Adjusted Reality

“Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.” – Mark Twain

Author: Quix Page 191 of 217

Stream of Conciousness Begins Here (About What Else – Running…)

So I’ve realized that I have been a little hesitant to post here because I’m having issues coming up with *big* *important* *worthy* topics like I want to.  I have a post cooking about willpower.  I have a post cooking about my adventures in breakfast.  I just haven’t had the brain waves needed to put together much of a coherent thought.  I think I’m at the point of training where my brain is being eaten by running, so I just haven’t had much else to share.  So, I’m going to treat this blog as more of a journal for a few weeks – just let loose and get down what’s rattling around in my head.  So here goes!

I just signed up yesterday for the half marathon.  Somehow, it all seems more REAL and by that I mean SCARIER.  Not as if I haven’t been training for it and had it in my sights, but somehow paying that money and putting my name down makes something different.  13.1 miles?  In the Summer?   In San Antonio?  Argh…what was I thinking.  At least I did 9.3 miles in the heat Monday and I survived.

However, I am alreadyinsane and planning to start training in the fall (after a nice long summer break) for one in Austin in Jan or Feb.  I’m thinking one more half and then I might consider a full.  If my body hasn’t completely fallen apart and I haven’t learned to hate running yet, that is.  I thought I’d get really bored and find the long runs tedious, but they’ve been anything but that.  I’ve found that it’s a great balance of time to reflect about things that are going on, and sometimes it’s great to just push myself, clearing my mind, and only concentrate on the act of moving my body forward with all effort I can gather.

Since I’m about 3.5 weeks out, I’m already putting together the plan over the summer for workouts after the race.  I don’t want to quit running altogether, but I’m thinking like 2 runs a week, one short and fast and one medium, and maybe a long run once a month so I don’t completely lose my ability to go far.  I want to up the weight training.  Also – a surprise which will be the main part of the July “experiment”.  I swear, the anticipation of doing something new is sometimes better than actually doing it.

Cuz now, I’m counting down the days.  15.5 more workouts until the race and I’m done running crazy for a while.  2 more long runs, 2 more cross training sessions, 4.5 more 5 mile runs + weights (weights tonight, ran this morning), 2 more tempo runs, 2 more track intervals, and 2 shorter runs (4 miles and 2 miles) the week of the race to taper.  Putting it like that, I just want to start running NOW and keep going so I can check more off the list, but I have also really learned the importance of rest and not overdoing it.

Well, apparently it was all racing on the brain.  Next time, I’m going to talk about something other than running!

Half Marathon Training, Between Week 8 and 9

If you’ve been following me here this shouldn’t be any surprise, but for the rest of you and for my posterity, here is how last week went.

Monday: weights at home and 4.5 mile run

Check and check.  It was the *perfect* weather just around dusk to be out for a run and I got done just as it was getting dark.  I even actually pushed myself pretty hard because I was feeling so good, and it could have almost qualified as a tempo run.

Tuesday: tempo run and yoga

Check and check.  Since I pushed myself the day before, I wasn’t able to get the awesome pace I had the week before, but I definitely still booked it pretty good!

Wednesday: 4.5 mile run and weights at the gym

Sorta-fail and sorta check.  I had – how shall I say – body problems that morning, and was able to get about 3.7 miles before I gave up.  Close enough – right?  Also, we had an event to go to after work at 6 (which meant no time for the gym), but I made the weights up Saturday morning, at least half-assedly.  Instead of heading to the gym, I watched the end of the biggest loser with my ass planted on the couch and finally felt guilty enough that I got out the weights and did my home strength routine.  But hey, it’s better than nothing, right?

Thursday: 50 mins DDR and yoga

Check and check.  Planned this on a different day because of the event the night before (I needed today to be an easy day).

Friday: 10 mile run

Check!  I made it!  Somehow, running a double digit distance felt more epic than just getting further.  I’m just excited because I told myself that if I could do 10 miles, I could do 13 so I would feel good about signing up for the half.  So I get to sign up this week!

Sunday: Bike trail adventure

Epic fail.  But it was the weather’s fault, not ours.  We were so ready to go, and it was raining off and on.  It was the only time we had carved out to do it, so we had to pass.

Total week 8 mileage 22.7 (running):   (plus 1-2 miles of walking)

Week 9 -almost there.  Please?

Monday: 15k pseudo race

Tuesday: 50 mins DDR + yoga

Wednesday: 5 mile run and weights at the gym

Thursday: 9×400 intervals (warmup on the way to the track, run 9 laps under 2:00 pace, jog a lap in between each, cooldown on the way home)

Friday: 5 mile run and weights at home.

