Adjusted Reality

Author: Quix Page 185 of 217

It’s A Nice Day For A Island Wedding…

On July 15, 2009

So, I think we have established that I am not a wedding person. My Zliten has been the most wonderful fiance ever and taken on a lot of the work and been involved with just about everything. Most dudes just want to get down on one knee and the show up at the wedding. A lot of girls want that too. Not me. I have never been in a wedding. During the period where all my friends were getting married I was working 100 hour weeks. I did not grow up dreaming about a wedding. My parents were married at a courthouse. I just don’t have much experience with wedding-ness. I have been to weddings but mostly showed up for the free booze to celebrate and didn’t really pay much attention to all the intricacies of it.

That being said, I think we’re mucking our way through it quite well. First, we picked an island/polenysian/tropical theme so it’s not a black tie affair. Then, we decided on a Sunday afternoon – it’s cheaper, and also propigates the casual nature. Then, we booked here:

Here’s what it looks like inside without fancy lighting:

It wouldn’t be much of a tropical wedding in a stuffy chapel, would it? I don’t have a picture of the inside reception area, but I am assured they have all the decorations necessary to make it a tropical paradise. So booking it that way took care of everything from the flowers to the food to the cake to the open bar…which is huge for us. I don’t want to micromanage all that crap. I want to tell someone that I want orange, teal, and violet as my colors and tell them to make it so.

That still leaves a lot of things for me to think about. First order of business after booking the event itself was invites and dresses. We ended up with this:

Sadly, they screwed up the envelopes and sent ones that didn’t match, so I sent those back and they are plain white. Whatever. It’s the invites and they don’t have to be PERFECT. Instead of an RSVP card, we’re doing this:

Ignore the crazy stuff, it’s the front of the POSTCARD we’re sending out to be mailed back to us. Cheaper postage, cheaper to have made (it was 35 bucks for 100 double sided shipped, and the cheapest I found those damn RSVP cards for was about 100 bucks before shipping!), and fits the theme much better.

Next, the dresses. Finally settled on these for the bridesmaid dresses:

And, that’s it for now! Next step is actually getting the invites printed, addressed and off in the mail this weekend, and then at the end of the month when my maid of honor gets back into town, we start playing with hair and makeup and hair flowers and shoes and veil/no veil and finding me some damn spanxs since I’m going braless (so no “holdmein” action (I found what I want online but want to try it on locally) and perhaps some embellishment for the front of the dress and…

*PASSES OUT*

Why didn’t we elope to hawaii again? Sigh…

Oh, you want to know about my dress? Well, I finally purchased it last night. Want pics? Well, you will have to wait and see for the big day…. I know the suspense MUST be killing you. I will say that I went with a traditional (not white but very close) dress and didn’t go island crazy. And apparently one doesn’t usually wait until 2.5 months before to buy the dress as they whisked me away immediately to the alteration room and had the seamstress do her pinning magic. The alterations cost almost as much as the dress! Sheesh. Wish I knew how to sew *grumblegrumble*.

I will however give up the list of the top 5 dresses I *didn’t* pick.

#5 Impregnated with Joy

It is as if I am saying in this picture, “HOW far along does this dress make me look?” This one was eliminated from the running instantly. It was gorgeous on the rack, but those thin little straps and the super high waist did NOT work for me.

#4 – Enchantment Under The Sea

I dunno, the top reminded me of seashells covering my boobs. My consultant Marie was holding back about 2 yards of fabric here in the back because they only had the dress in a 16 or a 4. I thought it was pretty but knew it would probably be too fancy. I also wasn’t hot on the color. I did love the fit, and for another wedding it would have worked, but it too was eliminated immediately.

#3 Sideboob Dress

I loved this one from the front. It was cute, it showed some nice cleavage, it was on sale, it was sorta tropically, it was on sale, did I mention it was on sale? It also fit like a dream. Or so I thought until I reviewed the pictures.

Woah, hello there sideboob! Aren’t you just a good little sideboob, yes you are. Oh yes you are. Anyhoo, immediate disqualification. No sideboobs allowed at MY wedding. All sideboobs will be escorted from the premisis. I think there were 2 dresses very much alike (both on sale, both rife with sideboobage) so I’ll lump them here together.

