Adjusted Reality

So I mentioned I’ve been yelping, and I’ve been keeping up with it (in a way I haven’t been keeping up with this blog the last week, bad Quix).  I’ve been trying to review everywhere I go (mostly where we go to lunch, but I did the gym and the thrift store too).  I think it’s a great site, and realized I used it a lot without contributing, so if I go somewhere I haven’t reviewed before, I review it.  If you’ve all but run out of the internets, it’s a great place to look around and see if you can find somewhere new to try the next time you go out.  If you end up going there a lot, contribute and keep the happy fun circle of yelp awesomeness going.

It’s interesting also to use it as a snapshot of my eating habits lately.  In the last week or so I’ve reviewed Mann’s BBQ (lunch today), Sirloin Stockade (Sunday dinner), I owe Thundercloud Subs a review from Sunday lunch, Fresh Choice (Thursday lunch),  El Mercado (Wednesday lunch),  Jimmy John’s Sandwiches (Tuesday lunch), Saltgrass Steakhouse (Sunday lunch), and Austin Diner (Saturday brunch).  Only thing missing was Monday’s and Friday’s lunches, which I already reviewed (pho and I don’t remember Monday…).  On first glance, not exactly the picture of health, huh?

It should be said that generally everything we cook at home is healthy and portioned properly.  These lovely chicken wings?  Never at home, only out at Pluckers, and very very rarely.  Our staples are grilled chicken, Quix-mashed potatoes (pretty much potato, a dash of lite ranch, and a pinch of blue cheese, dried onions and garlic and spices), and heaps of veggies, or lemon pepper mahi mahi, brown rice, and veggies, shrimp stir fry, or the like.  I always stock veggie burgers and wheat buns, and keep stuff around to whip up a gigantic salad at a moments notice.  There is junk food around, but it usually ends up going bad or getting freezer burnt, honestly.  I am that bitch that has had a can of frosting and cupcake fixins for 10 months and they’re still in the pantry, and that still has Halloween candy from last year in the freezer.  I am also that bitch that lets everyone else order the junk food, and then eats a little bit off their plate (evidenced here).  I used to say because it doesn’t have calories on someone else’s plate, but now I realize – a taste is usually enough, and it’s hard to get more than a taste when I have Zliten slapping at my hands.  See his look of disapproval there?

Yet at most places, I know how to work the menu to get something filling, yummy, and totally within my calorie range for the day.  Mann’s today, we split a plate and both left full.  Sandwich places – I just leave off the mayo, leave off oil, pick off SOME of the cheese (I need my calcium, kthx), and stay with cold cuts or chicken, and away from meatballs or anything with the word “salad” in it unless it was proceeded by “side” (no tuna or chicken salads full of mayo and goop).  Salad bar – well, just pile your plate with anything veggie and go sparingly on the rest.  Austin Diner – I just went with a small portion and chose to indulge in fried potatoes, cheese, bacon, and tortilla yumminess.  Steak places are harder, but I usually just compensate by nibbling on mostly veggies and fruit the rest of the day.  Sirloin Stockade was sort of a fail, but I know what to get and what to skip next time.

So, what’s my point?  I guess it’s that you CAN actually lose weight eating out most of the time, or if you’re happy where you’re at, you can at least change your daily diet to be more healthful and less like a college student.  I would be miserable if I had to avoid eating out, so I had to learn how to deal quickly after a month of going home or bringing my lunch every day and finding excuses to stay away from the every weekend parties/bbqs/picnics/group dinners out.  The biggest thing to remember is that not every restaurant meal is a special occasion.  Eat like you would at home, don’t be afraid to throw away food (or take it home, if you’re into leftovers, but I’m really not), and you won’t be stuck at home making chicken, brown rice, and veggies again for the 5th time this week while your friends who invited you out for mexican are having a great time.  When your friends contribute to awesome spreads like this one all the time (homemade bread, salad, my awesome mashed potatoes, coleslaw, bbq’d brisket, sausage, and chicken), you just can’t do that shit without crying in your Lean Cuisine, and that’s no way to live.

If you’re staying home due to financial reasons, fine, that’s another story.  If you’re in the first month of transitioning from counting the pickles and onions on your bacon double cheese burger as veggies to healthier fare, you probably want to avoid the outside world as much as you can (and with your mood, it will probably avoid you back).  However, one of the most freeing things was when I realized I could eat at restaurants and attend parties and still lose weight.  It takes practice, but it’s totally worth it.

1.  Today the cold front moved in and it was in the low 50’s this morning and only got up to the low 70’s today (yes I know that’s some people’s summer temperatures, but…bugger off, I like my hot weather).  I dunno about everyone else, but I just don’t like it.  Sure, I got to wear a sweater (which was too small last year and almost too big now) and my new spiffy loafers (now with pennies), but winter approaching makes me sad.  It’s dark when I get home from the gym now, hell, soon it will be dark when I get home from work.  The fun nights of sitting out on the patio are slowly fading into memory…*tear*.

