Adjusted Reality

“Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.” – Mark Twain

Tag: navel gazing Page 23 of 29

Getting ready to dance at my party.

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On October 10, 2016

In Uncategorized

It’s amazing the difference a week makes sometimes.

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I’m not a morning person.  You know it’s serious business when the headlamp comes out.

This time last week, I was feeling extremely fatigued.  I had no idea how I was going to get through a week involving a 14 mile run (longest run since March 5), and my long brick (55 miles bike/10k), when I felt absolutely flattened on Monday after a day of rest.  I was feeling pretty much the opposite of confident about this whole half ironman training and racing thing.  I’ll finish because that’s what I do, but I felt like I’m not nearly at the form I am at this point in the cycle.

I skipped some training and added a recovery ride on Sunday to do errands, but somehow still ended up with almost 11 hours.  I’ll take it.  This last week, it was about two things:

  • Going long
  • Gaining confidence/feats of strength

Intentions met.  Besides all the normal supporting workouts, I was able to complete said 14 mile run and long brick within 2 days of each other.  Thursday morning’s long run was an exercise in sheer mental toughness.  I didn’t really enjoy any step of it besides the one I took in the door after finishing.  It was hot, I was tired, I was sore, and the miles went on forever.  And honestly, I’ve had races that felt easier.  However, I finished.  I didn’t walk.  I’ll pull on that one on race day.  If I can do that on a random weekday and then go to work all day, I can do it as the last leg of my race and then sit on my ass for a week.

The brick felt a little less terrible, but still wasn’t a walk in the park.  The bike was actually really pleasant.  We rode with a group of people from our tri team, and I actually kept feeling stronger over the miles, which is normal for me when I’m on bike form, so there’s that.  It was hot when we started running, and silly me picked a really hilly route (there’s more elevation change in one of the miles I ran than the whole 70.3 course), but I was STILL able to maintain race pace for the 10k.  I had no confidence that I was going to be able to keep up the pace at a mile in, but I freaking did it.  It should be much easier on the flat course, with support, *hopefully* on a slightly cooler day.  But even if it isn’t – I’ve conquered it before.

I just need to dig on that stuff during race day.  I need to remember that it will not always be this way if it’s bad (if it’s good, I’ll let myself believe it will).  How I feel at mile 1 of the run, even if it’s bad, doesn’t mean I won’t be able to hold pace at mile 12.  Even if every step is painful, I can still do what I need to do because I’ve done it before.  My brain tends to give up before my body so maybe I’ll be able to tell it “not this time”.   Even if I’m not sure I remember the steps sometimes, I’m ready to dance at my party.

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Those steps are at a time signature of under 10:30 per mile after a hilly 56 mile bike ride.  Let’s hope I can master them by race day.

And now, it’s officially taper.  The next three weeks are going to be focused on:

  • Injury prevention.  My knee is a little tweaky and swollen after yesterday’s “rest” activity of shopping for, cleaning out, and helping replace a fridge, and you KNOW I will be babying it until it feels 100% better.  I’m avoiding some of the evening outdoor riding that involves lights on my bike.  Doing my best to be the right amount of paranoid so I show up to the race in one piece.
  • Rest and recovery.  I didn’t do a great job of kicking this off properly because of said fridge replacement at almost midnight last night, but I’ll be making sure that there’s lots of feet up time in the boots and reading in bed to make up for it and I have zero plans to party all night at any point until at least October 31st.
  • Eating better.  I’ve done a pretty good job about treating my body like a dumpster at times over the last few peak weeks because I have the calories available.  It’s actually *really* challenging to eat super clean when you need to take in all the calories and carbs without overloading on fiber, and I believe there is totally room for cake and beer in an athlete’s life.  However, I didn’t meet my fiber requirement 3 of the last 7 days, so I’m a little too far on the “junk food” side of things.  Noted.  I’m eating pretty much the whole produce aisle to make up for it today (and will continue this week).
  • Staying sharp.  This week goes back to medium – length workouts with little bits of speed.  It just gets shorter from there.  Hoping by race week, my legs will rested and begging for more.