#2 Can I Change The Theme Of My Wedding (and get plastic surgery rq?)

If the answer was yes to both, then I might have been rocking something like this. I loved it so from the back. I am a sucker for corsets. It even took 2 people to lace me up.

Is it just me or do I have some kick ass back muscles? Just me? Darn. The problem came when I had to face that fact that it was a) not tropical at all and b) strapless. I had many people assure me that my hulk shoulders and hefty top half would not disqualify me for a strapless dress, so I went ahead and tried it. I’m glad I got pictures from the back. The front however was forgettable.

Ignore the runners tan, as I have been informed I am being dragged into a spray tan session a week or so before. There is just too much shoulder and these odd skin folds between my arms and boobs. They’ve gotten much better but they still exist. Also, I haven’t worn a strapless dress in oh, forever, so I’d be constantly pulling it up. So after much honest dialogue with myself, this one was disqualified.

#1 – Anchor’s Away!

The stripes kinda look sailor-y, don’t they? No matter. I went in yesterday to try on this one and the dress I purchased. It was between the two. I actually think this one flatters my figure a BIT more than the one I picked, but I think I can fix that with a little spanx. And a little salad with lite italian skip the fries perhaps.

So that’s it for Quix’s edition of Wedding Spew. I’d ask for feedback, but since everything is purchased all I want to hear is how awesome it is and other praise lavished on me. Anyone do a theme wedding before? Did YOU allow sideboob at your wedding? Inquiring minds want to know…

My Head Is In The Game

By Quix

On July 14, 2009

In Uncategorized

So I wrote this yesterday. I feel like I want to expand on it.

5. I finally got a weekend of good (mostly) eating. Sure, there was a good dose of absinthe on Friday. There were 5 fried shrimp on Saturday. However, my calorie counts were very sane peaking out at 1700-something on Saturday, and that was after a long active day. I started the week this week at 153.8, which is nice, because each week since I’ve been keeping tabs again, it’s been 155+ because of crazy weekends. I’m starting the report tracking today and I’m excited. My “pie in the sky” goal is 15 lbs by 10/1 (so about 139), but I’ll be happy as long as I’m heading in the right direction. Hell, anything that starts with 14- will make me happy dance like a moron. I think I’ll talk more about this tomorrow, but see above – sleep deprivation and Monday a coherent post does not make.

I did some thinking (and whining) last week, and finally came to some conclusions.

I am ready to do this again. I wasn’t before, but now I am. Move forward.

I was trying to push myself to be ready to do this the Monday after my race, but I just this little guy, I wasn’t. My body was still in “fuel me, biatch” mode and the 1200-1400 calories I’m chomping away at now was making my body SCREAM in agony. It took a full week of being VERY strict with myself to wean the SUGARSUGARSUGAR thing I had going on, but I’m back to the point where I’m ok with an occasional treat and most of the time just some fruit or a sugar free pop will do. It took about two weeks for my body to realize it didn’t need 1500 calories minimum a day and carbocalorieloading on the weekend.

The fairly low impact/less insane workout schedule was making my brain scream in agony because I was used to the KILL ME workouts before and I felt…lazy. Worthless. Out of shape. Weird thoughts from someone who had just put her body to the limit and ran 13.1 miles in the hot Texas sun, but there was some toxicity I had to deal with and process. Like if I wasn’t now immediately gearing up to tackle another race I was a failure. Like I’m in danger of never being that awesome ever again if I don’t keep going harder/better/faster/stronger without a break. That took about two weeks to get over, but now I’m better. I am thoroughly and completely happy with the fact that I don’t have a race to train for right now and can focus for a while on fitness being fun, and doing what I need to do to both give my body a break, and weight loss.

So I’m ready. My body has now adjusted to less intense exercise and less eating. My mind has cleared out all the “you suck if your not training at 100%” and the “I want to do this but I just don’t feel like it” thoughts. The next 2.5 months are dedicated to eating and exercising in a way that removes the rest of the weight I want to lose before the next race. I am going to attack it the way I did my half training. It is no less monumental or flimsy of a goal than running a race. In my Quix-y way of course. There will be times where something fried or something alcoholic enters my mouth, but I will plan for these occurrences and make sure I’m superduper good the rest of the day. Like I used to.

