Adjusted Reality

…is how I’m getting through the last 15 minutes of the day.  Just letting you know where I’m at mentally so you can excuse the absence of any cohesive thought.  Dropping by to simply let everyone know that I have not abandoned the blog to go live in a hippie commune or anything.  It’s been a good, but busy week, so I’m going to leave you with a numbered list of random things as I like to do when my wits are not about me.

1.  This was a post this week that made me think – Charlotte at the Great Fitness Experiment ranted and raved about hating food.  While I don’t agree with her vehement hatred of food (mine is more of a love/hate relationship…), I totally understand the sentiment.  It definitely takes a lot of finagling and negotiation to eat like a healthy human without being a social outcast or having willpower of steel.  It’s so hard to know with all the research out there what to do.  Live longer by starving yourself?  But wait, overweight people live longer too.  I think the key is to figure out what works for you without making yourself too crazy, and hold onto it tightly.  I’m at a point right now where I can quantify what’s working.  I just need to keep going.  This is just as easy and terrifyingly difficult as it sounds.  I think this is worth a post in and of itself later, but who knows when I’ll get to such things…

2.  I am also experiencing that magical day of the month where I’m tired as hell on 9 hours of sleep, grumpy, feel (and I’m sure look) like I’m smuggling a watermelon in my belly, and just want to lay on the couch.  Of course, since it’s Friday, I have a full day of work, then a 10k run, abs, and then a bbq to run off to tonight.  I’m thinking a compromise – workin’ it out on the arc trainer instead of pavement pounding in the 85 and humid weather, and seeing if’n I perk up a bit later or if not – the commute is easy home from next door (it’s nice to have cool neighbors that like to hang out).

3.  Normally, you would think that a rest day combined with a large hamburger and fries would be bad.  Usually, I can tell when I make a bad body decision, and this was not it.  I’ve been very “ying” lately – eating rabbit food, moving moderately for decent amounts of time every day… I ate that WHOLE burger and LARGE order of fries and sat on the couch all night and got my “yang” on and my body felt WONDERFUL.  Today, I’m back at it, but sometimes, you just need what you need.

4.  Of all the things that I have been slacking on lately, it’s water consumption.  I’ve been finding that I’m at about 20 oz by the end of my work day because I forget to fill my water glass again.  I really need to be better about it.  Doing good today though, at least 8 glasses down by the end of this big cup.  I can’t think of the last time I’ve actually had to be conscious about hydration…

5.  Our iguana is doing much better!  She’s been to the vet for checkups every week, and they say she is healing nicely.  She should be able to get her “cast” off the stitches in her hand next week so we can give her baths again (which she will be sooooo happy about), and where they opened her up to scoop all her girly insides out is also healing well.  She has been eating now like it’s her job to get fatter (and that also means pooping like a champ).  I can’t wait until we can bring her out and play with her again and let her run around the house like we used to.

6.  Plans for this weekend: tons of yardwork Saturday.  I was feeling pretty bleh about that until I found out how many calories various yard worky things burn and I got excited.  Yes, something is very wrong with me, I’m aware of that.  Hopefully something superfun Sunday but nothing planned yet.  Rock climbing?  Epic walk?  Just vegging and seeing a movie?  Who knows.

7.  I finally went shopping!  I purchased one long sleeve green tie dye tee I loooove, a new black tee that fits properly (since I have one that’s a wee bit too small and one that’s too big), a new pair of pinstripe pants (to replace the ones that I shrank out of 2 sizes ago), a pair of brown pants (which are my new faves – can you say HOTASS? …and Mrs. Fatass, I’m totally thinking of you here with this usage).  I purchased a new pair of brown platforms which are about 4.5 inches tall, fairly comfy, and I love them.  I also found a replacement pair of black comfy-enough-to-walk-a-mile-in-but-dressy-enough-to-wear-with-anything shoes.  THOSE were hard to find.  The only fail?  I bought my first pair of skinny jeans, and tried to apply boots on top of them?  The legs are too baggy.  So back to the drawing board there.  I love the waist/butt part so I have a feeling they will become the comfiest pair of cutoffs I have ever worn come summer.  Can anyone suggest a brand of skinny jeans (I’m talking skintight here, no slack on the legs) that doesn’t expose my naughty bits because they’re cut so low?  Just below the waist please.

