly (or happily, not sure which), there are no pictures from that day.  I just forgot to take any, but Zliten I guess decided to NOT chronicle the day.

Some highlights though:

-Having the endurance and drive to do a walk like that.  Feeling totally free in my hometown (not having to worry about my car or transportation or whatnot).  Sure I was totally wasted the next day (and still recovering a little today still) but man, that was cool.

-It totally felt like a mini-vacation in my own city.  I mean, who just walks around like that seeing the sights if you live there?  It was awesome!

-The tiniest bar in Texas – the owner and bartnender were super friendly, and they had pretty tasty 2 dollar margaritas…

-Sunset from the top deck of the Motlov with a pomegranite margarita.  Awesome.

-The deck at the Patio.  There were huge animal heads on the wall, the fireplace was nice, and it was a really nice place.  However, after the sun set pretensious people came in and kinda ruined the vibe, and I felt rather underdressed in my sneaks and khakis.

-Getting denied access to the last bar because I was too far gone.  Yes, this is what the lack of food does.  Good thing I’m not easily embarrassed…

-Good friends that came and saved the day at the end of the night.

Next time, we are going to learn from our (my) mistakes, and try to enforce an earlier curfew, and make sure to get a good, hearty, healthy meal in us before heading out instead of leaving it up to chance.  But – this was way too fun.  I think I prefer hanging out downtown right before/after sunset – rather than closing them out at 2am.  I think we’ll definitely have to do this again soon – but not too soon. 🙂

Do you find you walk more on vacation or at home?  Have you ever just “seen the sights” or pretended you were on vacation in your hometown?

…and if I’m lucky this week, I just might get to enjoy it.

Workouts:

Well, I even went further and decided to give myself a week off running completely.  With everything going on and the extra hours – I was mentally and physically exhausted.  I was just not up for stressing my body out in that way.  So instead, I did more moderate intensity cardio.  I also got in 2 full strength sets.  I wanted to get in some more yoga and stretching, but failed.  Oh well, I have a goal this week…

Day by day:

Monday – 30 mins arc trainer, 50 minutes gym weights

Tuesday – 90 minutes DDR (pretty low instensity for the first 60, I was playing through the story mode).

Wednesday – 40 mins resistance band workout

Thursday – 45 mins arc trainer/stretching

Friday – 30 mins DDR (med intensity)

Saturday – 11.5 mile walk.  Yeah… more on this later.

Sunday – rest day

So as much as I felt like a schlub not running at all, I certainly kept active, so I’m ok with it.

I was going to also keep up the no running thing this week, but I sorta kinda got a chance to enter a little duathalon for free this next weekend, and can’t pass that up at all.  Since I have never ever done anything like this, I have to at least train a little.  Here’s the plan:

Monday: arc trainer and weights at the gym.  I know – it’s KILLING ME how beautiful it is outside and I’m choosing to hit up the gym, but I need one more day to recuperate after the epic walk (and alcohol consumption after), and this seems low impact enough to be right.

Tuesday: practice duathalon.  3 mile run, 9 mile bike ride, 1 mile run.  Either at the gym or outside.

Wednesday: nice l0ng bike ride after work outside, weights

Thursday: one more practice duathalon.  3 mile run, 9 mile bike ride, 1 mile run.  Hoping to do at least one of them outside.

Friday: off (frantically try to pack for Saturday)

Saturday: duathalon and camping!

Sunday: easter eggs and chocolate bunnies and sitting on my butt

Eating/Weight Loss:

Not so good my friends, not so good.  I have not yet gotten on the scale, but I imagine it’s not going to be pretty.  I decided I’m going to start the big push to get under 155 on April 5th – that’s not to say I’m going hog wild this week, or really have been, I just have a different…methodology I’m going to start rolling with, and it’s just not going to work out properly trying to train up for the du and a rest day the day after/easter.  More on that next week.

I am getting on the scale tomorrow morning, and I’m going to put it out there – I will be THRILLED if I’m under 160.  The weekends are killing me.  Stress is killing me – not that the stress is bad – but it’s the finite amount of give-a-shit I’ve been talking about.  I have less to spare when I get home from work that I have in a while.  The less intense workouts I actually think are in my favor as my appetite is FINALLY curbing a bit, but still is less calories burnt.  And I’m allowing excuses.  I know it.  And I’m just finding it hard to break out of it.  I guess I can’t really lament a gain until I for sho know I actually gained, so I’ll wait for the pissing and moaning at least one day.

I’m just finding it really hard to care.  Still.  When I walked almost a half marathon on Saturday and look at how much I work out on a “less intense” week it just doesn’t seem like a priority to me.  The only time it’s a priority is when I try on my clothes and they just don’t look *quite* the same they used to (and I think half of it is in my head).  I know I need to get it in check before I gain too much.  I’m just hoping that switch flips on sooner, aka now when it’s 5 lbs, rather than later.  I’m also just curious how far it will have to go until it start affecting my running performance – I’m SURE that would get me back in line.  But I don’t even want to get there.

Oh well.  April 5th.  I’m going to give it a go for all of April and see if I can take off the extra fluff so I can get back to worrying about more important things – like a sub 7 minute mile.  Or finally breaking 15 miles run continuously.  Or increasing my weights.  Or something besides caring about how my jeans fit or what the scale says.

Mental space/Life:

We are back to normal days at work – for now.  This is good, as I’ll be home and out of the gym tonight at around 7 – 7:30 instead of 9 – 9:30.  I’m eating at home again so I won’t want to have dinner at 6pm and then want it again after my workouts.  I also have more time to relax – which is lovely.  Today I am – as Zliten described – feeling like a pile of dumb from the weekend, but I think if I can get through today unscathed, I’ll be back to my normal on-top-of-it self.  Some time outside after work this week running/biking should do me good.

Anyone ever do a duathalon?  Have any camping tips for me as it’s been over 10 years?  What’s your favorite thing to do outside when the weather is nice?  More on the epic walking adventure and more ramblings this week (you don’t get away that easy…).  Hope your weekend was epic, and you’re having a stress free Monday!