Adjusted Reality

Unlike this guy,  this week I just haven’t been into it.  It, meaning everything besides already being on vacation, relaxing, or just basically doing whatever the hell I want, whenever I want.  Considering I’m on week 6 of half marathon training, have a full week of work to do, and other obligations to attend to at home, it just hasn’t worked out.

Usually, my runs energize me.  I feel GREAT after working out.  I feel EMPOWERED after a great weights session.  If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be so into it, I’m not a masochist.  This week – not so much.  It’s been a chore to drag my ass out of bed in the morning (even more so than normal) and it’s taken a lot longer to feel good during a workout.  I didn’t feel like I could give it my all until TWENTY minutes into my tempo run.  My cross training day yesterday came just in time, I don’t think I could have physically run without risking injuring myself, I was so tired and sore.  Then, when my alarm went off this morning, I groaned, got out of bed, and felt so thoroughly NOT pleased with the idea of going running that I just climed back under the covers and snoozed.

I keep thinking I should feel bad, but I don’t.  I used to feel horrible when I’d skip a workout.  I’d think, “If I skip this workout, then I’ll think it’s ok to skip more workouts and all of a sudden I’ll stop working out completely and I’ll immediately be 265 lbs again and miserable!”  Sounds crazy, but somehow in my head, missing one workout was going to cause the great Quix fat-ocolypse or something.  Now, I’ve got 21 months of regular workouts under my belt.  Exercise is now part of my life.  I cannot imagine a week without it unless I was on my deathbed.   I don’t even dream about being lazy like I used to when I was just over the workouts and had the mentality that I just wanted to hurry up and be skinny already.  Now I realize to be a healthy, strong athlete, I have to be both consistent with my workouts on a grand scale, and listen to my body day to day for the minutae.

Now, I realize that one missed workout because my body genuinely needed the rest is not a catastrophy.  I do have a twinge of guilt when I miss a workout in lieu of something like happy hour or whatnot, but that’s different.  I guess the secret is distinguishing the “don’t wannas” from “exercise today would be really and truly damaging for me”.  And I’m afraid the only insight I have on this is that you get to know yourself after doing something regularly for a long time.  I know when I start feeling like I do this week, I need to take care to listen to myself, or I could get hurt.  I have a pre-planned exercise rest via Vegas vacation from Saturday – Tuesday (though I am bringing some workout clothes just in case, because running on the strip might be a fun experience) otherwise I might have knocked off a few workouts on the schedule and given myself a long weekend to rest anyway.  We will see how I feel when I get back.  I bet after 4 days I’ll be ready to get back into it.

Now, I do love pushing myself.  If I didn’t workout every time I just didn’t necessarily feel like bothering to do it, I’d probably skip about 1-2 sessions a week.  For me, the hardest part is getting changed and the first 5 minutes.  I will workout through a hangover, because I know what caused the crappy feeling and it usually makes me feel better by the end of it, or at least not any worse.  I’ll do moderate exercise through a mild cold on the same vein – I know it’s not going to hurt me, and it’s probably going to make me feel better.  When I start feeling unusually “not into it” and sore, I’ve learned that pushing through THAT is what gets me injured.  Some tough weeks I’ll feel like it the last day and do my norm anyway, but only because I know I have only.one.to.go and I’m done.  Getting the feeling when I still have a 4 mile run, a weights session, an 8 mile run, and yoga – now that’s a sign.

And…I’m also not apologizing because I bet I make up what I missed.  I’m already feeling better having slept a bunch (over 9 hours) and rested this morning.  I’ve got my gym bag with me to do weights tonight – and I have visions of hopping on the treaddy first and seeing where it takes me.  I might not do the full 4 miles I was supposed to this morning, but I can see a quick 2 mile jaunt or something.  I also have scheduled Saturday as an offday, but have the morning before the airport so I might do a quick run then.  I just have to make sure I’m rested enough for my 8 miler tomorrow morning (ner-vous! this is by far the longest run!).

Internets, how do you cope with finding the balance between “don’t wanna” and “gonna get injured”?  What level of discomfort or disinterest makes you skip a workout?  Will you ignore the running shoes if you just don’t feel like it, or are you lifting weights until your arms fall off?