Weekend: Maybe a bike ride.  Or maybe not.  I’m not getting my hopes up this time. 🙂

Things I learned last week:

1.  After doing this run, I have decided that long run days either need to be on a weekend, or I need to take half days to recover after.  I was just *dead* after this.  My body was so physically tired until after lunch my brain barely worked.  I can definitely envision being able to do 3 more miles on the end of this if it was race day, but I imagine I will be worthless for a little while after I finish.

2.  My pace degenerates from a solid 10 minute mile or faster to a 1030 or slower sometime between 7 and 9 miles.  I mean that as in when I run 7 miles total, I can keep that 10 minute pace.  When I’m above that, I seem to run quite a bit slower even if it’s only a *little* more.  My super-unattainable goal for the half is under 2 minutes, but I’m not running the long runs anywhere close to that pace.  I think I’ll be happy under 2:15.

3.  Let me reiterate to folks out there – training for a distance running event is not, I repeat NOT a way to lose weight.  I heard the warnings, I laughed it off and thought I could buck the odds, but your body WILL force you to eat back what you lose when you push it so hard, or you’ll feel weak and super injury prone.  Though I’ve been told I look like I’ve lost a little since I started this, I haven’t seen my low weight of 150.2 for at least a month, I”m hangin’ closer to 152-153.   I decided 3 weeks in that I was going to give my body whatever it needed to do this race, but I am really feeling like a piggie lately.

4.  That being said as well – I am really looking forward now to finishing up the training, doing the race, and moving on to something else for a while.  4 runs per week which are now at least 5 miles each is time consuming, tiring, and just a whole lot of miles.  I just keep telling myself that there’s only 3 weeks really to go (and the last week of taper before the race), and I’m almost there.  I had visions of being super excited to get up to the double digit runs and getting used to them and keep running the distance all the time – yeah, no.  I’m already looking forward to putting together a plan for July which is extremely different!  I think I’d like to pick up the training again in the fall and go for a half marathon here in Austin in January/February, but my body is definitely going to need a break.

5.  Week 7 was sorta rough, but this week I had my head back into it.  I’m glad, because if I had another crappy week where I was just tired all the time and had to drag my butt off the couch to work out kicking and screaming every day, I dunno if I would have continued.  Ok, I would have, because I’m stubborn like that, but I would have been miserable.  I’m glad last week came a little easier – on Monday’s run I actually even pushed myself harder than I planned, just because I felt so good.  That’s a sign that things are thumbs up.

This week is getting both a great (already did my long run!) and rough (stayed up way, way too late having way, way too much fun yesterday and now I am EXHAUSTED and not really in the position to take the day off) start, so we shall see which way the wind blows…

Out Living

I remember when I was 16, I spent a large amount of my time sitting in coffee shops, drinking pots full of the stuff, smoking cigarettes, and writing with my friends and musing about life.  I spent many-a-night that way.  Then, I realized – I was so busy writing about life, I wasn’t really out there experiencing it.  And so I went and experienced, and it was good!  I have always written, but it ebbs and flows.  Right now, it’s not flowing, so it’s definitely ebbing.

I guess my point is – things is crazy busy-like this week, and I have a pretty full weekend planned too, so I’m going to be on blog-atus until at least Tuesday.  This week I’ve ran a lot, celebrated birthdays, attended an ambassadorial mission to consume hors derves and makers mark, tried to learn how to be a decent wingman (and failed pretty badly), recorded a lot of peoples making purdy noises into the microphone, and today I just barely have a moment to plant my keister on the couch with my laptop and relax.  And it’s not even the weekend, where I start with my first double digit run (10 miles) before work and then have plans to hit the new bar for happy hour so I can be in their commercial, Saturday is shopping with a girlfriend to save her from other not-so-fun plans, Sunday is an epic trail ride and parental fun time, and Monday is a BBQ and a Yelp elite event at the wine bar with yummy food and wine.  I’m both exhausted and excited just thinking about it!

I don’t normally like to use this blog as a “this is what I did today/this week/etc” type place, but considering I’ve got too much going on to be super introspective, this is what you get this week.  Take it or leave it.  Have a wonderful holiday weekend and get out there and live.  Do something awesome, something you’ve been putting off, or just something fun that you can talk about around the water cooler (does anyone actually do that anymore) on  Tuesday.  The only thing stopping you is you.