This week’s plan, which can change at any point:

  • Runs: 8 mile run w/3 miles below race pace. 10k off the bike, race pace.  2 mile easy.  Intent: settling into race pace.
  • Bike: endurance cycle (indoors, safe, but also ass-kicking), 30 mile TT interval ride (before the 10k run). Intent: bringing down distance, bringing up intensity.
  • Swim: 2250m race pace swim in lake, 1500m pool swim with some speed.  Intent: sharpening the stick, settling into race pace.
  • Weights: 2 sessions.  Intent: stability.  (<- these are the last before I get back to it after the race).

Other than training and work, it was mostly eat and sleep, as a good peak week should be.  And while it was probably a little boring, I actually feel much better mentally, so it works out!  Highlights (and one lowlight) of the week:

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  • Celebrating our anniversary with tacos and fancy whiskey on a schoolnight (though I actually found my bed pretty early, so it was still in the spirit of resting up!).
  • I tracked all my food!  I may have done my weekend tracking today, but I did it!
  • KONA!!! While it wasn’t the most exciting Kona ever (repeat champions who were significantly ahead of the second place finishers), it was SUPER inspiring to be watching it 3 weeks out of my race after a long brick instead of after my first long run of marathon season, like every other year.
  • Lowlight: as I’ve sort of alluded to above, our fridge started to slowly die this week, to the point where things weren’t REALLY frozen by Sunday.  Not exactly what I wanted to spend my day off dealing with, but we found a fridge that fit (not easy with our space), was under 1k$, and was available to be brought home immediately.  I sacrificed a little sleep and my knee, as I said, is a little cranky, but we didn’t waste any food because we jumped on it.

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Instead of a fridge picture, here’s a giant pretzel and shepard’s pie and salad for lunch after the long run.  Considering some of my options, it was decent carbs and protein (dumpster option: fish and chips – I resisted).

I’ll call it a pretty successful week and we can all move forward with our Mondays, shall we?

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It will not always be this way.

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On October 6, 2016

In Uncategorized

So, I wrote this whole weekly wrap up thing and I just nuked it because if it bores ME, then I can’t imagine anyone else would be interested.

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So, instead, a double rainbow. #whatdoesitmean

I think I’d rather talk about how I’m getting nervous for the race coming up.  With 3.5 weeks left to go, the calendar is at that uncomfortable spot where I’m fatigued from training, but it’s starting to close enough to get real.  How is it less than a month away?  How the heck am I ever going to feel rested again?  Can we get this over with so I can go back to base training for a little while?  Can I have a few more weeks to work on my cycling and running speed?  When am I going to get excited for this thing instead of nervous and just kind of tired of it?  Argh.

I’ve been thinking about how I will thrive there and races when I’ve felt the most successful.  I cave under TOO much pressure.  When I place a huge importance on a time goal, and the day pees in my sandbox, sometime I just say “fuck it” instead of just rolling with the punches and still getting close.  If I don’t put ENOUGH pressure on myself, when things get hard and it stops being fun, I’ll let off the steam instead of digging in because… whatever.  It’s just another race.  It’s that special combination of realistic and achievable but also challenging goals (and, ya know, meeting them) and magical unicorn pixie dust that really makes me zing on race day!

Looking over my past races, I’ve had days that I felt meh, even ANGRY about that ended up with some of my best age group placement or times.  But they’re not the ones I remember as my best races as of late.  Kerrville 2014 – I missed my overall time goal by 2 minutes but I stayed strong through the whole thing and didn’t give up and felt joy a lot of the time.  The Woodlands where I ran every step of the marathon, even if it wasn’t my fastest race.  Some of the shorter races where I found the edge and stayed there and held it together chanting three words over and over.

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X-wing and Death Star are ready.  Am I?  Errr… I’ll get back to you on that one.