8.  It’s vacay season coming up!  I’ve had a long hard 7 months with nary a vacation, and I’ve got quite a few short jaunts coming up.  Next weekend, we head up just outside Dallas for the Warrior Dash, then going to stay the night at a hotel in Dallas somewhere for some wining and dining and general pamperage.  June is South Padre Island for some waterpark, watersports, and good times.  July 4th weekend is driving to the Ozarks for a friend’s wedding and weekend of revelry.  Mid Sept is another jaunt to Vegas.  Then, we take a little break, and there should be a cruise in there sometime in the winter.  Yeah, it’s not the honeymoon in Europe I was thinking, but it will tide me over until we have time for that…

I think that’s about it.  Have a great weekend!  What’s up in your neck of the woods?  Hate food?  Love vacations?  Have any skinny jeans suggestions for me – seriously, I’ve been looking for a year…

Different than the usual.  I like to be contrary.

So last week, I found an edge.  A corner in the grid.  I didn’t go beyond it, but I certainly found that I found my limit of comfortable-ness.  Between the early mornings 4 out of 5 workdays, the 10 hour days, the increased social stuff, and other obligations, I endeavored to fit in my calorie burn into my week and did it with my mental and physical health in tact.  But at times – barely.  I knew I was working out a little more than I should, but I also had to compensate for a bit more indulginations (because the alternative of drinking water at the bar for the game dev meetup and picking at a plate of whole wheat pasta -blech- on my Dad’s b-day didn’t sound like fun).  So I burned approximately 3200 calories working out 6 days last week.

The 6 days was not inherently the issue – but the time commitment was.  Each day was at least an hour if not way more.  I found a lot of comfortable success last week with 400-500 calories burnt most days (and eating about 1600-1700) so that’s what I’m aiming for this week.  A lot of my week is unknown right now.  Will I be working 10 hour days and getting catered lunches?  Will I have to work this weekend?  Will it rain or be nice?  What’s the social haps?  It’s all up in the air.  And we ALL know how much I love not having a plan.

So this week, I’m trying to keep it a little more chill if possible.  I’m figuring on Wednesday trivia, and trying to keep the party time calendar open for weekend reveling.  I have been told by Zliten I WILL be doing about 4 hours of yardwork outside over the weekend, so that TOTALLY counts as a workout, right?

Monday: 3.5 mile run, abs (500)

Tuesday: 30 mins arc trainer, arms and legs (500)

Wednesday: 3.5 mile run, abs (500)

Thursday: off

Friday: 10k run, abs (800)

Saturday: yard work (it is what it is – should be pretty significant)

Sunday: 30 mins DDR, arms and legs (or other fun exercise) (400)

…or something like this.  The end of the week will be very fluid depending on what work looks like, what weather looks like, what fun we get up to, and so on.  However, I’ve got my mojo back.  I feel like if I’ve navigated my way through these last 2 hellish weeks, I can figure it out.  The key seems to be burning about 2500-3000 calories over the week, in fairly low intensity segments (for me – remember I though my sprints days were easypants back in January) 6 days per week.  In other words, burning it (workouts) as I earn it (eating).

Will it keep working?  I dunno.  I sure hope so!  I’m certainly excited to be within 5 lbs of my acceptable weight range starting out this week and hope to just get another good solid week under my belt.  Another 1.8 lbs would be nice too!

What do you endeavor to accomplish this week?

I feel like a bit of a wuss.

I used to work way more than 50 hours per week.  Regularly.  10 hours per day of being at work was like a vacation to me.  I regularly logged into work from home on a weekend – sometimes from the time I woke up until the time I went home.  Quality time with Zliten was often while making items, writing quests, crafting producer letters, or tweaking raid content.  He watched a whole anime SERIES one week hanging out with me in the office while I was working.  This was JUST the time outside of my 40+ hours I worked from home that week.

Now, I’m just used to having a life.  Those extra two hours per day REALLY cuts into my social life and workout time during the week.  I had to keep an eye on my email Saturday and do a little work from home on Sunday and geez it felt weird, uncomfortable, and today I feel as if I didn’t have a full weekend.  Crazy.  They say that alcoholics are one beer away from a relapse – so perhaps I am one VPN and weekend work session away from not having a thought outside my job, but I don’t think so.  It would take something major – and outside this said something of catastrophic proportions, I think I am cured, y’all.

However, this doesn’t solve the other problem.  We’re heading into Week 3 of project: lose the fluff, Week 4 of project: ship the little deliverable that could, and I’m TIRED.   But as they say, no rest for the wicked.