Half Marathon Training, Between Week 7 and 8

If you’ve been following me here this shouldn’t be any surprise, but for the rest of you and for my posterity, here is how last week went.  It was a super short week due to the Vegasing.

Wednesday: 50 mins DDR and yoga

Check and check.  Man, this was even rough.  I think standing and walking is more tiring than running.  Or it could be the partying until sunrise.  No, can’t be that.  Must be the standing and walking

Thursday: 4.5  mile run and weights at the gym

Check and check.  Was a nice outside run in the morning though I DID NOT WANT to get up AT ALL EVER after being on vacation but I did it and I didn’t die.  I think the gym is getting busier because it seems harder to get on the weight machines I want, even on a Thursday.

Friday: 9 mile run

Almost check.  I mapped out my run AFTER and found out it was only 8.75.  Oops.  Close enough, right?  I tried the sport beans this time and they were my absolute favorite.  I also strapped on my camelback and after tying down the front, it was fairly non-annoying.  And it was totally worth it – I drank the whole thing on the run.  I also felt, though I was indeed tired, after about mile 7 I could have just kept plodding along for a few more (but probably would have just wanted to go die instead of going to work), so this bodes well for actually reaching the distance.

Vacation: Bike adventure or other activity

Total uncheck.  Friday’s run and subsequent partying until dawn (Again? Why?  What am I thinking?) wiiiiiped me out.  Saturday we sat around all day and then had evening plans, and Sunday we had errands and chores and had to fit in Star Trek somewhere, and then it was dark.  It’s probably for the best I didn’t push myself (I was also feeling almost like I was coming down with something Sunday – feel better today though), but it makes me all the more motivated to have a bike adventure this coming weekend.

Total week 6 mileage (running):  13.25 (plus a ton of walking)

I’d be disappointed with that, but I did it in 2 days.  That’s pretty bad ass, no?

Week 8 – back to normal.

Monday: Weights at home, 4.5 mile run

Tuesday: 40 min tempo run (5 mins jog, 30 mins tempo (try to beat my 8:20, 5 mins jog), yoga

Wednesday: yoga and 50 mins of DDR

Thursday: 4.5 mile run and weights at the gym

Friday: 10 mile run (holy crap – double digit run!)

Weekend: Rest and planning on a bike trail ride on Sunday.  Zliten is going to scope it out this week.  If it’s way too epic, maybe just another ride somewhere out there for lunch.

Things I learned last week:

1.  I think as long as I make it to mile 8 in the half without pushing too hard, I think I’ll be fine.  At 9 miles I felt like I could keep going.  I felt like I would be pretty wasted afterwards (not like I wasn’t, but I was able to function and attend a full day of work without a rest).  I think I’m going to run this 10, and if I can do it, actually put down the money and book the hotel and really do this puppy.  No, I haven’t done it yet.  Yes, that makes me a wuss or something.

2.  I’m going to try to keep up the strength training at it’s current level this week.  I am definitely not getting stronger (weight training-wise), and I want to stave off getting weaker.  I’m just not sure next week when short runs are 5 miles that I’ll be able to keep up with 2 full body sessions a week.  I’ve also considered shortening one short run.  Any advice?  Would you cut down to the equivalent of 1 – 1.5 full body sessions per week of weights in favor of running or keep the sessions and run a little less one day?  I think the smart thing would probably be cut the weights a bit since I’m training for running, but…I dunno.  I have a week to decide anyway.

3.  I think part of the success on the long run last week was the camelback.   Seriously – water anytime you want without carrying a bottle?  Awesome!  I think that the sport beans worked well with it – munch a bean, sip some water, munch a bean, sip some water.  I think for racing, since I won’t have the camelback, I might stick to the moons because they were easier to get down fast right before a water stop.   The gel kinda upset my stomach (I think it was just so much sugar ALLATONCE) so I think I’m going to stay away from it.  For those of you out there who have run the distance, how many munchies did you bring?  I’m considering bringing 2 (one at 45 mins, one at 1:30) but is that excessive?

4.  I also tried listening to podcasts instead of music and strangely enough it was good to lose myself in the babble.  I’m surprised I didn’t miss the beat of the music at all.  Fast runs, I don’t think it would work.  Long/mellow runs?  Super.