2.  Speaking of cold…I used to sweat at the THOUGHT of getting up and walking around and wear skirts and sandals into almost the dead of San Diego winter.  Today, at about 70 degrees, I was chilly in shoes, jeans, a sweater, and an undershirt.  Either Austin summers have spoiled me, or I just don’t have enough “forever sweater” anymore (thanks Pang).

3.  I’ve been playing the game I’m working on a lot this week, and having a blast!  I’m now in the second of four worlds and things are getting tougher.  Two monsters on one player is so not fair!  My outfit is terribly mismatched though – as you can see.  It’s really good for me to take time to play during stressful weeks so I can remember what it is I’m stressing over, and it’s all worth it.  Or at least, I’m having a little fun in between the crazy.

4. I’ve been a little moody this week, and today I decided that I was going to make the executive decision on the one thing I could – my mood.  I told everyone this morning I was anti-grump and was going to be cheerful today, and amazingly enough, everyone around me has been in a better mood today.  It’s always good to remember the one thing you really CAN control, if not anything else, is your mood and your outlook on things.

5.  More about Project Tile when it’s done, but Zliten did an absolutely awesome job – except the step where he forgot to sponge the grout off the top of the tiles so there is now a chalky, hardened mess.  He is currently at Lowe’s for the 10th time this week trying to figure out a way besides vinegar and water and elbow grease and days of work.  Poor guy!

So here is a funny video – I can’t get the damn song out of my head so I will pass it on to everyone else out there!

Until tomorrow, when I either spout off about eating habits, or showing off my Zliten’s home improvement handiwork.  Or I may just run off to Mexico instead, if I do, don’t wait up.

I’m not entirely sure if this is the laziest or the most genius one we’ve made, but that is for you all decide.  Enjoy, and have a great weekend!  Posting may be sparse earlier in the week because I am on voice recording duty.  It’s one of the more fun parts of the job, but also means less time at my desk.  Miss me terribly, and I’ll be back to ramble more by Wednesday, fo sho.

So Wednesday I hopped on the scale and saw 165.0 staring back at me.  This is exactly 100 lbs from where I was January 1, 2007, when I decided to take a stand against my own flubber.  Well, technically that’s an educated guess being that I weighed 262 at the doctors a few months before, and I definitely didn’t lose any weight – probably gained at least a few half lb hamburgers since I had JUST gotten back from vacation.  The first time I weight myself halfway through the month (since I didn’t previously have a scale) I was in the high 250s, so it has to be about right.  Anyways, I’ve always said my start weight was 265, and so shall it be.

Things are a lot different now than they were back then, in a lot of ways I couldn’t have even imagined.  I never thought I’d be an exercise nut, but I’ve been working out regularly for over a year now and get angry when someone tries to muss with my exercise time.  Them’s fightin’ words, pardner.  I never thought I’d prefer veggies to french fries or fruit to chocolate some days (key word – some days).  Actually, I never thought I’d make it this far.  Historically, I would lose some weight (20-30 lbs), feel great, go back to the way I was (no exercise, too much food) and gain it back and more.  I ALMOST did that, except something in me kicked in once we moved to Austin, and I realized it was time to do this fo reals, yo.

There are also things that didn’t happen.  I didn’t become this super confident, super powerful dominating woman ready to throw open closed office doors, and use a machete to cut through red tape.  I was actually probably more empowered to do that before even if I was out of breath after walking down the hall to that office.  I didn’t become truly happy and all is not right with the world.  Yes, my reflection brings me joy.  But it doesn’t make me complete and whole as a person, it’s just one less thing on my “how the hell am I ever going to get around to doing this” list.  I’m also in the best shape I’ve been in my adult life, but I still have the batwings under my arms, and the potbelly I don’t remember having even 10-20 lbs heavier when I was younger.

When I started this endeavour, I had 170 lbs in mind as the holy grail, because that’s what I weighed when I was 20, had just become newly single after 3 years of crazy, and felt sexy, confident, and attractive.  Well, I’m there now, and remembering the summer between my junior and senior year of high school when I was probably about a buck fifty, give or take, and felt uber confident about my body and still have some kick ass clothing from my days working at Hot Topic (it was a great high school job, and I remember when we were the 13th out of 20 some stores that existed)  I wouldn’t mind breaking out (namely this gorgeous sundress, but there are a few other things).  Then again, there was also my gymnastics period where I probably ranged from 115-125 where I was a muscular goddess.  I definitely didn’t feel like the picture of beauty or confidence then (since I was a good head taller and probably 20-40 lbs heavier than my teammates) unless I was out on the floor or on a stage, but day-um I had some muscles.  Note to self, must scan some pictures from those days from the photo-shoebox of doom.

Though I could be happy here, I’ve decided to press on.  Even a month and a half of plateau didn’t stop me from trying and now that I’m going again, I’ll press on.  Here are twenty of the reasons why, in numerical list form, in no particular order of importance.