I do not have to eat what everyone else is eating for the next 2.5 months. Food as we know it will not go away. Deprivation is temporary.

So I am fully and completely comfortable maintaining. I can’t wait to do it for life. I eat good stuff most of the time on autopilot. If I eat when I am hungry and eat what I feel like, I can maintain my weight. I have also made the commitment to myself to weight semi-daily for the rest of my life (and treat it as a measuring stick, not something to go all drama llama over) and I will have a “panic” number. As in, if that is my low weight of the week, it’s back to tracking food and being good until the problem is solved. I worked too hard to lose this weight and change my life, I don’t plan on going back to cheeseburgers with a chocolate shake chaser for a midday snack. I know how to maintain my weight now.

I’m not sure how that one ties in, but it made me giggle. Anyhoo – losing is another story. Once I stop tracking myself very strictly, it’s hard for me to stay away from the nibble here bite there munch here crunch there and all of a sudden I have no calorie deficit. Losing weight (to me – I know some of you swear by the south beach/atkins/grapefruit/no white stuff diets but none of that works for me) means keeping yourself at a calorie intake where you are not completely comfortable. I need to be faced with numbers that tell me, yep, you’re done eating. I need to see numbers that tell me if I eat that cheeseburger today, I’m jepordizing losing weight this week unless I really watch it.

I generally gravitate to healthy low cal stuff if left to my own devices. I’m no saint, but at least 80% of the time I make pretty good choices without too much effort. Enter Zliten, my big-slab-o-meat-lovin’, taco eatin’, burger munchin’ companion. While he loves a lot of healthy stuff too, he does not understand my plight here. He was quite upset with me last night when I was questioning his pasta wisdom. He – a serving is the size of a quarter around (make a circle with your fingers the size of a quarter and insert pasta until full). Me – is that a real 210 calorie serving or what everyone calls a “serving”, which is actually about 2? He – I’m so ready for you to be done with this. Me – me too! Maintaining, I wouldn’t stress about 100 calories of pasta because I’d eat until full and then be done. Now, I have to watch it. If I ate 320 calories instead of 210 I’d need to adjust the rest of my day accordingly.

So, for the next 2.5 months, I don’t have to eat the way everyone else does, and I don’t have to impose on anyone’s good time (maybe Zliten a BIT but he does eat EVERY meal with me so the stuff at home will be healthyhealthy). I can go to the wing joint and cry in my salad if life brings me there. I can special order grilled chicken and broccoli if out if there is nothing healthy. I can have small tastes at potlucks and eat my own veggie tray. I don’t have to eat the way I did during the race. I also don’t have to eat this way for the rest of my life. Saying all that and giving myself permission to be the crazy girl on a diet for a short duration is very freeing because I am so anti-that for any long period of time. Giving myself permission to going back to maintaining after October 1st feels good as well. I will have opportunities to indulge later. I will have opportunities to beat up my body with crazy workouts and push myself to the limit. This is just another thing I’m doing for a few months to change it up.

So here we go. The pie-in-the-sky goal for October 1st is 15 lbs. My first official weigh in will be Friday to kick things off (weigh in = lowest weight within the last 7 days, I fluctuate a lot so taking the weight on that day is usually futile). I then have 11 weeks, so I need to lose 1.36 lbs per week to attain this. Seems sane, right? 139, here we come!

Monday, Monday

By Quix

On July 13, 2009

In Uncategorized

Lot of stuff going on, not really enough on any of it to put together a comprehensive post, so here is a random brain splattering. “What is up in the world of Quix” indeed. A numbered list, because I like numbers and lists and it’s Monday and I’m doing what I like. Dig?

1. I went to a Zumba toning class Saturday. It was half limited Zumba moves with 3 lb weights, half regular Zumba. It didn’t seem like much at the time but the next day my quads were killing me! I guess I should probably work squats and lunges back into my leg exercises now that I’m not running anymore. However, this is a problem because I HATE squats and lunges. Maybe I’ll just keep going to Zumba toning so I don’t have to do them without someone prodding me.