This, which is a very fine read on it’s own got me thinking, but on a slightly different subject.  It’s something that I’ve discussed with friends on some levels, but I’d like to put it out to the internet as well.  As we’ve become more technologically inclined, levels of communication have definitely changed and evolved from 15 years ago.

Case in point: when I was 15 years old, the options available to me to communicate with someone was to either see them in person, call them, stick a note in their locker, or write them a letter and mail it.  Considering most of my friends and I went to the same school, it wasn’t much trouble to see someone in person if I wanted to speak with them.  Most of the people I took time to communicate or share with were at least close acquaintances that knew me pretty well.  It was pretty typical to spend a good amount of time that I was not hanging out with one or a group of people either on the phone with a local friend, on the phone with a friend from Chi-town, where I used to live, or writing a personal letter to them.

Fast forward to college, around 10 years ago (Did I really say that?  I am getting so old).  My time was a bit more in demand then trying to do school, work, and theatre, and the internets had become a presence in my life, so the breakdown was a little different.  The most important people got alone time – usually meals or coffee or whatnot.  This was pretty much only for my best friends and boyfriend at the time.  Then, there was group interaction – going out to a party or hanging out with a group at coffee or whatnot.  There were still phone calls and texts, but usually dedicated to the same people that were on the “alone time” level unless they were super short utilitarian ones (making plans to go out, asking a quick question, etc).   I had pretty much stopped writing letters in favor of emails.  At that time, they were still usually personal ones, I didn’t graduate to the bulk “here’s how I’m doing” letters for another few years.  This is also about the time in my life where my friends weren’t only back in Chicago or near me – people had scattered to many different towns and places.

Now, I’ve got friends even more scattered.  I’ve got people I could consider good friends in Chicago, San Diego, Reno, New York, Denver, LA, Portland, Phoenix, Lexington, and I’m sure quite a few other places I’m forgetting.  Seeing them face to face is right out.  I wish I could take that many vacations per year, but yeah, totally not happening.  I wish I could be better about calling these people on the phone to chat and catch up, but the only people I ever call are my parents.  I used to send out nice long personal emails, but I don’t even have time for that anymore.

Beyond the group of local friends I see on a weekly/monthly basis and my parents, my answer to anyone that wants to stay in touch is not my phone number and address, but first my facebook and twitter info, and second my IM and email address.  I have been lucky to have met a seriously large amount of cool people in my life and I’ve always wanted to keep in touch with as many of them as I can.  The disconnect is between my want and my level of effort – I just don’t have the time and energy to spend on the phone catching up or out to dinner with a different old friend each night.  I guess it would be different if I lived in the same area all my life, but I’ve been a midwesterner, a desert gambler gal, an attitude-clad so-cal-ian, and now a southern hippie.  I’ve not traveled like some of the army brat folks I know, but I’ve been around.

I am in love with sites like Facebook/Twitter/Live Journal/etc – as well as the ability to have my own blog.  I think it’s super keen to be able to tell everyone at once today that “Leah is feeling rebellious.  Eff you, I won’t do what you tell me.  Ok, I probably will but I’ll grumble about it.”  And past coworkers, friends from middle school, former gymnastics teammates, and current friends of friends can comment about how dorky I truly am.  It helps to feel close to people who there is no way you could keep in touch with otherwise.  Some folks I’ve actually become close to *because* of the sites, people who were acquaintences but feel more like friends now.  It’s like back when I played MMOs, but with less 2am corpse runs and 6 hour raids.  Bonus!

I’m sure you can argue the downsides, but I’m not really feeling that right now.  I’m just happy that I can know what everyone’s doing and what’s one everyone’s mind whenever they feel like sharing.

What do you think about communication nowadays?  Hate that a personal message for some people is a text?  Love that you can meet and keep in touch with people over the intertubes?

So I was having one of those days today.  Nothing going right at work, had a lot of wasted time getting through problems that ended up being beyond my control, and just all around lack of inspiration.  Besides my run this morning, and the fact that Zliten even joined me (yay!!!), today has been kinda – meh.

