Adjusted Reality

Thus begins a week or two of mostly fluffy posts.  I’m kinda tired of digging in my head, scooping out my brains, and attempting to analyze the contents.  So, enjoy!

I think in attempts to get some holiday cheer (and humor) for a relatively low overhead, we attended not one, not two, but THREE white elephant parties.  We brought just about the same presents for each one (except the first, because it was 15-20 dollars, and present was only 10 – and it was my work one – so I didn’t want to look like a cheapskate and splurged on the 16 dollar DISCO BALL at Big Lots).

My present:

Zliten’s present:

For those of you who don’t know what a White Elephant gift exchange is – essentially you bring a silly present of some variety (hence, our gifts above).  Sometimes there is a dollar amount set, sometimes there isn’t.  You draw numbers and when it comes to your turn, you can choose to unwrap a new present, or steal one that has already been unwrapped.  Most often, the rules are the gift can be stolen 3 times before it’s out of play.  It’s a bunch of laughs, because you would never ever elsewise see grown humans fighting over a snuggie.

The first party was, as I said, at my work holiday party.  Near the end, we all converged around the stage and started the game.  I got a fairly early number, walked over and almost tripped and fell (just call me grace) and picked out a present.  I unwrapped it and HOLY FUCK it was a leopard print snuggie.  After a few glasses of wine, that was THE COOLEST PRESENT EVER in my eyes and I gave everyone the stinkeye if they looked around the room for things to steal.  It worked for a while.  Being the boss has its benefits.  However, someone got brave enough and purloined my snuggie right at the end (yes, a dude) and then one of the BIG bosses stole it.   Who knew that would be such a hot commodity?

Zliten ended up with a magnetic dartboard (that is soooo going to my office in the new year for some stress relief) and I ended up with a pretty ornament that’s now on the tree.  The guy that ended up with fake voltron wasn’t too happy but one of our artists loves the disco ball and it’s at his desk to annoy everyone at the office.

Next was a sponsored party at one of our favorite bars downtown (though we don’t go often cause it’s semi-pricey).  Open bar, sponsored goodies, an arts and crafts table, free hair styling and makeup refreshes, and of course, a table full of presents to pick from.  Some were from sponsors, and they were supposed to actually be pretty cool (some jewelry, gift certs, etc).  The rules were different (I mean, there were at least 100 people there) – you give a present, you take a present.  That’s all.  No steals, but consensual trades.

For a while, there was just too much to pick from so I waited and sipped on some free mint margaritas.  After a little bit, Zliten decided to be “that guy” and picked up the biggest, heaviest package on the table.  Here is the definition of literal.

Yes, Zliten picked the WHITE ELEPHANT (wearing a tutu, no less) at the white elephant party.  We ended up finding a seat and meeting some very cool people who want to be nerd friends with us.  They also ended up with Zliten’s robot and loved it.  Other presents around the table included a half eaten box of chocolate, embroidered christmas tree button covers, and then I realized I need to pick something as the present table had dwindled.  This is the gem I ended up with.  Here is the story:

…and the present:

Well, at least the next door neighbors have doggies, and can use the jerky.  Then, we proceeded to have a wild and crazy night.  Which ended way too late for a school night.  Which made the next day hell.  But hey, I went full holiday and looked festive.

The next last one was Saturday night, with a few friends.  This one was pretty low key, but the hilarity factor was definitely there.  Presents included a foot massager, some cheesy porn, a yanni CD, a sarcastic magic 8 ball and more.  Zliten picked early in and ended up with some cat figurines and cat food (which is ironic because ALL OF OUR friends have cats, and he is terribly allergic) and I ended up with a poop calendar.  Yeah, you got that right.  A POOP calendar.  Every month, a new poop.  It is SO going up in my office.  Also, the gnome and the robot were both stolen gifts, so they were a HIT!

But the pictures are not of a cat.  A deal was brokered later over some beers, and Zliten ended up with this:

So all the holiday parties (not including our traditions Christmas Eve and the family Christmas) are done, and we ended up with, among other things, two heavy ceramic figurines.  Way too fun!  What is the craziest holiday gift you’ve given or received?

FYI, the pantry is clean from Monday’s hat draw, today (Tuesday) we picked Mini Golf which was a BLAST, and tomorrow is a BBQ adventure in Lockhart (the BBQ capital of Texas, apparently).  So excited!