The half ironman usually goes like this for me… I generally have a good swim, a good to great bike (unless I crash), and then sputter and die on the run, except for that once where I didn’t completely (2014).  Here’s where I’m at right now:

  • The swim – I probably won’t have my fastest ever, but I shouldn’t be that far off as long as it’s wetsuit legal.  I know how to set myself up for a good day by not killing myself.  I’m going to do that.
  • The bike – here’s a source of my anxiety.  I’m not good at riding the new bike, but so far, that’s still translating to PRs in the sprints (about 1 mph) and the olympic (.5 mph, with rain).  This course is harder (more climbing, chipseal, etc).  So, I think one thing I need to do is just ride my best and let go of any expectations.  If it rains and I spend 75% of my time out of aero, I won’t berate myself.  If my legs feel off and I can’t manage 17 mph, I won’t sit there and cuss.  I know the *feeling* of the pacing I need to ride and whatever that translates to on the garmin and the power meter will suffice.
  • The run – here’s the other source of unease.  I really, really, really want to nail this run.  I probably have no excuse.  There’s very little elevation change and it’s very unlikely to be hot.  My run fitness is coming around and I ran low 10’s off the bike in a race in similar conditions and felt like I had a little more in me.  I really think this could finally be the race where I finally nail the run, if I don’t get in the way of myself.

Scared of failing, scared of succeeding.  This is my damn head right now.

It’s been an interesting training cycle.  Because I haven’t done the same thing over and over, I haven’t seen the same metered weekly progress.  It’s fits and spurts.  It’s a little more mystical than doing the same long ride every two weeks on the same bike and watching the pace improve.  Some rides are at 13 mph.  Some rides are at 15 mph.  Some are at 18 mph.  Sometimes the 15 mph rides are WAYYYY harder  than then 18 mph ones.  Some days I run 12 minute miles, some days I run 9 minute miles.  I don’t exactly know what to expect will come out on race day and that’s… both scary and exciting!

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Some days it’s all smiles.  Some days it’s mental gymnastics to take every next step. 

I feel like training has been more flexible this time around, which has been great.  I am *just* now this week feeling the crush of fatigue and responsibility, like it’s stopped being so fun anymore.  Looking back, I maintained a training load of between 8-11 hours the last two months solid and this week won’t be any different unless a leg falls off somewhere between now and Saturday afternoon.  That feeling of it being a little much is fine.  It’s time to taper.  Just one more long workout and we’re there.

Does this mean I’ve pushed a week too long?  We’ll find out.  I’m embracing the fluidity – besides the two key workouts – a 14 mile long run (done – every soggy, sore, and mentally tough step), and a long brick this weekend, the rest of it is optional.  I bailed on a ride already this week in favor of rest (I read and slept for TWELVE HOURS) and split a run to make sure I wasn’t tearing myself up the day after (felt great and did all the miles, probably thanks to the above).  At this point, I’m nearing the end of training actually building endurance, and anything that doesn’t keep the legs fresh and/or doesn’t build my confidence for race day goes in the trash.

As for the fuel, a few weeks ago, I gave up on maintaining a deficit and giving in to eating my appetite.  Oddly enough, the weight loss I saw stop has slowly started crawling again (I think I’ve lost 1 lb on average over 2-3 weeks).  This is still that weird “wow, I look so bloated I don’t look cute in clothes but I still weigh less” loss that you get when you’re deep in season, but (healthy) loss is loss is loss.  I figured I was done for on the scale when I stopped really caring about the deficit, but the body sometimes knows better than some equation, I suppose.

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Hello, lover.  This ramen (Spicy Miso Pork, from Jinya) is one of my current food crushes.  And it lives around the corner from work…

I’m really really (ok, fine) sort of trying to continue to track, simply because I think this would be great data for the push to IM.  It’s just… not my world right now to be all judgey about it so it’s hard to remember.  If I’m hungry, I’m going to eat a thing, no matter what Sparkpeople says.  I know 1200 calories per day is too cold.  2700 calories per day is too hot (at least at half ironman training levels, ~10 hours per week).  Still working on finding the porridge that’s JUST RIGHT.