So what do you write when you’re feeling sorta grey-ish?  I have a post about willpower started but… um… when you’re practically chaining yourself to your desk not to get up and raid the snack machine… yeah that feels a bit hypocritcal.  Then, I remembered my trusty friend google, and lo and behold, the Imagination Prompt.  I am going to answer the first ten questions it gives me here and maybe it will be interesting.  If not, well, I tried.

1.  Can you watch a movie already in progress, or do you need to see it from the beginning?

Well, I prefer to watch a movie from the beginning, but I’ve seen many, many movies from the middle.  If it’s interesting, I’ll seek out the whole thing, but I have definitely seen my share of half-movies.  Especially the ones on comedy central that play over and over.  I’ll watch 20 minute here, 10 minutes there, and eventually I’ve seen most of it!

2.  Describe a childhood birthday.

When I was 13, my friends threw me a surprise party and kicked it off in an odd way.  I rollerbladed home with one of my friends and the rest were inside my basement at the ready.  They wrapped my up in saran wrap and proceeded to dump the contents of the fridge on me – chocolate syrup, butter, the works.  They really appreciated the thank you hugs after getting doused.  It sounds mean when I type it out now, but that’s just how we were, I guess.

3.  Loved and lost, or never loved at all? Which might you prefer?

Loved and lost, of course!  First of all, anguish makes for great writing fodder.  Second, one can only truly learn by experiencing, and how are you to know what you want, what is right for you, what love truly is, except by a heaping, steaming pile of Mr. Wrongs in your wake, if that’s what is necessary.  Luckily, I found my Mr. Awesome early in life, so it’s mostly a rhetorical exercise here.

4.  I can’t believe that I…

Am still waiting for all this crap to download at work.  Next!

5.  You can only keep five things you have. What will they be?

By things, I’m going to assume that I’ve already got my Zliten and my lizards.   I’ll say, off the top of my head – a substantial amount of my wardrobe (ie, enough to get me through a month or so), my engagement ring, my laptop, all my old photos/yearbooks/crap, and…uh…my phone?  The thing here is while it said I only got to keep five things, it didn’t say I couldn’t just take an infinite amount of money and go buy replacements for the other things!  I’m sure if I gave it some real thought I might remember some more keepsake-y things but I could definitely get by with the 5 listed above.

6.  Weird is…

My daily bread.  Normal is a dryer setting.  Weird is a compliment – if you’re weird, at least you’re doing something different.  And you know what…everyone is weird.  It’s just about how public you are with your weirdness.  Let your freak flag fly, everyone!

7.  If I could be any age, what would it be — list 10 reasons why.

You know, I really quite like 30.  It’s old enough to know better but young enough to do it once in a while anyway.  It’s young with out all the stupid.  It’s a great time to remember things you put along the wayside to try and be a successful 20-something and dust them off and try them again.  And it’s still ok to get upset when getting ma’am-ed by snotnose punks at the salad place.  That’s not 10, but you get the point.

8.  7 things I’ve done or said that I’m proud of:

Ok, let’s do DONE:

– I am proud of my gymnastics career.  It wasn’t much, but I loved it and will carry the experience through all my life.

– I am proud that I graduated college, with honors, and a 3.7 GPA with a BA of Psychology.  Not that I did anything with it, but I’m glad I have the paper.

– I am proud that I uprooted myself not once but twice chasing rainbows – once to San Diego in 2002, and most recently to Austin in 2007.   Given my comfort zone, I could have probably lived in one town all my life, and I’m glad I’ve spent some time in at least a few different places.

– I am proud that I slowly and sanely lost 115 ish lbs.  I did it on my own terms, I did it listening to my body, and I did it without giving up being me.

– I am proud of my current surge of altheticism, mainly the 10k awesome time and the fact that we are going on lots of biking adventures to faraway double digit mile places.

– I am proud that I spent 2 years as producer running an online world.  While a lot of things came out of it I didn’t like, I am happy to remember a job that I enjoyed doing with every fiber of my being and was so into that very few other things mattered.