1.  Running will be so much easier the lower my weight goes (in a healthy range, of course).  I’m pretty sure if I had less to lug around, I could smash my 7:50 time with ease.

2.  I’d like to put together an outfit without worrying about if my belly fat is hanging out.

3.  I’d like to be able to wear every last thing in my closet, or have given it away because it’s too big.

4.  I’d like to know what walking into the room and being the h-a-w-t est girl felt like, because I’ve always felt completely inferior to at least *someone* in my social circle.  I don’t know how to explain this one in a way that makes me sound less vain or petty – I’d just like to be at the point where I’m so comfortable with myself, I don’t wish I looked like *insert person here*.

5.  I want to wear a bikini of some sort without feeling self conscious.

6.  I’d like to have a normal BMI.  Not because I feel I am overweight now being just 15 lbs over the recommended range (I’m pretty sure I carry a LOT more muscle than the average gal), but I might as well give myself the best chance to live long and healthy I can.  Maybe it will counteract some of the drinking and smoking :).

7.  Zliten and I want to take a dance class and hopefully someday get good at partner dancing.  It would be super cool if I was light enough for him to pick up and do some fancy moves.

8.  I still have great boobs even at 125 when the fat goes away elsewhere.  I resented them during gymnastics, but I could really rock them now.

9.  It would be fun to do some of those simple gymnastic moves again.  Like, I dunno, bust out a handstand piroutte or aerial at parties to freak people out.

10.  If (and that’s a big if) I do have kids someday, I refuse to be the chunky, matronly mom in the mom pants and mom haircut driving the minivan.  If I had a daughter, I’d want her to want to raid my closet when she got older, and not just on ironic theme day at school.  Also, in non-selfish-land, I’d want to motivate them to be active and balance gaming time with sports and crap and see eating healthy as a good thing and cookies as a food you don’t eat everyday.

11.  If Dana Torres and Oksana Chusovitina can keep themselves going as ancients in sports where their teammates are half their age – it’s not too late for me to get in the shape of my life and go out for something.  Whether it’s running, dancing, whatever – nothing keeps me going like the promise of competing at it.

12. I really want to amaze people at my wedding next year, a lot of whom haven’t seen me since my heaviest.  Not that they wouldn’t be shocked now, but it would be fun to see the reactions if I showed up in better shape than they’ve seen me since I was a kid.

13.  Along with that, I want to look back at wedding photos and not think “damn, I look fat there”.  I refused to be a fat bride or I’d be Mrs. Zliten McGnome by now.  I mean, if I’m going to pay for professional photos and for something I’m going to want to keep forever, I don’t want any negative thoughts connected with them.

14.  I’m just not done losing yet.  I like the thrill and the drama of stepping on the scale, hopeful it says something lower than it did yesterday.  It causes me great agony sometimes, but also great joy.  I need to definitely start measuring and/or calculating body fat % so I have something to play with to when I do decide I am ready to maintain.

15.  I would like to feel justified in splurging on some items of clothing (a really nice jacket, a pair of jeans that fits me incredibly well, etc) and not feel like it might be a waste because it will only fit me until I really get in the shape I want to be for the rest of my life.

16.  I love how I get more and more energy and feel more and more like I can do *anything*.  I can only imagine that gets better as you get slimmer (to a point, of course).

17.  Never having to lie on drivers licenses or other forms you have to fill out that include your weight, and never having to hear a doctor tell me I should lose weight when I get off the scale.

18.  Being able to walk to my bedroom, and look at pictures on the wall in hallway, and not think “geez, I looked so good then, I wish I looked that good now”.

19.  Frankly, for the first time in my adult and teenage life, I’d like to be at a point where I don’t get up in the morning and wish I weighed less.  I fully believe I’ll be on a quest to improve my fitness and tone muscles and get stronger and better the rest of my life (or I hope), but it would be nice to not have to think about losing weight.

20.  Because it is my own body, and I have the goddamn right to mold it into the healthy, strong, powerful, and super capable form it deserves to be in.  It’s been good to me even when I haven’t been so good to it, so I want to treat it well for sticking with me, and lightening it’s load in a healthy way to a healthy point can’t be a bad way to start.

A lot of these things are vanity related.  I was a little disappointed with myself until I realized – hey, I’ve done the “lose weight for my health” portion already.  I am a fairly healthy weight, in better shape than a lot of people, and generally comfortable in my skin.  This is totally and completely vanity weight.  If I wasn’t such an overachiever at everything, I could probably be reasonably happy here.  But why not give it a good ol’ try to see if I like me skinnier?  History shows that gaining weight isn’t very hard for me, so if I look too gaunt at 125, I can glance at a cupcake or two and presto!  Job done.

All I know is I’m going to keep trying, and I hope I have the wisdom and common sense to stop at the right number, whatever that might be and whenever it happens.