One of those things I need to remember – it will not always be this way.  It’s hard to keep sight of that once you’re so deep in the extremes.  When you’re injured, it’s hard to envision a time when all the parts will work again.  When you’re dieting in offseason, it’s hard to remember that someday it will be required eating to shove 3-4k calories in your face in a day.  When you start your training program, it boggles the mind to think that you’ll be racing for 6+ hours, when an hour run seems exhausting (but you’re excited to get there).

Then two months pass and the pendulum swings the other way.  When you’re riding for multiple hours the umpteenth weekend in a row, you can’t remember a time when 45 minutes on the bike was enough, thank you very much.  When you’re deep in fatigue from training, you think you’ll never be rested or sleep enough again (but you know you will if you’re not an idiot).  When you’re racing, you will not be in pain forever.  The finish line has beer and chips and medals and most importantly, sitting.  Get to the beer and chips and sitting and how about a smile in the meantime that you’re able to be out here doing this crazy shit today, huh?

Seven.

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On October 4, 2016

In Uncategorized

Seven years ago today, after about ten years of being together, we tied the knot in a tiki hut.

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I remember it like it was yes-… nope, actually it feels like a long time ago.

Six years ago, I made Zliten sherpa my first Olympic triathlon.  Aren’t I sweet?

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At least I got a medal.  And then there was champagne.

Five years ago today, we celebrated by renting out swanky loungers on the balcony of the movie theatre to watch Starship Troopers.

Four years ago today, we were recovering from our first half ironman race together!

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Noms.

Three years ago, we flew in a wind tunnel and then ate Pizookies.

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Not us.  We were so into though we bought more sessions and… those sessions are still on the fridge three years later.  Whomp, whomp.

Two years ago we spent a long weekend in Port Aransas.

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Not a bad view to celebrate #5.

We may have not gotten to scuba dive like we wanted to, but we ate buckets of seafood like champs…

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If you can’t swim with ’em, eat ’em, I guess?

Then, last year, we spent our anniversary in Bonaire.

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Salt Pier.  I have dreams about this place.  I need to return…

How do you top that for #7?

Well, you don’t.  I mean, it was awesome riding further than we ever have before, or as I said, celebrating our anniversary by shoving our crotches against bike seats for 5 hours.

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And these massage boots are probably one of the best physical presents we’ve ever gotten ourselves…

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…but as hard as this year tries, it’s no week on an island where I can walk 100 feet and pick up a tank and go dive.  And that’s ok!  In two short months, I’ll be preparing to fly away and spend a week in Key Largo.  I can wait (I think).

But, as for our year seven highlights:

And… here we are.  Embarking on year eight.  I’m super excited to see what happens in the next 365!  Happy anniversary Zliten, you’re the bestest and I can’t wait to do all the things and eat and drink all the things with you this next year!

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Just a little bit of history repeating…

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On September 16, 2016

In Uncategorized

Today, random 90s music pulled me down a deep rabbit hole of contemplation…

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Today, I was listening to the Bush – Machinehead album, which was the soundtrack to my teens.  I am trying to retrain my Spotify Discovery away from screamy metal (I listened to ONE NoFX album… and this is how you punish me?), so I’m making it a point to rotate through all sorts of music that I actually like. We’ll see if it works on Monday *crosses fingers*.

Anyway, it gave me some very vivid flashbacks of my junior year.  I was driving from my high school to two hours of diving practice on the other side of town, with clothes to change into for my 4 hour shift at Hot Topic after, tired as HELL, finding some greater meaning in that song about the day in and day out.  Sixteen year old me was a little more of a nihilist grungy beat poet than thirty seven, but it took me right back.

I’ve never been a do-nothing type of person.  As the scorpion says to the frog, it’s not in my nature.  As a kid, I’d occasionally lose myself in a book or art or writing or trashy mags with my friends.  However, it was typically always bike here, roller skate there, go to this club, go to that sport.  I took summer school not because I had to, but I genuinely wanted to.  If I was at home doing nothing it was because I was waiting for a friend to call me back to go do stuff.