Last Week:

I won’t get into it like I did last Monday, simply because I didn’t keep a detailed journal of my feelings.  I did track fairly thoroughly each day on Daily Burn, so I’ll just summarize.

Monday

Ate: 1653 calories (Goal was 1700).  Pretty much exactly how and as much I’m supposed to eat.  I had a REALLY rough go of it that day and was starving pretty much all day until after dinner.  I think it was because I had spent the weekend trying to cut (food, not alcohol) calories real low.  One day of good nutritious eating fixed it though.  Day 1 of getting up SUPER early (7:30 or before) to be home by 6 to give the leezard pain meds.

Exercise: 464 calories burnt (goal was 500) burnt: DDR for 30 mins and then an ab workout.

Total intake: 1189

Tuesday

Ate: 1610 calories (goal was 1700).  Just didn’t really have the oomph or desire to eat more, even though I didn’t reach my goal and I even burned more calories than I meant to – although my lunch MAY have been 100 calories more (after I tracked I looked around and it said 500 some places and 600 elsewhere, so there).  Day 2 of getting up super early (7:30), more leezard pain meds.

Exercise: 565 calories burnt (goal was 500).  Meant to do a 4.5 mile run, ended up doing 5.25.  Was just too nice and was rolling sans garmin so I didn’t map my run until after.

Total Intake: 1045 (oops – now I *hope* those lettuce wraps were 600 calories)

Wednesday

Ate: 1693 calories (goal was 1600).  Made the mistake of a fairly small lunch, fairly small dinner, and got SUPER snacky late at night.  Considering my burn was a little over though, I’m not complaining, it worked out.  Day 3 of getting up early (7:30), we were SUPPOSED to have a 7pm trivia date but it got canceled.

Exercise: 464 calories burnt.  DDR and an ab and arm workout I found online.

Total Intake: 1229

Thursday

Ate: 1734 calories (goal was 1600).  A *little* more of the sauce that day than I would have liked.  Like a MORON, stayed up until 4am drinking.  I was SURE we would have to work this weekend and figured I’d have my fun that night – then the next day found out, of course, that it was not to be.  Oh well.

Exercise: 464 calories (goal was 400) burnt.  3.5 mile run, and since I did it on the treadmill, I was able to count my warmup and cooldown in the burn so it’s a little more accurate.  I think the treadmill overestimates about 5 calories per mile, but in the grand scheme of things, who cares?

Total Intake: 1270

Friday

Ate: 1443 calories.  I just could NOT keep it to 1200 that day (the goal).  My body just won’t run on that few calories anymore.  I think I’m going to have to modify the goal on non-workout days to be a little more reasonable (1300-1400).

Exercised: NADA.  Nothing.  My only rest day and I sat on the couch.  Bliss!

Total Intake: 1443

Saturday

Ate: 2123 calories.  Goal: 1800.  Oops.   I made the mistake of doing a kick ass workout and then heading RIGHT to lunch at a mexican restaurant.  My appetite was KILLER right then and I devoured half a basket of chips and a full plate of chicken fajitas – so over 1k calories by 1pm.  I had a fairly lo cal dinner, but then some drinks and was STARVING again later and had some not so healthy munchies.  Meh. I didn’t think I was quite this over.

Exercise: 665 calories burned.  1 mile run to the gym, arms, 1 mile on treadmill, abs, 1 mile on treadmill, legs, 1 mile run home.  Felt like a lot more, honestly, so I might not be so off (50 mins of weights was probably more than 235 calories simply because my heartrate was up from the mile runs each time).  Loved this workout, especially the run home in the sprinkling rain.

Total Intake: 1458

Sunday

Ate: 1628 calories (goal was 1800).  Made it a goal to be reasonable at the italian buffet, and mostly succeeded.  Loaded up on roasted veggies and while I did consume some gloriously greasy pesto pasta, I did stick to ONE scoop of ice cream and some fruit for desert.  I feel like I done good – both in the preparing for and executing on today.  I did not particularly LIKE snacking all evening instead of eating a small and healthy dinner, but my parents were around til 10pm and it was snack or starve…

Exercise: 600 – 1 hour DDR.  I would have normally taken it easier today, but the whole italian buffet thing… I’m very glad I did what I did.

Total Intake: 1028 (another oops but after the day before… balances out).