– I am proud that I’ve spent almost 10 years with my Zliten, going from one adventure to the next.  I’m also proud that I have not found a way to hate him yet, so I guess that must mean I love him.

I think that’s it for today, that was sorta fun.  Might have to pull this out when the next fit of un-inspired-ness hits.  Answer your favorite question below in the comments, or feel free to steal it as a blog topic if you are also in my boat!

The Race:

Saturday morning, I got up at 6:45.  The only time I am ever up at 6:45 on a weekend is if I am a) flying somewhere (I always end up on the stupid early ones) or b) still up from the night before.  Now, I can add “going to a race” as one of those reasons.  I’m not entirely sure WHY races all have to be so early, but since they are, I just figure I have to get used to it.  I got up, took a looooong wakeup shower, and got dressed.  After getting Zliten up and getting my stuff together we bolted out the door later than we had hoped.

Halfway there, I realize that I had forgotten just about the most important thing besides my shoes – my zune.  Zliten was kind enough to drop me off so I could get my packet and warm up and run home and get it for me.  He made it back with about 2 minutes to spare.  After a hug and a smooch and a transfering of stuff, a good luck, and a pre-race picture, I smooshed in with the 6399 other people waiting for the race to start.  They had waves of people starting by time, but since I got to the line late, I was stuck back with the 13 minute mile people and it took me almost 3 minutes to cross the start line.  But I did, and I was off!

The first mile was dodging and weaving through slower runners.  However, it was through a route that we’ve biked each week, so I was familiar with the terrian.  I was studying the mile markers on the course the night before but since I stink at spacially knowing where I am by reading a top down map (seriously, I get lost at the mall even with those “you are here” signs…it’s sad), I couldn’t remember which streets we hit during which miles.  I kept thinking that the first mile was the looooongest ever, until I saw the second mile marker.  Whew, ok, I thought.  1/3 done, I can do this.  I looked at my watch – and holy cow, I was only about 16 minutes in.  I was making amazing time!

My thought going in to the race was to take the first, third, and fifth miles fast and the second and fourth miles pretty easy.  Then on mile 6, I was going to see how I felt, and either finish strong or just get through it.  That plan totally went out the window.  I just played it by ear.  When I felt good, I picked up the pace.  When I started to feel a cramp coming on, I slowed down.  I booked down the hills and struggled up them, although I keep getting better at them each race.

Then came the sixth mile.  Oh, the hill.  Ooooohhh, the hill.  It was a killer.  I didn’t stop, I kept running, but man, I wanted to walk it.  I saw lots of people walk it.  I’m just happy I did not succumb, but it also took me a while to recover after it flattened out.  The last mile was seriously the longest.mile.evar.  When I started running up the last street I picked up the pace even though I was hurting still from the hill.  When I saw the gate I just gave it all I had and started sprinting as fast as I could.  I crossed the gate at around 59-something minutes, and I knew that I hadn’t just met my goal, I totally shattered it.  I totally did the cheesy fist pumping thing at the finish because I was so freaking excited.  I ended up with a chip time of 56:54.  Results here (might be temporary)!  I ended up placing 29th in my age group out of 80.  I also finished 483rd out of 1126 people.  Not bad!  I even beat our governor Rick Perry.

I did a cooldown walk around, found Zliten in the crowd, and then found the car and went home.  The camera died at the finish so I don’t have a picture, but we re-created it in the backyard.  Then, we went to The Omlettry, and I had the most delicious gingerbread pancakes and homefries EVAR.  Later, I found the results and got happy and also found this coverage on the race.  Hey, I wasn’t just a wuss.  The elite runners said it was a difficult course too!

The Ride and The Ridiculous Feast:

After breakfast and relax time, we contemplated the day.  There was Eeyore’s Birthday Party going on, but we decided against it.  Our “exhausted” plan was to just chill at home, but I wasn’t too beat, so we got on the bikes and rode to our work poker game which was about 7 mile away.  Yes, I know I’m insane.  We rode fast and it was a hilly route, so I was definitely ready to be NOT moving when we got there.  We sat down and got our poker on.  Sadly, it was getting late after about 3 hours of playing, so I either had to get aggressive and knock people out (which I am NOT good at), or lose.  I ended up going all in against the chip lead on a hand I normally wouldn’t have, and I lost.  Oh well.  We took a different route home and man, my legs were SCREAMING at first.  After the first 10 minutes though I was back to being alright though I knew my body was pretty tired.  We ended up taking a busy street with no sidewalk, so it was a scary-but-exciting offroading adventure.