But, again, those summers were a huge breath of fresh air.    While I loved school, it was nice to not have a schedule, to do the things *I* wanted to do, to be outside all day if I wanted to, and I was always both sad to see the three months end and excited to start a new grade, rested and refreshed.

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Then, for some reason, around age 14, I decided that it was time to grow up and get serious about shit and relaxing was for suckers.  I started training super hardcore with gymnastics.  It was absolutely my choice (my parents tolerated it, but were happy when I quit), and it was my all-consuming passion.  We’re talking 20+ hours a week to start.  Then, I wanted to get better, so I started adding 2 hours extra per day with the higher level team.  I ate, slept, and breathed gymnastics.  Then, two years later, right before summer break my sophomore year, I had a violent breakup with the sport and all of a sudden found myself… free.

I spent about 2 months just hanging out with friends, and my parents saw that as a recipe for trouble.  It probably was, in retrospect.  They said to get a sport or get a job or something.  I was interested in diving, but it didn’t start up until the new year, so I applied at some jobs and simultaneously got two offers.

As two was better than one in my book, so I went from a complete bum to working a LOT.  I quit the second after a few months.  I’d be hard pressed to work cold calling for phone surveys ever again, even if it was the last job on earth and I was about to be homeless.  However, working at the mall was a lot of fun, I liked my coworkers, and it was wayyyy easier to get praise for doing good work than my gymnastics coaches, so I was hooked.

Flash forward to two years of AP classes, becoming a MAJOR caffeine addict (apparently if you just drink a lot of coffee and diet soda it’s not a Jessie Spannow situation) so I could maintain mostly straight As, diving practice, school activities and clubs (have to be well rounded to get into college), working one or two jobs at all times, and hanging out with friends and my loser boyfriend all the time because… social butterfly.  I graduated high school EXHAUSTED.

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I quit my job and took one as assistant manager of an earring store in a really not-so-busy mall to save money for college.  It was a summer with no athletic training, no summer school.  In fact, I spent most of the time painting my nails with my feet up on the desk, and it was perfect…. and felt like the opposite of busy even though I was working 40 hours a week.

College had the same buildup.  The first year I pretty much did school, and that was enough.  But then I randomly auditioned for a play and got a bit part and I was hooked into theater.  It was my everything for a while.  I even took it as a minor, not because I thought I was going to do anything with it, but so I could act more.  I got jobs over the summer and I wasn’t good at quitting things and enjoyed the extra money, so I kept them during the school year.  Not doing a sport meant I saw a bunch of weight creep on, so I had to make time for exercise.  I was a super social creature, so time with friends was a priority. I basically just didn’t sleep much.

Then, I experienced life as a legal drinker in Reno, Nevada, where there is no last call and going out for the night at 1am wasn’t a-typical.  That last year of college, I got straight As by some sorcery, but I have very little memory of how.  Caffeine.  Unicorns.

I chased college graduation with packing up our apartment the same week and fleeing for San Diego with no job lined up.  I think I slept for about 3 months, with small breaks to play video games, eat, and surf the internet.  One day during this couch period, I asked Zliten to grab my socks for me.  They were about two feet away in front of me.  This is where I was at right then.  I was attempting to shed 8 years of fatigue by expending as little mental and physcial energy as possible.

It worked, or I realized that even the ramen money would eventually run out, as three months later I got a job testing video games working all the overtime.  Over the years that evolved into more.  I ate, slept, drank, and lived video games and being a video game designer. It was glorious to be consumed in something again, until I started ACTUALLY questioning my sanity at times, and decided to jump ship before I cut off my ear or anything.  Oh yeah, I also more than doubled my weight from my gymnastics days and figured I should probably do something about that.

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I moved cities and got a less stressful job with less responsibilities and had NO idea how to handle myself.  So, as a side project, I decided to work on this whole weight loss thing, which evolved into this racing thing I do now.  I was working full time or more, but my days at work weren’t that full, so it was more about being fulfilled.  Less responsibilities at work evolved into more, and while I rarely work overtime anymore, I do carry a lot of my job stress around with me at times, as much as I try not to.  This year, I added classes to the mix, and you see how history continues to repeat itself.  I don’t replace hobbies and interests, I pile them on until I can’t stand it anymore.