2. After Zumba and on the way to my parents house to take over their pool (hello, 100+ degree weather, how are you?), I went ahead and kicked the bag of charcoal, not only stubbing my toe, but piercing a hole through the bag, so when I went to take another step, I pulled my toe a weird way. Yeah, I screamed obscenities. It hurt like a mother bitch. I was worried my toe was super bruised/sprained/gonna fall off, and then later I sort of forgot to baby it when we played a nice long round of water volleyball in 2 foot water – I was too busy diving for the save – so I was limping by the end of the day. Luckily it was mostly better yesterday and better today. I did spend yesterday on my ass instead of Zumba-ing or Salsa-ing just to make sure though. Why do I keep hurting myself? And on Saturdays…

3. Last night I finally started playing an MMO again. EverQuest has a new server, the 51/50 server. Basically, it lets you start halfway through the game with a bunch of advantages (for those in the know, level 51, 50 AA points, and super awesome gear). It was a blast to make a new character and just spend half the day mindlessly playing.

4. Last night I also could not fall asleep for the life of me. Maybe it was the fact that I slept in until 10:30, maybe it was that I sat on my ass all day, maybe it was that I played a video game (for some reason, that tends to rile me up for hours lately, I don’t sleep well after gaming). I tried at first to sleep around 12:30 and was up until after 4am. I saw a rule a while ago on a runner’s forum that says to not run on less than 5 hours sleep. I took that as sage advice this morning and skipped my DDR session. I’ll either make it up after work since I’m feeling better after sleeping in a bit or put in some extra time this weekend.

6a. This week is crazy sauce until Friday. Tonight, we salsa since we are going to miss Thursday. My super secret plan (which I am announcing to all the internet – so it’s super and secret) is to try and stay for the West Coast Swing 2 class and see if we can hack it, but we’ll see if I’m even up for that after an hour of salsa, let alone Zliten agreeing to it.

6b. Tomorrow was going to be relaxing and trying out a new healthy pad thai recipe, but now we are meeting at 7pm after work at David’s Bridal to make the final choices on the bridesmaid/my dress first. Expect a post about it this week as well because apparently I have become the kind of person that can’t shut up about my wedding lately. Good thing it’s less than 3 months away, or I might start annoying myself.

6c. Wednesday is West Coast Swing 1 at 7pm. Oh yeah, in all that, I also need to find time to workout. I’m not sure when that will be, but I might have to make do with some weekend marathon sessions of – something. There was also this really freaking cool Dos Equis event that I really really wanted to go to, but we already had dance that night and 2 weekday days out in a row (see below) usually makes me a very tired puppy.

6d. Thursday is the Yelp Elite Event down at the Mowhawk for Austin’s Fashion Week. Free goody bags, free booze, fashion show, a rock opera, live music, trapeze acts, burlesque dancers…oh my. I’m looking forward to get dolled up and go take it all in. What I’m not looking forward to is getting off work early (so I can’t work out in the morning), sitting in traffic to get downtown, and not getting home until late on a weekday. Sigh…the sacrifices I must make… (sarcasm indeed, I’m actually really jazzed to go)

6e. This weekend will be catchup for all the workouting I can’t fit in during the week, and have to make some progress on more wedding stuff and other stuff on my huge to-do last week list. Honestly, EVERYONE knows when it is and what’s going on, why am I sending out invites again? Sighweddingettiquitesigh…

7. Since the race I have run 1 – 2.5 mile run and 1 – 2 mile run. After 3 weeks (and not sure when I am going to get a run in this week) I am not sure I remember how. I think this is the longest stretch of not running since I hurt myself and bruised my heel and had to take 2 weeks off. The problem is running on the treadmill bores me now since I spoiled myself running outside, running outside is too hot unless I’m specifically heat training like I was for the half (not sure why anyone would choose to run in 85-90 degree mornings otherwise), and there is just all this dance/bike/swim/DDR/zumba/funactive stuff going on. I should probably just not question and do what feels good until I get closer to the relay and need to really start working my times.

