I was going to wait until Friday to post, but I have THINGS TO SAY. So today it is.
After looking down at 157 point something for the second day in a row, I have had enough. I am fed up. This whole eating more intuitive bullshit is not working for me. I don’t get mad at myself very often but I was fuming on the way to work (it also didn’t help that I had done weights this morning which always make me feel – ROAR). I was hoping that I had just been starving myself and somehow magically eating more was going to heal me and make me finally lose the weight. Apparently, this is NOT the case. I’ve given it time, it’s just time to face that it’s not working.
Let’s check the cold, hard facts. I have been trying this more eating for about 2 months now. I did about 1 week at reduced calorie-ness, and before that I was training. Let’s look at the weight trend. April was my low month, maintaining around 150-152. Half training took me up a little, but that was ok. I was around 152-154. After, I could never quite shake the weight and was more like 153-155, but the 155s are rare. Now, since NOLA vacation, my weeks are a rare 154 and more like 155-157. I HAVE GAINED 5 LBS SINCE APRIL. I can’t even lie to myself and say it’s because I fluctuate, my range has gone up and now I’m barely ever weighing in UNDER my “oh shit” weight of 155. Not cool man, not cool.
So today, I put a stake in the ground. I may have gone from my goals of under 140 by the wedding, to my goal of under 150 by the wedding, to now, please dear fluffy lord let me get back to where I was during half training. However, I know what it’s gonna take. Maybe other people can eat more, but obviously I can’t. I knew success at a lower calorie intake, so at least for the next two weeks (because yeah, I get on a plane to Vegas 2 weeks from today), I’m back to doing what I know works even if the numbers don’t make sense. And hey, if it sucks, it’s only for 2 weeks.
I’d like to put it off, but my red alarms are flashing. Way back in stay puft marshmallow days, I enacted a disaster scenario and recovery plan in my head. Maintenance would end at any time when I was regularly weighing in over whatever my “oh shit” weight happened to be (and right now, that’s 155). I would begin immediately tracking my food, weighing every day, and reducing my calories. Once I returned to comfortably under that, I would resume happy fun times.
So, the plan. I am going to go back to tracking. Today. I just have to. I know there is a point in my life where I will not track, but this is not now. Spark says I can still burn 3000 calories per week and eat 1200-1550 calories per day, so that is what I will do. Up until the race Saturday I’m going to err on the side of 1550, but as of Sunday, I’m attempting to stay as close to 1200 as possible. I know there are days when I’ll be pushing it to stay under 1550 even, but if I can balance those out with some 1200 days, I can do it.
Exercise – I’m going to be a little more intuitive here. Spark says I should be able to keep burning my 400+ per day and be ok. I’m also pretty sure I could drop down to minimal exericse (for me, that looks like 3 cardio sessions per week of about 30-45 mins, 2 strength sessions of about 30-35 mins, and some yoga) and still lose. I almost think that I might have more success with a little less cardio. I need to accept that anything beyond moderate exercise is MY indulgence and not really going to make me lose weight. So I’ll make a plan, and if I’m just dead tired, I’ll modify it.
The problem behind it is – I feel fluffy. I do. It’s taken the full 5 lb gain to really feel it but I do today. And I don’t want to feel fluffy on my wedding day. Even if no one else in the world notices that I lost 4 lbs between now and then, I will know. I also will have 3 days in Vegas before I get married – I’m going to try to be as good as possible, but I’m not going to lie – there is going to be some booze and food and I’m not going to deny myself completely. So, for the next two weeks, fat cells, you’re on notice. And if I come off as a irrational raving bitch/lunatic/whiny person in my future posts, you’ve got an inkling why. I don’t like when my food gets taken away.
Hair and Makeup, Day #2
I didn’t have much time, so I did a quick trial. I liked how I was wearing my hair that day so I just did some modifications to it – however, it looked pretty crazy when I took it down. I figure I’ll get the main shape of what I like, and then perhaps
work some braids into it if I decide to get all fancy-like. Working with it the next day after washing was WAY easier (as we all suspected) but it didn’t magically un-friz like I was secretly hoping.
I’m going to give it one more try with some product after the next time I wash it, but I’m thinking the best idea might be, as Charlotte said in the comments, to dry it straight and then use a curling iron to do the curls. Seems like a shame because I do have natural waves/curls, but they may just be too damn frizzy to work for what I want. I think I’ve decided on little flowers all over vs one big flower, but we’ll see what I end up with.
As for makeup, I went ahead and left the foundation off, which I actually didn’t mind. I don’t think I’m going to skip it all together, but it did reinforce the fact that I probably don’t need face cake, and as Divinari suggested, I should probably go for something very light, like bare minerals.
For shits and giggles, I decided to go with pinks and figured it would be good and humorous. Oddly enough, it didn’t look that bad at all. I actually kinda liked it. I’ve never used brown eyeliner and think now it might work well for a daytime look. I figured the pinks would turn me into barbie but they don’t. It’s weird, but I don’t hate it. I think I need the darker lipstick to balance out my brows (thanks Div for pointing that out, I always wondered why I trended towards darker stuff, its because of my prominent brows), but I didn’t mind either look. I need to study how to do blush better – I think it just didn’t work quite right.
Pictorial below – first, closeup of the makeups. First left, pink and not hating it, then right, the brighter lipstick and blush.
Next, hair pictures from each angle.
Sorta out of order but I don’t feel like futzing with pictures more. You get the idea. Yeah, it’s pretty messy but I think at least I like a) the basic hairstyle and b) the little flowers. So a win there. I am resisting the urge to give myself layers in front of my face because DAMN I think that would make it look super nice with that do. Please talk me out of modifying my hair 2 weeks before I hop the plane…
Anyhoo, I think I’ll give one more go tonight with what I have, and then it’s time to go shopping for hair product and foundation stuff because I’m reaching the limit of what I can do with what I have.
As always, advice/scoldings/comment welcomed and most appreciated.