So, here we go with the weeklies:

Consumed Avg per day: 1697

Burned Avg per day: 460

Net Intake per day: 1237

Avg Deficit per day: 563 (resulting in just over 1 lb loss, potentially)

Weight this morning: 159.4 (net loss, 1.8 lbs)

Soooo…I’m doing something right.  Haven’t started a week under 160 in quite a while.  Is this process kind of annoying and painful and rigid and I wish I could just *be*?  Sure.  Is it finally working in a way nothing else has?  Hell yes.  So on it I will stay.  1.8 lbs lost BOTH WEEKS and very similar net calories?  Looks like consistency to me, friends.  I do believe I’ve got a little of that so called MOMENTUM and I just need to keep rolling and not put down the brakes.

More later about this week’s plan… today’s pics by Graph Jam.

Since I’ve already exceeded my limit for ranting, whining, analyzing, and neuroses this week, I think I’ll send you into the weekend with a bunch of pictures from the seriously AWESOME duathlon two weekends ago.  As nitpicky and crazy as I get, I certainly can step back and bask in the awesomeness.

A year ago, I would not have felt confident in my ability to run and bike back to back to back.  I also would have definitely worried about the heat that day.  Good thing I trained for a half marathon in the hottest spring/summer ever last year! …and honestly, I was worried about the bike/run/bike thing until I was able to complete the distance two days before.  Also, a year ago Zliten would have not joined me.  I’m glad he was able to finish the race!

Two years ago, in addition, I would not have had the endurance yet to run the 1st part of the race (5k), let alone the second and third legs.  I would have felt completely out of place and intimidated among the athletes there.  Good thing that year I worked my ASS off through long hours and particularly hostile-to-weight-loss situations, and worked on building my running base from barely 2 miles to comfortable at a 10k, and went beyond my comfort zone and entered my first race.  And then another.  And I was hooked.

Three years ago, I would have felt self conscious in pants (my uniform was skirts w/elastic waistbands).  I would have been uncomfortable in the heat.  Camping probably would have thrown my back out for weeks.  I would have felt like the fat girl and stuck out like a sore thumb.  I would have nothing to talk about with these people, as I wouldn’t have considered running unless chased and biking was something I hadn’t done since junior high school.  Good thing that year I decided to change my life and lose the weight for good even if it took me a long time – and picked up a penchant for all things sweaty as I took off weight and built endurance.

This year, I went, and felt confident starting, felt comfortable (though awe-inspired) at these crazy distance runner peoples, and finished the race with a respectable time (1:18:45) 3rd to last.

Next year, 4th to last at least.  And at least 1:18:44.

Now, I present to you, pictures.

Have a fantastic and healthy weekend, campers.  I’ll do my best to do the same.

What scary/cool/outside your comfort zone thing have you done lately that’s beyond your previous wildest expectations?

Ok, first, feel free to read here, I don’t mind.  Just come back, will ya?  Charlotte got me thinking about how our bodies are different.  The study says men can get along just fine on carby diets, and it’s supposed to make us chickypoos at major risk for heart disease.  Also keep in mind I’m a bit of a grumpypuss this week so ranting and barely edited dialogue forthcoming!  This is but one person’s experience with carbohydrates (all health and fitness freaks, please recoil in horror instinctively…)

As for the research – I’m going to say different strokes for different folks.  As a super active sporty fit kid and then serious gymnast, I gravitated towards an extremely carb heavy diet, all but vegetarian (a little meat in my pasta or rice or sandwich didn’t bother me, but I loathed the idea of a big steak or chop), and I ran on it extremely well.

The key component for me is the being super active and balanced.  I’ve tried to limit my carbs and my body rebels, even after months.  I’ve tried to up my protein and fat intake, and my body doesn’t respond positively or negatively (just makes it extremely hard to lose/maintain weight).  I find that at a certain stage of half training I crave protein (the major heavy mileage/fast paced stuff) but at all other times it’s really unnatural for me to cram the stuff down my throat to the tune of 100g per day or more like the daily recommendations would have me do.

I don’t *get* the phenomenon that other people have told me (my mom for example) that when they have simple carbs they just go crazy wanting to stuff their face with them.  For example, if we both opened a half gallon of ice cream at the same time, my parents might eat it in a few days.  Same with our houseguests – she was pregnant, sure, but they went through a half gallon every 3 days or so and ALWAYS had some in the house.  For us, we’ll have a measured serving every few days and it will probably get freezerburnt before it’s gone.  We tend to only buy the “Ben and Jerry’s” size, which usually takes about a week.