Ok, that’s enough rambling. What does your week look like? What are you looking forward to? What’s on your to-do list?

This May Be The Ticket…

By Quix

On July 10, 2009

In Uncategorized

**Warning, this is not an exciting post. Proceed at your own risk of falling asleep to numbers and a bit too much self examination**

This is the disclaimer I used to post at the beginning of each of these reports listed below. It’s true, and I can’t see that it’s very interesting to anyone but myself. Today’s blog is mostly for me. If you want to come along for the ride, feel free, but I don’t expect it. However, some of you crazy numbers people might be interested in what sort of self-reporting I was using during a good chunk of my successful weight loss phases.

I seem to have achieved a lot in a week – I got my emotions about it in check. I got my appetite in check (I’ve been ok at 1300-1400 all week). I lost the freaky extra weight from the weekend and am hanging out around 152-153. I’m not freaking out about 3 weeks since the race and I’m not back to my low weight yet, I’m actually being pretty zen about it. I’m going into this weekend with a “I can do it” attitude instead of a “how can I do it” one. I think I might actually be in the headspace where I can do this sanely.

Since I established I’m ready to give it a try, I was trying to remember what helped me to succeed before. I was re-reading my old Sparkpeople blogs and it hit me! I am best accountable when I am accountable daily. It might look like overkill, but I might as well give it a try, it’s like 10 minute out of my day max. If you’ll notice on this sample week my weight is pretty much going steadily down (oh, how I have missed that), I keep my calories pretty low (I wasn’t working out that intensely then and that might be another key) and am burning off calories every day, and I have 3 focused goals for the week that are specific.

I am going to eliminate the water category (I get 8 glasses of water before leaving work and keep drinking at home so I have no issues there) and the sodium category (I gave that fight up long ago, and I’d have to track more carefully to get an accurate number). Everything else is going to stay. Maybe this will help, maybe it won’t, but it’s worth trying, fo’ sho’. All I know is I was 40 lbs heavier last April, and bragging about running 1.25 miles for the first time. Progress has been made since then, mountains have been moved, my friends. Maybe this is the ticket to getting over the last peak.

April 6-April 12 2008

Goals for this week:
-Stay a calorie burner each day even if its just a little bit (let’s try this again)
-At least 5 fruits or veggies each day (again, lets go for 7/7)
-Get the house clean and organized by Saturday night

Things I did well this week:
-Calorie burner again, yay
-6/7 veggies/fruits (can’t complain too bad)
-House got clean

Things I could do better next week:
-Saturday morning I felt awful, need to have a little bit more in me than a gardenburger and salad when drinking.
-Ate a lot of crap food this weekend. Need to remember that hamburger and tots is NOT going to help me feel better (just worse). What I was craving was salad and soup, not grease.
-Need to figure out why I had my best week ever and I’m up 2-3 lbs. Am I not eating enough or was it just a rough weekend?

Calorie deficit so far = 6582 (best week yet!!!)

4/12/08
BMR + Calories Burned = (1703 + 847) = (2550)
Calories Consumed = 1483, 19% protein, 38% carbs, 43% fat
Calorie Deficit = (1067)
H20 intake = 9 cups
Sodium = 5935 mg
Fruits/Veggies = 3 servings
Hours of Sleep = 6 hours
General Mood/Notes = Ugh, little too much last night. Oh well! Had a good day after the headache left.
Rating today = A-
Weight= 189.2

4/11/08
BMR + Calories Burned = (1703 + 882) = (2585)
Calories Consumed = 1662, 26% protein, 61% carbs, 13% fat
Calorie Deficit = (923)
H20 intake = 10 cups
Sodium = 4860 mg
Fruits/Veggies = 6 servings
Hours of Sleep = 8 hours
General Mood/Notes = Friday fun day, yay!
Rating today = A
Weight= 191.0

4/10/08
BMR + Calories Burned = (1703 + 801) = (2504)
Calories Consumed = 1322, % protein, % carbs, % fat
Calorie Deficit = (1182)
H20 intake = 12 cups
Sodium = 1513 mg
Fruits/Veggies = 5 servings
Hours of Sleep = 7 hours
General Mood/Notes = Feel a little icky from greasy food, but looking forward to a good day
Rating today = B
Weight= 192