I don’t do normal well.  I long for some time to do nothing, but I’m not sure if it’s in me to just be and not work towards being something.

I’m not entirely sure there’s a really rich life lesson in here beyond a bunch of Friday brain and auditory-induced nostalgia.  I think I’m simply assuring myself it’s ok to be tired right now.  At least, with the wisdom that age 37 has brought me, I know I do it to myself, and that makes it a little better.

I sit here with over 7 hours of training on my legs already this week, sleepy from a stolen night of recreation that lasted just a few hours longer than it should, and preparing for a meeting to justify my team’s continued existence for next year.  Tomorrow’s relaxing weekend day includes an early morning wakeup for a 3 hour training session, hosting for a birthday party, and taking my Sports Nutrition Specialist test for certification.  Sunday is our last wah pah trip.  All things I want to do, but there’s not a whole lot of time for nothing.  I kind of want to run away to a secluded tropical island somewhere and not look back.

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I can’t help but dream of the condo in Key Largo we’ve booked for December.  At the door, there are a week of no responsibilities and no plans.  The pool, lagoon, and private beach on the property cry my name.  The cruiser bikes and the fresh fish store a few miles away and the grill on the patio are waiting.  I’m mentally salivating over the experience of doing nothing for a while and right now I wish that week was months long.

However, I just can’t help myself.  When I get home from the trip, I have the rest of the year off work. Being me, instead of the nothing I think I crave, I have some epic plans for finishing up classes and writing and riding bikes and running and all sorts of other projects.  I’m super excited for them, but still.  Maybe I’m incapable of doing nothing, or maybe having a full schedule is all I’ve ever known.  This is my life.  Maybe I need an intervention.  Or to be trapped on a desert island.  Or someone to grab my shoulders and say “FOR THE LOVE OF LEEZARDS, DO NOTHING FOR A WHILE”.

This person would then have to provide me a detailed lesson with bullet points, a mapped out plan, and a schedule on how to do that, because it’s come to my attention I have no clue.  I am at my most alive when I am consumed by things.  Climbing mountains.  Doing epic shit.  Gathering life experiences and photographic evidence like a greedy little hoarder of moments and stories.  Figuring out where I want to be and plotting a course there.

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Sometimes I feel like I’m living a catch-22.  I am like an extremely extroverted introvert who only wants to be around people, but it makes them so mentally exhausted.  In this sense, all I crave is adventure.  If you asked me what I’d rather be doing right this moment, it’s not watching TV or having coffee or whatever normal people do.  I’d be scuba diving in Bon Aire.  I’d be snorkeling in Roatan.  I’d be parasailing in Hawaii.  I’d be cycling in Colorado.  I’d be running trails in Alaska.  But I also sometimes feel like I could sleep for weeks, ya know?

It’s a little bit of history repeating.  The seasons bring similarity, and this season, year after year, always brings burnout and makes me question of my sanity.  Others repair and rebuild me.  Am I doing too much?  The answer probably harkens from the fact that I keep doing it.  I keep choosing to DO rather than not to do.  While I have a high tolerance for discomfort, I also hope that I’m not the kind of person that would continue to randomly put my hand into the fire even though it hurts.  We are what we repeatedly do.  And, for better or for worse, I repeatedly do epic shit because that’s who I’ve become.

TL;DR: My life is awesome and I probably just need a nap and to lay off the 90s alt rock.  Happy weekend everyone!

Perception vs Reality

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On September 12, 2016

In Uncategorized

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I’m well aware that this concept exists, and that the way I see the world is not necessarily the whole truth.  However, the universe has definitely been trying to hit me with the clue bat the last few days to drive that adage home.