After putting in my calories burnt for the day and seeing that it was just over 2k for the DAY, we decided mass quantities of food was in order.  We headed to the Golden Corrall (yes, disgusting, I know) and I consumed lots of salad, veggies, and other not-so-healthy stuff (but I was really craving a ginormous salad so that’s what I started with).  The plate of deserts was probably over the top, but ya know…race day = no guilt.

I tried to have a few drinks with some friends to unwind, but it just wasn’t in the cards after the day I had.  I think I’m still recovering!  Sunday, let me tell ya, I did laundry, got groceries, and NOTHING ELSE.  What did you do this weekend?  Anything….legendary?

Or, at least my workout world, that is.  If my mp3 player dies, I have 2 other backups.  If they are all missing/dead, I will refuse to do cardio.  I just cannot get on with a run or anything like that without music.  TV, beautiful nature sounds – can’t do it.  I can do weights although I don’t particularly like it, but seeing that I can run through a hangover, a cold, a headache, or just about any other ailment, you can see how important having something to listen to is to me.

So, I figured a fun Friday post would be sharing some of my various playlists for speedwork and what I’m doing during that time.  Please note – due to our PS3 dying and eating all of our music that wasn’t stored anywhere else, I’m operating on music I had at work or on my lappy – which is between 2 to 10 years old.  I plan someday to get the unlimited Zune pass thingee where I can download anything I want for 15 bucks a month – but in these tough economic times (drink) I have to have my priorities.  Like cigarettes and alcohol.  And cute clothes.  And toys for running like my stopwatch.  Anywhooo, here it is.  I hope to see some playlists in the comments, or at least what you like to do to keep your mind amused while working out!

Interval Workout (walk, then jog to the track, do 6×400 sprint laps with a jog lap in between each one, jog then walk home):

Banditos – Refreshments (walk)

Cowboy – Kid Rock (jog and hopefully get to the track in time)

Vivaldi Remix – Digital Espionage (first sprint)

My Way – Limp Biscuit (first jog – skip to next song when the lap is done)

We Will Rock You – Queen (second sprint – no race day/hard run playlist should be without this)

We Are The Champions – Queen (second jog – skip to next song when the lap is done)

Hollaback Girl – Gwen Stefani (third sprint – say what you want about this song, I hate it too, but the beat ROCKS to run to)

The Show Must Go On – Moulin Rouge (third jog – skip to next song when lap is done)

Rent – Rent (fourth sprint)

What You Own – Rent (fourth jog – skip to next song when lap is done)

Encore – Curtains Down – Eminem (fifth sprint)

No Diggety – Blackstreet (fifth jog)

Born For This – Paramore (sixth sprint)

The Boys Are Back In Town – Thin Lizzy (sixth jog)

Carnival – Natalie Merchant (jog partway home)

Thank You – Tori Amos (walk home)

Tempo/5k playlist:

Lift Me Up – Moby (warmup walk if not a race)

Control – Poe (jog if not a race)

The Bad Touch – Bloodhound Gang (start tempo run)

Fett’s Vette – MC Chris

Hollaback Girl – Gwen Stefani (see – hate the song, but it makes me run HARD)

‘Til I Collapse – Eminem

Ladykillers – Lush (great beat to this one)

Killing in the Name – Rage Against the Machine (harnessing the anger around this time makes me less tired)

Breathe – Prodigy (cooldown jog for tempo, 5k should end during the last song)

Smile – Lily Allen (walk cooldown)

Now, I’m off to make a super uber awesome playlist for my 10k tomorrow.  What’s on your playlist?  Who wants to mock me for the fact that Hollaback Girl appeared one not ONE but BOTH of my playlists?  Hit me up…