4/9/08
BMR + Calories Burned = (1703 + 0) = (0)
Calories Consumed = 1651, 13% protein, 48% carbs, 39% fat
Calorie Deficit = (52) hehe!
H20 intake = 8 cups
Sodium = 5796 mg
Fruits/Veggies = 5 servings
Hours of Sleep = 7 hours
General Mood/Notes = I am totally pleased with my new low weight, but why do I feel bloated? Heh. Today is either running day or my day off depending on the rain, and tomorrow will be what I didn’t do today.
Rating today = A
Weight= 191.2 (I love it!)

4/8/08
BMR + Calories Burned = (1703 + 754) = (2457)
Calories Consumed = 1662, 23% protein, 49% carbs, 28% fat
Calorie Deficit = (795)
H20 intake = 9 cups
Sodium = 2597 mg
Fruits/Veggies = 5 servings
Hours of Sleep = 7 hours
General Mood/Notes = Lots more stuff to do today! I decided to eat a bigger lunch because I’ve noticed the last 2 days are under my range. Yay mexican food!
Rating today = A
Weight= 192.4 (average of 192.0 and 192.8 😛 getting lower!)

4/7/08
BMR + Calories Burned = (1703 + 900) = (2603)
Calories Consumed =1292 , 18% protein, 55% carbs, 27% fat
Calorie Deficit = (1311)
H20 intake = 8 cups
Sodium = 2634 mg
Fruits/Veggies = 7 servings (so much aspargus!)
Hours of Sleep = 7 hours
General Mood/Notes = Pretty good Monday, was busy, had awesome food all day and watch a bunch of Battlestar! 🙂
Rating today = A
Weight= 193.0 (ok, there we go!)

4/6/08
BMR + Calories Burned = (1703 + 867) = (2570)
Calories Consumed =1266 , 18% protein, 55% carbs, 27% fat
Calorie Deficit = (1304)
H20 intake = 10 cups
Sodium = 4216 mg
Fruits/Veggies = 10 servings
Hours of Sleep = 8 hours
General Mood/Notes = Got lots of good work done today! Plus I found some new clothes to wear cleaning out my closet!
Rating today = A
Weight= 194.4 (bouncy bouncy up…oh well)

I will NOT be posting these here, as I do not want to drive my 5 readers away by boring them to tears. If you’re interested, you can make an account at sparkpeople and friend me (I’m Quixotique).

Rattle and Clank

By Quix

On July 9, 2009

In Uncategorized

Lots of stuff frolicking around in my head lately. Nothing particularly good or bad, but just there – though with thoughts, if they’re not bad usually that’s good! I feel like I’m on the verge of some crazy self discovery or change of direction, but it’s not quite formed into a concept yet. It’s just a feeling. Or it could just be indigestion, who knows? Nah, it’s probably just been a lot of excellent blogging going on lately that’s got me in the above-mentioned neutral tizzy. Since I’m not really ready to produce a coherent tennet on what is ruminating in my brain, let me share some of the awesome I found this week:

“I believe in myself. I’m betting on myself.” PastaQueen finds the courage in this troubled economy to quit her job and pursue her dream to pursue freelance projects. Her business model and site is great. I know if I was just starting out and didn’t know a domain name from a hyperlink, 90 bucks is a STEAL to get to the point where I could just start jabbering on a blog. It’s making me really think about my next move. Do I want to stay on the path I’m on (which ain’t so bad for my stress level and my pocketbook), or do I have another calling I need to follow?