Cases in point:

Study #1 – Work

I worked myself into an absolute TIZZY about my job last week, to the point where it was keeping me up at night, and I think it actually contributed to a minor 24 stomach bug issue (no appetite, upset stomach, chills, etc) mid-week.  Then, I had a frank discussion with my boss, who asked me straight out: is this a problem right now or fear for the future?

And it stopped me in my tracks.  I had to take a second and really consider it, but future unknowns were about 80% of the problem.  Yes, things are stressful right now, but it’s not abhorrently chaotic.  It’s next year I’m absolutely freaking out about.  With assurances that I wouldn’t have the same issue in the future, I was able to calm down fairly quickly.

Perception is that everything is completely out of control.  Reality is it’s loosely under control now and if everything goes as planned, it shouldn’t get worse.  Next year is next year.  There is no use losing sleep over it now.  I realized just hearing “yeah, of course you’re stressed and need help and we all know it and the plan is to fix it” was enough to take the uneasiness down to the normal dull roar it’s at during this time of the year.

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The session BEFORE my stomach bug really hit.  Pro tip: if you’re feeling sick, don’t sit in really cold air conditioning in a soaked-through sleeveless jersey for 15 minutes.

Study #2 – Training

Because I had said stomach bug, I missed my 8 mile long run Thursday morning and a weights session.  Skipping this key session, and not being able to make it up, left a window open and the doubt demons flew in.  How am I going to race a half ironman with a long run of 6 miles?  How am I letting myself be so unprepared for this race?  What is wrong with me?

Part of the issue is this year is SO different I have nothing to compare it to.  And when I consider what I AM doing, I’m ahead of the 8 ball in so many ways and things still have plenty of time to come together.

I think I rode my bike outside four times to get ready for my half in 2015, the rest were endurance class and trainer miles.  This year I ride outside 2-3 times a week and I’ve already had 2 long rides that were longer than my longest last year.  Last year I think I swam the 1.2 mile distance once in open water before the race.  This year, I’ve done it four times already (from 1.2 miles to 2.8 miles), albeit slow as molasses, but that’s the first step.

Perception is that I should be way further along than I am.  Reality is that the timeline has shifted five weeks, and I’m actually doing GREAT.  Being that I have pretty decent bike and swim endurance, and I’m halfway there on the run, I’m not doing too badly 7 weeks out.  I think reassessing my plans and laying in some key sessions to hit over the next few weeks will help.

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#junkinmytrunk #thegoodkind

Study #3 – The Scale

While the progress is still inching the correct way, it’s definitely sloooooooow.  And it’s no surprise when I went on vacation and didn’t track, and spent half the week last week not tracking because the sky was falling, apparently.

I’m also getting to the point where the weight loss has slowed for enough time, that my body shape is not this new exciting thing.  So the mirror has gone back from “yay” to “eh… alright”.  Every time I step on the scale, I’m like UGH, I must have gained weight.  And I haven’t.  Body dysmorphia is very very weird.  I mean, there are days I think I look alright in my glasses, I’ll change to my contacts, and feel fatter.  I *know* it’s bullshit, but it’s what my eyes see.

Flashback to yesterday, when I met some friends I hadn’t seen in a little while.  They were gushing over how tan, glowing, healthy, and muscular I was looking.  Another one said I looked 20 years old in a picture.  For someone like me, who has so long had my eyes so closely on the details and minutiae of losing fat, maintaining a healthy physique, and absolutely not regressing to my obese, can’t-walk-across-the-street-without-getting-winded self from 10 years agp… sometimes it’s hard to see the forest for the trees.

Perception in the mirror right now is that I still have a long road ahead, especially with how slow I’m losing weight, and the fact that I’ll probably need to pause for at least a season to prepare for and race Ironman.  Reality is that I’m comfortably wearing a shirt that I would have busted out of a few months ago, and with patience and persistence, I’ll get there eventually, wherever there ends up being.