5.  I’m not quite sure what was with the grumps/introspection/etc last week but I think I’m out of it.  I had a bit more rest this weekend than I would have liked (I really wanted to bike/skate/walk/something), but I think it paid off because I feel rested, confident, and ready to tackle this week instead of fearful of the sheer amount of activity I was going to ask my body to do.  I was afraid this was going to be like the pushup challenge – I was so excited about it but then I hit week 6 and I could only do 45 – so I stopped doing it because it was taking up a lot of my workout time.  I can still do about 40, but I really wanted to say I could do 100 pushups.  At least this time, I’m about 3/4 there already with a month left to go and can actually visualize myself completing this.

I hope these aren’t getting tedious.  I just want to have a record of this to look back on!  Later this week, I’ll have more varied fare, I promise!

Hawt or Nawt? Superficial Rambles Ahead…

So when I started this journey at 265 lbs I really doubted I would get very far, but damned if I wasn’t gonna try.  I had, basically, a few levels of “final goals”.  The first was under 200, because I hadn’t been there since college.  The second was 170, which was around what I weighed when Zliten and I started dating, and I felt like a supah fly honey.  150 was the weight where the scale said “hey, you’re normal”, though I’m pretty sure if I got the body fat test, I’d have been normal for a while.  125 was gymnast weight, and as low as I said I’d possibly want to go.

I passed 200 around my 29th birthday (March 2008), I passed 170 around August 2008, and now, I’m hanging out here around 150…and have been for a few months.  I set another arbitrary goal of 135 for myself – not quite gymnast weight, somewhere in the middle of normal BMI-land, and a perfectly reasonable thing to weight for a 5’5″ gal of the muscular persuasion.

However, it’s occured to me that maybe I’m done.  What’s the difference in weighing 150 and 135?  A pants size?  Is it going to magically flatten my belly?  Is it worth the hassle?  The guilt in the back of my head saying, “I know you’re eating to sustain yourself with all this training, but this would be the PERFECT time to just cut calories and lose lose lose super quick.  You can deal with the exhaustion and grumpies!   It’s temporary!   Just do it!”?  What is losing another 10/15/25 lbs going to do for me?  Am I going to only be able to run the distance I want if I shed more weight?  Otherwise, what does it matter besides the image in the mirror?

I’m still deciding, I haven’t completely abandoned the idea of trying to lose 15 more lbs once this half is over, but I’m considering it.  It’s still a very healthy weight for me, and in theory would take about a 3 month commitment to do.  However, I spent a lot of time looking around me at other people on vacation and realized how really not bad I am in the grand scheme of fitness.  It took being in a different setting and not seeing the same people in the same town.  I’ve just come back home with this confidence and good feeling about the way I look.  Physical fitness will be something I work to improve for the rest of my life, but there needed to be a point where I looked in the mirror most days and thought – “hawt”.  I might possibly just be there.

Now “hawt” does not equal perfect.  I can only rock a bikini top and swimsuit skirt bottom on the skinniest of days.  I still have this protrusion of flesh that sticks out above my belly button, and a pooch beneath it.  I can pick out my flaws, just like everyone can.  I’m sure even the size 00s complain about the lack of symnetry in their emaciated ribs or something.

“Hawt” does equal self confidence.  Maybe it’s just me being a superficial and horrible person, though I doubt it, but when I walk into a room, I want the consensus to be – “hawt”.  Now, being engaged to be married, I do not want to leverage that power in any real and physical way.  I simply want someone that first meets me to have a favorable opinion of my appearance.  Actually, I don’t even really care if they really do or not – I just need the confidence to THINK they do.  I’m starting to believe I’m there.

I guess the kicker is that when I had a great physique, I was too young and ackward to even consider that maybe someone thought I was attractive.  Also, I’m sure the coke bottle glasses and braces for a while didn’t help.  In my life, I have been lauded for my talents in many areas, my athleticism, my smarts, my career-saviness, my work ethic, my drive, and many other things.  I’m not just a bimbo looking for attention.  I have other things going for me besides a pretty face, a skinny waist, and some healthy knockers.  It just feels like full confidence in my physical appearance I’ve never had is the final piece of the puzzle on the way to world domination, ya know.

I’m not sure if this makes any sense to anyone but me, but I had to ramble.  The only thing I’m sure of is once I say I’m DONE – I’m actually done.  I really want to clear my head of the idea of losing weight.  I don’t want to say that I’m happy at 150 and then really secretly hope that the scale keeps going down.  They say an all or nothing attitude is bad, and I try to stay away from it in most areas, but this is one thing I cannot bend on.

How is your self-image today?  Do you remember a time (or are living it) where you walked in a room and felt powerful simply because of your physical attributes?  Is this a horrible thing to want?

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