I do get crazy with the sugar during the end/after half training.  For that last month or so, I NEED the simple carbs to do what they do (not give me a super full feeling and get calories to my body quickly).  Or I’m in danger of getting dizzy and almost passing out in the shower after an 11 mile run – note to self, when burning 1200 calories on about 100 consumed that day, EAT then stretch and shower.  On training runs, you don’t eat complex carbs or protein or anything with nutrients (since it goes through you too fast to have any benefit), the only thing that matters is that it contains easily digestable calories, and a little caffeine if that’s your thing.  Right after really hard workouts, you ALSO need some easily digestable calories.  I know there are records of distance runners out there operating on lo carb diets, but I can’t imagine it.  It would definitel have to be a VERY DELIBERATE choice and take months/years of training, weaning yourself off carbs, and I just can’t see enjoying that.  At all.

However, what happens after a race is my body takes a while to realize that I’m no longer stressing it out so much, so the appetite is there, and I do get a little of the sugar addiction just because I’m putting so much more than normal in my body.  I normally have a /sweets off switch.  I eat a little, it makes me feel a slight bit nauseous (usually at or just below whatever 1 serving is on the package) and then I leave it alone.  During the end/right after I lose that ick switch so I have to go through a period of detox where I have to smack the chocolate chips out of my hand sometimes and it is just about impossible to refuse cake in the in the breakroom at work.   After a week or two going mostly cold turkey, I’m good though to resume normal operations.  For example the cavalcade of comfort food coming through the office this week (cookies! doughnuts! cake! more cake! leftover easter candy!) has been tempting, but avoidable.  As much as I’ve been bitching about it on twitter.  I mean seriously people, you must have Quix-diet-dar and be trying to send me into a tizzy… sigh…

It’s a touch different with salty carbs (which have always been my weakness), but beyond the potato chip devil (seriously, one serving per day until they are gone… and that takes restraint), I’m not tempted to binge at all.  I certainly have had instances of eating way more than a serving, but it usually includes being at a party, being genuinely hungry, and a liberal dose of booze.  But as I discussed earlier in the week, for the same calories of food, I don’t feel full without my side of mashed potatoes, or rice, or bread.  A sandwich with 4 oz of turkey (even if it’s not whole grain bread) is more satisfying and filling to me than an 8 oz steak.  I eat and enjoy whole grain/brown stuff when I can because I know it’s healthier and I genuinely enjoy stuff like my sprouted grain bread, but I don’t feel negatively affected if I have a delicious turkey on sourdough.

My main problem is the “stand in front of the fridge and stuff my face” – for some reason those calories don’t register the same (and they certainly don’t count in my head the same), and they’re hard to track.  Two turkey pepperoni, a pinch of lowfat shredded cheese, a spoonful of leftover veggies, some baby carrots, a melba cracker, some pop chips, a bite of jerky, and a few pistachios – how do you quantify that?  However, if you look at the general combination of the snack, it’s generally healthy – a little lean protein, a little good fat, some fairly decent carbs, and some veggies.  If I could put that all on a plate, go sit down, and enjoy it as a snack, I’d feel full and life would go on.  I’m working on it.  But I don’t just cozy down with a bag o empty calories – I’ve tried, I get half a serving in and realize how many calories and how UNFULL I am and put it back.

Then, there is the mental wellness and happiness aspect.  The idea of lo carb makes me want to crawl in a corner, rock back and forth, and cry.  Getting me to do anything productive or active without some bread or noodles is like pulling teeth.  Now, I won’t tell you how to live your life.  Rock on with your Atkins or primal.  Enjoy hissing at potatoes and calling everything not sprouted “yicky white bread” like my moms.  Toss your hamburger buns in the trash and pick at your sandwiches sans bread.  I just won’t be joining you and damned if I’m going to feel bad about it anymore.

I’ve been told I act/think like a male type brain (whatever that means) anyway, maybe I’m just wired differently.  As the article says.

Have a crazy carb binge story?  Think I’m full of crap and just making excuses and I’m subconsciously killing myself slowly with yicky white bread?  Anyone else just not *get* the “carbs are the devil” mentality this decade?  And have successfully lost/maintain a healthy weight and active lifestyle unaffected by whether you choose white or wheat?