Let’s do that details thing.

sept7-4

Training last week:

  • Monday: 53 mile ride on the Austin 70.3 course.
  • Tuesday: 30 minute cruiser ride to the store and back.
  • Wednesday: 2 mile easy run, 1000m easy swim, 17 mile recovery ride
  • Thursday: impromptu day off
  • Friday: ~1 mile warmup run, 2.5 mile relay race in 23 mins (about 9:07 pace).
  • Saturday: 4500m swim in 1:45.
  • Sunday: 70 min cruiser ride to dinner and back

Again with the perception and reality – my instinct was to be like “well, guess it’s an impromptu rest week”, and then I go look at my logs in dailymile, and I did 9.5 hours.  While I can take issue with the *quality* of training in there (maybe a little less cruiser and do my weights actually and more running), the hours themselves are solid.

This week, the goal is to do things a little more intentionally.

  • Monday: quickie band weights at lunch, Taco Deli group ride (~20-ish miles)
  • Tuesday: 2 mile easy run AM (or failing that, as a brick after class), 30 min pool swim lunch, pain cave cycle class PM
  • Wednesday: gym weights lunch, PM BSS recovery ride
  • Thursday:  10 mile long run (yeah, its a stretch… it’ll be slow… but I’m ready for those double digits), 30 min swim lunch
  • Friday: off or makeup day (if I miss something above)
  • Saturday: 40-45 miles of speedwork on TT bikes, 3 mile brick run (at least last mile fast, all of it tempo pace if I can make that happen)
  • Sunday: off.

This is looking like a solid 12 hour week, which would be my peak so far this season.  It’s a lot.  I feel like I’m ready to conquer it, especially knowing that I’ll be shutting it down a bit next week to get ready to race the Olympic at Kerrville.

Food/Scale:

Weight loss last week: down 0.5 lbs to 181.8 average.  Again, slow as molasses, but the right direction.  I’m regularly in the high 170s on the not-as-evil black scale.

Let’s just move forward on the rest of it.  I don’t think I did *that* badly on food (hence the loss), but without data from tracking, I can’t measure all that much.  This week’s goals are:

  • Track every day.  Even the weekend.  My goal at the very least is to put in my food for the day before I go to bed, quicker is more useful.
  • Aim for -1000 calories down on fitbit UNLESS it’s unbearable.  Never sacrifice fruits/veggies/training food to keep calories down.
  • I’ve been DECENT at this lately, but we’ll continue to mention those 5 fruits and veggies per day.
  • Weigh every day.  Not just the days I feel skinny in the morning. 😛

I just did a crash course in Sports Nutrition this weekend – all the course work and the videos.  I just need to study and pass the open book, online test, hopefully this week.  While it was 90% stuff I already knew, there were a few things I picked up that I might work into my life.  However, if I’m struggling to meet the above goals, I shouldn’t add MORE new stuff.  I’ll make notes and work it in eventually.

That being said, the videos convinced me to add a fish oil cap to my daily vitamin regime.  Anyone have suggestions about ones that don’t taste fishy?

sept12-5

The lake is the best place for me to calm my shit.  I went twice this weekend. I had a lot of shit to calm.

Life Stuff:

With it being my peak week, I’m just basically trying to stay sane, get sleep, and get through the week.

  • 8+ hours of sleep per night.  Non-negotiable.  At the very least, my 2 day average should be 8 or greater.
  • Take and pass my Sports Nutrition Specialist test.  I had expected the class to take longer, but since I rocked through it over the weekend so quickly, I want to make sure I don’t lose that knowledge before the test.  Attempting to do it Wednesday. Saturday night or Sunday will be my backup, but I’d like to get it done this week for sure.
  • Fun stuff: gaming with friends Thursday.  Family over for birthday celebrations Saturday.  Last wah-pah trip Sunday.

And I believe that will do it for this particular Monday.

Page 23 of 29

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About Me

I'm a video game producer and a lover of anything game related by trade.  I'm a triathlete by hobby.  I live for being on or in the water as much as I can - scuba diving, snorkeling, paddleboarding, water slides... you name it.  The dichotomy between my outdoor and indoor realities are interesting, but they're all mine!  Longer version here...

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