“You are what you repeatedly do.” MizFit has got the blogosphere all a-twitter about this. That’s powerful right there. I don’t ever think I stopped considering myself an athlete all those years or someone who was concerned about eating healthy (ok, maybe the last couple years I did workworkworksleepworkwork, rinse and repeat). In my head, I was someone who at worst was having a bad day(weekmonthyear) and but was typically a healthy eater. I might have missed the gym last week (monthyeardecade) but I was a person that worked out. It was only when I really examined what I was NOT doing regularly anymore was when change began. I think it’s about time to take inventory again and figure out how to either fix what no longer applies or release the instinct to give a shit. Two that come to mind is “hardcore gamer” and “young upstart in her position”. Gotta decide whether it’s time for me to take strides to make that happen again or drop it from my brief self-synopsis. Note: she is also having a giveaway that I believe you have until tomorrow to get in on…

“You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be good enough.” Wish I could remember where this came from. I’ve been spouting it all over in comments, and if I had to guess it would be another MizFit-ism. If you said this on your blog PLEASE let me know so I can give you credit. This has been HUGE lately for me. I missed my half race time goal by 1:18. I could have been torn to pieces if I was no SO ELATED for finishing the damn thing even though they added at least 2 miles to the end on me.

I have had a very sporadic workout schedule the last 3 weeks in which has included incorporating a lot of low impact/low calorie burn activity. I am learning that it is ok after spending 3 months so focused, it’s no big freaking deal if I decide I can’t be buggered to go to the gym and we take a bike ride instead, or if I only do half my workout one day. I hit the gym a bit late in the morning the last 2 days and only got some of my workout done. Instead of being pissed at myself, I just focused on the fact that it felt REALLY FREAKING AWESOME to wake up and enjoy an empty gym at 830am.

I am already good enough. I can work on striving for perfect because that is who I am, but I am already good enough RIGHT NOW. I want to scream this from the rooftops today because it feels really good to say. Try it.

“Prove it with your sweat!” Prior Fat Girl rocks the stairmaster for 45 minutes and sees Jesus. Now, she’s in a Stairmaster Invitational with the Anti-Jared. As much as I felt a huge, swelling accomplishment completing the half (and also very importantly sticking with the training program), I am really proud of some of the things I’ve done since. The one and a half on the diving board. Roller skating and working up the nerve to show off my (super-rusty-not-so) sweet skillz. Getting through my first Zumba class Friday – yeah, that wasn’t a little intimidating. Me, first timer. Four other attendees that all knew each other and the instructor. Room about the size of my living room. Dance classes in general. I’ve always as an adult REALLY WANTED to learn but I haven’t gone ’til now. I call it laziness, but I think deep down it’s fear. I know it’s a different tangent than she’s taking it, but I spent the last 3 months doing workouts where I could ring out my shirts and get a bucket of water. I’m all about doing things that scare me until it’s time to build the miles up again.

“Life is a process of learning and re-learning and that’s what makes it so compelling to be here — to be challenged, to acknowledge the setbacks and to be honest about where we are and where we’ve been so we may better ensure we move forward.” Feed Me I’m Cranky (lovin’ the blog name – I’m cranky unless I’m fed too…) has a very open and honest discussion with us about body image, control, and honestly, just reminds us that we are not alone in our struggles. I really needed to see that when I read it. I was having a brain-splosion over 156.8 on the scale and the fact that I spend the week losing the weight I gain on the weekend and I HAVE NO CONTROL and HOW AM I EVER GOING TO LOSE THE REST OF THE WEIGHT and other assorted DOOM AND GLOOM. She is also having an awesome giveaway this week too!

“I want to transform this aspect of my life experience into something that can lift up rather than tear down.” Escape from the Fat Cave is the new incantation of Turtle Progress, and a new beginning for Hilary. That gal has some strength in her! And y’know, that’s the perfect word for it – the fat cave. My old apartment was totally the Fat Cave. I never wanted to leave it unless I went to Fat Cave #2 (my office at work). It held me in with fear and taunted me that I didn’t want to be social and didn’t want to experience new things because I was so comfortable with being there. I’m glad I moved out. If you need a hand moving the couch or some boxes on your way out, just let me know. 😉

Ok, enough thinking. I’m off to do. I am much more comfortable with “DO” lately. I’m not afraid of my thoughts, but I’m alright letting them swirl together up there in zee subconsious and then trickle down the pipe to my mouth and fingers when they’re ready to loop me in on the new ‘haps. Until then I am off to DO dinner and DO salsa class and DO away my night.

Adjusted Reality

“Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.” – Mark Twain

Author: Quix Page 185 of 217

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