Drunk Stories

Even though right now the half-marathon is pretty much the only thing on the brain, I figure I should take at least ONE day off talking about it.   For the sake of my poor readers who might want to hear something else besides marathon training, how awesome I feel, blah blah blah.  It’s tedious, I know.  It’s almost over.  There will probably be a “pre-race” post and a “post race” post and then a “after I’ve been thinking about it for a while” post, but then that’s all.  Until fall comes and I start training again.

Hmm, ok, let’s try this not talking about running again.  So this week the smart thing would be to stay in and relax and basically do nothing but eat, sleep, work, train, and stretch, right?  Well, that was the plan except there was also a Yelp Elite event planned for Tuesday night.  And it was a fancy dress-up party.  At a REALLY expensive steakhouse.  And they had Maker’s Mark.  And spa treatments.  AND it was all free.   So, since it was early enough in the week, we made the pilgramage down to Finn and Porter and enjoyed Maker’s Palmers (whiskey, ice tea, lemonade, and a sprig of mint), amazing lobster salad on wontons, these potato cake beef bernaise things that were heaven – and I realized that I might not hate all salmon!  They also had sushi, but since neither of us are fans, we stayed on the other side of things.  We didn’t actually get any spa treatments because the line was so long, but we enjoyed some rich deserts instead.

Yelp events are also always catalysts to a night of debauchery.  We ended the evening getting poured a particularly strong (but yummy) manhattan, and neither of us were in any shape to drive (ok, so after one drink lately I’m not in any shape to drive but…yeah…), so we walked to the Jackalope (another bar, very much a dive) and stood out in our fancy garb and sobered up with about 3 waters (either they weren’t providing non-alcoholic drinks or they were super hidden at the event) while we nursed another whiskey.  We met this crazy cool chick with pink hair named Rev who was attending medical school.  Then we came home, had a nightcap, and then I willed myself to go to bed instead of staying up and pretending it was a weekend.  I woke up the next day feeling fine (a little tired because I didn’t sleep until close to 2am and got up at 8), and was quite happy my yesterday plans got cancelled because it would have been another night of it.

These days, I am a pretty responsible drinker.  I typically enjoy myself about once a week to the point of feeling silly and happy and tipsy.  Perhaps another night a week I’ll have a few on a weekday I don’t have to get up and run the next morning.  Occasionally, usually due to lack of sustenance before or whatever, I’ll have a little too much (and I used to do that a lot!).  Just to give you all a laugh, here are some funny things I’ve done while drunk!

I have (mostly in my younger, stupider college years):

-mooned a policeman, in an attempt to get a ride home because I was sick of walking.  Note – it didn’t work (but I didn’t get arrested either, yay).

-laid down in a yard on the way home from the bar to make “grass angels” or try and nap.

-crashed parties on the way home from the bar on New Years Eve of people I didn’t know.

-fallen asleep in our only bathroom with my fiance (remember, we have been together almost 10 years), because we were both too sick from drinking to be anywhere else.  Ah, love.

-passed out and used the Sega Dreamcast as a pillow.

-asked my fiance to grab me water, and then once he had it and wanted to know where to put it, I told him to just throw it on me, some would hopefully get into my mouth.   Bless his heart, he did exactly as I asked.

-before the water incident, I bartended the whole party, making specialty martinis (or as Zliten calls them, cocktails), and had to taste each one to make sure it was proper.  By the end of the party, I was still pouring, but I would each time drop the bottles, catch them before they hit the floor, and then keep pouring.  I wish I was that awesome normally!

-got into a hot tub fully clothed, and then once I realized how much that sucked, started taking my clothes off.  Thankfully I was stopped before I went full monty.

-got into a conversation about how I probably wore the same size pants as a friend, and we should trade.  Except I was all about it right then.  I found my pants on the bush the next morning.

That’s enough to keep me from ever being president!  So, what’s your funniest drunken moment?  If you don’t drink, what’s the silliest thing you’ve ever done period?

This post brought to you by www.textsfromlastnight.com.  Warning – not work safe, and if you’re easily offended, don’t go there.  But funny, and makes me both feel sad for the human race and happy I’m not quite as much of a lush!